Speaker 1: (00:00)
Guys welcome back to another episode of Arsenio’s ESL podcast and you know what I got a wonderful human being on the other end. You know what? I had the special privilege of having her on my, of course I’m motivational mentors podcast with my sidekick Luca burrows too. And you know what, we talked about some fascinating things. So we’re preparing a book to put her in it. So many different things. I’m just so excited about it. And with further ado, man, we’re going to speak about self sabotage. As I told all of you out there. This is a five episode series and Hannah today. Lucy Dal, yours. If I, hopefully I didn’t put you that last thing. Galleys or as a gallery. So good. She is on with us. Hannah,
Speaker 2: (00:45)
I’m fantastic. Thank you. [inaudible] how are you?
Speaker 1: (00:48)
Oh my God. Just woke up from I think a nap unless I just had my eyes closed for like one hour. That would be very weird. But I’m doing fantastic. So here we go. I want you to tell everyone who you are and what you do. The platform is yours right now.
Speaker 2: (01:02)
Okay, fabulous. Um, so my name’s [inaudible]. I am the mindfulness coach, so I’m focused on helping people, um, use the techniques of mindfulness and meditation to improve their wellbeing. Um, especially young people with their mental health. I’m John People suffering from burnout.
Speaker 1: (01:23)
Yeah, I’m sorry, that last word ban out.
Speaker 2: (01:26)
Speaker 1: (01:27)
Oh, burnout. Okay. There we go. [inaudible] your accent. It’s getting the dog kitted. Maybe I’m just half awake. So you know what, that’s a really good vocabulary term for a lot of people out there. Explain what burnout is.
Speaker 2: (01:43)
Um, so burnout is, uh, where people work themselves into the ground essentially. So they don’t put that person on each class because they value maybe other people’s expectations or the values and that’s how they see themselves through the eyes of other people. So they will keep working, keep walking, keep walking because they see themselves as one pup. Their identity, for example, that works. If they only see themselves as the past and they are what they will keep working until it makes them out.
Speaker 1: (02:10)
God, you know what you say in that, you know, I looked at the likes of Gary v and you know what she works and whatnot. And then I heard from another trainer that I’m actually in close contact with out here in Bangkok, Thailand, that we have, I don’t know how many personalities, but there are times that we just need to blow that steam off and be lazy because we have to nurture that side. There are a number of people who just work, work, work, work, work. And like yesterday evening it was like 4:00 PM and I’m like, ah, I don’t feel like doing any of this for the next four hours. I’m just going to sit back and relax. And it felt so good doing that. You know what I mean? So how can people go about like taking those small steps to say, you know what, uh, you know, I think doing this just too much. I feel that I am going over the edge. I feel like I don’t have time for myself. How do they go about doing something like that?
Speaker 2: (03:07)
So one of the things you just said that I don’t have time for myself. That’s one of the biggest key points that I noticed in myself. And I make sure people notice it them, the minute you say, I don’t have time for that to me, well that’s the most time you need it. Cancel something, find something you can cancel. The other big thing is listening to your body. So mind gives me so many Jews before I reach a point where I’m poorly. So I’m, I notice my sleep starts to get a bit more fragmented. Um, I notice that, um, I’m a bit more irritable. Um, I lose my appetite. I feel very, I get very overwhelmed very quickly. Um, and when I sought noticing those, those, uh, I guess key points, I’m also noticing that perhaps I’m not, I’m also not meditating anymore and I find the two correlate quite quite well. Um, I need to put myself first in terms of, um, I guess self nurturing. So for me, those, those key things, I like yoga, meditation, um, eating well. Um, and if I’m doing them, I’m, I’m much more able to handle my stress,
Speaker 1: (04:19)
right. So this is basically all self. Uh, this is all centered around self sabotage because we, we do these things that, that stop us from getting to where we need to be, where we want to be. And it could be the littlest things like put in more bad things into your diet, hanging around the wrong people at the wrong time and putting, you know what I mean? Like I remember in the last podcast I was speaking with a guy named Eddie from Ireland, one of your name out there. And uh, he was actually, he told me, you know, that there are a lot of NFL and B athletes whereas they make one wrong decision and that’s it. One would be by the name of Gilbert Arenas. You know, he got in a stupid argument, although he was like one of the top NBA players at the time, probably like top 10, like 2004. Let’s see, you know, he gets in an argument with one of his teammates, they come to the locker room the next day before practice and they pulled guns on each other. Next thing you know, goes to prison and he never plays another game again in the NBA that is called destructive self-sabotage. And it’s one decision that could put us over. So, uh, share with us some things that you have possibly done, like in terms of self sabotage.
