Season 1: Episode 6 – Book Review – Alpha & Know-It-All Masks

These are the last two masks I’ll be talking about, and this is the last episode for Lewis Howes’ Masks of Masculinity book.  There were so many gems and so many things I connected in my past.  Even over the past couple of days, I still continue to see people who are suffering from these masks: both men and women.  So, let’s break down the Alpha and Know-It-All masks.

“When I shut up and let my podcast guests do the talking, only then are they able to share their wisdom and teach me things I didn’t know.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

This was a quote that changed the way I did podcasts.  For example, when I brought Soheir on my show, I sat back, let her speak, and employed close listening.  However, some people who are hosts for podcasts and hosts in general do all the talking.  That could be a problem.

Another instance was my most recent podcast interview with Tiffany Okafor.  I related, but I also asked her some good questions and didn’t want it to be a full-fledge interview.

“Have you ever noticed how people tend to fill the dead time in a conversation or a meeting by rambling on about some random topic? Have you ever watched someone you work with try to impress the people around them by going on a long rant about something you can’t even pronounce? Have you ever seen someone in an important setting suck the air out of the room by making it all about them? They always have a response, they can’t let anything go, and they have to show you how smart they are.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Welcome to corporate America.  There’s always the manage/CEO that has to have his final say in everything.  There’s always that suit and tie guy that pushes the narrative that he’s better than everyone else because he knows bigger words.

I tried looking for the video, but there was an instance that two hollywood “white boys” (I’m emphasizing this for a reason) came to Gary Vee’s office, and instead of them shutting up and listening, they talked over Gary Vee the entire time, sending most commenters and subscribers into a frenzy of name-calling.  You have to be the student sometimes.  If I ever have the special privilege of bringing Michael Bernard Beckwith on my podcast, I would literally just ask some questions and sit back — just as I did when Sano came onto my podcast.

What’s available when you drop the mask…

People want to be around you
Freedom to not know
Ability to learn and grow
Wisdom from others
Deeper intimacy
Support from others

Podcast

Alpha Mask

 

This has already been handled about 10 days ago, so I’ll just post the podcast down below for you guys.

 

Final Review

Being able to finish these books, learn, grow, and teach what I’ve learned, is one of the greatest things I could’ve ever done.  Over the past couple of years, I’ve finished somewhere around a half-dozen books (compared to maybe 2 books the previous 28 years) and I’ve seen significant growth.

I want to thank everyone who’s been with me on this journey and we’re going to continue with Napoleon Hill’s PMA book in the next season!

Lewis Howes: Athlete Mask – Part II

As I’ve talked about in my previous blog posts and podcasts, we normally shred players who are often out of play due to injury.

One huge storyline came from Derek Rose.  Back in 2011, this man was an absolute menace.  To be honest, he was one of the greatest PG’s I’ve ever seen play the game because is unbelievable explosiveness.  Right before I went to Australia on my working holiday visa, I was in awe by his play.  Later that year, I remember laying on my bed one Saturday morning and seeing him go down in a playoff game.  From that point forward, Derek Rose was never the same because of ACL and MCL injuries.  Since then, and to this day, Americans berate him with insensitive comments – calling him a girl and a b**** because his knees are done.  Most recently, he just went down again and he’s out for an extended period of time.  The speculation is that he’ll never play again, and if he doesn’t, we will always say “what if.”  In America media, they will call him a fragile boy, but in reality, he was a freak of nature who’s knees gave up on him.

Psychologist Martin Phillips-Hing said in Lewis Howes book….

“I would suggest that most men watch soap operas too, except they call it sports. Think about when you most often publicly see men expressing strong emotions such as joy . . . fear . . . disappointment . . . sadness . . . anger. Sports, like novels and soap operas, allow men to identify and live vicariously through their team.

Lewis Howes went on to say that men bonding with other men on common grounds serves as a bedrock in relationships.  For instance, if it wasn’t for sports, my brother and I would’ve never had anything in common – therefore, our relationship would’ve fallen apart a long time ago.  Sports create a space where men are ‘ok’ to express their emotions.  However, crying is not part of that equation.

Often when men retire from the NFL, their lives take a turn for the absolute worse.  Ben Gordon, for example, was a furious SG for the Chicago Bulls about a decade ago.  Now, after a stint of legal charges, he’s now back in the news for literally robbing a manager at his apartment.  This is a man that made over 80 million dollars over his career and now he’s robbing people.  Players, of all colors and backgrounds, don’t have much of a life after sports and they go back to what they were brought up as.

Another “masking” would be when men go to the gym and try lifting as much as their peers, although their peers are +50 lbs on them. Most men don’t have the strength or cardio to compete with others who lift so much more.  What happens? Puts them in harms way.  Overexertion in the muscles and most notably, a man by the name of Rich Piana died.  People would say because of steroids, but there were 15 other ailments, including heart disease, fatty liver and discolored kidneys.  He did all of that because…..what? It begs the question, doesn’t it?

Some guys go to the gym, craving that six-pack because it will make them more attractive.  They want that feel.  They need that feel.  The perceptions and suggestions of other people now rule over them.

“When the team is gone and the playing days are over, however, a weird thing happens to many guys stuck behind the Athlete Mask. The value of selflessness and sacrifice starts to disappear, and all that’s left is competitiveness and the need to win. ”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Podcast

Lewis Howes: The Athlete Mask

It was March 17th, 1990.  Meldrick Taylor, a prominent superstar welterweight vs. the furious Julio Caesar Chavez.

For at least 8 of the rounds, Meldrick Taylor was putting on a boxing clinic against the heavily favored Chavez.  However, in the latter rounds, Chavez blows started to take a toll, startling Meldrick Taylor with about 1:15 to go in the 12th round.  After a knockdown with 15 seconds left in the fight – followed by a controversial stoppage of the fight — Chavez won, but who really won the war at “life?”

Following the fight, Meldrick Taylor urinated blood – resulting in Kidney damage.  The fight was one for the ages and Taylor really never bounced-back and became the champion he once declared to the universe a year or so prior.  Instead, 10 years later, you can hardly understand a word he says.  He has a severe speech impediment, just like Tommy Hearns who went to war with the Marvelous Marvin Hagler in the 80’s.

Another notable trilogy was the Bowe vs. Holyfield – two massive beasts punching each other to near death over the course of 36 rounds and I can hardly understand a word they say, too.

What’s the paradox? Boxing fans around the world cheer on two men beating each other to death like it’s ancient Rome.

However, this is what it feels like to be a “man,” right? If you look at my picture, men aren’t suppose to show signs of defeat because then that makes you a “coward” in the world of sports.  To be a man, according to bodybuilders, is all about how much you can deadlift or bench.  If you can’t do either, you’re a ***sy.

Welcome to the Athlete Mask.

Podcast