Guys, it’s a human tendency to rationalize lies. This often happens when we try justifying our intent with others. There were plenty of times where I tried justifying who I was as a teacher and individual…..however, the guy sitting across from me didn’t want to hear a cent. Obviously because he had a hidden agenda in terms of trying to get back at me. Nonetheless, let’s try some questions that you can ask yourself regularly.
In an interaction with a child: Are my actions motivated by genuine care and love? Am I really seeking the best interests of this child? Am I humble enough to admit it if I am wrong? Or am I really trying to impose my will on this child?
In an interaction with a spouse: Am I sincerely listening to what my spouse has to say? Am I genuinely open to his/her influence? Do I understand where he/she is coming from? Or am I focused on explaining my point of view, being right, or getting my way?
In an interaction with a work team: Am I quick to see and acknowledge the contribution of every team member? Am I focused on a “win” for the entire team? Or am I primarily focused on my own “win” — on being the “hero,” on being recognized for my own ideas?
In a business deal: Do I genuinely want what’s best for us both? Do I really understand what constitutes a “win” for the other party? Have I clearly thought through and can I express what constitutes a “win” for me? Am I open to synergy and third alternatives? Or do I really want to “win,” regardless of what happens to the other party?
Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust
Five Adaptations – My Story
- Why am I feeling unappreciated and undervalued? Because I don’t get paid what I should get paid and I never get a “thank you,” rather a complaint, which is blown up.
- Why do I think they don’t see the good work I do? Because they focus only on the negative rather than the results.
- What makes me think they’re focused on that? Because two weeks ago I had two, two-faced students say the most egregious things about me and requested a change of teacher.
- Why do you think they said that? I wish I had a clue, but I don’t.
- Why would I talk to my boss about it, or what should I do in the future to protect myself. Keep it as professional as possible, document everything, and never take anyone for granted.
These are the five whys you can use to figure out the real intent.
If your intent is based on principles (caring, contributing, seeking mutual benefit, acting in the best interest of others), it will bring you trust dividends: if it’s not, you’re going to pay a tax — which is what happened when my students ultimately snubbed me.
Three Ideas by Stephen Covey
First, make sure you have identified the principles that will bring the results you want.
Second, recognize that you may need help to create this deep inner change — and seek it.
Third, behave your way into the person you want to be. Example, if you’re not now a person who cares much about others — but you have the desire to be — then act on that desire.