Part II: Interviewee #21: Joe Mintzer on Meditation, Masks, & Purpose

Welcome back, everyone! Second podcast with Joe is live this morning and it’s available in the link down below with some rough show notes of what we talked about!

Get in touch with Joe Mintzer

  • Overcoming drug addiction

 

Links:

 

 

Things we discussed:

  • Childhood’s internalisation.
  • Bullying bullying.
  • Impact of bullying due to the ignorance of people.
  • Ways to handle bullying by using consciousness methods.
  • Group talks and discussions are the way to go.
  • Being a mentor and making the right decisions as a child.
  • Bad childhood is part of life but not who you are.
  • Being a guide.
  • Perceptions based on belief systems.
  • Changing your mindset and doing meditations.
  • Ways to do mediation and its benefits.
  • Guided meditations and advanced meditations.
  • Creating a safe environment and being mentally healthy.
  • Coaching people on how to handle problems while not relying on single resources.
  • Talking about your vulnerability and share your stories of recovery for ex-convicts.
  • What’s the impact that the guest wants?

Podcast

 

Thank you for listening!

 

Thank you so much for joining me for this podcast. Please do write down some feedbacks and comments. Please do share this podcast to your social media.

 

Links:

Season 1: Episode 6 – Book Review – Alpha & Know-It-All Masks

These are the last two masks I’ll be talking about, and this is the last episode for Lewis Howes’ Masks of Masculinity book.  There were so many gems and so many things I connected in my past.  Even over the past couple of days, I still continue to see people who are suffering from these masks: both men and women.  So, let’s break down the Alpha and Know-It-All masks.

“When I shut up and let my podcast guests do the talking, only then are they able to share their wisdom and teach me things I didn’t know.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

This was a quote that changed the way I did podcasts.  For example, when I brought Soheir on my show, I sat back, let her speak, and employed close listening.  However, some people who are hosts for podcasts and hosts in general do all the talking.  That could be a problem.

Another instance was my most recent podcast interview with Tiffany Okafor.  I related, but I also asked her some good questions and didn’t want it to be a full-fledge interview.

“Have you ever noticed how people tend to fill the dead time in a conversation or a meeting by rambling on about some random topic? Have you ever watched someone you work with try to impress the people around them by going on a long rant about something you can’t even pronounce? Have you ever seen someone in an important setting suck the air out of the room by making it all about them? They always have a response, they can’t let anything go, and they have to show you how smart they are.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Welcome to corporate America.  There’s always the manage/CEO that has to have his final say in everything.  There’s always that suit and tie guy that pushes the narrative that he’s better than everyone else because he knows bigger words.

I tried looking for the video, but there was an instance that two hollywood “white boys” (I’m emphasizing this for a reason) came to Gary Vee’s office, and instead of them shutting up and listening, they talked over Gary Vee the entire time, sending most commenters and subscribers into a frenzy of name-calling.  You have to be the student sometimes.  If I ever have the special privilege of bringing Michael Bernard Beckwith on my podcast, I would literally just ask some questions and sit back — just as I did when Sano came onto my podcast.

What’s available when you drop the mask…

People want to be around you
Freedom to not know
Ability to learn and grow
Wisdom from others
Deeper intimacy
Support from others

Podcast

Alpha Mask

 

This has already been handled about 10 days ago, so I’ll just post the podcast down below for you guys.

 

Final Review

Being able to finish these books, learn, grow, and teach what I’ve learned, is one of the greatest things I could’ve ever done.  Over the past couple of years, I’ve finished somewhere around a half-dozen books (compared to maybe 2 books the previous 28 years) and I’ve seen significant growth.

I want to thank everyone who’s been with me on this journey and we’re going to continue with Napoleon Hill’s PMA book in the next season!

Lewis Howes’ Masks of Masculinity Book Review: Stoic & Athlete Mask – Episode 3

I decided to break these down in increments of two (1/4) because I feel it would me too much material to handle in one go.  So, here’s a breakdown of the STOIC and Athlete masks.

The STOIC mask somewhat relates to the Alpha Mask in a way that men AREN’T SUPPOSED to show their emotions.  Every man dreams of being the hero, but the amount of pain that lies within him, is killing him — literally.

