How To Write A Letter To Win Someone

After reading extensively through this chapter of Dale Carnegie’s book, I realized that this particular area can be of immaculate service to those who follow my blog, and those who are here for the first time.

In relevance to my last blog, showing interest in other people is extremely important in terms of ethics.  So many of us have a tendency of focusing on our wants versus everyone else’s wants.  For example, when you’re providing service as a salesman, you never want to state the price and sale the product itself, instead….figure out a way how it could be of great service to the fellow samaritan.

With that being said, let’s get into a letter that was written in Dale Carnegie’s book.  The first letter is not the best, so we will revamp it and make it so that the reader will feel that they’re wanted by the sender.

The Letter

“The operations at our outbound-rail-receiving station are handicapped because a material percentage of the total business is delivered us in the late afternoon. This condition results in congestion, overtime on the part of our forces, delays to trucks, and in some cases delays to freight. On November 10, we received from your company a lot of 510 pieces, which reached here at 4:20 P.M.

We solicit your cooperation toward overcoming the undesirable effects arising from late receipt of freight. May we ask that, on days on which you ship the volume which was received on the above date, effort be made either to get the truck here earlier or to deliver us part of the freight during the morning?

The advantage that would accrue to you under such an arrangement would be that of more expeditious discharge of your trucks and the assurance that your business would go forward on the date of its receipt.


Very truly yours,

J——B——, Sup”

Excerpt From: Dale Carnegie. “How to Win Friends & Influence People.” iBooks.

It wasn’t until the end of the letter that the reader would be interested.  A lot of people are predisposed to pointing out the problems in the beginning, rather than the solutions.  Let’s see if there’s a way to look at it from a different angle, as Henry Ford has once said.

Your company has been one of our good customers for fourteen years. Naturally, we are very grateful for your patronage and are eager to give you the speedy, efficient service you deserve. However, we regret to say that it isn’t possible for us to do that when your trucks bring us a large shipment late in the afternoon, as they did on November 10. Why? Because many other customers make late afternoon deliveries also. Naturally, that causes congestion. That means your trucks are held up unavoidably at the pier and sometimes even your freight is delayed.

That’s bad, but it can be avoided. If you make your deliveries at the pier in the morning when possible, your trucks will be able to keep moving, your freight will get immediate attention, and our workers will get home early at night to enjoy a dinner of the delicious macaroni and noodles that you manufacture.

Regardless of when your shipments arrive, we shall always cheerfully do all in our power to serve you promptly.

You are busy. Please don’t trouble to answer this note.


Yours truly,
J——B——, Supt. ”

You see…that’s much better.

Let’s see if I ran relate to all of you.  There was a lady by the name of Barbara who was relocating from New York, to Phoenix, Arizona.  She, using the methods above, wrote a letter to 12 different banks (the work she was involved in) for a possible position.  This is what she wrote….

Dear Sir:

My ten years of bank experience should be of interest to a rapidly growing bank like yours.

In various capacities in bank operations with the Bankers Trust Company in New York, leading to my present assignment as Branch Manager, I have acquired skills in all phases of banking including depositor relations, credits, loans and administration.

I will be relocating to Phoenix in May and I am sure I can contribute to your growth and profit. I will be in Phoenix the week of April 3 and would appreciate the opportunity to show you how I can help your bank meet its goals.


Barbara L. Anderson

Now that’s sufficient enough.  Can you imagine how many responses she got? 11 out of the 12.  Why? The introductory paragraph of the letter was about them, not her.

Thousands of people are pounding away at pavements because they’re discourage.  This happens because they’re simply focusing on their wants.  Their money.  Themselves.  It’s never about the other people…and that’s why 90% of entrepreneurs fell in the first few years.

Start developing this skill and just put it to the test.  Your life will begin to change.


He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way.

There was a time back in 2007 when I went to Panguitch Lake, Utah – one of the most beautiful and serene places in the south of Utah at an elevation of 13,000 feet.  That day, I maxed out in catching trouts (maximum five big fish per person), and it was my first time fishing, too.  The amazing thing about it is was we were actually eating a variety of things in our small, wooden boat.  Can you imagine if I put some strawberries, crackers, or other types of human food on the end of my fishing rod – trying to bait the fish into eating it?  It wouldn’t work, would it? Same goes with life.  Why don’t we do that with the friends we want in our life?

There was a British Prime Minister by the name of Lloyd George who managed to stay on as a leader after the other wartime leaders.  When he was asked how he was able to do it, he simple stated this….

Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want.
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.

Look at it from a child’s perspective to really get some clarity.