Speaker 2: (05:33)
So, um, my kind of self sabotage or sense is actually around my mental health. So it’s something I’ve been discovering on my own journey is I, um, so I have a, a list of I guess, rules I have in my hands to kind of set me up to fail. So I’m, I guess it’s the perfectionist trait. Um, but I have to be perfect all the time and if I don’t reach these on really on high, these really high expectations, I’m somehow a failure. And then then breeds that cycle because these bulls are almost impossible to reach. I miss them. I’m a failure. And it kind of breeds that in your negative thinking. And that’s something I believe for a very long time. Um, and I guess I’m an action that’s come out of that. Hmm. Um, I guess, I guess it’s really like, I guess it was things when I was younger, it’s like going to parties at the wrong time.
Speaker 2: (06:33)
Oh, I’m not going to get that job anyway. So what’s the point? I might as well just go to this proxy tonight. So, um, I mean, so that kind of negative thinking kind of breeds that, that self sabotage behavior. Um, and one of the biggest things that you need to do when that’s happening is bringing awareness to it. Um, and once you bring the awareness to it, you have perhaps understand what’s actually going on. So sometimes with self-sabotage and it’s actually a lot of self doubt that’s behind that. Um, so I, I know, for example, a very recent thing, um, the, I’m experiencing this kind of, um, these kind of emotions and is, I, I do a lot of acting as my hobby and I want to go from musical next year. I, I’ve been working very hard in improving my singing, but it’s something I’m still not very confident about. And I’m already seeing those thoughts coming in. Well, what’s the point in trying, because you’re not gonna get it. It’s actually noticing that because my brain says it’s trying to protect me. I get that. But you won’t grow unless you pushed yourself. And it’s about, it’s about the journey. If I don’t get the part, don’t get the [inaudible]. I’ve gone through the journey, I’ve tried, and it’s all about growth. At the end of the day I’ll get, and maybe I’ll get the next one and it’s okay to fail.
Speaker 1: (07:55)
It’s okay. That’s probably, oh my God. And of course the story of everyone’s life around the planet because they don’t understand that failure is needed. And if you look at everyone out there, I’m talking about the greatest people in all their respective fields. I’m talking about the financial titans, a, anyone in the sports industry, uh, anyone in the automotive industry like Henry Ford, anyone in the, a movie producing industry like Steven Spielberg being turned down by USC film school 13 times. Oh Berbee and turned away from TV and she’s a billionaire now. You know what I mean? People need that, but they suffer one setback and they create that as their life and then that’s carried as self sabotage for the next x amount of years because they always come back and say, oh no, that’s never going to happen. You saw what happened before.
Speaker 2: (08:46)
Mm. Yeah. It’s, it’s definitely all mental ego. Just trying to protect us from that again because it does bring negative feelings. I think that’s completely human. That’s completely normal. But you know, you, you have to just take that with compassion, self compassion. You know, you’ve worked hard. It’s okay. You still learn lots. Um, I think, I think we get kind of, um, especially with self-sabotage and get really fixated on the outcome of these things. For example, just like for example, there and audition, we get really fixated about whether we got the part or didn’t get part when actually we’re talking about six months prior to that, six months of Bros. That without that goal at the end we wouldn’t be doing is the same for job interviews. I know, I know so many people that just don’t turn up because they’re scared to not get the job, you know, go for it. What’s the worse that’s going to happen? The very worst it’s going to happen is you don’t get the job. Okay, well you will have learned something from that and you can use that from the next job interview and that’s okay. That’s really okay. You’re doing great.
