Questions & Answers: Friendship Woes

Ahhh, thank you for asking the question and hopefully I have the answer!  A listener from Iraq asked me, “my friend and I have been friends for years, but after a miscommunication, we stopped talking for several months.  I tried reaching out to her and she never responds; however, she posts daily on social media.”

Well, I’ll try putting myself into your shoes, but at this very moment I’m going through the same problem.

If you haven’t heard the story already, I’m suppose to currently be in America.  As a matter of fact, today is suppose to be the day that I stay at the snowboarding fields in Flagstaff, Arizona.  However, because I had a gut-feeling about having a bad trip, I bailed.  This was the friendship “detonator.”

See, if I had gone out there and the trip was sour, I would’ve never seen her again.  If I cancelled, I might’ve been able to salvage the friendship.

Instead, the plan backfired on me.  2 months – not a word.  I was the big man yesterday and messaged my friend a beautiful, long message, wishing her a Merry Christmas.  Response? Absolutely not.

So, what do we have here? We have someone who doesn’t give a damn (your friend and my friend) and you’re wanting to know what to do next.

Waiting Game But In Your Mind You Move On

Honestly, other than wasting your time trying to get in touch with her, act as if she’s already gone.  That there is no more of her.  When you come into acceptance of that, you’re not longer using your available attention units, waiting on her to respond.  That will just clog everything that’s trying to come in your life and your life, will come to a grinding halt.  Friendships have to go two-ways.  If you have a friend that develops the “I’m 16-years-old and I’m angry at my dad” syndrome, you’re better off just cutting your losses and moving on.  I’ve had this happen SO many times on so many different occasions.  Friends just go completely silent for two weeks and I just say, “ahhh f*** it.”  I go silent, too.

For instance, a few recent friends I’ve befriended went silent so I uninstalled an app (since it was the only app I used to talk to them), and just went cold.  Later, I got an email probably two days ago from them, shockingly.  I was upfront and said, “well, you didn’t speak, so I didn’t talk to you.” I then reinstalled the app and I realized that not only her, but the other friend tried contacting me.  Not only that, she cared much more than the other who messaged me about 4 days ago.  But if we talk through a different pair of lens, I was ‘ok’ if they never came back into my life ever again.  Why? I made it up in my mind. What’s the worse that can happen? You can’t change people and force them to go back to their historical self.  People change for what we perceive to be the ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

So, in your case, and the case of my best friend, it’s time to move on.  You’ve done all the messaging.  Put your friend on a restricted profile, make sure they’re not in your Newsfeed on any form of social media (but don’t block them just yet), and just move on with your life.

Meet New Friends

I went through this phase in October/November when I met the Indonesia, Indian and Thai.  Two of them are not in my life anymore and the Indonesia caught onto my hook that I threw into the deep-sea.  I meant to do that to see if she really cared, and she does.  My best friend, on the other hand, doesn’t give a damn.  So, that’s the end of that.  All the best!  At the same time, there are plenty worthier “friends” that are much more deserving.

And as I was typing the above paragraph, guess who messaged me? The Indian.  This is the universe we live in.  What you speak about and talk about — you bring about.  Always remember that!

Use an app.  I mean you’re a woman, so it’s incredibly difficult to meet nice men in the world who aren’t after you for the sacred nectar.  On the other hand, I don’t meet women in Thailand because it’s always a one-way street and dead-end most of the time.  I use different apps and go to exotic countries to get new perspectives.  On top of that, start writing down the goals and things you’re trying to achieve in the New Year!

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