When a child is simply that….a child, it could weep, shout, throw a tantrum among so many other things until it gets what it wants.  When you’re a parent, you have to fulfill the child’s request, because if you don’t, the severity of the situation will intensify.

However, when the child grows older; and life slaps him upside the head, he realizes that he can no longer get what he wants because parents begin to say, “you’re selfish. Shut up! Sit down! You’re making me mad! Stop thinking about only you.”

Is this how humanity is suppose to work? Do parents say these things because the child needs to grasp their head around the fact that it’s not always about what they want?

Every letter we get in the mail, especially in terms of bills, is about what the other person or company wants.  From past due, to requests.  It’s always about what they want but nothing about what we want.

It’s time to learn how to start handling people based on their wants, not YOU.

Podcast 1:

Podcast 2:

The Seven Deadly Horsemen

The worst enemy that any man has is the one that walks around under his own hat.  If you could see yourself as others, you would see the enemies that you harbour in your own personality might be discovered and thrown out.  The Seven Enemies named in this essay are the commonest which ride millions of men and women to failure without being discovered.  Weigh yourself carefully and find out how many of the seven you are harbouring.

Intolerance, has killed more people, destroyed more friendships and created more war on this planet than the other six horsemen combined!

If you look at what happened during the 20th century with endless wars and the advancement of something called “communism,” it was a world phenomenon.  Everyone wanted power in the world: Hitler, Stalin, Zedong, Pol Pot…..they suffered from one of the deadliest horsemen in humanity.

Greed is an enemy that America is so familiar with….going all the way back to the Great Depression, and recently what happened in 2008.  People are accumulating massive amounts of money which they’ll never spend in their lifetime.

Egoism, obviously when man thinks he’s a step ahead of everyone else, is a widespread phenomenon.  In my podcast, I talk about how there are people who go to southeast Asia to engage in dehumanization, which is what so many people are suffering from (men) in present day, especially here in Thailand.


Enthusiasm Creed

Through the aid of Auto-suggestion, any person can build a sound character, no matter what his past has been.  As a fitting close for this lesson, I wish to emphasize the fact that all who have character have enthusiasm and personality sufficient to draw to them others who have character.

You will now be instructed as to how you should proceed in developing enthusiasm, in the event that you do not already possess this rare quality.

The instructions will be simple, but you will be unfortunate if you discount their value on that account.

First: Complete and follow the remaining lessons of this course, which I make in podcasts and blog forms, because other important instructions which are to be co-ordinated with this one will be found in the subsequent lessons.

Second: If you haven’t already done so, write out your definite chief aim in clear, simple language, and follow this by writing out the plane through which you intend to transform your aim into reality.

Third: Read over the description of your definite chief aim each night, just before retiring, and as you read, see yourself (in your imagination) in full possession of the object of your aim.  Do this with full faith in your ability to transform your definite chief aim into reality.  Read aloud, with all the enthusiasm at your command, emphasising every word.  Repeat this reading until the small still voice within you tells you that your purpose will be realized.  Sometimes you will feel the effects of this voice from within the first time you read your definite chief aim; while at other times, you may have to read it a dozen or fifty times before the assurance comes, but do not stop until you feel it.


Enthusiasm + Creed

I will repeat again, “the human mind is a marvelous piece of machinery!”

One of the most outstanding characteristics are the impressions which reach it, either through outside suggestion or auto-suggestion.  The negative impressions could be stores away, all in one portion of the brain, while the positive impressions are stored in another portion.  When one of these impressions is called into the conscious mind, through the principle of memory, there is a tendency to recall with it all others of a similar nature, just as the raising of one link of a chain brings up others links with it.

For example, anything that causes a feeling of doubt to arise in a person’s mind is sufficient enough to call forth all of his experiences which caused him to become doubtful.

If I’m engaged in a conversation with someone I met online and my instinct begins talking to me, that’s because my guards are being raised and I ultimately reminisce what happened the last time I was in a situation similar to the one that was taking place.

If a man is asked by a stranger to cash a check, immediately he remembers having cashed checks that were not good, or of having heard of others who did so.

Through the law of association all similar emotions, experiences, and sense impressions that reach the mind are filed away together, so that the recalling of one has a tendency to bring back to memory all the others.

Take the feeling of fear, for example; the moment we permit a single emotion that is related to fear to reach the conscious mind, it calls with it all the relations.

You need to deliberately place in your own mind, through the principle of Auto-suggestion, the ambition to succeed through the aid of a definite chief aim, and notice how quickly all of your latent or undeveloped ability in the nature of past experiences will become stimulated and aroused to action in your behalf.