Speaker 1: (09:53)
Right? And you know what, I’m going to say a couple of things there. First and foremost, um, like I’ve heard so many times, instances here in Thailand where individuals, they just don’t show up to the job interview. And I’m like, boy, if I ever told my mom I didn’t show up to a job interview, she was string me out by my neck. You know what I mean? She would smoke me. And however many ways you can joke an individual because that’s an opportunity, you know what I mean? And I suffered a significant setback. Uh, I thought I had the perfect interview. This guy was like, hey, the transcripts, it okay, I’ll get back in contact with you. And he never contacted me again and I was gutted because I hadn’t made that. I had determined, I guess that was my ego ism, you know, that’s one of the seven [inaudible] that was speaking to me like Ooh or Sineal, that’s your first interview you did not succeed in. And it was a little bit of a gut check, but of course I got over it like in two weeks and I had to keep hustling and now I’m with ridiculously successful. So, but a lot of people
Speaker 1: (10:57)
they just don’t show up because that self doubt and you know what? And you’ve talked about the journey, like we got seven steps to get to that ultimate success, whatever that may be. But a lot of people think that that ultimate thing is everything. They always need it. No, it’s the process of you becoming the individual that you have to become to get to that area. I think that’s more important than the dream.
Speaker 2: (11:25)
Absolutely. And everything, everything you learn might not actually be what you, what you thought you wanted to do. So I’m a bit of, my background isn’t, my background is in accounting and I thought for a very long time I just wanted to be rich.
Speaker 1: (11:41)
Speaker 2: (11:43)
cow counting seems like the pathic way, you know, you work with money and there’s a very clear, um, expectation. Being an accountant makes you animalistic money.
Speaker 1: (11:55)
Now that’s why I thought we might, early twenties, um, on, I was doing my exams or I failed one, um, on that really not my confidence actually about things. Um, and then I just didn’t do it again and I spent a lot time wondering why I didn’t carry on my exams. Um, and part of it was yes, I was scared to fail again. Well also part of it wasn’t, my heart wasn’t in it. They were very hard exams. Um, I think did they have to invest so much of your life in them? Um, and when I was reflecting on my career in accounting, I realized it didn’t bring me joy. Um, honestly, thank God, not many people could say that finance brings them joy. It’s about what you want from life. And actually those values to mean changed over the years. Um, what was driving me before was with the money and now what drives me is helping people.
Speaker 1: (12:49)
Um, I’m actually, that’s quite an interesting change because had you spoken to me 10 years ago, um, I wouldn’t have believed you that I’m on the path I am now. Um, so perhaps if I hadn’t failed that exam, I wouldn’t have not my confidence and maybe I would have continued and I wouldn’t be on the path I’m on now. Wow. Oh Man. It’s, it’s, you know, like man, in terms of my self sabotage, there are words that always emerge. And it’s so funny because I been seeing who I am today. I’m still wanton people’s approval. Now what do I mean by that? The people who have always said, I am not enough because the color of my skin, and you know what? I think I’m literally putting myself in a, in a bis a whirlpool of hell by doing that because we should not be out trying to get other people’s approval until we actually approve ourselves.
Speaker 1: (13:48)
So that’s self-sabotage talk would be like, oh yeah. Well that’s typical. That’s typical. You know what, I’m going to give you a story real quick. I said our study, Oh enough is enough. It was last, it was last Sunday. I think. I was so pissed off at a real quick. I was in the lobby with my student and I’m teaching him, coaching him practically, and I seen this guy come in, so I’m going to call it how I see it. Anglo guy. Is he good looking? Hell No. I’m way better just trying to keep it real here. Now this guy’s got a stomach or this or that, but I know what his intention is. I said, there’s going to be a Thai girl as usual, come down and bring them right up to her condo and sure enough, a beautiful girl comes down there and says, come on.
Speaker 1: (14:29)
And I’m like, I’m just, I’m baffled because I’m like Arsenio first. I put like, I go on this crazy edgy. I don’t know what it is, but I keep saying, seriously, how come I don’t have anything? Look at what I do. Look at this, look at that. How the hell and I just go down this road of of lunacy. And so I said our CTO, I’m done. All right. No more of this ridiculous talk. If you don’t like the fact that this or that or these things and desist, regardless if you believe that this is prostitution or anything else, you need to just stop looking at people, Bitch, stop bitching. That’s kind of what my mom would say to me. Right? So as of last Monday, I said, I’m no longer making eye contact with people. I’m good. I’m going to look up, look at the beautiful things, look at the things around me, the environment. I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m finished. And you know what? I feel 1000% better. I have yet to go down that weird path since I made that conscious decision. And it’s because I believe that this has just been nipping at me for such a long time. Whereas I just can’t. It’s just, it’s ridiculous. You know what I mean? Yeah. We all have these funny little triggers. Yes.
