The Emotional Bank Account Course is Officially LIVE!

So, after my blog has gotten a significant amount of views over the years (as well as podcast plays), I’ve finally put together a video course to teach everyone about The Emotional Bank account.  With loads of actionable items, this could be your introduction into personal development/self-improvement.  Because we’re always engaged in communication, whether it’s family & friends, colleagues, etc…we’re unaware of the emotional damage we may be causing because of our continual withdrawals.  In this course, there are six sub-areas you’re going to learn and build on. 

  • Understanding The Individual
  • Attending to The Little Things
  • Keeping Commitments
  • Clarifying Expectations
  • Showing Personal Integrity
  • Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal

At the completion of this course and with the actionable steps at the conclusion of each video, you will begin to take significant strides in putting more into your daily relationships. 

The Emotional Bank Account

Positive Mental Attitude: Season 2 – Episode 15 – Food, Physical & Mental Energy

“Yes, to maintain your level of both physical and mental energy you need to exercise both your body and mind. But there is a third factor. Your body and mind both need to be fed properly. You help to maintain your physical body by taking in quantities of wholesome, nutritious foods. You maintain your mental and spiritual vigor by absorbing mental and spiritual vitamins from inspirational and religious books.

Vitamins—necessary for a healthy mind and body! George Scarseth, Ph.D., former Director of Research for the American Farm Research Association in Lafayette, Indiana, told about a village on the seacoast of Africa. The village is more advanced than a community of similar tribes in the interior. Why? Because its inhabitants are physically stronger and more mentally alert—they have more bodily energy—than the interior tribes-men. The difference between the tribesmen on the coast and those living inland stems from a difference in diet. The village tribesmen in the interior do not have a sufficient amount of protein whereas those on the coast obtain quantities from the fish they eat.”

Excerpt From: Napoleon Hill. “Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude.” iBooks. https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/success-through-a-positive-mental-attitude/id381618319?mt=11

Health Energy

So, as mentioned before and on so many different blogs (and will possibly reiterate myself in the coming years/decades), there are lots of forms of energy.

I had a conversation with a troll, who was a boss, at my old boss after he observed my package and supplements labled “Herbalife.”

“What do you buy that stuff for?”

“Well, you see there’s _________ and ________”….and when you try explaining yourself to a Gen B, his/her ears are already cut off from accepting anything because they believe their preconceived notions.  He said that if I eat regular food, I wouldn’t need supplements.

Hmmm, that’s interesting. MAYBE in Thailand, a country where there aren’t giant factories in the outskirts of the city producing processed foods to kill people (This. Is. America), there are still essentials and deficiencies, especially in Selenium and Zinc.

How could someone impose their WILL of not knowing wtf they’re talking about on you? Well, Gen B’s always seem to know best, right? LOL.

Nonetheless, I’ve been using Herbalife for a while already and I’m absolutely AMAZED at some of the wonderful products which have helped me with my digestive tract, immune support, and just vitamins in general.

Mental Energy

Mental energy — YES! What are you feeding the mind.  There have been alot of likes on posts I HATE seeing.  Yes, social reform and for good causes, but the amount of negativity, especially in the America community which pushes the narrative that there IS EQUALITY THERE, is too much for me.  How is it allowing me to grow? Just that…it ISN’T!

So, if it isn’t, then what are you going to do about it? Clean your NEWSFEED!

“If you suspect that your diet is deficient in certain vitamins and elements so that your energy level is depressed, you should do something about it. A good cookbook can help you, and there are government pamphlets available at low cost. If the condition persists, have a physical checkup.
Like your body, your subconscious mind will accept and absorb mental and spiritual vitamins without effort. But, unlike your physical body, the subconscious will digest and retain unlimited quantities. Unlike your stomach, it never becomes stuffed! It will take and hold as much as you feed it—and still hold more!”

In effect, the subconscious mind is like a battery. From it, you can obtain tremendous surges of mental and spiritual energy which often transmute themselves into physical vitality. These jolts of energy will go to waste if we permit them to be short-circuited by needless negative emotions. But used constructively, this energy can multiply itself many times, just as a powerhouse generator produces vast amounts of useful power.

Excerpt From: Napoleon Hill. “Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude.” iBooks. https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/success-through-a-positive-mental-attitude/id381618319?mt=11

Podcast

 

Acknowledge Your Positive Past: Part II – Thank Your Family, Job, & Circumstances

My mother, who took four children in all by herself, did a magnificent job at parenting.

