I brought on a sociologist/speaker/coach before by the name of (who gives a fuck), and we developed such an amazing relationship. She helped me at the beginning of last year and we had some amazing conversations. However, that all changed after a while, along with various other cultures and people I had met through Motivational Mentors. Her last three comments were negative, and her last comment just lead me to say, “you know what, fuck her. You’re blocked.” I went on to block her on every platform and followed that up with a mid-year purge. People, don’t tolerate ignorant. Check the podcast!
Lack of tactfulness
- Carelessness in the tone of voice often speaking in antagonistic tones that often offend.
- Speaking out of turn when silence would be more appropriate.
- Interrupting others who are speaking.
- Overworking the personal pronoun.
- Asking impertinent questions generally to impress others.
- Injecting intimately personal subjects into conversation where such actions are embarrassing to others.
- Going where one has not been invited.
- Making personal calls at inconvenient hours.
- Holding people on the telephone with needless conversation.
- Volunteering opinions when not requested especially on subjects where they’re not familiar.
- Openly questions the soundness of opinions of others.
- Declining requests from others in an arrogant manner.
- Speaking disparagingly of people in front of their friends.
- Rebuking people who disagree with one on any subject.
- Speaking of people’s physical inflictions in their presence.
- Correcting subordinates and associates in the presence of others.
- Complaining when requests for favors are refused.
- Presuming upon friendship and asking favors.
- Using profane or offensive language.
- Expressing dislikes too freely.
- Speaking of ills and misfortunes.
- Criticizing forms of religion.
- Over-familiarity of all occasions.
Boy, I heard this in one of the most inspiring chapters in Napoleon Hill’s book recently and I just had to share it with everyone. It’s almost certain that some of you who have read the 24 questions are suffering from at least one. This brings you awareness though.
See what’s happening, send in your questions and let’s follow up in a months time.
Here’s the follow up of what I mentioned in the Ramble of Positivity blog.
Situation 1: Check-In Desk Ignorance
This girl was all smiles and started asking questions to the girl sitting on her side. I heard her mention months June and July. She was checking the validity of my passport, which has 11 months left (renewing in October), but it’s the simple fact that maybe she was just being newbie (which is completely fine), or maybe she was told to check “blacks” passport rigorously. This happens to all colored people around the world, and it won’t stop until medias stop the ignorant berating of black people on their news outlets.
Ok, a rant. Got it. Check. Speaking from the heart here.
After everything was done, she asked, of COURSE, if I was checking in a bag. After all the supposed fuss, there was nothing left to be done and she smiled while giving me my ticket.
Yawn. Typical Thainess. Label the black man as the “Nigerian scammer.”
Situation 2: Ignorant Immigration
Yeah, let it be said. I have no reason to not call out the racial discrimination that WOMEN dish on black people. Remember, I was standing in line behind an African just last year and the immigration lady labeled the living hell out of her and took her into an office. I stood right before her and was hoping she said something to me — didn’t.
Anywho, I go to the window (after telling other people that they’re idiots while standing in line). Guy before me goes in about 15 seconds, I had to wait three minutes.
She looked at the main face of my passport, browsed through my pages, scanned my page — and then she put on her glasses. I laughed, shook my head and said “calm down, Arsenio, they’re just time-wasters and seeing if you’re a drug dealer.” After two more minutes of purely nothing and her looking to get a commission, she was FORCED to stamp my passport. I slammed my hand on the table where my passport was and scampered away.
After all that fuss and wasting my time, looking to see if my passport was real (which reallllyyyyy pissed me off because I’m American and I have an insane amount of rights in this country), she couldn’t do a god damn thing.
Yes, No More Women Immigration Officers!
Today marked the last day that I will ever go to a female immigration officer. From 2013’s most racist woman at the southern border of Thailand, to what happens with women on a routine basis…..it’s completely sickening. Let me give you an example. Last time I left to Laos, the male officer cracked a joke saying, “last day.” Ughhhh, yeah! Last day of my visa! Sorry, no 33 USD for you, buddy. I winked and left.
Coming back in there was a young guy and he was cooler than ever. I’ve actually had the nicest immigration officer EVER at that same southern border.