Speaker 2: (15:46)
Yeah. In my personal, but this is such a beautiful example of mindset and how, how that really can affect us on making those very conscious decisions to break. There’s cycles. It’s fantastic. That’s a really beautiful story. I funny. I,
Speaker 1: (16:02)
yeah, thank you. You know, this is what I tell everyone, you know, and I have, I love vulnerability. You know, if there’s something, if there’s a trait in mean, and you could only imagine me coming here may of 2013 and enduring the racial discrimination I had to go through a obviously tie women only. This has nothing to do with the men. The men are super cool. But going through those comments and hearing those things, it has, I’m not successful, um, in spite of that. But I’m successful because of that. But at the same moment, these triggers, have I gotten better? Hell yes. I’m like way, way better because these events rarely happen now because the mind shifts if the paradigm, I literally enabled those opinions to become my reality. So now I’ve made a conscious effort to say, okay, we’re done. Unless someone comes up to me and say, Hey, are you that Frappuccino?
Speaker 1: (16:56)
Caramel looking brother. Oh my God, I’ve been listening to your podcast. You are sexy. That ain’t gonna happen out here. Okay. This is Asia. You know what I’m saying? God Damn. So here we go. To play a game with you. I’m going to say a technique. And what you’re going to do is that you’re going to say if this could help people avoid self sabotage, and this is going to be really funny cause I know it would be a lot of things, right? So I got six of them. Okay, so let’s do this one. A setting, huge goals.
Speaker 2: (17:29)
Um, so yes, absolutely. So that is, um, that I increase his self sabotage because you will believe like, so it’s similar to my rules. You’ll set yourself up to fail and then you won’t try again. So actually, if you do have a big goal, um, what you want to do is you want to break it down into manageable chunks.
Speaker 1: (17:50)
Um, so something with my mind, all my coaching clients, I see a Migraine a week too. Um, and so will you want to do is you want something you can achieve that week and then set aside that time during that week, you will achieve that section and then you can actually watch your goal progress. And each time you make that step tiny step there, small changes each day they will build up to this huge goal. But if you just try and take off that huge chunk straight away, you will fail. And why is it that because people look at it? Is it like, I don’t know, a mental cognition way of looking at it like, oh my God, that’s so big, Eh, and that’s what ends up. They keep putting it off day by day by day. It just becomes so macro to the point where they think it’ll just never get done.
Speaker 1: (18:40)
Right. Yeah, it’s good. You just don’t know where to start half the time. So yeah, I never thought I could, I was like, there’s no way I can get deposit. Um, and yeah, and then I just started just saving a little bit and made myself little saving goals each month. And then I bought my first house four weeks ago. Um, so yeah, it’s, it’s about the small things. There you go. Awesome. You know, but yeah, we were just talking about that. You just got a puppy, uh, which is amazing. Uh, ed, you just bought a house and a lot of people, you know, real quick, I had a student, she self sabotage the hell out of herself. Tried killing herself two consecutive nights until I walked in and said, Whoa, Whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa. So can you tell me why are you trying to kill yourself?
Speaker 1: (19:29)
Okay. My Bro, my girlfriend left and this, and I’m like, okay, by all means that happens. That’s like, but why is it really? She’s like, I’m going to lose my house. I said, oh, okay. All right. So we found the reason why you’re trying to kill yourself over a God damn house. Okay. That’s all right. All right, so tell me the entire situation. She literally like that house was not an asset. It was a liability and that made her end up like paying huge chunks of money and needed someone else to help her. Of course her girlfriend at the time, so she just wasn’t able to make those payments anymore and the house just had to get completely, you know, strict. And she was like, Oh my God, I think I need to see a psychiatrist. I’m like, okay, well you go on ahead and go see one.
Speaker 1: (20:11)
But the thing is they have no answers for you. You know what you did wrong. You bought this house. I don’t know if it was to show other people you had a house or you want it to be successful very, very quickly and then you sabotaged everything because you thought you could pay for this consistently, but you had no break pants, something like that. Consistently at the age you’re at right now you’re 25, 26. So yeah. So that’s one thing. Okay. So here we go. Focusing on your expectations. So focusing on your expectations. Yes. Okay. Do you think that would help you avoid self-sabotage?
