Lewis Howes: Sexual Mask – Part III

In recent months I came across a person named “Zern.”  Zern caught me off completely with her amount of spoken English fluency.  The first time we met was a spaghetti dinner at my condominium and it was a remarkable time.  A terrible movie, but a good time.  To be honest, I thought that would be the last time I saw her because I “know how it goes” with women here.  Not only was I wrong, she drove more than 40km to come see me in the evening to talk things over.  It was very bumps at the beginning, but I was like that child.  That child in school who constantly thought about someone he liked.  I felt young again.  That inner child came out of me – but somewhere along the line the complaints came.  Not just any complain, but a herd of them.  The last message I received from her was, “yeah, I think you’re too independent.”  She went off into the Khao San road (notorious nightlife area in Bangkok) that evening and it was the last message I ever got from her.

Did I want to settle down? Was I too independent? Who wants to settle? I mean after about four weeks, I was already a bit…”bored.” Am I the most handsome man in the world through the eyes of Thai standards? HELL NO! I’m just a “black-African Nigerian scammer through mosts eyes” (LOL), but I’m also the guy who can probably swipe right on tinder 100 times in Thailand and get 3 matches (and America).  However, if I swipe 100 times in Indonesia, Kazakhstan and a few other countries, I get 7 out of 10 matches.

Why am I even on Tinder? Where am I even going with this? Well, I’m a living proof, I believe, that you don’t have to follow your libido.  I use these social media apps to actually meet some likeminded people – often rare.  However, I know teachers who are on 5-10 websites searching for new “meat” as they say.

Lewis Howes mentioned in his book that once he started getting more “notoriety,” women started paying more attention.  I honestly love living in my shoes everyday.  It doesn’t matter about the followers, podcast listeners, soon-to-be-book, tedx….I believe that I will walk through the airport and still have people walk right past me – exactly how I like it.

“The bird wasn’t exhausted because it never stopped flying from nest to nest; it was exhausted because it spent all its energy staying aloft while it debated which direction to fly. Was this really what freedom is supposed to feel like?”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

“I cheated on Ingrid, who’s my wife now, and I felt horrible. I thought I was a good guy. I really loved her, I wanted to be with her, and I cheated on her, and I just couldn’t understand why would I do that to someone? Why would I hurt somebody like that who loves me? Why would I break her heart? Why would I ruin my future? And why would I act outside my ethics system and outside my morals and just for sex that wasn’t even that good anyway?” – Neil Strauss

BOOM.  I bet men all over the world are asking themselves this….”why?”  I mean, I absolutely love being single, and not because I have the freedom, but because I can come home and have 4 hours of power: podcasts, writing blogs, writing my book, instant messaging people on instagram, etc,.

Lots of men also love being single just to wave a piece of meat in any direction they will.  Fair enough.  But why commit the mistake while in a relationship?

“If you watch porn these days, it is disproportionately aggressive. It’s all about dominating women, so much of it is about humiliation. It’s not just the amount of sex. Guys feel more like a man if they’re dominating and aggressive in bed. Instead of the definition of a man being about making her feel good in bed, it’s all about showing physical dominance over her. Because that is so pervasive in porn, I think men have a warped sense of reality when it comes to masculinity in the bedroom. I dread to think about kids who are like 9 or 10 who have never kissed a girl and that is their first data point with sex, that that’s what it looks like. It’s creating some messed-up men.” – Matthew Hussey

I think this should be ringing a bell for a lot of men out there.  No nationalities needed, but I’ve seen a fair share of people from one particular country on videos I shouldn’t have been watching in the past where they’re just unbelievably aggressive.  YIKES!

“And it isn’t just fiction either. We perpetuate these stereotypes and myths in real life. Men who find and hook up with women are players, studs, ballers. Meanwhile, what’s our take on a guy who is committed? He’s tied down. He’s settled. He’s off the market. He goes out with his buddies only when his wife gives him permission. He has a “dad bod.” His sex life is a wasteland. And don’t get me started with how unfair the labels and double standards are with women. What we celebrate in single guys, we call being a slut in a woman. When a guy marries a rich woman, it doesn’t mean anything; but if a woman does it, she risks being called a gold digger. A woman who is clear about what she wants and expects in a relationship is a nag or a bitch.” – Lewis Howes

But it’s all nonsense, huh?