There are a few things I want you to read aloud and do this daily either before you get out of bed, or before you retire at night.

I do not believe that i can afford to try to deceive anyone, about anything, but I know that I cannot afford to try to deceive myself.  To do so would destroy the power of my pen and render my words ineffective.  It is only when I write with the fire of enthusiasm burning in my heart that my writing impresses others favourably; and it is only when I speak from a heart that is bursting with belief in my message, that I can move my audience to accept that message.

There have been times, and many of them, when it appeared that if I stood by this principle it would mean starvation.

There have been times when my closest friends, and business advisers have strongly urge me to shade my philosophy for the sake of gaining a needed advantage here and there, but somehow I have managed to cling to it, mainly, I suppose, for the reason that I have preferred peace and harmony in my own heart to the material gain that I might have had by a forced compromise with my conscience.

Strange as it may seem, my deliberations and conclusions on this subject of refusing to strange my own conscience have seldom been based upon what is commonly called “honesty.”  That which I have done in the matter of refraining from writing or speaking anything that I did not believe has been solely a question of honor.

Also, read the following law aloud because it embraces a great law that you must understand and apply before you can become a person of influence.

In making these requests, for the sake of emphases, I am not trying to take undue liberties with you.  I am giving you full credit for being an adult, a thinker, an intelligent person, yet I know how likely you are to skip over these vital laws without being sufficiently impressed by them to make them a part of your own workaday philosophy.  I know you weakness because i know my own.  It has required the better part of twenty-five years of ups and downs – mostly downs – to impress these basic truths upon my own mind so that they influenced me.  I have tried both them and their opposites; therefore, I can speak, not as one who merely believes in their soundness, but as one who knows.


The Big Secret of Dealing With People

There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.

Unless you have a gun to someone’s ribcage, threatening to blow them away to kingdom come, people want to feel gratitude.

Appreciation means everything in the world.  And like most of you out there, appreciation seems like it was forgotten long ago.

Well, for most of us…that’s how we feel.  What do you really want? Here, let me make a shortlist.

1. Health and the preservation of life
2. Food
3. Sleep
4. Money and the things money will buy
5. Life in the hereafter
6. Sexual gratification
7. The well-being of our children
8. A feeling of importance
Do any of these relate?  Almost all these wants are usually gratified—all except one. But there is one longing—almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep—which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls “the desire to be great.” It is what Dewey calls the “desire to be important.

If we look at it from a materialistic aspect, athletes push their bodies to the limit so they can hold that trophy at the end of the season – in whichever sport of their endeavor.  This massive distinction is what separates human beings from animals.  If you look at the Kentucky Derby, for instance, who’s more happier about winning the race? Who’s more happier about the silverware at the end: the man or the horse? Thought so.

People want to feel that type of love and appreciation because we’re emotional beings.  Have you ever walked into a place and asked everyone how long they’d been working there, only to find out that everyone had been there for more than 20 years?  There was a dental office in Las Vegas where there was one assistant, and one lady….both who amounted more than 50 years of experience.

Whatever the dentist was or is doing, it’s working.  Sincere appreciation.

If there’s a class of 30 students, 26 of them passing a test that was recently given, what is the teacher more predisposed to doing? Scolding those who failed or hailing those who achieved? This is the problem with society.  We’re unable to show appreciation to one another and that’s part of the Golden Rule.

Podcast: Part 1 –

Podcast: Part 2 –

Enthusiasm – Part II

Auto-suggestion is incredible because it leaves the strongest impression on the mind.  With suggestion, you can make yourself sick, and unsick.  Don’t believe me? Here’s a story.

In a little town where Napoleon Hill was born… there was an old lady who would constantly complain about dying of cancer – a fear she faced.  During this particular woman’s childhood she had seen a woman who had cancer and at the sight had so impressed itself upon this woman’s mind that she began to look for the symptoms of cancer in her own body.

Overtime she felt a little ache or pain, apparently it was the beginning of her long-looked-for symptom of cancer.

What’s even more shocking is that Napoleon would see her, years down the line, telling people, “Oh, I am sure I have cancer growing here.  I can feel it.”  At the time, she was pointing at her left breast.

When this lady was complaining about this imaginary disease, she would always place her hand on where cancer may be attacking her.   For more than twenty years she kept this up.

Guess what? Not shortly after that, she died.

I’m guessing you’re asking yourself what did she die from.

And where exactly was it.

You’ve guessed right!

You, yes…you who have come across this – can be sent to bed with imaginary sickness of the worst sort, in two hours’ time or less, through the use of suggestion.