Speaker 2: (20:50)
Uh, yes. Okay. As it depends on where your expectations are, I think they definitely have to be balanced. So, um, again, if the expectations are too high and you are perfectionists like me, you really have to look at that and really assess that because you can’t be perfect all the time. You know, you might get to 80% of your goal. I’m not so okay. You know, it’s, it’s, you don’t have to hit 100% all the time, um, even when you’re breaking down into small goals. So y I had this little goal that was, um, I guess time, the time-based value of it was too large. And again, so I set myself up to fail. So it was just to read a book every year. So I did do a lot of reading as it for a lot of time to do some, um, fiction reading anymore.
Speaker 2: (21:39)
So I thought I’d treat myself to a story over the year just to pick up a leaf. And, um, by the end of the year, I haven’t done it, but actually, you know, that was okay. I know it’s a new small example, but, um, I’ve got 60% done, which is more than I’ve done the previous year. Hmm. So it’s actually looking at reflection and growth and being able to be, I guess, flexible and your expectations and not having them solid. Um, cause it, if you have them, if they’re too rigid, um, and I bet they’re too low, you won’t grow and if they’re too high, you’re setting yourself up to savior, which will increased self-sabotage.
Speaker 1: (22:19)
Gotcha, Gotcha. You know what, I was one of those people would book greedy too. Right? You know, I would buy these books and they would just never, you know, they, there was no purpose behind it. But then when I started buying personal development books and because I really, really neat, I needed help with my psyche. Um, I’ve read through that entire thing. You know, granted there were a couple of paragraphs I skipped because they were more personal than anything. But looking at the overall message of it, I was able to do it. And then I spoke about it and then people listened to what I had to speak about these specific areas of different books. So people were dependent on me instead of me just dependent on myself to get things done, which is absolutely crucial. Yeah. Yes.
Speaker 2: (23:05)
Pastoral Development ones. But I’m, I just thought I’d mix it up with a picture one. Cause I used to be a big reason when I was younger in terms of, I’m sorry, nonfiction books. Um, so yeah.
Speaker 1: (23:17)
Gotcha. Oh Man. The love, the love of reading. A lot of people are like, oh I don’t like reading. There are audio books. All of all of the books are in audio form. And so the stop listen to music. So would I be, yes. There are times that you want to get into the field, you want to get into the good. I know I have those times too, but there is time for learning and I do believe that learning in the morning or whatever time is best for you. You’ve to implement that into your schedule. Okay. You actually do it is a, is not making the small sacrifices. So one of my friends did recommend listening to and using Oracle. So yeah, I’m definitely going to stop listening to more. Oh audiobooks. Yeah. Cause I feel like it’s so much more out of audio books. Like if I ever watched like get, well I know there are some people I used to listen to that I don’t listen to anymore.
Speaker 1: (24:08)
Like Tom, Bill, you and you know, and uh, what is the Gary v and stuff like that. I’m now listening to ones that give a more directive message or you know, learning about the areas like patrion how can I do this? How can I do that to up the business, you know? Um, but then there’s of course Dr Joe Dispenses Book that I’m going to be purchasing as soon and talking about that on my personal development podcasts and Robert Kiyosaki, I need to break this down more and break them down them into blogs and make webinars about them. So yeah, these are things that I know will absolutely help me and can help the masses out there too. So yeah, no, no, no, go ahead. Go ahead. I had them on my nails and the other day and the lady recommended, I think it was called, just eat it, go, oh, something like that.
Speaker 1: (24:56)
Common. And, but it’s all about em, uh, developing a healthy relationship with food, um, especially for women. So, um, that’s a, that’s a big thing. I want to, I want to investigate more of these. I asked you to have quite an unhealthy relationship with food and in terms of, it’s an all or nothing. I guess it’s the south sabotage with food as well. Um, so, um, yeah, cause I’ll be on really clean streets, song it and then ruin it all over a weekend. And actually it’s about balance rather than rather than that, that cycle of, of self hate. [inaudible] I’m breaking that one now. I’m so glad you said that. That’s so paid. A lot of people, you know, like with diet in and stuff like that. Um, I don’t know. There was a guy from mind valley that was saying, do you do animals have diets?