Podcast

 

TOEIC Grammar: Countable & Uncountable Nouns + Articles. Podcast & YouTube Video Included

Unit 2: Countable/Uncountable Nouns + Articles

When a countable noun is singular, it is used with an indefinite article a/an; when a countable noun is plural, it ends in –(e)s.

Example: To request extra credit card for other members of your household, call our automated service line. (not correct)

A countable noun must be used with an indefinite article a/an in the singular form; otherwise it should end in –(e)s in the plural form. (card/cards)

The electronics company has recruited staff from several of its competitor. (not correct)

A plural noun must be used after such determiners as several, some, many, etc. (competitor competitors)

B. Uncountable nouns

Uncountable nouns refer to substances, concepts etc that we cannot divide into separate elements. An indefinite article a/an cannot be used with an uncountable noun. Besides, an uncountable noun in the subject position must be used with a singular verb.

Uncountable nouns are singular in form.

Example: The equipment you ordered are scheduled to be delivered on August 26. (not correct)

Because equipment is uncountable, it is singular and is used with a singular verb. (are – is)

Uncountable nouns cannot be used with an indefinite article a/an.

Example: They helped needy people by the provision of a clothing, food, and shelter. (not correct)

Uncountable nouns cannot be used with an indefinite article a/an. (a clothing)

Uncountable nouns that frequently occur in the TOEIC test

advertising, equipment, information, pollution, traffic, advice

furniture, machinery, recreation, luggage/baggage

clothing, knowledge, homework, merchandise, money, stationery, scenery, fun, employment, leisure.

 

Podcast Link – learners in Mainland China.

https://www.spreaker.com/e/QbaQEXYMZkN

 

Youtube Video – Rest of The World

 

 

 

Six Techniques For Installing Good Habits

Now that we ran over the bad habits and how to eliminate them, it’s time to shift focus on how to install good habits, behaviors and things that will push you towards your goals.

“Leadership expert John C. Maxwell said, “You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.”

  1. Set Yourself Up To Succeed

For example, I had a job in BKK every Tuesday and Thursday morning, so for me to be completely energized in the morning, I would literally prepare my bag, meals, protein, you name it and wake up 30 minutes before taking the minivan into the heart of the CBD.  If I didn’t prepare anything the night before, there’s no way I would’ve made it.  Now, on days I didn’t go to BKK, and because it WAS 30 miles away, I was predisposed to putting it off.  Now that I’m 15 minutes away from the gym instead of 1 hour and 10 minutes, everything changes.

If you want to eat healthier, make sure your fridge is stocked with healthy options instead of frozen gunk.  Buy some Herbalife protein bars and have them as a power snack at your desk instead of going to the vending machine and snacking on a hateful bag of M&M’s.

One of the most destructive habits I have is getting home only to read a bunch of garbage online instead of reading + meditation.  What I now do is turn off all notifications on the skytrain before I reach my condo so that when I do reach it, I empty everything, prepare everything for the day before, then hop in the shower.  Sometimes I’ll hop in the shower as a first option, too.

2. Think Addition, Not Subtraction

So many health gurus talk about adding into a diet instead of subtracting.  I recall Lewis Howes doing a podcast with a woman that talked about healthy eating habits on YouTube back in 2010.  She talked about putting in rather than taking out.  Focus on what you can have rather than what you can’t have.

3. Public Display of Accountability

Solemnly swear to someone that you will stop “it,” and get that accountability partner(s) to hold you against your word.

4. Find A Success Buddy

This is the best part of it all.  Why? Because if you surround yourself with a group of success people, you’re going to ultimately propel yourself further – faster.  Example, when I finished my last Spartan Race in early September, I knew I needed to dump my current gym and find a gym that will get me more motivated.  If not, I would fall off until the beginning of next year.  So, I did research online and found “The Lab BKK,” which is a gym that you pay by sessions.  First day I joined there were a couple of women there, but extremely fit.  I had a trainer that would completely kick my ass until the point of no return; and since joining that gym, I’ve seen a massive transformation with my body.  Just recently I went to a night session and you have these “crossfit-like” Thai women with perfect bottoms and broad shoulders kicking ass together.  This is a success team.