There was a substitute teacher I had back in the 6th grade that told us a story about her brother.  With every hardship, he stayed quiet.  He didn’t want to express his feelings, because apparently that would make him less of a man.  One day he had a heart attack, dying right before his family.  She went on the ask us, “why do you think he died?”  We, of course at a very young age, were scratching our heads.  The reason for the heart attack was because he held all those feelings of greed, grief, hate, and all other negative feelings with him; rather than having someone on the receiving end, listen.

What Can You Do?

A weight off your shoulders
Deeper relationships with men and women
Healing
A healthy heart
Vulnerability
The permission to feel
Acceptance and belonging

Step 1: Make a list of the five most painful moments of your life. Note what happened, and how you felt in each moment. Journal about it and go into detail. (An example could be: My dad was my best friend growing up, but he abandoned me when I was 6, and it left me devastated.)
Step 2: Once you’ve journaled about these painful moments, read them out loud to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel or to cry about them when you hear your own words. Play soft instrumental music during this process to facilitate your ability to reach your emotions as you allow your feelings to awaken.

Step 3: Share them. When you have accepted the truth of this pain and all these emotions, tell a friend, partner, or family member whom you trust. Part of removing the Stoic Mask is allowing other people to support you. The only way they can do that is if they know what’s going on. I’m a big believer that anyone who has experienced trauma in their past (and hasn’t ever discussed it with someone) will allow the trauma to grow in negative ways. You won’t be able to heal until you begin to share your story.
Step 4: Look into hiring a coach, therapist, or someone who is a specialist. Once you’ve shared your pain, you need to find someone who has experience with helping people understand their emotions and get comfortable with them. For those who really struggle behind the Stoic Mask, this is serious work and it requires a serious approach. But it is work that can start today, right now, with a piece of paper and a pencil.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Athlete Masks

From the Tommy Hearns and Marvin Hagler, to the battles of NFL players trying to prove rights over others by delivering the most vicious, bone-crushing hits.

“Gilbert Arenas, the ultra-talented point guard for the Golden State Warriors and Washington Wizards? Not only was he a prolific scorer and a back-to-back-to-back NBA All-Star who led the entire league in minutes played during the 2005–06 season, but he and his Wizards teammate Javaris Crittenton threatened each other with handguns in the team locker room. Is that what men do? Threaten each other with dangerous weapons over a $1,100 gambling debt? This move cost Arenas $7.5 million in salary. Crittenton is currently serving a 23-year prison sentence on an unrelated 2015 manslaughter charge.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

“Think about all the incredible athletes out there whose prowess on the field doesn’t line up with the way they conduct their personal lives. Take Antonio Cromartie, a four-time Pro Bowler who led the entire NFL in interceptions in 2007 and holds the record for the longest play in NFL history. He is mind-bogglingly talented. But you forget all of that when you watch him in a 2010 episode of HBO’s Hard Knocks, a sports documentary series, where he struggles to remember and recite the names of his eight children (from seven mothers), three of whom are the same age. Cromartie now has 10 children with twins on the way, and reportedly pays close to $340,000 a year in child support.” – Lewis Howes

So, you can see these two masks are what 95% of men in the world suffer from.  Let’s take them off once and for all!

What can you do now?

Five core areas…

1.Health: mental, physical, emotional
2.Relationships: intimate, family, friends
3.Wealth: finances, career, education, business
4.Contribution: making an impact in the world and other people’s lives, being of service
5.Spiritual: connecting to a higher power or your spiritual beliefs”

Podcast

Masks of Masculinity: Season 1: Episode 2 – What Can You Do Right Now To Remove The Alpha Mask

“The first step to shedding this mask is, in a way, just embracing that fact. Just give yourself enough gut-check moments about the kind of behavior you see around you. It isn’t enough to see it; you’ve got to see it and then have a reaction that’s more critical than complimentary.” – Lewis Howes

Honestly, your true friends don’t give a damn about how “alpha” you are.  All it takes is for a male to say that “one time” and I’ll switch him off and can him in no-time.  Alpha Males honestly pile a lot of pure pressure on their peers.  I saw my brother succumb to pure pressure back in 2000 when his friend, Brandon, told him to spoke a cigarette.  When I saw him smoking a cigarette, I was amazed.  What is this 14-year-old kid doing smoking a cigarette; let alone he’s my brother.

Now that I think of it, all of these alpha males my brother is or was friends with ultimately took him down a path he never wanted to go down.  There was a Puerto Rican, ego-maniacal friend my brother had by the name of Raf who would constantly demean me because I was the “younger” one.  The other friends my brother had at the beginning of his young adulthood had already committed crimes, or they were into drugs, smoking weed and playing videos games all day.  What my brother thought was “cool” was a disease he was slowly drowning himself in.

