Terry Crews’ Section In Tribe of Mentors Struck A Nerve

Voluntary Relationships

Terry Crews, in his excerpt in Tim Ferris’ ‘Tribe of Mentors, said something that really struck me.  He said all his relationships must be voluntary.  If his wife wanted to leave him, so be it.  Grandparents and family members suddenly don’t want to call him anymore, ok.  However, he said the same thing should work for him, too.  If he doesn’t want to be friends with someone anymore, that’s how it should be with no equivocations.

After last year and seeing how so many people have come and gone, I knew I prolonged the inevitable with a handful of relationships.  One girl, who said ‘yes’ to our dating, didn’t even want to date to begin with? But she felt obligated to say ‘yes’ because she didn’t want to destroy the relationship we had before.  That’s something I don’t want the other individual to feel.  Don’t say ‘yes’ because you’re afraid of the future; rather than just living in a day-tight compartment.

Another one is the complete break-up and fallout of what was one of my close friends.  After visiting America and establishing an 11-year relationship, the bond felt damn near impenetrable.  With my own money, I booked another flight to America.  However, leading into the latter months of the year, I saw potential danger – danger in terms of her getting into a relationship and that two-week vacation having the potential of being a catastrophe.  With my money, I cancelled the trip.  It’s my money.  Voluntarily cancelled the trip…so the other party should not be mad – period.

I was wrong.  Not only was the other party mad, but it was a friendship ender.  It’s funny because yes, we see the true colors of individuals through hard-times.  On top of that, it goes to show you how selfish some human beings can be.  If I had a gut-feeling about not traveling to America at the end of the year, so be it.  Who’s money did I blow? On the other hand, because I made it a life-lesson to my listeners around the world, I was told “it’s a damn shame you put it on social media.”  And what does social media have to do with the origin of the problem?

Fast-forwarding to one of the most difficult months of my life just two months ago when I was banished from a company due to racial discrimination, she wasn’t there – just like she wasn’t there in the darkest month of my life in 2014.  So, the voluntary approach to this is that was strike number three.  Because the ego of you and you in search of your prince charming, the friendship is no more.

Another notable story is a student who attended the University of Sydney to become an epidemiologist.  This student would ask me grammatical questions for a year.  Did I answer them? Sure.  When I needed some translations, she helped.  When I needed to talk to her, she was gone.  Literally – she vanished and I never heard from her again.

This then brings me to the story of the extremely-odd-and-bizarre-individual whom I met a few days ago who said, “why don’t you have any friends?”


I held my tongue.  I didn’t need to explain.  From the beginning of 2009 to the madness that happened last year.  Friends.  What a term, right?

This is why when I believe a friendship is going sour, I end it.  If someone is pleading to make things amend or salvage what little may be left, I have flashbacks of what my ex-girlfriend did almost a decade ago.  I tried resuscitating something that was completely dead.  She didn’t let me.  She then started to say, “stop calling me!”  When that happened, I realized I fell to “wackest” and most pathetic form of a man possible.  When you have to plead for a friendship, it’s already dead.

Terry Crews went on to say that he always imagines his grandchildren.  What they would be saying to him in present time? One example was, “Grandpa, you shouldn’t do this, or you need to leave these people alone because we will be affected negatively, or worse, we won’t exist.”

Think about it next time when you’re around that “grimey” group of people.  Think about what your grandchildren might be saying.

What we go through in our life is always just part of the process.  Learn from those mistakes and look for those “hairs” of people who will make a profound difference in your life.

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