Numbers 5 and 6 are in the podcast down below!

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/six-techniques-for-installing-good-habit

Game Changers: Five Strategies For Eliminating Bad Habits

Your habits are learned; therefore, they can be unlearned. – Darren Hardy

It’s time to learn, unlearn, and relearn again.

You’re basically a boat/ship that’s anchored in.  For you to set sail in a new direction, it’s time to pull those anchors (bad habits) up, dispose of them, and drop new ones in (although you won’t sail…but you get the point).

You need to make that “why-power” strong enough that it overwhelms your urges for instant gratification.

  1. Identify your triggers.

Figuring out the 4 w’s: who, what, where, when.

  • Are you more than likely to act a certain way around certain people?
  • Is there a particular time of the day that you have something sweet?
  • Is there a particular meal that derails the rest of your accomplished meals?
  • What emotions tend to provoke your worst habits—stress, fatigue, anger, nervousness, boredom?
  • When do you experience those emotions? Who are you with, where are you, or what are you doing?
  • What situations prompt your bad habits to surface—going to work? Riding the bus? Coming in contact with specific individuals?
  • Take a closer look at your routines. What do you typically say when you wake up? When you’re on a coffee or lunch break? When you’ve gotten home from a long day?”

I’ve distanced myself from all teachers who I work with currently (for the next month) because I’m more prone to complain with them. I dropped out of the “whiney-bitch club” back in June of 2016, and I never looked back, either.

Between 1-4pm, I have a craving for my gummy bears.  Instead of having gummy bears by my side, I can have mixed fruit (natural sugar) instead — only if I prepare it.

Dinners, because they’re so late at night, completely throw off my entire day.  If I finish work at 7:40pm, I normally eat a very bad dinner if I don’t prepare thoroughly.  Moving to Bangkok and buying loads of grocers (because now I will have proper pantry space) is going to set me up for great breakfasts, lunches, and dinners.

I have an anxious feeling when I walk into my job.  Not only that, I’ve been having it for  year because my every move that’s being watched.  When I walk into those doors, I have a very peculiar feeling.  Sunday mornings, I walk pass the teachers room and see a group of men sitting in a circle talking about how bad life is.  What Did I Do: I found a new job and five new projects to get me out of a dead-end job.

Riding the bus gives me a very uneasy and tense-filled feeling.  What Did I Do: Today is the last day I’ll ever take the bus in Bangkok ever again (because geographical and demographic reasons).

What do I typically say when I wake up? Well, the past week has been stellar….so saying “thank you” is imbedded in my vocabulary book.  However, other people say “not again” on Monday morning.  What can you do to change that?

2. Clean House

“Get to scrubbin’. And I mean this literally and figuratively. If you want to stop drinking alcohol, remove every drop of it from your house (and your vacation house, if you have one). Get rid of the glasses, any fancy utensils or doo-dads you use when you drink, and those decorative olives, too. If you want to stop drinking coffee, heave the coffee maker, and give that bag of gourmet grounds to a sleepy neighbor. If you’re trying to curb your spending, take an evening and cancel every catalogue or retail offer that flies in through your mailbox or your inbox, so you won’t even need to muster the discipline to walk it from the front door to the recycle bin. If you want to eat more healthfully, clean your cupboards of all the crap, stop buying the junk food—and stop buying into the argument that it’s “not fair” to deny the other people in your family junk food just because you don’t want it in your life. Trust me; everyone in your family is better off without it. Don’t bring it into the house, period. Get rid of whatever enables your bad habits.”

Numbers 3-5 are in the podcast down below!

Podcast

Questions & Answers: Friendship Woes

Ahhh, thank you for asking the question and hopefully I have the answer!  A listener from Iraq asked me, “my friend and I have been friends for years, but after a miscommunication, we stopped talking for several months.  I tried reaching out to her and she never responds; however, she posts daily on social media.”

