Another area that creates huge trust issues in personal relationships is money. As many marriage counselors affirm, money problems are a key cause of divorce. While many such problems are caused by lack of character (selfish or impulsive spending, attempts to control or restrict a partner’s access to shared resources, or efforts to hide spending from a partner), many are also caused by lack of competence (lack of education or experience in money management). In addition, two people coming into a relationship are often scripted in different ways by family experience — for example, one may come from a background of spenders, while the other comes from a background of thrift.
Here’s a story from Stephen Covey’s book
“For years, my husband and I had problems managing our money. We would agree to spend our money in a certain way, then he would come home with some new thing we hadn’t agreed on. It was very frustrating, and I eventually withdrew emotionally as a financial partner.
Over time, however, we both came to realize that this situation was negatively affecting the trust in our relationship, and we decided to change. He worked on being more responsible to act based on our agreements; I worked on expressing my opinions better and participating more fully in financial decisions. And together, we became involved in learning more about good financial habits, including budgeting and investing.
It’s taken quite a while to shift old habits, but through it all, we’ve become amazingly close and more unified in our financial values, goals, and habits. In fact, I’d say that now financial units is one of our strengths. Doing something together that was this challenging has created even strong bonds of trust in our entire relationship.
I went from booking a ticket, thinking that my Spartan Beast in Malaysia was on a Saturday, to cancelling a plane ticket and realizing that plane tickets on other days were at extortionate prices. YIKES!
What a disaster. What seemed like a sure Spartan Beast and trifecta claiming weekend turned into a nightmare whereas I almost lost out on $167 dollars.
So, Arsenio….your health goals of 2018 have suffered a minor hiccup. What are you going to do now?
Well, there were three options. First, I’m grateful I don’t have to fly back to Malaysia at this point because I’m so sick of the garbage airlines (Malindo Air & Air Asia) that are ALWAYS late. I’m sick of almost getting in mid-air collisions (on Malindo) and Air Asia) and terrible service — along with cardboard box seats.
So, got it. “It’s a low-budget airline.” Well, no more!
I’d much rather take some time off from these low-budget airlines than deal with lunacy of them always being late.
Well, I’m first very grateful for having experiences both airlines, but it’s time to spend a tad more and fly reputable airlines from a better airline that’s connected to the rail link, which is connected to the city.
Anywho, let’s focus on the matter…my Spartan Beast has been stopped, momentarily, and now it’s either the Beast in Thailand, Australia, or Malaysia (lol) in December (in the Malaysian/Singaporean border town of Johor Bahru). What will I choose?
HAPPY NEW YEARS!
Being on top of my balcony and seeing the amount of fireworks I did last night was just resounding. I felt the love in the air and now I’m onto the biggest year of my life (as I said last year and it exceeded my expectations).
On the other hand, the majority of people this morning have resolutions, but they don’t have the proper techniques, skills, and things in place to make their “goals” manifest.
For one, resolutions base-word is “resolve,” meaning you’re looking to resolve something in your life. You can handle that just by dumping the girlfriend/boyfriends, quitting the s***ty job, and learning how to say ‘no’ more often.
So, let me let you in on some techniques + some of the goals I set for myself in the past and what’s happening this 2018.
What’s a habit? Something that has turned into a daily party of our routine. We wake up, brush out teeth, take a shower, get ready — that’s all habitual. It’s on auto-pilot. However, we’re oblivious to the bad habits that are happening: eating junk food, engaging in heated online debates, watching television, being around the wrong who bitch all the time. These are also habits. So what did I do?
2017 Was The Change
I needed to compile a morning routine that would ultimately help me win the day. You have what Jim Quik said in terms of brushing your teeth with the opposite hand, making your bed, etc. These are all wonderfully great things, but I’m still not able to win it. I’ll give you a nice glimpse at my morning.
Normally at 5:30am I wake up (I sleep the night before at about 9:30), and I go straight into a meditation. If I have a busy morning, which I normally do, I do the meditation “overcoming procrastination,” which is a guided meditation with one of the apps I use (let me know if you want the name in the comment section). After that, I would take my vitamins and possibly even a pre-workout, depending on if I workout in the morning. After that, I post on an inspirational message on my instagram, and sometimes even my podcast (which could’ve been pre-recorded). I then record or pre-record a live podcast. Now, depending on if I’m working out in the morning or not, for the bulk of this year, I would workout around 8am.
- Posts on Instagram
- Inspirational message on twitter
- Grateful List
This was the bulk of my year, but things have changed. So, if I workout (and now I do) at 6:45am, my podcast has to be pre-recorded and blog done the day before. During the commute, I would post everything on social media and then hit it hard. After I workout and before I go to work, I would have my protein shake, rice & pork, and respond to emails, messages and other things for 30 minutes before my students arrive.
This is how I ultimately had such an effective morning for a good portion of the year.
Sure, it’s not always going to work, but a behavior compounded over time becomes a habit. That’s what you will need to succeed.
Same as the morning routine. Now, night routines are extremely difficult at times because once I get home, I want to get on the news. This is why I’ve been media fasting on and off. Reading something that doesn’t pertain to me, my goals, and just revolves around the ‘circle of concern’ is disastrous. However, on the nights everything did work, this is how it went.
During my commute home I turn off all notifications. I say what I need to say, respond to emails, then that’s it. When I get home I make sure I set everything up for the next day. Clothes are packed, bottles for working out, belts, socks — YOU NAME IT! This is how it happened. If I can read before I sleep, it would be a success. Normally, I always do my meditation. Now, depending on how the day went, there’s a lot of head trash that gets thrown at me throughout the day at work. Opinions and ignorance of colleagues, management, and just being in a very “slummy” area where people look down on me. Those tides have changed though. But when these things happened, I would do the “detox my mind” podcast so I can wake up fresh.