Speaker 1: (25:43)
So we’re the only species on the planet that have diets. And then, you know, the, of course people could go about questioning but you know, ruin it and an entire weekend and this and that. But it’s all about balance. So, I know some people are Uber out there. I know this lady who’s actually an investor in the gym that I go to. Her body is, holy goodness gracious. You know what I mean? But the thing is, I, it seems like she probably isn’t enjoying the things that she needs to enjoy. So I love my pizza. I love my Burgers, you know, I love me along Guyland every four to six months maybe, you know, you don’t little VSOP on a very special night, like a, like a Christmas or New Year’s. Probably not new year’s. I don’t care about that. But you know what I mean? So again, I heard a doctor say this, you can drink web rhyme web. Why helps, you know, with your, your veins, your arteries and stuff, but drink it in moderation. Moderation. Does it mean excessively, excessively is drinking it over and over and over one glass a night or this or that? No. If you want to drink it twice a month, that is super, perfectly fine. You’re not going to die.
Speaker 2: (26:52)
Yeah, absolutely. Um, so I think the biggest thing is for me is, um, I use food as punishment. Um, so while I used to be able to go there when I was, um, probably about three, four years ago now, and, um, I was going to the gym all the time at eating Pathi Bible, so hated my life. So that was kind of a way of me have feeling like I had control in my life and now mentally and I’m, I’m in such a better place, but that kind of negative thought pattern which was serving me then no longer serves, man, I’ve got to retrain my brain to become more aware of what I’m eating. And I think that if I can overcome this negative food mindset, then it will be better for me in the long run. I think, I think the word diet is something means to get riddles because the minute you say you’re on a diet, you still restricted. And then once you’re off the Diet, some all the way back back on. I’m asking you, you’re dieting. And that’s kind of the trap I’m in. Um, so it’s about making healthy decisions every day and I’m trying to find what works for me right now. Um, but also making sure that that’s healthy.
Speaker 1: (28:10)
Hm. Yeah, absolutely. And I love it. I love how you said in it, hit home, do away with the word Diet because again, it feels that you’re restrictive and what happens when you restrictive, you want to do that other thing that’s restricting you. You see what I’m saying? Like you, you’re over there at the supermarket. You’re like, oh my God, you’re over. You’re foaming out the mouth looking at this Goddamn pepperoni pizza. You don’t know what to do with yourself. You’re scaring people around you. Next thing you know, you’re arrested in jail. That’s the worst thing that could happen. Right. You know what I’m saying? It’s a little crazy, but uh, yeah, no, but oh man. Do you know some people say no, don’t eat gluten. Don’t eat this man. I mean, whatever the hell I want. I’m on this planet one time. Now if I go to the doctor and the doctor says, God, Davin, you’ve eaten too much gluten. You’re gonna die tomorrow. I be like, Oh damn, I should’ve made a better decision than that if that, if that just so happens to happen, fine, let it happen. You know what I’ve made, but don’t eat this. Don’t eat that. Ooh, this, this,
Speaker 2: (29:16)
so was obsessed with the way our bodies look. You know, we can’t all look like supermodels of obviously I think probably women and most women, they just want to lose weight. But what I’m trying to do is trying to have a better approach of south love that, you know, it doesn’t, my weight doesn’t matter. I’m a healthy weight and that’s important. But as long as I’m healthy, I don’t have to be stick. And that’s what I’m trying to make sure that, okay, I’m um, I guess in sterling into myself, look at that compassion for my body and how I actually wonder as bodies are, yes, you don’t have to be a size six, you know, size 12, size 14, size 16, whatever size you are. You are beautiful. Just make the healthy choices with it.
Speaker 1: (30:02)
Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, I’m gonna throw two more at you. Okay. Okay. Keep a note of your achievement.