Well, I’ll try putting myself into your shoes, but at this very moment I’m going through the same problem.

If you haven’t heard the story already, I’m suppose to currently be in America.  As a matter of fact, today is suppose to be the day that I stay at the snowboarding fields in Flagstaff, Arizona.  However, because I had a gut-feeling about having a bad trip, I bailed.  This was the friendship “detonator.”

See, if I had gone out there and the trip was sour, I would’ve never seen her again.  If I cancelled, I might’ve been able to salvage the friendship.

Instead, the plan backfired on me.  2 months – not a word.  I was the big man yesterday and messaged my friend a beautiful, long message, wishing her a Merry Christmas.  Response? Absolutely not.

So, what do we have here? We have someone who doesn’t give a damn (your friend and my friend) and you’re wanting to know what to do next.

Waiting Game But In Your Mind You Move On

Honestly, other than wasting your time trying to get in touch with her, act as if she’s already gone.  That there is no more of her.  When you come into acceptance of that, you’re not longer using your available attention units, waiting on her to respond.  That will just clog everything that’s trying to come in your life and your life, will come to a grinding halt.  Friendships have to go two-ways.  If you have a friend that develops the “I’m 16-years-old and I’m angry at my dad” syndrome, you’re better off just cutting your losses and moving on.  I’ve had this happen SO many times on so many different occasions.  Friends just go completely silent for two weeks and I just say, “ahhh f*** it.”  I go silent, too.

For instance, a few recent friends I’ve befriended went silent so I uninstalled an app (since it was the only app I used to talk to them), and just went cold.  Later, I got an email probably two days ago from them, shockingly.  I was upfront and said, “well, you didn’t speak, so I didn’t talk to you.” I then reinstalled the app and I realized that not only her, but the other friend tried contacting me.  Not only that, she cared much more than the other who messaged me about 4 days ago.  But if we talk through a different pair of lens, I was ‘ok’ if they never came back into my life ever again.  Why? I made it up in my mind. What’s the worse that can happen? You can’t change people and force them to go back to their historical self.  People change for what we perceive to be the ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

So, in your case, and the case of my best friend, it’s time to move on.  You’ve done all the messaging.  Put your friend on a restricted profile, make sure they’re not in your Newsfeed on any form of social media (but don’t block them just yet), and just move on with your life.

Meet New Friends

I went through this phase in October/November when I met the Indonesia, Indian and Thai.  Two of them are not in my life anymore and the Indonesia caught onto my hook that I threw into the deep-sea.  I meant to do that to see if she really cared, and she does.  My best friend, on the other hand, doesn’t give a damn.  So, that’s the end of that.  All the best!  At the same time, there are plenty worthier “friends” that are much more deserving.

And as I was typing the above paragraph, guess who messaged me? The Indian.  This is the universe we live in.  What you speak about and talk about — you bring about.  Always remember that!

Use an app.  I mean you’re a woman, so it’s incredibly difficult to meet nice men in the world who aren’t after you for the sacred nectar.  On the other hand, I don’t meet women in Thailand because it’s always a one-way street and dead-end most of the time.  I use different apps and go to exotic countries to get new perspectives.  On top of that, start writing down the goals and things you’re trying to achieve in the New Year!

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/q-a-friendship-woes

Bangkok CBD vs. The Outskirts – Where Did It All Go Wrong?

Breezy day walking with a student on the newly labeled “skywalk,” a bridge that stretches and connects some of the finest shopping plazas in all of Southeast Asia. On this bridge you have a concoction of families, business women, and people of all nationalities, cultures and backgrounds. After seeing maybe 500 people, not one of them gave me a dirty look, held their nose, gripped their purse firmly, or looked away. 

Better yet, these women, who were unbelievably beautiful, would smile. 