I know how to avoid ignorance now. Big check.
But what can be learned from this? You, the reader, what can you take away from this?
Just because one ignorant mindset, opinion, or adjective gets you ticked off DOESN’T mean the end of the world. In relations to that, if you get mad, they win. If you let an ignorant mindset win you over, you no longer have control and you make your decisions based on fight-or-flight. Your blood pressure would start to climb and your nervousness would boil over into an explosion. Not what you want to do.
Looking back at the situation, I can see how it all happened.
- Malaysians with thousands of luggages before me makes me irritated.
- Malaysian, who was clogging up the counter, didn’t move her luggage, which forced me to go to the other counter where the girl acted like an asshole.
- Family at passport control completely disingenuous and Chinese guy says something to me, waving me behind him before I started yelling.
- After the confrontation, I get into the wrong lane where a woman looked at my passport for five hours.
- At security check, a Chinese girl had some flatulence and it smelled horrible.
When you connect the dots, you’ll notice how it all happened. From each event, it got worse and worse. It all could’ve been avoided if I used the toilet before going home,
It’s been an unbelievable 5 years. Wow, how can I even put it into context. I will try highlighting this through pictures.
First Three Years
You understand where my focus was, right? 2013-2015 were the rough years with lots of racial influences, advertisements, and me focusing on “what I didn’t want.” I had a woman from Thai Airways threaten my life, stating that she would get dangerous people to kick my face in. I got the “ewww black man! Low-class! Pimp!” comments from lots of women. I was denied jobs for being black. My language center (New Education World if you must know the name) denied me dozens of jobs stating, “ohhh, they want a white teacher.” All of these culminated for three years (and even well into this year after cutting off the unknowledgeable job)…..until the beginning of 2016.
Then this happened…..
Last Two Years
And just like that, within two years time, I was able to overcome all of the ignorance — ignorance that I saturated myself in. Let’s look back at the years that transformed me into the influential figure I am. It’s time for the ramble!
My first photo, which was taken at a night safari deep in some forest in Bali, is possibly the best trip I’ve ever had in my life. Bali, an alluring island that’s tucked away in the bottom of Indonesia, was one of those chips that changed me as a human being. It should’ve been the trip that made me quit my current job, but it never crossed my mind. This island is inhabited with white sandy beaches, quiet beachside fronts, jungles, monkeys, and a rich history. The indigenous people there are full of smiles, big round eyes, and possess such a wonderful heart.
The second Spartan Race, which took place in Chon Buri, Thailand, was a memorable WALK. I’m kidding. However, I’m not kidding about it just being a long walk. Regardless of laziness and the willingness to push yourself, this was one of my favorite runs because the amount of smiles and people pushing each other.
Maldives. I’m laughing while writing this because this was a country that featured no currency. That’s right. I went there with Thai currency, only to be turned away and had no means of getting any currency while I was there. Until I was met with the most incredible gesture anyone has ever given me. This trip, which could’ve been a hell of a lot better, taught me a lot about myself in general.
Ho Chi Mihn City – the city of beautiful souls. Well, not all. I got cussed out roadside by a Vietnamese boy who was soliciting me for services *curling eyes*. Going inside the remnants war museum and seeing the pure destruction the USA Army unleashed upon all Vietnamese crippled me inside. Not only that, but it made me realize how strong-willed the Vietnamese are.
First Spartan Race in Malaysia (and the one just two weeks ago) were FUN! Wait, I’ll take that back. The first Spartan race SUCKED. Ok, yes….it was near public transportation (versus the last one that was in the middle of a damn jungle), but there weren’t comedians or anyone cheering each other on – on the course. Get what I’m saying? But a Sprint and Super have been achieved. It’s time for the BEAST!
Moving into my new condo and leaving a place that was killing my insides…was a monumental feature. I believe I brought all the pain from the beginning of the years to my last job and it held me down. I took the leap of faith, left, and I could finally breathe again.
Anyways, enough of that. How about checking some things off my list! Sheraton Hotel, which is a five-star hotel in KL, was put on my 101 goals list in 2015 — ACHIEVED! It wasn’t the only one to join the “checking” list with several others being highlighted.