Speaker 2: (30:12)
So, uh, yes, obviously that helps out sabotage, um, because it helps when you realize how far you’ve come, you won’t want to give up. And so I think we will have bad days, but we want to throw in the towel. Uh, we’ll have doubt days where I was saying I’m in, I’m into five time to this. Like it’s all too much. Nope, nope, no, I’m not doing it. And that’s [inaudible] that’s really that self sabotage, right? That when you can visit PC, everything you’ve done and how far you’ve come, then you won’t want to give off. I think. I think it’s very easy for us to forget. Um, Isilon I’m, I’m maybe about having days like that. I will be honest, completely honest. Um, you know, I have a lot of self doubt creeping in. You know, coaching is anything like the really big thing quite recent. I know it started in the 80s, really, but, um, you know, obviously can’t be, and I guess some people have told me probably not a real job. It gets your real job.
Speaker 1: (31:11)
Um, [inaudible] be a slave, like the rest of the billions on this plan. And get the hell Outta here.
Speaker 2: (31:19)
But you know, we still, I always have the stouts occasionally on Sundays now it will have bad days and that’s okay. And I, part of me always doubts that, but I’m very lucky man. Countless, amazing. He always sits me down and he’s like, right. So tell me about something you’ve achieved. And he’s very good at bringing my mindset back home point.
Speaker 2: (31:38)
Um, and I love seeing my clients achievements, you know, um, when I see their achievements, that really helps me. And so it’s about, yeah. And recognizing everything you’ve done. Um, we did recently, seven days of gratitude over my group. Right. Your daily dose of positivity. And it was reminding everyone that how far they’ve come. So yeah, we looked at the biggest thing that achievement they might this year, um, you know, w eight months in now. MMM. MMM. Some people are [inaudible] good. Yeah. Some people have bad years. Everyone had big achievement, but they hadn’t really thought about or the back of their mind. And it was just reminding them of that. Ah, I see.
Speaker 1: (32:25)
Oh Man. You know what you saying? You realize it when you realize how far you’ve come, you won’t give up. That was, that’s what she said. Right. And I just felt, I had that in my stomach for a long time because eight years ago I almost sabotaged myself, sabotage myself, and I was going to leave Australia because I had run up on some, some difficulties. You know, I was living there for four years and I had two horrific jobs, both in Melbourne and Sydney as a dental assistant. I emailed my mom, I said, mom, I’m coming home. This place is not for me. And then she told me a, and then do what? I don’t have a place for you. Well, you’re going to go back to your job, do the same thing and this and that. And I was like, oh my God, she doesn’t want me anymore.
Speaker 1: (33:11)
That’s the way I look. I look at it, I took it literally rather than looking at the real deep meaning. And I remember showing my housemates who were from Columbia, the message, and they were like, your mother’s right. Why the hell are you going to leave? What? Because you have a sorry ass job. And you know what I think, I think that same time I quit, I straight up quit like the job I had. I quit the job and life got a hell of a lot better. I was able to enjoy all those little things, wake up and go to different places and all this other stuff. So I mean looking at my achievements and what I had to go through here, there’s no way I could have gone. I could have quit. And that’s the most important part because if I look at all the achievements, I can break it down into um, you know, like a yearly bay, you know, okay.
Speaker 1: (34:02)
This province, this province. And then when I came here and I took a big leap here, you know, and so I go look at each massive achievement that was set up over little, you know, smaller achievements. So yeah. Oh Man. Huge. Write down a book, Get a journal out, write down all your achievements for this year. Cause I know there’s New Year’s resolutions are gone out there, aren’t they? Hmm. I May, they are gone. So. Okay. So let me hit you with this last one. Sober thing on your failures. Sorry. I think that this is really interesting. The Canada’s, it depends on how you approach it. Massive. So I think that’s phase right? He wasn’t looking at your failures, um, that perhaps using that quite negative language for me, say it’s a very negative, what I don’t like passenger you using yet. Um, in terms of like my reflections, um, I guess learning points for me, um, is a better word, but obviously some Paleo, what some people is just how motive languages on how different words, what for different people.
Speaker 1: (35:12)
So if you’re looking at your failures, actually you could end up in a spiral spiraling circle of negativity. Oh, I did this wrong, I did this wrong. Why can’t I do this? You know, I’m such a failure. Whereas if you’re looking at what you’ve learned from those experiences, um, and what can you take from those? Um, so the learning points, you know, um, so if I do this audition and I don’t get no, I, you know, I did six months of seeing lessons. My singing has improved massively. Um, all the old places where you’ve got things wrong. Sometimes, you know, we can’t always be perfect. You know, you made a mistake. That’s okay. Well what did you learn from that? How could you do it better next time? I’m making sure that that is holds, it hits a spin on it, um, is definitely well help void self-sabotage.