There’s a new establishment just outside Chidlom’s BTS Skytrain station.  I was waltzing around, trying to find a place to chow down before heading back to the “outskirts” (soon-to-be-explained), and I came across a place.  This place, called Beer Republic, wasn’t opening just yet.  I took off and came back a couple of days later and it was a delight.  Sitting around Singaporean, Thai, Russian, Indian and all other ethnicities, who were professionals, was absolutely amazing.  Having them glance over and smile at me? Sounds like a fantasy.  Heck, some of you right now are probably scratching your head saying, “that’s anywhere.”  Unfortunately, not for me.  Well, at least not what I’ve experienced the last four years.  

I just moved into my new condo and people held doors open for me (absolutely never happens to me), smiled, great service, said excuse me, and again….no dirty looks.

The Other Side

If you do a trek from the edge of town pass the other international airport named Don Meung, you’ll find yourself in a completely territory.  It’s like riding on the freeway in Los Angeles and getting off at Compton.  You can go from a half-ass suburb, to sheer hell within a couple of miles.

First of all, stepping into the minivan is disgraceful – all other passengers are staring at me to see if I’m going to sit next to them.  When I do, they scoot as far as they can up against the window so they can avoid being touched by me.

Once I get out and cross the bridge, women see me and take two big steps to the side while clutching their purse for dear life.  Some give me disgusting looks.  Others would rather stare at a blank wall than look at me — before passing by to look straight again.  It’s like the 2014 situation all over again (and the beginning of my Tedx) where women saw me, got up, and scrambled everywhere until I left.

These are the extremes of Thailand.  A lot of you are asking, “well, why are you still there?”  The sex-tourists asked me that all the time on twitter just a couple years ago when I would communicate with…..them…..for whatever reason.  Well, I knew that somewhere someone would accept who I am.

Well, I found that place.

And it’s absolutely amazing.

However, why are there such extremes here?

Wheel of Life: Merry Christmas! The Most Successful Year of My Life!

MERRY CHRISTMAS to ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE AROUND THE WORLD!

Yes, did it in caps because it’s a big deal.

Guys and gals, Christmas is celebrated in some cultures as a religious holiday, but I celebrate it as a day to live, love, and laugh.  I don’t go to church, nor do I have a religion.  My religion is universal (like the universe) unity.  I try to spread as much love into the atmosphere as possible…..so for those of you with different customs, cultures, creed and other things, don’t let people say to you, “you can’t celebrate Christmas because it’s a Christian holiday.”  No, it’s a holiday at the end of the year whereas you can look back and enjoy how much you’ve progressed.

This year has been a year of change, progression, obstacles, and unbelievable rewards.  If I talk about countries I’ve traveled to, it’s been the biggest success in my life.  Personal development has definitely been the best EVER.  Career, although with the current blockage going on for the next couple of weeks, has been on the rise.  How so? Because life doesn’t revolve just around a primary job.  My podcast, YouTube, speaking, writing, etc., has gone up significantly.  Better yet, let me just break down each one by category.

Career – 9.5

I think the majority of this came at around May when I began to rebel against the primary “job.”  I felt that the job had gone stagnant.  It was the same thing happening over and over.  Same bs wage while the upper folks make hundreds of thousands/millions of baht….so then I got a phone call.  That “thing” was accepted, that lead to two projects, that’s leading to two massive projects in back-to-back months (February).  Just get this – everyone.  If I hadn’t accept that job on the weekend, I wouldn’t have gotten all these opportunities to begin with.  That moment they told me they had someone of power….I hurried to say, “ok.”  I accepted it, and I had to battle with this lose-ended, primary job (pretty much finished) to keep it.  That lead to three massive projects throughout the year that lead me to million baht earners.

Enough with that.  Podcast? I think over 100 countries listened to me worldwide.  YouTube? So many countries tune into my videos around the world.  Book? Twitter? Instagram? Interviewing people all over America? CHECKS ALL AROUND!