Here’s a list of things to add into your morning routine.
- Make your bed
- Grateful list
- Meditation (20 minutes)
- Exercise (20 minutes)
- Read (20 minutes)
- Inspirational podcast or YouTube video (I listen to Gary Vee)
- News Feed on all social media MUST have inspirational messages on there. Follow the people that make you feel better.
Now, onto Goal-Setting.
Now, first thing is first…get rid of these phrases: I wish, if only, I don’t, I can’t, but I don’t have….
These are all doomers. They’re either in the future or completely denying your ability and mindset of obtaining a goal.
When you figure out your vision, life-purpose, desire, objectives and everything for this year, then you can unleash the power. Thinking about goals gives you a 43% chance of obtaining them. Writing them down gives you a 56% chance. Sharing them with a friend bumps it up to a 64% chance. And then there’s the weekly progress report to a friend – 76%. This gives you an idea of how it works.
To make sure the goal is imbedded into your subconscious mind, you must meet two criteria: how much (measurable quantity), and by when (specific time).
Example: I want to travel to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. – Wrong
The conditional “I want” is a killer.
I will travel to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan this year.
- Better, but there isn’t a specific time frame.
I will travel to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan on April 13th by Astana Airlines and come back April 20th.
- Now this is sexy. I have the time, month, and even specific airline.
The universe loves action!
Go online and start looking for the airlines, hotels and everything that relates to your travel. This is something that my mother was never able to overcome because she always said, “I don’t have any money. I wish I can go, but my finances aren’t straightened out.” They never will be! There’s never a right time for anything! When you get that intuitive nudge, act!
This is the power of goal-setting. Visualize yourself being on the snowboarding fields in Hokkaido, Japan by listening to a blizzard and fire crackling. Look up how much the tickets are, where to stay, and everything that relates to the trip. That’s where the magic happens.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small, manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. – Mark Twain
Sometimes our biggest life goals seem so overwhelming. We rarely see them as a series of small, achievable tasks. However, if we can break down larger goals into achievable tasks and accomplish them one at a time…that’s how the macro win is achieved.
One of the first and most important ways to begin chunking it down is by consulting people who are already where you want to be and ask them about the steps they had to take. With their area of expertise, it will allow you to maneuver around the storms and avoid the traps.
Another way is by buying some type of book, manual, or even looking at instructional videos on YouTube that outline the process, like monetizing your own YouTube content. I learned how to do that within 10 minutes.
A good way is to start from he end and look backwards. Close your eyes and imagine having already achieved the goal…then just look back and see what you had to do to get where you now are.
This is definitely the most powerful process for creating that to-do list that outlines your goal. It helps you figure out all the information you’ll need to gather, who you will need to talk to, what small steps you’ll need to take, how much money you’ll need to earn or raise, which deadlines you’ll need to meet, and so on.
Just imagine the mind map this way….massive center circle in the middle of the page – in this case, Podcast.
The outer circles would be divided into major categories and tasks I would’ve need to accomplish to achieve the greater goal. What’s the name of my podcast? Topics? Audience? Necessary equipment? Schedule? Money?
The spokes, which are the lines that you would draw on the side of the outer circles to indicate extra information, would be labeled.
Here’s my podcast both on spreaker and youtube so my tribe can listen in to what I’m saying!
Podcast – https://www.spreaker.com/episode/8496585
Podcast on YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbmHi1iCMGo
Bob Proctor once asked a gentleman during an interview more than 30 years old, “how much money do you want?”
He replied, “a lot?”
“That’s not measurable. That’s not a number. You’re not specific so the universe has no idea how much “a lot” is.”
To make sure a goal releases the power of your subconscious mind, it must meet two criteria: how much (some measurable quantity such as pages, pounds, dollars, square feet, points) and by when (a specific time or date).
“I will have a six pack.” That’s not as measurable as “I will have a six pack by the end of the month.”
The time and date is the most important because giving that specific aspect of your goals lets just say expedites it. Include every little details about the goal you want to achieve. The color, size, features, etc. The more vague you are, the more vague the results are.
Jack Canfield also held a seminar whereas this lady specifically said, “I want a lot of money.” So he (acting as a universe) gave her a dollar. She said, “I want more.” He gave her an extra quarter and said, “is this enough?”
“No. I want more!”
“Well be more specific,” he said.
A Goal Versus A Good Idea
Here’s a few examples on how to engage your subconscious mind, a goal or objective.
- Good Idea
I would like to own a nice home on the ocean.
I want to lose weight.
I need to treat my employees better.
- Goal or Objective
I will own a condominium in Pattaya oceanside on the 37th floor just outside Jomtien beach.
I will lose 5 pounds by April 15th, 2017.
I will give 25$ bonuses to each employees at the end of the month when all tasks are met. If they complete more than what they’re paid to do, I’ll add on a vacation day.
The specificity that comes along with goal setting needs to be vivid. Example, if you want a home, write down the location, landscaping, furniture, artwork, sound system, floor plan. If you don’t have an idea, go on houzz.com. They have such a wide variety of perks for home decor.
When you write it all down, your subconscious mind will know what to work on. It will know which opportunities to home in on to help you reach goal.
When you create your goals, be sure to write down some big ones that will stretch you and require you to grow to achieve them. It’s a good thing to have some goals that make you a little uncomfortable. Why? Because the ultimate goal, in addition to achieving your material goals, is to become a master at life. And to do this, you will need to learn new skills, expand your vision of what’s possible, build new relationships, and learn to overcome your fears, considerations, and roadblocks.