Now that you know the situations, now it’s time to breakdown what you can actually be free of if you remove this mask.

Win-win scenarios
Being the hero who lifts others up
The joy of being in service
Empowering others around you
Letting go of being in control
Freedom
Deeper sense of love

“Work for win-win scenarios in every possible circumstance. Use your energy to win and empower others to win. Instead of looking for things that separate us, look for things that unite us. Instead of looking for evidence that your way is the only way, try other people’s ways. Listen, connect, and hear other people’s ideas. A true leader doesn’t need to be right in order to feel worthy; he is able to see the best idea from anyone and bring it to light.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

What does winning mean to you? What does losing mean to you? If you look at all the NFL players, they’re obsessed with winning and hate losing.  Losing is the greatest part of life…and this is how a lot of them are sucked into wearing the Alpha Mask.

I lose everyday in Thailand.  I lose at getting the typical passerby’s respect.  That’s my loss, and I love it.  I’m a man who’s not afraid of showing his emotion.  When I cross the line at the Spartan Beast later on this year, I will cry.  I’ll go on Instagram stories and show my emotions to the world, too.  That doesn’t make me any less of a man than Ray Lewis. Your self-worth shouldn’t be wrapped up in winning.

 

 

Season 1: Lewis Howes’ Masks of Masculinity: Alpha Mask – Continued

This is the beginning of the season (but soon to be the end of this book).  Season 1 will be a quickie, since I’ve already finished 95% of this book.  However, expect this to happen from here on out.  Each season will be a new book and I will mark the episodes, too!

“I was nearly 30 years old when the fight happened, and I remember running back to my place after pummeling this guy’s face bloody, flopping onto my bed, and nearly hyperventilating as memories of an equally bloody fight from my childhood flooded my memory banks. At the time, the two fights felt related. It was as if they tapped into a deep pain and anger that I’d never processed. You could say I’d stuffed these unprocessed emotions down and hidden them behind my Stoic Mask and my Athlete Mask. Upon reflection, I think all of that is still true.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

When I heard about this from Lewis Howes, it reminded what I had done to my sister (in a much less violent way).

My younger sister, Rolonda, was the victim of bullying — by me.  I constantly bullied her since I was young because I was bullied by my older brother.  After doing something I knew was completely wrong, I remember walking into my room, falling on my knees, and covering my face with my hands.  At the time, I had the Alpha Mask on.  No way would I go down stairs to apologize to her, but I should have.  After I returned from Australia, I remember I was an entire different person and we had our first legitimate conversation EVER.  However, I returned back to my bullying because of course, my brother was the one with the power under my mom’s roof (yes, even more than my mother herself).

When you identify these things, you can always connect the dots and see where it all went wrong.

“Here’s the truth: We misunderstand the whole alpha/beta definition. We tend to think of it as strong versus weak, active versus passive, hard versus soft, effective versus ineffective. All of that is nonsense. In most situations, we confuse strength with brutishness. We confuse being active with being directionless. And we confuse being hard with being insecure.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

The last two sentences really stuck with me.  Directionless and insecure…it’s what I see everyday in society, and especially on videos in YouTube (which I try to stay away from).

Most alpha males, in general, are big football/rugby players.  If you look at every American sports player, they all have big houses and big cars — this is a sign of the material mask because their financial blue print stemmed around “not having enough,” so they want to have the feeling of “having enough” to prove other people wrong, moreover, themselves.

With the Alpha Mask, most men want to show not only physical dominance, but emotional dominance over another.  This is why I mention my brother a lot because he’s the one you could never calm down once he reached a certain threshold of anger.

“So in a locker room for a guy to step out and say, “Hey, listen, that’s not right,” or “Hey, I love you, man,” or whatever it is that steps away from the masculine ideal, he’s going against that strong negativity bias which just says, “I’m in danger if I step out of that norm.” And that’s a really powerful thing. And it takes an environment that’s really supportive to that person to be able to do that.
Any guy reading this book has felt that pressure. Someone makes an off-color joke, and you stay quiet. You see someone getting picked on, and you look the other way. Someone is going through a tough time, and rather than offering him words of comfort, you change the subject or tell him to “be a man.” There is that toxic phrase again. In other words, you act like an alpha because, well, that’s what you’re “supposed” to do with guys, right?”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.