Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence: Friendship Woes

It’s been a very turbulent year — people (what I would call friends in the past) coming and going.  Some of this could be unbearable for most, but I built up a fortified wall in front of my feelings, telling myself that all of these so-called “friends” are here to fulfill a purpose.  Remember what I said a long time ago: life-time, life-giving, and purposeful relationships.  People are categorized into these three areas.

Best Friends Turned Enemy

I don’t believe it was so much her getting a boyfriend, but me having a life-changing experience happen on the other end just 3 weeks after.  My life went from almost investing and staying in Thailand long-term, to almost booking a trip to Honduras or Costa Rica after a racially implicit event in my workplace and was expunged from teaching at a company.  Yes, if she was my best friend Andre, we would be able to talk it out, make amends, and just move on with our friendship.  With her there was possible miscommunication, but I also saw danger — danger that could’ve bloomed if I had gone to America.  So, I cancelled the trip, and three weeks later my job was on the line.  My hands were incredulously on my head and I was being criticized by an individual who shouldn’t be criticizing anyone, given the circumstances of him being in Thailand.

Almost one month later, new condo, five job opportunities, six projects and so many other things….now I understand WHY I didn’t go to America.

Purposeful Relationship Turned Chaos

I met someone by the name of Zern who I thought had the same energy as I.  I seriously thought that she was me in a completely different form.  However, after two weeks, a nose-dive happened.  The energy between us changed and then the complaints were ON 100% (barely anything coming from my kisser).  This lead to her going out with a friend to one of the most notorious areas in all of Asia where drunk, poor backpackers go to have sex.  That was THE END. 

The Student That Couldn’t Take It

The last episode comes from an individual who I catapulted into the University of Sydney.  After completion of her Masters Degree, she came back (just recently) to Thailand.  Because I’m going through a very pivotal stage in my life, I need her to help me with translations from English-to-Thai.  Granted, I helped her with grammatical structures the past 1.5 years.  She helped me, and then I asked her for a very important favor.  Before I continue, she is a doctor.  Now, let’s get back into this…..I needed assistance taking some luggage and boxes to my new condo.

CRICKETS

After that message, she was gone!

Moral of these stories…..you’re the only person who can be rescue 911.

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/circle-of-concern-vs-circle-of-influence

Removing A Device From The Bedroom – Two Days of Rest!

Those groggy mornings when my eyes are burning because I was more in a light-sleep than a deep-sleep the night before.  When these mornings happen and I have a full days of teaching ahead, around 1-3pm I find myself inhaling a small glass of black coffee (with no additives) to wake up — and I despise coffee!

I had to figure out what was happening.  I always did meditation into sleep, but anytime I woke up in the middle of the night, I would check my phone.  When this happened, and depending on how long I checked my phone for, the amount of time I stayed awake can range from 10 minutes, to 2 hours.  There’s something about the brain becoming stimulated after reading information.  Most of the information I read would be senseless, too.  There weren’t any important emails to reply to and emergency texts — it was simply me checking the stats of my podcast, blog, and then going on a useless website to see what’s happening in the world.

ENOUGH!

When I would do that (and you’re going to see a lot of ‘when’ clauses in my writing today), the next morning my eyes would have a slight burn.  Not sure why.  I would sleep 8 hours, mind would be fully awake, but eyes would burn marginally.

So, I did an experiment.  The experiment was conducted a long time ago, too, but now I decided to get back into the swing of it.  Because I have a FitBit blaze watch, I now remove my phone from my room and use the blaze watch bedside to see what time it is.

First Night

After getting a 1-2 times to run to the restroom, I never once turned to my working desk to look at my phone.  I realized that sleep was much more important than stats and whatever is on my phone.  I went back to my room, and woke up COMPLETELY around 5:15am.  After that, I went right into a meditation.  This requires using my phone (because the meditation app is guided), but all the notifications were switched off the night before, so NOTHING is on the home screen.  I do my guided meditation (overcoming procrastination – to be specific), and after that, I banged out three podcasts in the morning, started packing for the big move in less than two weeks, and cleaned up literally EVERYTHING.  I checked my messages and saw that it was a relatively slow night; therefore, I set aside the phone and went straight to work.