My mother, who hasn’t spoken or communicated with me via voice in 5 years, doesn’t really care about me.

Can you see the difference?

We often times point out the negatives of our past, but it’s really time to start looking at the positives.

I’m going to give you some techniques on how to achieve, but first, this is how you can rewire your brain.

Last Job

So, I was taken in by a job and was given work for 3.5 years.  I had the opportunity to work at about 4 different companies, worked at one of the biggest companies in Thailand, worked at a university (tracing back my roots to this country and close that part of my life off) and saw one of my students’ parents (who speaks excellent English now).  I had the opportunity to teach some brilliant students from one of the best universities in Thailand.  I had projects because a lady believed in my ability and I realized my ability while living there, pushing myself to greater heights by resigning and moving onto the biggest projects of my life.

See, that’s called acknowledging your positive past. 

Sure, I could’ve pointed out all the negative, but all of the negatives were character building moments that set me up for this monumental moment right now.

My Brother

in 2003, there was a bone-head taunting the marching band of Rancho High School.  I sat behind these two thug-spewing neanderthals as they berated the band and threw things at us.  I said, “enough” as I was looking at my friend Carlos.  I removed my hat, walked over to the stairs and made my way up before losing it.  There were a cluster of adjectives coming out of my mouth.

My brother, who had gotten injured playing basketball, was in a cast.  He then said, “ughhh you ain’t gon be talking to my brotha like dat!”  He stood up and people started running over — instigators — is what I call them.

At that very moment, it was a family moment.  It was an older brother protecting his younger brother against the wrestling team of Rancho High School.   How about that?!

Thailand

Nakhon Si Thammarat, I’m going to be grateful for this place.  I went to this province in the south of Thailand in hopes to find my alchemy.  I failed, but I met some wonderful people along the way.  So many of my students from a particular school loved me because I was so charismatic.  I went to a wedding and this lady asked me, “hey, you’re always in a good mood, come fishing with me.” I was approached my two sisters who spoke fluent English.  They recently lived in my Native Las Vegas and worked at a hotel that I would routinely pass by when going to work.  They had also lived in Hawaii, a place I visited just 6 months prior.  The women at the gym loved me.  Both had a boyfriend/husband, respectively, but you can see it in their eyes (LOL!).

Guys, I’ve just gone over the simplest way to acknowledge your positive past, and here are some additional ways.

Begin With Nine Major Successes: Based On Your Age

If you’re 21, break it down in three increments (birth – 7; 8 – 14; 15 – 21).  

Whatever age you are, divide it by three.

Mirror Exercise

just before you go to bed, stand in front of a mirror and appreciate yourself for what you accomplished during the day.  Start with a few seconds of looking directly into your eyes.

Any achievements –  business, financial, educational, personal, physical, emotional.

Disciplines: exercise, reading, meditation

Temptations you never gave into: Ex: my eating gummy bears habit.

When you start doing this exercise, you’ll realize that all that junk, negative internal self-talk will totally vanish.

Reward Your Inner Child & Children

Make key deposits into your relationships, friendships, parents everyday.  Fill those bank accounts with positivity and rewards.  If you succeed at something, whatever you craved as a child, take yourself (and even your children) with you to get that craving.

 

Stephen Covey: Force Field Analysis – Restraining Forces vs. Driving Forces

Sociologist Kurt Lewin developed a “Force Field Analysis” model in which he described any current level of performance or being as a state of equilibrium between the driving forces that encourage upward movement and the restraining forces that discourse it.

So, in dumb English, driving forces are generally positive, reasonable, logical, conscious, and economic.

Restraining forces are often negative, emotional, illogical, unconscious, and social/psychological.  Most need to be taken into account when dealing with change.

In a family, you have a climate at home.  What does that mean? Well, look at your family, for instance.  Are they generally happy or constantly complaining? The examples I’ve used in the past about my family have been spot on.  It’s terrifying to even read this part of Stephen Covey’s book, cringing at every sentence and face-palming myself because of the super negative environment I was in.

Some of you might feel safe or unsafe when expressing feelings.  Kind of like that stern father in the movie Fences who was just so bold, strong, and assertive.

Going back to my family, there could be a level of respect; me always showing respect to my mother and never talking back, or disrespect – my brother constantly disrespecting my mother verbally.