And last but not least, the trip back to Arizona — a place I haven’t been in years. I competed in a Tough Mudder after fighting off food poisoning (courtesy of Singapore Airlines – Thank You!).
All in all, when I was looking in my camera roll on my iPhone, I began to tear up. How was I able to overcome all of it?
Personal development, of course. 5 years in Thailand and I still go through the craziness of it all. So, I want to just say THANK YOU to no only my loyal followers and supporters, but the fact that I never gave up.
OH-EM-GEE! Yeah, I’m saying it like a 13-year-old belieber. Here I am typing hashtags in my blog and listening to a live stream of my favorite mentor in the world – Lisa Nichols. Then, something was said. The staircase analogy….please, let me share this with you.
Every individual on planet Earth has had personal problems. From the uber rich; to the uber poor. Look at it this way. Look at life as a staircase.
There are no elevators up to success. Everyone has to take the stairs. Ok, the uber rich families of Silicon Valley, Beijing, China’s ivory purchasing families, the UAE and their ultra-rich princes who construct man-made islands. They’re the exception. However, people who put their shoes on one after another, which is almost the majority of the population, had to build empires in the wake of so many failures and transgressions. Remember the turning points I mentioned in one of my Napoleon Hill blogs long ago? Let me refresh your memory by using the stairs analogy.
Floor 1 – Chanthaburi, Thailand.
The beginning. After a wave of insults, discrimination and ignorance, I found myself sitting on the stairs between the 1st and 2nd floor for quite some time. I was then confronted with FEAR. If I leave this job, will another job hire me? I took the leap of faith, packed my bags, and tip-toed out of my apartment one morning, en route for the south of Thailand. I hopped approximately ten floors in doing this.
Floor 20 – Nakhon Si Thammarat & Regression.
After taking off so much weight from quitting a job that had such a malicious boss (and it seems they come and live in Thailand by the herds), I rushed down to the shores of the south. In the first week, what a difference! Slowly but surely, I was going up the steps from floor-to-floor with ease. Then, what was happening in Chanthaburi became even worse in the south. Racism to the absolute core. It was a whirlwind that I couldn’t escape, even if I held onto the rails to wither out the storm. I saw myself taking massive steps backwards: depression, stress, anxiety, no way out.
I almost told myself, “you know what, this could work.” False hope. I knew opportunity was completely dead there, but I didn’t know what else I can do at the time, so I bolted. I stuck a finger in my boss’ face and told them to kiss my ass. I went to Penang, Malaysia and flew back into Bangkok. After that, the search began.
I realized over all of these years that I would digress, get ahead, and continue digressing. This all came in part of my last job. I was terrified of leaving because I wholeheartedly believed that there wasn’t another opportunity out there. Was I wrong? I absolutely was. The fact is I got more acquainted and associated with fear. I knew on the other side of it was sheer freedom and ecstasy.
When I was belittled, harassed and racially spewed upon by an ex Brit boss, I knew it was enough. I would always tell myself, for over two years: “I’m leaving this job. These people are racist in Pathumthani. The head b**** said she won’t hire anymore black people. Why am I still here?” I would talk, talk, and talk some more – but no action. It wasn’t until I had a mole-faced, seventy-year-old wife tourist in front of my face saying, “I don’t think you’re good enough. Your students are scared of you.”
That sent a tingling sensation down my spine telling me to leave. They don’t deserve your services. This language center is where retirees go for refuge and sexual activity with students and staff.
One month later, I moved to Bangkok. From January to March, I had to go to a job that made my chest hurt. I had my companies and opportunities, but it wasn’t until the full resignation, follow by the “I want to get back at him by taking his weekend classes” that fulfilled my dream of getting out of one of the most toxic, life-sucking environments I’ve been in since my first job in Sydney, Australia.
Where am I in the staircase? Past 100 floors.
I will continue going up. This is called growth. For 3.5 years, the longest I’ve ever worked at a company, I felt stagnant and lethargic. I didn’t have the burning desire to teach a soul there anymore. I was under a dictatorship that wanted me to teach from a measly book – one that didn’t provide the student with any tools in terms of being an efficient communicator. I had to leave. The shoulder shrugging became too much, and for the penniless wage I got, I burned my bridges and went running up the stairs as fast as I possibly could.