How perfect was that! Leaving just a watch, a clock, or something bedside for the time and sticking the phone outside works wonders!

Lewis Howes: Material Mask – Part II: Does Money Kill?

After accumulating so many riches over the course of years, Lewis Howes is still one of those people who drive a 1991 Cadillac. He went on to say that Tai Lopez’ viewpoint on buying luxury cars was interesting to him.  Heck, I believe anyone who buys cars over 100k$ USD is doing it to cover up what they’re lacking, if I haven’t said that already.

“Tai described the dangers of money quite well. He said, “I think that if you’re not careful, money is like a pit bull. A pit bull can save your life or it can turn around and kill you.”

If I can recall a story which Tony Robbins spoke about in his book about the richest man in Germany, Adolf Merkel.  This man was a billionaire back in his day, and after suffering a huge gamble and losing about 25% of his networth, he was absolutely finished with life.  His identity was so attached to money to the point he felt powerless, and in the ensuing days he threw himself off the building, ultimately committing suicide.

Anyone who believes money can kill them is right – based on face-value.  However, if you’re one of those people who look at money from an “enabling” standpoint, you’ll never think money “has you.”  Look at me.  Sure, I’ll be moving across town to a gorgeous condo and kick off 2018 with the most successfully sound bank account I’ve ever possessed.  But does that define who I am? Hell no.  Quite frankly, I can really give a damn about how much I make all year next year.  What I wanted most from one particular place was respect; then I was delivered racism and threats…so I got up and left because I knew there were six projects aching for my services.  Am I doing to purely because the money? ABSOLUTELY NOT! It’s the handshake after another.  Having speaking engagements in possibly Morocco and even in Bangkok (Tedx) is what I do it for.  Will I buy an Audi to look cool and contribute to the traffic congested roads in Thailand? Ludicrous!

“I suppose that’s why a lot of guys either love or hate Tai Lopez. Some see him as a hero. They want to drive nice cars. They want to be surrounded by models in their enormous mansions. They want to be able to hang out with celebrities who come over to their house. They want to be—or appear to be—the opposite of the invisible, ashamed, anonymous person they might feel themselves to be. Other guys see him as a fraud or a liar. They are convinced he’s making it all up and that he doesn’t actually have any money. They obsessively produce videos that question whether Tai rents his exotic cars or if his house is really his. If I had to guess why those doubters are so obsessed, it’s because, if Tai’s story is true, then deep down, they don’t think they would be able to do the same things Tai has done. And that kind of self-doubt, especially to a man raised in our current culture, is too crippling not to project outward onto others.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

There are a number of videos, Twitter accounts, and Facebook accounts depicting Tai Lopez.  Tom Bilyeu had him on Impact Theory recently, and the majority of his fans swarmed with positive comments.  On the other hand, those same people who feel that Tai is better than them began spewing rhetoric at everyone and everything about Tai.  Personally, I have no idea who Tai’s followers are, but regardless of what aisle people may be on, you do have to realize that Tai has that version of a material mask on.

I love how Lewis Howes put it.  He said, “listen to Tai is to watch his YouTube videos. And to listen to his insight is to watch him dispense it from the captain’s chair of a private jet surrounded by models in bandage dresses. Or from backstage at a concert. Or poolside at a private villa. Or in his giant Beverly Hills mansion. This extra bit of detail is like theater or a costume, and without it, it’s almost like he thinks his ideas will have less value. Or worse, they won’t matter.”

Like Lewis Howes said, all that materialism invalidates the quality of a person’s idea.

Podcast

Lewis Howes: The Material Mask & Tai Lopez Excerpt

YIKES! I mean, I can write probably a book on what Americans deem to be happiness – just go to Beverly Hills and see yourself! Yes, I took shot at Beverly Hills, although I stay there with an ex-boss of mine and his wife for a day this past April.  The Material Mask – the most highly sought after mask on the face of the planet.