Hobbies & Fun – 8.5

It wasn’t even the Tough Mudder, Spartan Race (2x), and going to Maldives that made this an 8.5, but it was more of the decision that I made just a few weeks ago, cancelling a morning class to be around entrepreneurs and great people. I’ve been neglecting “fun” in my diet for so long.  I would work 9 hours on Saturday and Sunday, but ultimately make the same wage for the last four years? I mean I had no idea I can work two hours in Bangkok and make the same wage in 2 there compared to 9 in the outskirts.  So, now that my time is free(ing) up, and now that I’m preparing for my new life, I’m definitely going to incorporate “fun” into my life next year on a routine basis.  Now, does that mean going out? Nope. I hate going out unless it’s a business meeting and socializing to make connections.  I’m talking about meeting likeminded people and having time to myself and for my my projects.  No more 8-11 hour days on garbage wages.  It’s time for 2-4 hour days and have the rest of the day to do big things.  Nonetheless, It’s beginning to happen!

Wealth – 9.5

Look, I was able to to go back to America, travel to Sedona, layovers in Korea, Singapore and Japan, Maldives, Malaysia, do two Spartan races while staying at the Sheraton for the first time in my life.  These are massive accomplishments; and with all of with being stated, I still have the most saved up at the end of the year at any point in my life.

Yes, Crypto currency is what I’m going to start looking into to top off the year (so I have extra money on the side), but the wealth will come when I start looking.  Well, that has come and gone.  Why?  I realized that I can get paid 450% more per hour working in Bangkok then my current job.  I want to make more money in less time.  If I can work two-hours a day, amassing a total of a nine-hour work day at my present job, it’s time to go!

Big ideas, projects, jobs, and places to grow is coming up!

Personal Development – 9.5

Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Stop Worrying & Start Living’ helped the HELL out of me this year.  I’m going to tell you why.  If I think about the current job situation going on – the company having a ‘secret santa’ without me, although they employ some of the most malicious teachers….what’s the worse that can happen? They fire me, and then my work permit automatically cancels and I can begin the new life at the beginning of the year.  That worse case scenario is a golden case scenario.

Physical Environment – 9.0

Because I was able to take the risk of be ostricized at my present workplace, I was rewarded with three massive projects, two unique students, and the teaching of millionaires.  This is what made my physical environment skyrocket.  The things that happened the way they did were suppose to happen.  Because they did, I decided to move to a very gorgeous area of Bangkok.  If I can just sit here and close my eyes, envisioning how it would be spending Christmas at my old condo, I would be depressed.  Same neighborhood, same people, same lifestyle.  Enough was enough…and now I just went running down these gorgeous streets where everyone was smiling.  It’s out there, people.  You just have to search for it.

Health – 8.5

Tough Mudder in Phoenix, Spartan Super in Malaysia, Spartan Sprint in Chon Buri, Thailand.  My body has transformed, I workout at the best gym ever and I’m around a supporting cast of people, and now that I’m living in my new place, I cook more often because I have an AMAZING kitchen.

Family & Friends – 4

This category took a massive hit.  From a best friend completely disappearing on me after cancelling my trip, to two individuals who I thought were developing friends vanishing.  What to do in the new year? In the podcast. 

Romantic Relationships – X

Although I did have a couple of opportunities this year to make something happened, it ultimately failed on me.  Funny stories in the podcast down below!

 

Podcast

The Sexual Mask: Part II

Chris Lee, a brilliant transformational coach, said this in Lewis Howes podcast: “Every boy in America learns by the time they’re in junior high school to associate masculinity with issues of sexual conquest. What’s it mean to be a man? It means you can bring some young girl alongside of yourself and then use her. Use her to either gratify some kind of physical need, or use her to validate some kind of masculine insecurity. That certainly does not make you a man—it makes you a user of other human beings.”

I won’t point at any cultures and not make this religious, but there are certain religions that women are treated as just objects.  They can’t do half the things men can do.  Boys rights, at the ages of 13-15, are much higher than those of women.  That’s the terrifying aspect of I guess “sexism,” but at the same time, Chris Lee is basically saying that when it comes to adolescence, everything begins to change.

I even recall this kid named Jonathan talking about the female reproductive organ in a song he was rapping — in the sixth grade! He was talking about how much he loved it.  He was 12! I didn’t even know what it was, to be honest!

