How To Criticize — And Not Be Hated For It

Is it possible? Perhaps!

“Charles Schwab was passing though one of his steel mills one day at noon when he came across some of his employees smoking. Immediately above their heads was a sign that said “No Smoking.” Did Schwab point to the sign and say, “Can’t you read?” Oh, no not Schwab. He walked over to the men, handed each one a cigar, and said, “I’ll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these on the outside.” They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule—and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important. Couldn’t keep from loving a man like that, could you?”

Excerpt From: Dale Carnegie. “How to Win Friends & Influence People.”

Pretty smart, right? How often do we find ourselves in shouting matches with people at our local convenience stories? Working up a sweat and raising your blood pressure only to see that “enemy” smiling while waving ‘goodbye.’  They win, you lose.

As human beings, we’re quick to criticize.  I was recently killing my brain cells while watching useless MMA YouTube videos. While I was watching some of these videos, I would see the MMA fighters not only lacking confidence, but blaming reporters for the “stirring” up of everything.  I like the Marshawn Lynch and Richard Sherman approach of everything.

The lady tries to criticize him and he asks her follow-up questions to question her credibility.  This is an excellent way with dealing with critics in general.

Marshawn just completely ignores them by saying, “yes.” I find it amusing.

“Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child’s careless attitude toward studies, we might say, “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.”
In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word “but.” He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies.
This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and.” “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”
Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because there was no follow-up of an inference of failure. We have called his attention to the behavior we wished to change indirectly, and the chances are he will try to live up to our expectations.”

Dale Carnegie wrote this in his book and it couldn’t have been more true.

 

October = 75% of 2017 Is Finished

Today is the first day of October – in Thailand. Man, what a wonderfully and massively successful year it’s been for me. I followed up every month by doing my wheel of life to see if all categories are being fulfilled and if I have a balance. This year is a third done, but did any of you repeat what you did this year compared to years past?

One of the biggest problems in western society is that notorious “New Years Resolution” list; compiled of a lot of things they’re looking to resolve. The “I want to lose weight,” being a conditional; meaning it’s in the future and it will always be in the future. People being on course to get things done but just fall off. So, why do people replicate it over and over?

Everything is formed by thought, and thought turns into habit. Think about it this way, things that are on ‘auto-pilot’ (or what I would believe is on auto-pilot) are things such as going to the bathroom, brushing your teeth, taking a shower. However, society never nurtured the mind. A lot of people use their mind like a trash dumpster, listening to all the negative opinions of others. 

Since the end of 2017 is vastly approaching, I know people are saying, “I can’t wait until 2017 is over.”  Well, when 2017 ends, you’re going to repeat the same habitual problems as you did in previous years…in 2018. If you keep on using the conditional “I will, I want, if only…” all your goals and ambitions will forever be in the future out of grasp. 

Re-evaluate your life right now and ask yourself, “was this year different from last year?”  Because if it wasn’t, you’re like the 80-95% of human beings on this planet going through life without a chief-aim. 

Hard love! 

Negative Opinions About “The Secret”

When the secret was first introduced to the world back in 2006, I was unaware of it until 2007.  I still remember that day like it was yesterday, because I ended up attracting to me my father, who I hadn’t seen in the previous six years of my life, on the bus.  Within an hour after finishing the movie, I narrowly got onto a bus where my father entered just two stops later.  I snugged my head between my legs and said, “nope, I’m not saying a damn thang to that fool!”

Within an hour I realized how I can attract individuals into my life.  About a month later, I got into a shouting party with my brother because he unwittingly demeaned everything about the secret saying, “the universe? Ahh hell nah. That s***s too crazy for me” in dumb downed rhetoric.  My friend Ty, who’s attending Harvard’s Dental School at this very moment, came between us and a war of fists.

Why am I bringing up these two situations that coincide with each other? Well, I saw someone by the name of Gary V ranting in front of a crowd about how ‘The Secret’ is bs.  Now, you have to remember that criticizing others beliefs, differences, cultural backgrounds and opinions is a gateway to a fierce argument.  I always tell my listeners that you can be a believer in god, allah, buddha, or anything you want – what you must do, though….is accept others opinions – regardless if you believe it to be right or wrong.