From Instagrammer influencers posing with six-figure cars, to people flaunting their riches on yachts.  I find it very laughable because deep down inside those individuals are insecurities far beyond what “normal” people have.

For example, the YouTube guru who took the world by storm over a two-year period, Tai Lopez, is deemed as a “scam” artist.  Some people say that he packaged his own course from Jack Canfield’s ‘Success Principles.”  Others dissected his videos to the molecular level when they realized that some of the people he would be in the video with, at the time, weren’t even listening to him.  Collection of books in the garage; house “rented” out, women wearing 2-piece bikinis and so much more.  Nonetheless, this man amassed a fortune behind a very ambiguous past and everyone to this date is still unaware of his age.

Get this, regardless of what you might or might not like about him, he was one of those people who didn’t have that type of money when he was younger.  So, when he got the money, he lavished himself in it and had to show everyone.  His Tedx, called the ‘Good Life,’ was a bit laughed, in my opinion.  This coming from a public speaker – but this human being by the name of Tai Lopez has still been able to make millions of dollars.  Dollars that he must show to the rest of the world to make them feel inferior.

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/lewis-howes-material-mask-tai-lopez-intr

Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Win Friends & Influence People’ – Full Book Review + Podcasts From My Favorite Chapters

It’s been a long time since I’ve done podcasts and blogs on this particular book because I thought the substantial amount of great material dwindled towards the end.  So, here are my best chapter and podcasts down below if you want to listen on in!

 

Do This & You’ll Be Welcomed Anywhere

If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased you are to have the person call. Many companies train their telephone operators to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm. The caller feels the company is concerned about them. Let’s remember that when we answer the telephone tomorrow.

Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty to your company.

“I would like you to know how much I appreciate your staff. Everyone is so courteous, polite and helpful. What a pleasure it is, after waiting on a long line, to have the teller greet you pleasantly.
Last year my mother was hospitalized for five months. Frequently I went to Marie Petrucello, a teller. She was concerned about my mother and inquired about her progress.”

 

The Big Secret of Dealing With People

Complimenting and the desire of feeling important.

“The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.”

“Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.”

“When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.”

Excerpt From: Dale Carnegie. “How to Win Friends & Influence People.” iBooks.

How To Interest People

Be interested in what others have to say.

How To Make People Like You Instantly

When someone is having a bad day, compliment them. (Story of Port of Subs in the podcast down below).

You Can’t Win An Argument

You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And—

The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints

Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things.
If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don’t. It is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.

A Simple Way To Make A First Good Impression

How To Criticize And Not Be Hated For It

 

 

 

Final Podcast of This Book

Dale Carnegie’s: Making People Glad To Do What You Want

Because of our personal preferences and interests, we’re never able to look at life through someone else’s shoes, right? We want to look at how we can benefit ourselves first versus anyone else.  That’s why the term “selfish” gets thrown around so much in relationships and friendships.

How can you begin to suggest things to someone, but first show them the rewards of it?

1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.

  • I stopped making promises a long time ago because I would have a fulfilment of about 50%.  Not only do you lose face, but also respect.  The distrust begins to increase and then people just think you’re full of s***.

2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.

3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.

  • Always look at it from their standpoint and how they can benefit from it – your standpoint can wait.

4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.

  • This part can be fun.  As I talked about in my podcast about a father seeking out the benefits of his child, this can relate to a lot of parents out there.

5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.

6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit. We could give a curt order like this: “John, we have customers coming in tomorrow and I need the stockroom cleaned out. So sweep it out, put the stock in neat piles on the shelves and polish the counter.” Or we could express the same idea by showing John the benefits he will get from doing the task: “John, we have a job that should be completed right away. If it is done now, we won’t be faced with it later. I am bringing some customers in tomorrow to show our facilities. I would like to show them the stockroom, but it is in poor shape. If you could sweep it out, put the stock in neat piles on the shelves, and polish the counter, it would make us look efficient and you will have done your part to provide a good company image.