Lewis Howes, hilariously, talked about in his book that he had an uncontrollable erection.  My sweet craving days have been with me for a long time, but like sweets, Lewis Howes had erections.  He would have to walk around the school with his shirt untucked because he was afraid of people seeing it.  I thought it was hilarious, but at the same time, we’ve all been through that stage.  Were there times in high school that I had a staring problem — followed by an arousal problem? Of course!

However, I didn’t have a father figure in my life after 1999.  In the dawn of the millennium, I remember seeing my brother watch a movie that had a sex scene in it.  Because I was so naive, I asked myself “what is he doing to her?”  LOL!

I remember seeing magazines scattered in the park, opening them, and seeing the female reproductive organ before saying to myself, “that’s interesting!” Another “LOL!”

The first time I ever made out was sophomore year of high school.  I had no idea what was happening, but it went on for a long time.  That escalated over a month and it came to me and the same girl being in the middle of the school, at night, and her saying, “LET ME SEE IT!”  I was embarrassed.  NO WAY!

My mom, like most mothers, never sat me down and said, “ok, Arsenio.  This is this…if you do this without this, you’re in trouble.” Hahaha. It just never happened.

This is the same story that revolves around Neil Strauss.

“So what happens is you go through puberty at age 13, and then for the next 8 years in my case, there’s this thing that can make you a man, but you don’t own it or possess it. Someone else either has to give it to you or share it with you, and the longer you don’t get it, the less of a man you feel like. I remember my friend, who was like my only friend in school, we called ourselves the “v-club” because we were both virgins. The whole experience created this incredible gulf between me and women, and me and manhood, and it built up this huge desire.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Psychologist from two prominent universities in America published an article 10 years ago….

“In the article, the authors recognized that college-age men, especially in fraternities, who failed to meet the stereotypical definitions of masculinity (men kind of like Neil) were more likely to turn to more negative forms of male socialization in order to play catch-up in the male world. That meant binge drinking, fighting, and casual sex with lots of partners.
The problem with this—besides the obvious risk of disease or enraged exes—is if you don’t get past this phase, you end up just feeling empty. Or worse, you get stuck in the cycle.”

Fraternities, with all respect, are the worst.  Sorry.  I’ve seen it first hand (not being in one, but being at parties where they hosted), and it’s all about who can have sex.  I mean let’s even look at it from a clubbing aspect.  Why do women and men go to the club? Honestly, I really want you to think about it.  To drink copious amounts of alcohol while enduring in blaring music? Come on.

I had one friend say a while back, “I go there to dance with my friends.”  Ummm….you would go to a club late at night to dance with friends instead of sleeping?

Possible — if insanity is involved.

Every woman Neil saw he fantasized of jumping in bed with them; if it was in an airplane, or even at the park.  It controlled him so much that he had to check-in to  a rehab center for sexual habits.  The sexual mask had completely taken over his life.

“What I thought was freedom really wasn’t freedom. The freedom was in the commitments. But if you think about it, “Okay I’m gonna be single or unattached, or I’m just gonna be able to do whatever I want,” it’s like a bird that’s not able to land; it gets exhausting. And going through the processes, by which I was actually able to kind of get rid of my baggage and be intimate in a relationship and not feel trapped, just opened up everything.”

Podcast

 

 

Lewis Howes: The Sexual Mask – Introduction

Around Sukhumvit Soi 4 there are a number of stands selling bootlegged electronics, clothes, and even sexual toys.  On these dilapidated sidewalks are hundreds of sex tourists stalking out their prey.  Sadly enough, their prey are just next to these stands – small bars with music and about three girls wearing very little and shaking their boobs, lunging out trying to grab their potential customers’ hands.

There are alleys, side-streets, bars, clubs, and everything else that applies that fulfils the needs of these men who have come from all parts of the world to deep-dive into a sexual trance.

Welcome to my world.

Is all of Thailand like this? No. There are gorgeous, poshy areas just up the road; and there are some excellent business districts where working class Thais live.  However, from where I work now, to the individual I ran into just a couple weeks ago talking about: “hey, I had sex with this girl and that girl — oh, wait, my girlfriend is calling me.”  This is what drives most foreign men to insanity — the constant need of sexual fulfillment.