He went on to say that “being positive is the key”…but being positive is also cultivated from the mind, which has created so much of what’s around us.  On top of that, the mind is energy, and energy is the universe.  This is exactly what ‘The Secret’ is.

I won’t go on a long disagreement, but remember, never let people use auto-suggestion to dictate your beliefs.  If I was weak, I would’ve allowed myself to believe his opinion and do away with what’s written in my essence.  This is the destroyer of so many futures because we listen to other people and create our beliefs around it.

Believe in what you believe in and don’t let someone else say otherwise.

The Truth About Affirmations

One of my students said earlier, “why do you always say you’re handsome? That you eat alone? That you love yourself?”

I retorted in the grandest of fashions – stating the hate opinions I’ve received that formulated a pseudo reality that I wasn’t able to escape from for several years.

The pain, which I’ve talked about so many times, was unbearable.  The opinions of Thai people; yes, that “land of smiles” turned “land of hate”……turned into my dominant thought.  Therefore, everyday I went on that pity party; I pointed fingers at everyone saying, “you must hate black men.”  Everyone who gave me an ambiguous look was portrayed as a racist through my eyes.

It wasn’t until I started reading Lisa Nichols ‘Abundance Now’ book…only to realize that those particularly demonic opinions of me became my blueprint.  Every time I had an opportunity, I would go on that “ain’t it awful” whiney b**** party and talk about how bad Thai people were.  What happened after that? I attracted to me some of the worst snakes in all of the free world (the wife and girlfriend tourists) that tried doing everything to ruin my life.

So, I decided to change that destructive habit.  That reaffirming negative thought that I spewed like toxic everyday – even subconsciously.  I needed to reinstill the belief in myself that ‘yes,’ I am a wonderfully handsome man that was put on this planet to bring so much more value and true worth to people across the planes of six continents.  And so it began.  I constantly berate my front office staff everyday about me being handsome….and remember, they might think about it in a conceit way, but it doesn’t matter what they think or say about me.  I was in a battle of my life just 2 years ago.  I had women from Thai Airways threaten to “blacklist” me and also told me that she would “stick the dogs on me” for whatever reason.  This is what happens when you reaffirm negative thoughts continuously over a long period of time.  You attract heinous people into your life with an insidiously malicious agenda.

I’m pledging to you now to change your language.  Tell the world who you REALLY are, not the opinions you’ve accepted from other people-turned vision you see through your own eyes.

Change it, or you’ll be changed.

Final Book Review: Dale Carnegie’s How To Stop Worrying & Start Living + Podcasts

Ladies & gents, we have reached our last podcast and full review of one of the most awe-inspiring and life-transforming books in the market.  The best kept secret.  A book that was written over 70 years ago has changed the way I approach situations now.  For those of you who have followed me podcast-by-podcast on this extraordinarily long journey, special thanks to all of you! This is the end, and for those of you who are just tuning in, here are my favorite fundamentals + podcasts!

Principle #1 – Live In “Day-Tight Compartments”

“Our main business is not to se what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.” – Thomas Carlyle

It’s funny I put that quote because at the time, I was in a relationship.  A relationship whereas we weren’t very sure about the future.  Writing this now that relationship ended, but the both of us did so in an agreement since she’s moving abroad to study piano pedagogy and my future is here in Asia.  She listened to this particular podcast down below and asked me at the gym, “I think we should live in day-tight compartments and stop worrying about the what if.” That what if did become reality, but we’re venturing out on magnificent journeys now.

Principle #3 – What Worry May Do To You 

There was a study done years ago on 15,000 patients which were treated for stomach disorders at the Mayo Clinic.  Four out of five patients had no physical basis whatever for their stomach illnesses.  Fear, worry, hate, selfishness, and the inability to adjust themselves to the world of reality were largely the causes of their stomach illnesses.

Principle #7 – Don’t Let The Beetles Get You Down

Back in 1945, under 276 feet of water, a Japanese mine layer began dropping depth charges on us.  Six depth charges exploded all around us and pushed us down to the ocean floor – a depth of 276 feet.  We were terrified.  To be attacked in less than a thousand feet of water is dangerous – less than five hundred is almost fatal.  And we were being attacked in more than half of five hundred feet of water.  For fifteen hours, bombs went off relentlessly until the mine layer exhausted its supply of charges.  My life was passed by me in review.  I remembered all of the bad things I’ve done as a child.  From my wife nagging at me, to my boss complaining at a job I absolutely hated.  I was worried when I got a scar on my forehead – a nasty cut from an auto accident.