You’re going to have to change that level.  You may want to create a climate that’s more positive in general…..respectful.  Something that’s more open and trusting.

Increasing the driving forces, however, are not enough.  Your efforts are opposed by restraining forces – by the competitive spirit between children in the family…as Stephen Covey says.

It could also be habits, demands by work, or anything that requires a lot of energy.

Increasing the driving forces could absolutely bring results – for a while.  However, restraining forces are still there and it’s just going to get harder.

So, Stephen Covey talks about creating Synergy.  This creates an atmosphere where you feel safe about talking about these forces.  You can create insights.  You can involve people in a problem, immerse them in it, so that they soak and feel it as their problem and they tend to become an important part of the solution.

When you do all of this, new goals and shared goals are created.  Everything begins to move in a positive directions.  It can ultimately create a new culture in your house.

Podcast

Lewis Howes: The Athlete Mask Ending + What Can You Do Now?

Remember my Dale Carnegie podcast on “not winning an argument?” Here’s the link…..Dale Carnegie’s ‘You Can’t Win An Argument’.

“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

My brother, who I’ve talked about so many times, always felt the need to win.  He would have this overbearing voice while yelling at the top of his voice to shoot a point across.  I would sit back, relaxed, and just retort before he does it again. He was one of the people who thought winning arguments were critical and it made him feel more superior, especially over his younger brother.

Steve Weatherford’s Story In The Podcast

“As athletes we’re obsessed with how we look, with how we perform, and with winning. We’re consumed by competition as the measuring stick for our manhood. But our self-worth has nothing to do with those things. It has to do with our values and principles.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

So, what’s available when you drop this mask?

  • Creativity
    Culture
    New experiences
    Connections with other humans
    Self-worth
    A healthy relationship with your image
    Balance
    Time to do other things you enjoy

Men, what have you been avoiding to focus on your physical appearance? I’m asking this because most body builders are very ego-maniacal, self-centered and anti-social.  These are the factors you can work on to rip this athlete mask off.

1.Health: mental, physical, emotional
2.Relationships: intimate, family, friends
3.Wealth: finances, career, education, business
4.Contribution: making an impact in the world and other people’s lives, being of service
5.Spiritual: connecting to a higher power or your spiritual beliefs.

Rate yourself in each area.  What would you look like in each area? Write these down in a notebook of some sort.

Also, what are your values and principles that you can lean on so that you can figure out how to contribute to the world, and to your own happiness, in each of these areas?”

More In My Podcast Down Below!

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/lewis-howes-the-athlete-mask-what-to-do-

 

Stoic Mask: Part II – What Can You Do Right Now?

“Men lag behind this shift because they are still learning how to talk openly with their partners and connect honestly with other men. We know what to do. We just don’t know how to do it. And until that changes, where does that leave us? That’s right. It leaves us alone.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

So, I have a confession.  Just recently I had a situation where I distanced myself after coming across a series of events that I just did not like.  It all started with an infestation of small bugs in my kitchen, which I was easily able to handle.  However, I had a headache later not hat evening and my significant other was saying things that were very agitating.  Woke up that morning and of course what happened the night before spilled into the next day, which was Saturday.  I went to work lackadaisical and I just didn’t get out of my own rut; what’s more, in the beginning of the day, I told her that I would be going on a media purge to stop the negative vibration from continuing.  It worked, but instead it hurt her feelings and she thought it was her that was the negative vibration.  Instead of just opening up and showing her how I truly felt the night before, it extended for a couple days (into Sunday morning) when it should’ve just ended Saturday morning.

This could be the sure driver to demise for all relationships.  Men, especially those who come from families where stern fathers are present, aren’t able to open up as easily as women because that would make them a “bitch.”

And when men decide to open up ,they open up to the wrong person.

If anyone can recall the scene from Bad Boys II when Marcus (Martin Lawrence) sat down next to Mike (Will Smith), they would giggle.  The Stoic mask was suddenly ripped right off Marcus; and instead of being a badass cop, he began talking to Mike about very personal matters, A.K.A. – Not Getting An Erection.  There was a couple of other things said, but it was one of the most hilarious funny and REAL scenes I’ve ever seen.  Some men just don’t open up to particular things, so they hurry up and tell the other person, “Ummmm we’re partners with boundaries.”  When that happens, that particular individual who tried opening up will never do it again.