Podcast

 

Dale Carnegie’s: Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct

As a teacher, we could definitely be extremely hard on our students.  In America, most teachers would berate the students who don’t do well on the test instead of giving criticism and not being hated for it.  For example, 26 out of 30 students do well and the 4 others – not so well.  Who gets the attention; let alone, attention that won’t serve them in the future? We’re told to categorize these students because they have “special needs” compared to the other students.  In Thailand, there are programs called “gifted” where the students are more “intelligent” than others.  However, the others are labeled as “normal” and they end up believing that suggestion.  A travesty at it’s very worst.

I’ve worked with teachers who have made students leave the classroom, crying, because they didn’t answer him correctly.  Get this, the student paid more than 400$ in tuition to learn English and now she’s gone.  Do they reprimand the teacher? Absolutely not.

However, teachers who prepare their lessons out of this world for their students get demonized.

I might’ve gone on a tirade, but just trying to make a point.  Teachers need to learn that constant ridicule and criticism is not going to help the student.

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique—be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it—and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel – such as what I’ve been doing.

Later, one particular individual did make up for his complete mishap by showing me what I did and not giving any criticism.  It was basically looking myself in my own mirror and saying, “ahhh, ok, Arsenio.  Tough luck.  It happens, but this doesn’t measure one bit of success.”

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/make-the-fault-seem-easy-to-correct

 

 

Darren Hardy’s: Habit & Willpower

What is habit? Set of behaviors compounded over time.  All of us have habits stapled into our life that we’re not even aware of.  Sure, let’s point out the disgustingly destructive habits such as excessive drinking and smoking.  However, I can talk about other habits such as retweeting or getting in tweet wars with anonymous users who are online to troll others.  These are called “bad” habits.

Other habits we have are of course taking a shower (most of humanity, but not all), brushing our teeth, combing our hair, eating breakfast, etc.  This is all part of the program.

When we get rid of bad habits, what enables us to slide back into the same ol’ destructive habits? The slightest bit of uncomfortability.  A student of mine was talking about how he literally told a teacher, “I don’t want to learn from the book. I can read it at home. I want to speak.”  That’s EXACTLY what I’ve taught him for so long! Books can be read at home, but what can teachers give more? Nothing.  Most teachers mask themselves behind a book but they don’t know how to “teach” in general.  So, my student unwittingly pushed this particular teacher WAY out of his comfort zone – only for him later to say “oh, your student was a bit naughty.”  Oh, he was naughty because he forced you out of your comfort zone, ey?

I could be getting a little carried away, but teachers have a habit of NOT teaching.

In addition to this is willpower.  I feel this is one of the esoteric or metaphysical terms that athletes have created to “mask” another athlete as being “alpha.”  Willpower could be something that most people have who do Spartan Agoge’s, sure; but it’s definitely failed you and billions of others on this planet, too.  Let me give you an example.

You’ve tried willpower before and it’s failed you. You’ve set resolutions and you’ve let them go. You thought you were going to lose all that weight last time. You thought you’d make all those sales calls last year. Let’s “stop the insanity” and do something different so you can get different and better results.

Ring a bell?

Time to dive in!

Podcast #1

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/darren-hardy-habit

Podcast #2

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/darren-hardy-willpower-no-whypower-yes

 

Lewis Howes: The Athlete Mask Ending + What Can You Do Now?

Remember my Dale Carnegie podcast on “not winning an argument?” Here’s the link…..Dale Carnegie’s ‘You Can’t Win An Argument’.

“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

My brother, who I’ve talked about so many times, always felt the need to win.  He would have this overbearing voice while yelling at the top of his voice to shoot a point across.  I would sit back, relaxed, and just retort before he does it again. He was one of the people who thought winning arguments were critical and it made him feel more superior, especially over his younger brother.