Funny how big all those worries seemed years ago! I promised myself then and there if I ever saw the sun and the stars again, I would never, never worry again. NEVER!

Principle #8 – A Law That Will Outlaw Many of Your Worries

From Bangkok-Phuket, and from Honolulu-Maui, I’ve been apart of some of the scariest plane rides imaginable that literally “up the ante” on how scared I was of flying.

When I was a child, I saw the planes hit the towers.  5 years later, I got on my first ever plane ride from Las Vegas to Phoenix to check out a college and boy, I was in tears while my friend slept.  What am I trying to say, the averages of a plane going down, especially in America, is unbelievably minute.

Principle #10 – Put A “Stop-loss” Order On Your Worries

Two years ago, I had two friends: Mook and Ploy.  These two individuals were notorious for showing up hours late, and I would just sit there, looking like a clown, as if they were actually going to show up.

Two years later I came across this particular chapter and said, “man, if only I had known this at the time! I would’ve given them a 10 minute grace period before taking off instead of hanging around for an hour!”

Principle #16 – Find Yourself and Be Yourself: Remember, There Is No One Else On Earth Like You

Your hair, freckles, weight, color, height, gender, nationality….doesn’t matter.  These are all labels that society has given us.  However, there will never be another Arsenio Buck, and there will never be another YOU! Yes, the reader of this blog….so you have one life, and I dare you to go roaring in the dying of the light ‘Dylan Thomas Quote.”

Another notable podcasts to listen to

  • Don’t Try To Saw Sawdust
  • Eight Words That Can Transform Your Life
  • The High Cost of Getting Even
  • If You Do This, You Will Never Worry About Ingratitude
  • If You Have A Lemon, Make Lemonade
  • How To Cure Depression In Fourteen Days
  • Remember That No One Ever Kicks A Dead Dog
  • How To Add One Hour A Day To Your Waking Life
  • What Makes You Tired
  • How To Banish Boredom

And that’s it, folks! This has been a stellar ride filled with ups and downs and lots of chatter. I want to thank you guys so much for staying with me and remember, like it and share it if you find it valuable.

Next Book: Dale Carnegie’s How To Influence And Win People

STAY TUNED!

Some Stories On How You Can Conquer Worry – Dale Carnegie Excerpt

Six major troubles hit me all at once.

  1. My business college was trembling on the verge of financial disaster because all the boys were going to war; and most of the girls were making more money working in war plants without training than my graduates could make in business offices with training.
  2. My older son was in service, and I had the heart-numbing worry coming to all parents whose sons were away at war.
  3. Oklahoma City had already started proceedings to condemn a large track of land for an airport, and my home – formerly my father’s home – was located in the center of this tract.  I knew that I would be paid only one tenth of its value.
  4. The water well on my property went dry because a drainage canal had been dug near my home.  To dig a new well would be throwing five hundred dollars away because the land was already being condemned.  I had to carry water to my livestock in buckets every morning for two months, and I feared I would have to continue it during the rest of the war.
  5. I lived ten miles away from my business school and had a class B gasoline card: that meant I couldn’t buy any new tires, so I worried about how I could ever get to work when the super annotated tired on my old Ford gave up the ghost.
  6. My oldest daughter had graduated form high school  year ahead of schedule.  She had her heart set on going to college, and I just didn’t have the money to send her.  I knew her heart would be broken.

This specific individual went on to say that one afternoon while sitting in his office, worrying about his worries, he decided to write them all down for it seemed no one ever had more to worry about than he had.  He could do nothing to solve them.  So he decided to write them down and file them away.  Months went on and he had forgotten that the list even existed.  Eighteen months later he went through his files and there was the list that he wrote 1.5 years earlier.  Well, the problems solved themselves.

