Listen to your language and to your thoughts. When things go wrong, and you find yourself blaming or accusing others, stop. Draw back and ask yourself, How can I close the window and focus on the mirror? In your mind, compare the difference in establishing trust between an approach of blaming and pointing fingers versus an approach of taking personal responsibility.
This tip above is what helped when I had to deal with the bs of immigration at Bangkok Airport last week. Yes, I could’ve pointed fingers and say, “you guys are racist! You stopped me because I’m black, but the immigration officer was darker than me!” I can go on and on of what the causes could’ve been, especially in dealing with the WORST HUMAN BEING EVER just a couple months ago at another immigration house, but when I asked myself “why” did this happen? It’s a simple answer: “I didn’t get my visa last year, therefore, this took place.
So, instead of pointing fingers, I took personal responsibility and hurried to finish all the mundane paperwork to stop this from happening again.
At work, Practice Accountability by holding your direct reports accountable for their actions. Always clarify expectations first so that everyone knows what they’re accountable for and by when. When people account to you, allow them to evaluate themselves first against the results you’ve agreed upon (most people will be tougher on themselves than you’ll be); then follow through with the agreed-upon or natural consequences of people performing (or not). Remember, the people you rely upon most in your company — the performers — like to be held accountable and want others to be held accountable, too.
Look for ways to create an environment of accountability in your home. Set up trust talks with your partner on matters you’ve agreed to work together on, such as finances. Create agreements with your children concerning their responsibilities at home, and include consequences — both natural and logical, both good and bad, follow through on your agreements. Give family members a person — and a culture — they can trust.
In my podcast, I discussed how much this COULD’VE helped my family in going forward. Instead of my mom listening to two sons, she listened to the oldest, and then a significant withdrawal to my emotional bank account happened, which could’ve then lead to why I developed anger problems for 3-4 months during my sophomore year of high school.