Steve Weatherford’s Story In The Podcast

“As athletes we’re obsessed with how we look, with how we perform, and with winning. We’re consumed by competition as the measuring stick for our manhood. But our self-worth has nothing to do with those things. It has to do with our values and principles.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

So, what’s available when you drop this mask?

  • Creativity
    Culture
    New experiences
    Connections with other humans
    Self-worth
    A healthy relationship with your image
    Balance
    Time to do other things you enjoy

Men, what have you been avoiding to focus on your physical appearance? I’m asking this because most body builders are very ego-maniacal, self-centered and anti-social.  These are the factors you can work on to rip this athlete mask off.

1.Health: mental, physical, emotional
2.Relationships: intimate, family, friends
3.Wealth: finances, career, education, business
4.Contribution: making an impact in the world and other people’s lives, being of service
5.Spiritual: connecting to a higher power or your spiritual beliefs.

Rate yourself in each area.  What would you look like in each area? Write these down in a notebook of some sort.

Also, what are your values and principles that you can lean on so that you can figure out how to contribute to the world, and to your own happiness, in each of these areas?”

More In My Podcast Down Below!

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/lewis-howes-the-athlete-mask-what-to-do-

 

Lewis Howes: Athlete Mask – Part II

As I’ve talked about in my previous blog posts and podcasts, we normally shred players who are often out of play due to injury.

One huge storyline came from Derek Rose.  Back in 2011, this man was an absolute menace.  To be honest, he was one of the greatest PG’s I’ve ever seen play the game because is unbelievable explosiveness.  Right before I went to Australia on my working holiday visa, I was in awe by his play.  Later that year, I remember laying on my bed one Saturday morning and seeing him go down in a playoff game.  From that point forward, Derek Rose was never the same because of ACL and MCL injuries.  Since then, and to this day, Americans berate him with insensitive comments – calling him a girl and a b**** because his knees are done.  Most recently, he just went down again and he’s out for an extended period of time.  The speculation is that he’ll never play again, and if he doesn’t, we will always say “what if.”  In America media, they will call him a fragile boy, but in reality, he was a freak of nature who’s knees gave up on him.

Psychologist Martin Phillips-Hing said in Lewis Howes book….

“I would suggest that most men watch soap operas too, except they call it sports. Think about when you most often publicly see men expressing strong emotions such as joy . . . fear . . . disappointment . . . sadness . . . anger. Sports, like novels and soap operas, allow men to identify and live vicariously through their team.

Lewis Howes went on to say that men bonding with other men on common grounds serves as a bedrock in relationships.  For instance, if it wasn’t for sports, my brother and I would’ve never had anything in common – therefore, our relationship would’ve fallen apart a long time ago.  Sports create a space where men are ‘ok’ to express their emotions.  However, crying is not part of that equation.

Often when men retire from the NFL, their lives take a turn for the absolute worse.  Ben Gordon, for example, was a furious SG for the Chicago Bulls about a decade ago.  Now, after a stint of legal charges, he’s now back in the news for literally robbing a manager at his apartment.  This is a man that made over 80 million dollars over his career and now he’s robbing people.  Players, of all colors and backgrounds, don’t have much of a life after sports and they go back to what they were brought up as.

Another “masking” would be when men go to the gym and try lifting as much as their peers, although their peers are +50 lbs on them. Most men don’t have the strength or cardio to compete with others who lift so much more.  What happens? Puts them in harms way.  Overexertion in the muscles and most notably, a man by the name of Rich Piana died.  People would say because of steroids, but there were 15 other ailments, including heart disease, fatty liver and discolored kidneys.  He did all of that because…..what? It begs the question, doesn’t it?

Some guys go to the gym, craving that six-pack because it will make them more attractive.  They want that feel.  They need that feel.  The perceptions and suggestions of other people now rule over them.

“When the team is gone and the playing days are over, however, a weird thing happens to many guys stuck behind the Athlete Mask. The value of selflessness and sacrifice starts to disappear, and all that’s left is competitiveness and the need to win. ”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Podcast