And that’s what I’m doing today.
Everyone has a choice. In the beginning, we all come into this world naked, scare, and ignorant to everything. We have no color, no nationality, no nothing – just a name.
When it comes to our choices, they can be our best friend or worst enemy. Sit back and think about it. Everything in our life exists and is the way it is because of our choices. The choices we make are the roots of all our results.
My mother, unfortunately, has made a choice to live in the same neighborhood where gunshots are heard on a nightly basis. Could she leave? Yes. Why doesn’t she? Because she’s comfortable living uncomfortably.
African Americans in low-socio economic states in the likes of Gary, Indiana, to Flint, Michigan…..they make a choice everyday to go left, or do what’s right. Everyone has it.
“For instance, have you ever been going about your business, enjoying your life, when all of sudden you made a stupid choice or series of small choices that ultimately sabotaged your hard work and momentum, all for no apparent reason? You didn’t intend to sabotage yourself, but by not thinking about your decisions—weighing the risks and potential outcomes—you found yourself facing unintended consequences. Nobody intends to become obese, go through bankruptcy, or get a divorce, but often (if not always) those consequences are the result of a series of small, poor choices.” – Darren Hardy
I recall having siblings and even friends coming home saying, “I ate a sandwich for lunch” – only to find them eat frozen food, packed with sodium and trans fat. That small, mindless, thoughtless decision they made literally sabotage that “one good meal” they had previously. A lot of people around the world don’t have intentions on becoming fat. They don’t wake up one day and say to themselves, “fat is the new thing! I’m going to become obese so my organs can work double/triple and hammer my gut flora.” Of course not. However, unconsciously they make a series of poor A$$ decisions that lead them to the demise of…..them.
How often do you find yourself in arguments with fake accounts on social media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube? Will those type of engagements help you or hurt you in your run for whatever you’re trying to achieve? Social media is bone-crushing – and engaging in quarrels with people who don’t have faces is going to hurt you more than them.
Just recently I posted a very educated post on Nikkei Asia’s Facebook page and I attracted to me wife/sex tourists here in Thailand trying to defend Thai people and the culture, although I’ve been a victim of extreme racial hatred. What happens? I could ultimately lose face because just like 3 years ago, they could snapshot a photo of what I said and use it against me or my business in the future.
Also, I got another comment, around the same time, of an acquaintance I met on a plane about 8 years ago saying, “why did you unfollow me on Instagram?” Both of these messages, which I read very early in the morning, dictated about the next 15 minutes of my morning. I needed to make a quick decision and say, “ok, media purge time. Delete the comment, block the people, and lets move forward.”
Rule #1 – Social Media Can Destroy You – If You Engage In Pity Parties
Anytime you’re vying for superior status on ESPN forums, CNN/FoxNews comment sections or anything else, you’re going to attract to you others who are out to ruin your day; let alone your life. Just know that every comment can dictate the way people view you. As Tim Ferris said, “stay the hell away from the news.” Sure, if you want to create a fake account and troll everyone, you can….but what satisfaction are you getting out of calling someone 10k miles a way a bunch of adjectives? Commenting, especially on sports forums and news forums, is useless.
Rule #2 – Notice It Early & Steer Clear
After receiving sensationalistic comments in the morning, I told myself, “ok, I’m done with social media for the day.” Instagram is much better in terms of real people and surrounding yourself with people who will boost your persona; on the other hand, Facebook is troll city. Commenting on Twitter, also, is not what you want to do. I knew because I read those comments early in the morning that I could be in for a lot of trouble…consciously. So, I immediately made my grateful list and I snapped out of it by listening to Micheal Bernard Beckwith. If you don’t snap out of the funk, your day is funk.
Rule #3 – Is The News Helping You?
Honestly, what “feel-good” stories are in the news?
Exactly. The news is all about clicks and it attracts what it puts out. The world is on FIRE at the moment with opinions, so the best thing to do is again….”circle of influence” vs “circle of concern.” Talk about only the things you can control and leave the trolls for the trolls. Go on a media fast. Stay away from all news and have a partner at work or home where you can rely on him/her for information. Unless there’s a nuclear bomb coming or a flash flood (Thailand – lol), you don’t need to know a damn thing!
