Stay or Go?

2013-2018 – Thailand.  Boy, how can I even breakdown what has happened over these years.  Was most of it good? Good came out of what was extremely bad.  The “ewww, black man! Low-class! Pimp! Black people are the worst.  Black people are dirty.  No black teachers here.  White old men are more handsome than young black men.  Don’t put black teachers in school photos.”  These comments are just a microcosm of what I’ve been through, from the top of management in my current company to just randoms.

It’s been a battle.  It’s been a battle that put me in the darkest corner of my life, wonderful what I was going to do next with my life.

There comes a time when you have to say, “is it worth it?”

Thailand is an opportunistic country – if you’re a certain “color” through the eyes of these people.

What I thought was a golden job opportunity turned out to be a racial issue.  After going through a racially influenced expunging from a company, only to be harassed by my boss and threatened, I started applying for jobs all around the world.  However, one Monday morning I got “6” projects (which is frankly 2 now) and decided to move here to Bangkok.  Two days before I moved here, I had probably the best interview of my life.  We talked about so many particulars going forward with the company and I was beyond excited about what had happened.  This was it! A free-lance type job where I got to different companies to teach a variety of different things.  This was it!

One week later, no follow-up on those projects, no “needing” documents or contact whatsoever.  I started scratching my head, telling myself, “hmmmmm that’s odd.  Let me email him.”  So, I did.  Emailed him all the documents……

………

*cold*

No response.

Another eight days later and I’m clinging onto hope, knowing that if this job doesn’t go throw, I’m leaving the country.  I tried coming up with a series of explanations, but maybe I’m just giving myself false hope? If I go into detail of how amazing the particular interview was, you guys would say, “omg….that’s 1000% yours!”

But then….this is my guess.  My guess is he approached the main lady, who’s Thai, and told her about me.  She saw the picture, noticed that I was “color,” and dismissed my application.  Given the fact that he’s from England, he’s probably ashamed to tell me that he can’t hire me because the color of my skin.  I’m probably 100% about this situation, too.  Why? Because it has happened before and has been the story the past five years.

I’ve had a number of email replies before of prospectives saying, “can I see your photo?”  It’s a disgusting way of waking, “are you black? You have the experience, but we don’t hire black people here.”

When is enough….enough? I think I’ve found my purpose and everything in this country, but when is “Arsenio, the racism you’ve endured there is too much now.  You’ve gotten everything.  Move on.”  When will I make an oath?

I believe the time is now.

Sitting here in my condo, I received a complaint about my voice.  When I knew it was a lie, they said they hear my “voice” from 10pm-12am…..times that I’m completely knocked out in la-la-land.

Could they be talking about someone else? Doubtful.  So now just two weeks in, I’ve received the first complaint in 4 years (last one apparently a Thai said I was playing basketball in my room. HAHA!!)….and now it’s like…oh boy, physical environment is plummeting.  Overall wheel-of-life is taking a hit right now.

Arsenio, perhaps it’s time.

There will come a time in your life when you just have to face what isn’t working.  Living in Thailand and having gone through the things I’ve been through….enough is enough.

What I thought was a beautiful job has turned cold.  Only one reason why, because with my experience and credentials, China, Mongolia, Honduras, Costa Rica and now Chile are begging for my services.

The time is now.

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