I’m sure those who are actually reading this around the world knows someone who’s like this particular lady.  This is how powerful suggestion is.  This is how I’ve even labeled myself as a “black man” and suggested that for more than 28 years of my life – believing that I’m just a crayon in the crayon box.

People place a lot of suggestions on our mind.  For instance, look at ‘moonlight,’ the oscar-winning movie that won best picture.  This African American kid was called a faggot for the longest as a child.  What happened? He started questioning his sexuality, and because he didn’t have a father figure in his life, he grew older and ultimately ended up becoming gay.  Why? The students in his class would call him a “faggot.”

See how powerful that is?

More in my podcast!


If You Want To Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over The Beehive.

Criticism.  Condemnation.  Complaining.

The ultimate killers of humanity and a few of the deadly horsemen that Napoleon Hill mentioned in his book almost a hundred years ago.

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.” – Dale Carnegie

The most notable criticism I ever dished out was back in marching band in Las Vegas, Sophomore year of high school.  There was a band mate by the name of Randy, who was a trumpet player.  This particular individual, for whatever reason, is someone I would literally hurl a cluster of adjectives at for seemingly no reason.  Being young isn’t an excuse.  The entire ordeal was completely out of hand; and after one of my best friends approached me about it, I felt so incredibly bad to the point I never made fun of him again for the rest of my time in high school.

It was not only out of character, but just foolish – regardless if I was young or not.

In Dale Carnegie’s book, there was a man named Bob Hoover – a famous test pilot that and frequent performer at air shows.

One day he was in the air twisting, spinning, and putting on a show for the people below when suddenly both engines failed.  By deft maneuvering, he was able to land the plane. This type of plane, which was built during WWII, was flying with jet fuel instead of regular gasoline.

One could imagine how furious Bob was after nearly killing himself in the air.  This all came at the hands of a mechanic, who was completely aghast and crying because not only did he destroy an expensive plane, but he almost killed three others onboard, too.

One could imagine the tongue-lashing Hoover was going to unleash upon this young man.  However, it didn’t happen.  He walked over, put his arm around the mechanic and said, “to show you that I’m sure you’ll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow.”

Imagine that poise! How calm, cool, and collective can someone be after such a frightening experience? Because Hoover was so cool, he knew that human beings make mistakes.  Condemnation, criticism and shouting at the mechanic would’ve done nothing.

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”


Cooperate With The Inevitable

It is astonishing how quickly we can accept almost any situation – if we have to – and adjust ourselves to it and forget about it.

There was a story of a woman who had lost her son in a WWII.  Prostrated with grief,  she had fallen apart.  She became bitter, resentful, reflected her work, friends – her entire world was collapsing around her.  She asked her self constantly, “why did you take my boy? This good boy? Why did he have to be killed?” It was so overwhelming to the point that she quit her job and was going to head for isolation and possibly suicide shortly after.

However, one day, the day she was officially resigning, clearing out her desk…she came across a letter that she had forgotten.  A letter from the nephew who had been killed, a letter he had written to her when her mother died just a few years prior.

“Ofcourse, we will all miss her, and especially you.  But I know you’ll carry on.  Your own personal philosophy will make you do that.  I shall never forget the beautiful truths you taught me.  Wherever I am, or how far apart we may be, I shall always remember that you taught me to smile, and to take what comes, like a man.” – The Deceased Son

After she read it, she reread the letter repeatedly and it seemed as if he was sitting right there beside her, speaking to her.

“Why don’t you do what you taught me to do? Carry on, no matter what happens.  Hide your private sorrows under a smile and carry on.

This lady did what we all have to do sooner or later.  Accept inevitability.

Being through so many transgressions, animosity, bigotry, and all other adjectives that are synonymous, I can relate.  We all can relate.  I’ve accepted the fact that I will never see or talk to my brother again for as long as I live.  I’ve accepted the fact that my family doesn’t like me because I’m “different.”  I’ve accepted it all….and now I can move on with my life.

Podcast 1:

Podcast 2:

Wheel of Life – June

Luckily and thankfully I was able to rise from the ashes last month and prevail.  Not only did I do just that, I got the highest marks in three categories for the first time in my LIFE.

This exercise, for those of you who don’t know, is to evaluate where you stand in the eight categories of life: personal development, health, wealth, hobbies, romantic relationships, friends & family, and physical environment.

I love doing this monthly because it can help me reevaluate what happened this past month, which areas I’ve neglected, and what I can do going forward.  You basically rate them on a scale 1-10.  The friends and family category accounts for five each. Here’s my podcast in the breakdown of each category and try doing it yourself!