Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 52 – Behavior #8 – Confront Reality

Have you ever been a participant in those “meetings after the meetings” — those informal discussions where smaller groups of people talk about all the things that should have been addressed in the formal meeting, but were not? How much time and money do you think was wasted because the real issues weren’t directly addressed and resolved?

Have you ever been in a family situation where it was obvious that everyone was avoiding the “undiscussables” — those things that get in the way of open, trusting relationships, but that no one ever seems to have the courage to bring up? How much difference do you think it would make if there were no “undiscussables” — if people felt free to interact about any subject with openness and respect?

Behavior #8 — Confront Reality — is about taking the tough issues head-on. It’s about sharing the bad news as well as the good, naming the “elephant in the room,” addressing the sacred cows,” and discussing the “undiscussables.” As you do these things appropriately, you build trust — fast. People know you’re being genuine and authentic. You’re not shying away from the tough stuff. You’re directly addressing the difficult issues that are in people’s mind and hearts and affect their lives.

Stephen Covey – The Speed of Trust

Can’t be discussed any better, right?

I was sitting in a meeting with two “bosses.” One wanted me out because I called him out for being a wife tourist, the other had completely ignored me for months. This boss, a word he considered himself to be, called out all the teachers in terms of them being in “mid-life” crisis’. I was shocked. The lady, who could’ve reported him, did nothing as he criticized the other teachers in trying to make a very invalid point.

But at the time, Arsenio just acted like everything was ok. Arsenio acted like “maybe he is a good boss that’s looking out for the best of me.” I prolonged the inevitable without confronting the reality. 2018 was already the year that I was going to make a leap, but that came much sooner than I had expected.

Did it come at the perfect moment? Well, it was an email that caught me off-guard, then anyone one after a haircut when I realized, “oh, this dog really doesn’t have my back.” Then the Saturday came, I went out to make copies and I told them I don’t want to have a meeting. He then said, “if you want to continue working here we’re going to have to have the meeting.”

At that moment, it was reality. It was a threat unlike anything I’ve ever heard in my life. Part of me wanted to cuss him and walk out, but then pride sunk in and I had the meeting where I was laughing to myself the entire time while this disgusting, cancerous human being, WHO HAD JUST LOST HIS SISTER, was insulting me.

Whatever goes around….comes around.

That was the reality. The reality said, “Arsenio, I know you wanna stick things through and stay here, but you know it’s time for you to go. Yes, you would like 5 other teachers to get fired at the same time, too, but they’re already at the end of their life. Let that shit go.”

It was my inner coach. I went home, applied for jobs everywhere around the world, moved house, and that was it. I had become extremely distant with everyone until my last day (late February of 2018).

Since then, well I can write an entire story of how free, content, happy, determined, and about the amazement of life, but you already know that.

Some of you right now just don’t want to confront reality. Complacency has set in. You’ve become the “maybe there isn’t another job out there for me.” person. Time to take that leap.

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