Lewis Howes talked about a man named Neil Strauss in his book.  This is an individual who created a book in terms of becoming a “pick-up artist.”  He was, and probably continues to be that master.  He found himself in the middle of a “free-for-all” sex party in the heart of Paris.  A woman approached him and said, “I just want ________ in me.”

Neil went on to quote with Lewis Howes: This is the kind of woman I fantasized about as a teenager: an indiscriminate one. And more than anything I’ve experienced so far, this seems like free sex—because there’s no spiritual baggage, drug baggage, or even much relationship baggage around it. In fact, there’s no baggage or encumbrances whatsoever, just randomly intersecting body parts.”

That was the beginning of his downfall.  What he thought was going to be a utopia in the states after coming back – turned into a nightmare with three jealous ex’s.

“When Neil began writing The Game, he was, by his own admission, a sexual amateur. Worse than that, he was what he calls an AFC (average frustrated chump). The story is his introduction to the secret society of “pickup artists”—men who make finding and sleeping with lots of women their primary purpose in life, like a game. Strauss told his editor that he wanted to write about this community because it was interesting. In reality, he was tired of being alone and feeling like a loser. At one sad point in his life, Neil had even considered finding a mail-order bride. He tells the story of having been on the road with the band Mötley Crüe for a book he was writing and not even getting a kiss from a single girl. By almost every definition of what it means to be a “man” in America, Neil felt like a failure and was less than guys who were having lots of sex.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

And this is what I see everyday of my life here in Thailand.  Is it the ultra-successful group I’m engaged in at my gym? No, but I used to be a part of a relationships where one of my colleagues would invent lies about him sleeping with dozens of women per week while having a wife – or was it?

It’s like what I see now.  Several months ago I saw an anglo-foreigner holding hands with a 20 year old university student while all Thais watched, aghast. Just two months ago I saw what a appeared to be a 70-year-old homeless man, his 45-year-old son, and a 15-year-old girl in a restaurant.  I was flabbergasted at the fact that Thais thought it was normal, but what I was witnessing was two older men touching a girl and scooting even closer to her in the horseshoe-type sitting area.

This is what makes me furious.  From the men that come here to buy/marry a wife, to one’s who come here to engage in pedaphilia….because they’re “anglo,” it’s still considered “ok.”

And, then, when Arsenio Buck applies for jobs online, they quickly ask for a photo to see the complexion of my skin, resulting in a quick decision not to hire me because I’m colored.

Going back to Neil Strauss’ Story.  Men think sleeping with a number of women at the same time is considered to be “cool.”  Neil Strauss slept with scores of women, as most 25-30-year-old anglo men would do here in Thailand, and became the number one pick-up guy in the world.

Is that a nice title to have?

Lewis Howes says, “you might think that you want that, but you’re wrong.”

Podcast

 

Teemaree Podcast Interview From A Couple of Months Ago – Still My Favorite

Still one of my favorite podcast interviews I’ve done.  Since I’ve hit the milestone of podcasts interviews (the Big 5), I’m now reposting this one (not sure if I even did a blog on it), which was an unbelievable pleasure.

Teemaree, being an author and now taking her acting very seriously, was just a human being emanating with so much love and wisdom.  Her book titled love for you now is on amazon and talks about affirmations.  Affirmations that we sometimes don’t know we have, but we do.

Remember, affirmations can be good or bad, and we normally re-affirm to ourselves negative self-talk over and over everyday and we don’t even realize it.

One of those re-affirming affirmations for me was, “Thai women hate black men and Thai women are racist.”  For the first two years, and even seeping into 2016, I destroyed my image completely.  However, before I came here, I met a dozen friends online (here in Thailand) and befriended some pretty awesome people in the first few months.  After the events had taken place the way they did in southeast Thailand, I decided to go to an even more racially plagued province (not knowing it was), and the idea of being “black” in the most “anti-black” country on the planet succumbed me for the next two years.

Now? Was that all true? Absolutely not…but because of the amount of passion I put being those negative affirmations, it become true.  Here’s the interview with Teemaree!