First and foremost, thank you to one of my anonymous listeners for bringing up one of the most controversial topics at WORK — gossip!
These types of of environments hinder us and stop us from growing. It could be an employee being nice to you in front of your face before bad-mouthing you behind your back; and even a boss who doesn’t give you any praise, but points out the seeming negative. I’ve been there, in three different countries, and I’ve been around maybe 50 nationalities in all. So, let me tell you a couple of ways you can steer clear of the idle gossip and ignore the ignoramus.
Step 1: If someone shows you who they are, believe them.
This was in Tyler Perry’s ‘Madea Goes To Jail’ screenplay, and it doesn’t get any truer than this. These are the types of employees or people who show their true colors. When you see it, completely void yourself from them. For example, there was one time one of my co-workers overreacted to something so petty and bad-mouthed me. I didn’t speak to him for the remainder of my time at the job, which was about a year. Another similar situation happened when another individual was being utterly rude, yet…to another petty situation. I never spoke to that individual again.
There are ways to handle situations. Hell, there wasn’t even a situation to begin with…but people make something so ‘small’ into a big deal. Instead of going on a rant and trying to embarrass someone, try to reason things out and at least apologize after the ordeal.
Step 2: Toxic employees will suck you into an abyss with no way out.
Employees, such as one I used to work with back in Vegas, complained about every patient, employee, and detail about her work. What ultimately happened? May her RIP, because she was killed just months after I moved here to Thailand in May of 2013. Am I saying people can die from being nasty? Not necessarily, but you don’t want to be around those people who’s goal is to criticize everyone in the workplace. I’ve worked with people who sat in circles, complaining about the world….I stopped joining those “bitch” parties and went onto greater things. Since leaving that party, I’ve exceeded my expectations as a human being and my life is unbelievably amazing.
Find a group and stick with them. Don’t join the ‘ain’t it awful’ club. Another example would be a website in Thailand where all the foreigners go on there, post anonymously – spewing hateful rhetoric about Thais and Africans. These things will only come back and haunt you because what you put out, must come back.
If you want some more of my stories and steps, tune into my podcast down below!
“Oh, another African American coon! I bet white people love you!” – Podcast Listener
“You’re so ignorant to say that America isn’t the most racist country on the planet. Comment somewhere else.”
This coming from a man in Georgia and another faceless YouTuber – both whom are African American.
This coming from people who have never traveled to Asia before.
Regardless of racism or not, this shows the severity of the situation amongst African Americans in not accepting others opinions while using hateful rhetoric to somehow demean an opinion.
I recall watching a random video of Jerry Tarknanian’s 1990-91 Runnin Rebels (University of Nevada Las Vegas) of UNLV and at BYU (Brigham Young University), there was a fan in the student section holding up a poster that said, “hey Jerry! Nice coon squad!”
I was called a ‘coon’ today (for the first time) by another African American.
We went from the great Jesse Owens, who had to overcome the most sickening conditions both in America and in Germany (him conquering and getting gold medals in front of the Nazi Regime), to Rosa Parks who just said “no,” to Martin Luther King giving his ‘I Have A Dream Speech’ to Mohammad Ali standing for all our rights…….now we’re killing each other on the streets of L.A. because one wears red and another wears blue. The harsh reality behind Moonlight and how African American societies revolve around other African Americans hating and beating one another in the likes of Liberty City, Gary, Compton, Flint, Camden, Detroit, Louisville and dozens of other towns/cities in America.
Not only in America, but Africans also burning each other alive in Nigeria, Kenya, bombs going off everywhere, looting, homicides….going back to the Rwanda genocide.
I want to know how can we gain respect from the rest of the world if we don’t respect ourselves? Hateful rhetoric and foolishness just shows the insecurity of another being, but there’s a blueprint within the mind which has built up sorrow and anger within. If you look at Lebron James, Kobe Bryant and co…..more African Americans hate them than anyone else!
I can sit here and write forever about the problems in the community of African Americans, but what about the solutions?