  1. I saw that all my worries about having to close my business college had been useless because the government had started paying business schools for training veterans and my school was soon filled to capacity.
  2.  I saw that all my worries about my son in service had been useless; he was coming through the war without a scratch.
  3.  I saw that all my worries about my land being condemned for use as an airport and been useless because oil had been struck within a mile of my farm and the cost of procuring the land for an airport thad become prohibitive.
  4. I saw that all my worries about having no well to water my stock had been also useless because, as soon as I knew my land would not be condemned, I spent my money necessary to dig a new well.
  5. I recapped my tires and managed how to survive.
  6. Sixty days before opening of college, I was offered – almost like a miracle – an auditioning job which I could do outside of school hours, and this job made it possible for me to send her to college on schedule.

I can turn myself into a shouting optimist within an hour!

One man said when he found himself depressed over his present conditions, he would, within an hour, banish worry and turn himself into an optimism.  How?

He read 20th century history for about an hour.  After that happened, he realized that bad as conditions were at the moment, they were infinitely better than they used to be.  This enabled him to see and face his present troubles in a much more proper perspective, as well as to realize that the world as a whole is constantly growing better.

Here is a method that deserves a whole chapter.  Read history! Try to get the viewpoint of ten thousand years – and see how trivial YOUR troubles are, in terms of eternity!

I was terribly depressed at one moment, and when I was, I forced myself to become physically active almost every hour of the day.  I played five or six sets of violent games of tennis every morning, then took a bath, had lunch, and played eighteen holes of golf every afternoon.  On Friday nights, I danced until one o’clock in the morning.  I am a great believer in working up a tremendous sweat.  I found that depression and worry oozed out of my system with the sweat.

Physical activity – which can involve any type of strenuous activity, allows you to take your mind off the present.

I am a great dismisser

When I turn from one task to another, I dismiss all thoughts of the problems I had been thinking about previously.  I find it stimulating and refreshing to turn from one activity to another.  It rests me.  It clears my mind.

I have had to school myself to dismiss all these problems from my mind when I close my office desk.  They are always continuing.  Each one always has a set of unsolved problems demanding my attention.  If I carried these issues home with me each night, and worried about them, I would destroy my health; and, in addition, I would destroy all ability to cope with them.

I was committing slow suicide because I didn’t know how to relax.

I used to rush through life in high gear.  I was always tense, never relaxed.  I arrived home from work every night worried and exhausted from nervous fatigue.  Why? Because no one ever said, “Paul, you’re killing yourself!”

Every since then I have practiced relaxation.  When I go to bed at night, I don’t try to go to sleep until I’ve consciously relaxed my body and my breathing.  And now I wake up in the morning rested – a big improvement, because I used to wake up in the morning tired and tense.  I relax and now when I eat and when I drive.

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/some-stories-on-how-you-can-conquer-worr

 

 

Four Good Working Habits That Will Help Prevent Fatigue

Good Working Habit #1: Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.

I remember someone told me, “if you walk into an office and see a man’s desk, you will know exactly what his mind is.”  In other words, if you go into an office and see a messy desk, you’re going to be dealing with someone with a messy mind.  A disorganized closet, home, car, etc….you know exactly what the person is.  My brother’s car was always filthy.  I want you to make a guess if he was fit or not? No.  He drank, and probably continues to drink almost on a nightly basis with a rapidly deteriorating lifestyle.

This is being brought up because someone else might be going through the same problem that my brother has gone through, and continues to go through today.  Without accepting someone’s help on alleviating the problem, it will fester and gradually grow into something you won’t be able to shake off.

Every morning I have my to-do list.  What are the things I need to do immediately in the morning? Respond to emails, post my inspirational message on my instagram (The Arsenio Buck Show), make sure everything is in place for my podcast, clothes are laid out and ready to go….etc.  This is of course after my meditation and priming.

Good Working Habit #2: Do Things In Order of Importance

Normally I delegate the task of washing, ironing and pressing my clothes to the lady down the road; however, I fall off on getting my clothes and let it spill over for a couple of days without collecting them.  That’s an issue.  I recall Tim Ferris saying, “what’s the one thing you can do out of ten things whereas if you do it, it makes everything much easier?” Do first things first! You will never see me writing a blog before a podcast in the morning.  The blog comes AFTER.