“Dr. Brené Brown, author of the bestselling book Daring Greatly, points out that this is a step toward real gender equality and fairness. “Most women pledge allegiance to this idea that women can explore their emotions, break down, fall apart,” she said, “and it’s healthy. But guys are not allowed to fall apart.”

Have you ever seen a man have an emotional breakdown?  Society is becoming much more loose, thanks to the NCAA Basketball Tournament last year (and not thanks to the reporters) for shoving cameras down athletes faces after a tough loss.  These athletes were crying egregiously on camera and were made fun of by those pseudo-alpha males around America – however, I believe it was a turning point for society.  Men should be able to show their feelings in a very expressive way – just like women.

Who has heard of Tyrese?  Yes, the star of the Fast N Furious saga literally crying like no tomorrow on either an Instagram post or Facebook.  The world took by storm and told him to “man up” – so it ensues.

There are so many other examples I can use, but let’s get into the “what can I do Arsenio Buck” section of this.

What you’re doing right now is creating disease.  Diseased cells that will fester and compile over a many of years.  It’s creating anger.  It’s creating everything that’s synonymous to my previous sentences.  Expose yourself by being vulnerable. 

What will be available when you drop the Stoic mask?

  • Emotional freedom
    A weight off your shoulders
    Deeper relationships with men and women
    Healing
    A healthy heart
    Vulnerability
    The permission to feel
    Acceptance and belonging

And on top of that, here are some steps from Lewis Howes book that will guide you.

Step 1: Make a list of the five most painful moments of your life. Note what happened, and how you felt in each moment. Journal about it and go into detail. (An example could be: My dad was my best friend growing up, but he abandoned me when I was 6, and it left me devastated.)

Step 2: Once you’ve journaled about these painful moments, read them out loud to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel or to cry about them when you hear your own words. Play soft instrumental music during this process to facilitate your ability to reach your emotions as you allow your feelings to awaken.

Step 3: Share them. When you have accepted the truth of this pain and all these emotions, tell a friend, partner, or family member whom you trust. Part of removing the Stoic Mask is allowing other people to support you. The only way they can do that is if they know what’s going on. I’m a big believer that anyone who has experienced trauma in their past (and hasn’t ever discussed it with someone) will allow the trauma to grow in negative ways. You won’t be able to heal until you begin to share your story.

Step 4: Look into hiring a coach, therapist, or someone who is a specialist. Once you’ve shared your pain, you need to find someone who has experience with helping people understand their emotions and get comfortable with them. For those who really struggle behind the Stoic Mask, this is serious work and it requires a serious approach. But it is work that can start today, right now, with a piece of paper ”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Podcast

 

Five Major Deposits Into An Emotional Bank Account

It’s time to figure out how to build an emotional bank account.

Understanding The Individual 

What might be perceived as a deposit through the eyes of you might not constitute as one for someone else.  Better yet, it might even be a withdrawal.  Going on a walk, eating ice cream, or doing an activity out of ‘guilt’ will further dampen the account.

Stephen Covey talked about having a friend who was a college professor.  He had a terrible relationship with his teenage son.  This man’s entire life was academic, and thought his son was wasting away his life by using his “hands” instead of using his mind. As a result, he was constantly on the boy’s back, and, in moments of regret, he would try to make deposits that just didn’t work.  What happened more was the boy began perceiving his gestures to be even more rejecting.

So, after Stephen spoke to him about this, he decided to engage with his son in a project to build a Wall of Chin around their home.  Ridiculous time consuming, but the bonding experience occurred whereas that son moved through that phase in his life and into an increased desire to develop his mind.

Our tendency is to project out of our own autobiographies what we think other people want or need.  We project our intentions on the behavior of others.  We interpret what constitutes a deposit based on our own needs and desires, either now or when we were at a similar age or stage in life.  If they don’t interpret our effort as a deposit, our tendency is to take it as a rejection of our well intentioned effort and to give up. – Stephen Covey

“Do unto others as yo would have others do unto you.”

Attending To The Little Things

There was a time Stephen took his sons out for a memorable day trip involving gymnastics, wrestling matches, hotdogs and other things.  At the end of the day, they were watching a movie when Stephen realized one of his sons fell asleep.  The older brother and Stephen kept on watching until the end.  When it was over, he picked up his son, put a coat around him and walked him to the car.  He then realized after getting home that his six-year-old son began to go through withdrawals.  In the car ride home, Stephen tried asking him questions and the answers were very bland.  He wondered what was going on until the very end of the night, his son, who was sleeping in the other bed, turned around with tears and quivering lips and chin before asking, “Daddy, if I were cold, would you put your coat around me, too?”