Speaker 1: (36:00)
But then if you end up in the negative spiral with was looking at you when you finally is, um, I think, and then that will stop you growing next time and you won’t want to try because all you’ll see is that failure. So it’s making sure that your mindset’s right when you’re approaching it. Now I’m on a bad day, perhaps don’t think about there’s things you know, but when you’re ready to learn, you need to reflect and what you can do better next time. And you know, just reflecting on failures, you know, um, man, I can’t type, I don’t know if Thailand, if I actually sat down and call myself, you know, did I fail at a particular thing? I would have to say, oh, well, I don’t know. Nothing really comes to mind, but I can tell you this, I did have the most significant failure while I was 17, a track and field championships out there in Las Vegas.
Speaker 1: (36:49)
I was a junior in high school and I was heavily favored to go to the next, uh, the next round, which was the regional finals. Uh, there was no way I was probably going to make the, the state championships because the main guys are running like three seconds faster than me. But of course any opportunity is, you know, any opportunity could work. But you know what, I remember coming out the blocks and I think I came out too fast and my legs, they just gave out on me. Uh, and I saw everyone pass right by me. I ended up running one of the worst times of the night and I don’t know what it was, but, um, that was the greatest failure. And to this day, I do these spartan races all around the world. And you know what I was going to give up during the Spartan race last year in November on a God damn mountain saying, I can’t get through this. My knee is killing me. But I said, no, Arsenio step-by-step, step-by-step, step by step. And I was able to overcome it. So you know, reflected on those who say, oh my goodness, if it wasn’t for that failure 14 years ago, oh my God, I could probably be, you know, overweight or my health could be at, you know, in jeopardy. Like a lot of my friends ended up going into after high school and whatnot.
Speaker 1: (38:01)
Yeah. So that’s really interesting because you’ve learned from that experience where it is, I guess some people would say approached it in the wrong way. They would be like, I’m never doing this again. I’m such a big failure when actually you really learned in brain from that and that’s the rain and we need to nourish that capability in the right way. Oh righty. So Hannah, thank you so much. If there’s anything you tell anyone out there maybe some actionable steps that they can take in terms of stopping and you know, they’re self sabotaging, what would you give them? Um, so just don’t be afraid. You know, you might fail before. Just go for it. Life is sure. If you don’t try, you’ll never know. Just go for it. Just have a go. It’s okay to fail, you know? Absolutely. Absolutely. I love that he gives that people don’t understand how short life is.
Speaker 1: (38:59)
Like there’s just one shot and you know what? When you get to 75 and you’re og, that’s bad. It’s filled with regret. Don’t be like those folks, you know, be out there and say, oh my God, I did some of the craziest things over the course of our life that was ecstatic. That was amazing. I lived in Maine. I’ve lived an amazing life, you know, so, yeah. Oh Man. Thank you so much, Hannah. If anyone’s interested in what you got going on, and of course you know you’re coaching and whatnot, how can they get in contact with you? I’ll be sure to put everything in the description. Thank you. So you can find me on Facebook. Um, Hannah, Lizzy, Dahlias, Instagram, as well as the mindfulness coach. Um, I’m, my website is www.mymindfulnesscoach.co. Dot. UK. Awesome. Awesome. And there it is guys. Thank you again. Have for being, what is it like seven 40 or something out that am no, it’s much earlier than that way.
Speaker 1: (39:58)
It’s 9:00 AM God, I’m tripping. I’m bloating for some reason. Okay. Devin has been bordered now. Okay. You’re well away. All right. We’re good. But yeah, thank you so much for coming on. Uh, we’re gonna go about our busy lives. I want you to enjoy your wonderful time and I’m going to make sure I post everything in, post you in little snippets and whatnot too. Perfect. Thank you so much. You’re very welcome. And guys, that is the end of this Eso podcast. If you guys have any questions, man, please reach out. Reach out to Hannah, reach out to both of us who you will be more than happy to answer anything. So guys, have a wonderful morning, afternoon, and evening. I’m your host as always over and out.