You Can’t Win An Argument/The Big Secret of Dealing With People – Part II

This book, which I finished doing sometime last year, has really changed my entire perception on what I can do in regards to handling people, especially in ugly situations.  Here are a couple things I’ve encountered in my daily life over the past couple of months.

Now, I’m doing this two months later because I didn’t want to do it at the time.  One of my proud podcast listeners and I, who lives in America, got into a little bit of a dispute with me over a total miscommunication.

Let’s just put this in dumb-down English.  I told her to call me at a specific time and she called me at an opposite time before blaming me.

The conversation went something like this, “ummmmm I already got the information I needed, but I truly hope you don’t treat me like your Asian friends out there.”  That’s in a very nice tone…it was much uglier than that — of course — an eye-opening experience for myself.

This particular individual reached out to me in regards to teaching abroad, and given my charisma, decided to tell her to phone me from the other side of the planet so I can go over some details.  Well, I told her simply not to call me at night time (my time) and rather her time.  She got confused and then jumped out on me saying, “wait, you didn’t answer your phone because you were watching a movie?”  I said to MYSELF, “regardless if I was or wasn’t, you called me at the wrong time.”

Rather than her admitting that she was wrong, she hurled criticism at me.

Given the fact that this was one of my listeners, I reverted to the Dale Carnegie training manual.

You Can’t Win An Argument

“Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.” ”

Excerpt From: Dale Carnegie. “How to Win Friends & Influence People.” iBooks. https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/how-to-win-friends-influence-people/id1237723501?mt=11

Regardless if she was wrong or wasn’t, I now have a brand.  This brand is ultimately going to carry me to the greatest heights in my life because of the constant discipline and beating on my craft.  So while I was sitting on the massage table waiting to be ripped apart, I had a glimpse at how wrong this conversation can go.  How bad it can get and potentially dampen my reputation.

At that exact moment, I knew i was going to win the argument, although I was right.  So, I wrote something like this.

? I’m sorry if you feel that way, but I think this has gotten way blown out of proportion.  I do apologize if you feel that I’ve wasted your time, but there was a miscommunication that happened between us.

However, I’m very excited that you got the information needed to go further with your decision in terms of moving abroad.  Just know that the culture shock is all part of the process.  Everything you go through is going to be eye-opening, but embrace every bit of it.  I wish you the best!

After a full-day, she later responded with a four sentence reply.

There’s no way you can respond to a message like that in a incensed, animosity-filled rant.  She was clarified, dealt, and now that’s the end of it.

The best part about this is if I hadn’t read this wonderful book that was written more than a half a century ago, I would’ve gotten into a heated debate and it would’ve destroyed everything I’ve ever built up to this point.

Just recently I stopped working at a job where I’ve been for four years (and I’m so grateful I’ve left), but I remember getting into a heated debate with a British coordinator who is as pompous as they come.  Everything I’ve said, with proven facts, went in one ear and out the other.  This man, who came all the way to this southeast Asian country to marry a wife and escape his past, wanted to see an African American fail (or “black” man for the lack of better term), and he didn’t succeed – even though he sat there with his bland statistics (ancient way of trying to call someone out).

However, who wins in the end? Again, if I hadn’t known about this book, I would’ve went on a full-on rant and probably would’ve gotten fired.  This man, who has a rapidly deteriorating body, is soon to pass – given the fact that he’s almost 80 years old and still working for $13 an hour.  I have empathy for him, and I would be visibly upset with myself, too, for making the actions such as coming to a developing country in my lonesome.  This particular entry refers back to the Remember No One Ever Kicks A Dead Dog Podcast.

Anywho, these are the ways I handle situations.  From not trying to lose a potential podcast listener, to overcoming vindictive beings who are out to try and making other people’s lives miserable.

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