Of all the events that happened that day, the most important one was a little act of kindness.

What a powerful, personal lesson that is.  I felt the same way when my mother obtained her income tax and took us to “The tower.”  She bought my brother videos games and when I asked for a pair of shoes, my brother influenced her decision and said no.  The entire ride home I was crying, at the age of 15, because I felt she cared more about my brother than I.  People, including myself, are very tender and sensitive inside.

Keeping Commitments

I’ve talked about this subject quite a few times already.  When you cancel over and over and over, the person’s tolerance level will only go so high.  That feeling of distrust and “you don’t care about me” begins to amplify until someone just gives up.  This has happened a lot with me in Thailand.  I canceled my friend on so many different occasions, her ultimately going on a rant and pity party saying, “you don’t give a s*** about me.”  I felt terrible.  If you can’t keep your promise, don’t promise to begin with!

Clarifying Expectations

This is one of those subjects that happen all the time, especially at work.  When someone wants to know their job description and how much they need to do, they can get into a verbal battle with their boss, resulting in an argument that happens over and over and over again.  This happens because of ambiguous expectations around goals and roles.

That’s why it’s so important whenever you come into a new situation to get all the expectations out on the table.  People will begin to judge each other through those expectations.  And if they feel like their basic expectations have been violated, the serve of trust is diminished.  We create many negative situations by simply assuming that our expectations are self-evident and that they are clearly understood and shared by other people. – Stephen Covey

Apologizing Sincerely When You Make A Withdrawal

  • I was wrong.
  • That was unkind of me.
  • I showed you no respect.
  • I gave you no dignity, and I’m deeply sorry.
  • I embarrassed you in front of your friends and I had no call to do that.  Even though I wanted to make a point, I never should have done it.  I apologize.”

It takes a great deal of strength to apologize quickly.

I was eating my favorite pizza in the world and salad when my staff came in five minutes before class began to bring students inside.  I told her, “I’m eating.”  Both her, and the maid, completely disregarded my comment; so this resulted in my standing up, grabbing my belongings in haste and storming out of the class.  In doing so, she asked me, “are you ok?”

I retorted, “all I wanna do is eat my pizza and peace and I can’t even do that.”

She came in a couple minutes later (when I went into the computer room) and apologised.  Later, I felt bad and I apologized, too.  I told her if I don’t eat and get interrupted while trying to get energy in my body, I have a tendency of exploding.  OOPS!

Hopefully these things will help you guys going forward and my podcast is down below!

 

 

What Worry May Do To You

A doorbell rang in the early morning hours while Dale Carnegie was sleeping.  This volunteer urged him to get vaccinated against Smallpox.

Yes, this is when the Smallpox epidemic made it’s way to America.  8 people had it at the time and 2 died.  However, nurses and doctors were working feverishly to get everyone vaccinated in New York City.

However, no one rang is doorbell about the emotional sickness of worry? An illness that, during the same time period, had caused ten thousand times more damage than smallpox.

No one ever warned him about what nervous breakdowns can do?

How about obesity? A pandemic (what I consider to to be), that has killed more people than just about any other disease in America.  More than 300,000 to be exact….now there maybe some illnesses out there that have a higher number, but you get the point I’m trying to make, right?

Dr. O. F. Gober – a medical executive of the Sante Fe Hospital Association said years ago, “seventy percent of all patients who come to physicians could cure themselves if they only got rid of their fears and worries.  Don’t think for a moment that I mean that their ill are imaginary.  Their ills are as real as a throbbing toothache and sometimes a hundred times more serious.  I refer to such illnesses as nervous indigestion, some stomach ulcers, heart disturbances, insomnia, some headaches, and some types of paralysis. ”

Dr. W. C. Alvarez has said, “ulcers frequently flare up or subside according to the hills and valleys of emotional stress.”

There was a study done years ago where 15,000 patients were being treated for stomach disorders at the Mayo Clinic.  Four out of five had no physical basis whatever for their stomach illnesses.  Fear, worry, hate, supreme selfishness, and the inability to adjust themselves to the world of reality – these were largely the causes of their stomach illnesses.

Want to know more? Tune into my podcast down below!

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/11985395