Good Working Habit #3: When You Have A Problem, Solve It Then & There

Too many people let things boil over to the next day.  I’m a victim of that.  There have been so many times when I didn’t confront someone about a problem and I ended up losing sleep.  What happened the next morning? I woke up up disgruntled and my day continued on in the same fashion.  Three months ago I couldn’t even focus in the gym without having an influx of thoughts about my current job come to mind – ultimately causing myself to lose motivation in the gym, which then lead to an explosion at work.  SOLVE PROBLEMS IMMEDIATELY

Good Working Habit #4: Learn To Organize, Deputize and Supervise

I recently heard a story from a friend that revolved around her ex-employer paying her late.  This is a travesty in the working world.  Another instance occurred, and continues to occur today which teachers at an international school in Thailand — get paid three months late.  The three above do not exist within that particular school.  As a director, if you don’t deputize and supervise, your school will end up losing it’s value.  Moreover, the students suffer the most.

These, of course, are just examples of how you can establish some good working habits.

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/four-good-working-habits-that-will-help-

Podcast Interviewee: Teemarie On Affirmations & Visualization

Now this was ABSOLUTELY one of my favorite podcast interviews I’ve done to this date.  After a ridiculous miscommunication on my end, we were able to start the podcast just after 8pm, and boy, did we deliver!

This woman, who’s an actor/writer/among so many other things, has an unfathomable amount of charisma, which I felt through my headphones.  The way she spoke and with the unbelievable amount of passion behind her words made this one of the most enjoyable and pleasurable one-hour podcasts I’ve done in my 1.5 years of doing this.

Affirmations

After speaking to her about writing down my 101 goals back in 2015, I went back to check out the goals (haven’t checked it since earlier in the year) and noticed that I achieved five more goals that I had written down two years ago.  How remarkable!

See, people don’t realize that the universe is for you. A lot of people believe that you have to “hustle” and work extremely hard to achieve anything….once you start figuring out energy fields, such as what Napoleon Hill wrote in the introduction of his book “Law of Success,” you’ll realize that we’re all balls of energy and you attract to you what you’re vibrating.

People re-affirm to themselves a lot of different thoughts everyday and they don’t even realize it.  We say affirmations frankly all day, but most of them are bad.  How can you switch it all around? Tune into the 50 minute interview down below!

 

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/teemaree-interview

5 Days In – Herbalife Probiotics Working Like A Charm!

With a video down below, I can’t be anymore happier to introduce you to the absolute wonder of probiotics and how it promotes a healthy gut.

12-19% Americans are constipated on a routine basis.  That’s literally between 50-60 million people, as Dr. Mark Hyman has said.  Some of my students say they go to the restroom twice a week, which is unbelievably alarming because if you have lifelong constipation, that could possibly increase the risks of intestinal cancer.

After eating almonds, avocados, raisins and so many other good fats and fiber, I still didn’t have the ultimate solution to relieving myself.

Well, five days in and this bad boy works like a CHARM!

YouTube Video

 

 

TOEFL: Part A – Part I – Incomplete Independent Clauses

For all of my students around the world tuning in to my  YouTube channel and blogs for test preparation help, here’s one on TOEFL.

I know a lot of people view my blogs for a number of things; whether it’s health related articles or personal development.  However, this particular blog is for several PhD students who have asked me to break down the TOEFL (which is widely known test for NES students who are trying to learn abroad) grammar section into small steps.

Because grammar in TOEFL is the same as ACT and SAT (or very near), I’m going to break down each category individually to help you understand the very basics in understanding Structure.

Introduction

This part of the test consists of fifteen incomplete sentences.  Some portion of each sentence has been replaced by a blank, so it’s up to you to figure out which one completes the sentence grammatically and logically.

On top of this, there are five main points tested.

Sentence Structure

  • Incomplete Independent Clauses
  • Independent Adjective clauses
  • Missing Participial Phrases
  • Missing Appositives
  • Adverb Clauses
  • Noun Clauses
  • Missing Prepositional Phrases

The other testing points consist of: word order, verbs & verbals, proper style, and word choice.

In the PDF down below I go over the basic simple, compound and complex sentence structuring along with independent clauses and a couple of examples.  I don’t want too much information overload on the first TOEFL blog, so stay updated for more coming this week. Consider this a warm-up.

TOEFL Part A – Incomplete Independent Clauses