Sexual Mask: Part IV – What Can You Do Now?

Lewis Howes talked in his book about being raped when he was 5 years old.  There was another instance when he was on the football team where at 3:30 in the morning, he woke up to find his pants half-way down and a girl trying to have sex with him.

Through the eyes of most men reading this – you might thing or might have thought that’s a dream come true.  See, every woman is warned about these near-rape experienced, and men completely shrug off the fact that it can happen to them.

There was one morning during the 2006 Worldcup when I was walking to my friend Kristine’s house.  A man pulled up beside me, said hello and told me to “hop in.”  I thought it was Mr. Nadelson by quick glance, and I even said his name out loud.  However, when I got in the car, I knew it wasn’t him.  He started asking me if he could see my feet and asked me if I wanted to make a little money.  I told him to pull-over and I got out the car quickly, not telling anyone about the experience for about three years.  Now the world knows.

Another instance was on a sunny afternoon.  I was much smarter at this point versus being an 18-years-old, naive youngster.  It had to be between 2009-2011; sometime before I went to Australia on a working holiday visa.  Keep in ming that I live in a predominantly African American neighborhood, people.  A car pulled up beside me – a nice one – and a man asked me where “Big 5” was.  It was odd because I’m asking myself, “no offence, but what’s an Anglo male doing in a neighborhood like this asking about a store that’s more than 10-20 miles away?”  He was rubbing his shades, had a belly, and looked very odd.  He then asked if I needed a ride home, and of course, my home being just on the other side of the wall, I smiled and declined.  Did I report him? No…I should have, because I’m a little bit ashamed to have let a pedaphile getaway like that.

Situations like these, man or woman, need to be talked about.  Only a handful of people in my life know about these two situations, and now I’m able to tell everyone because it could help someone in a country that doesn’t have a system in terms of sex offenders like the United States.

Most men, too, are scared of telling these stories because they fear of having something derogatory said about them.

What Can You Do Right Now?

“Sex is the perfect way to avoid emotions. It feels close and intimate, but sex allows a man struggling behind his Sexual Mask to compartmentalize those emotions and focus only on the physical aspects of sex. The problem with a singular focus on the physical part of sex is that it will never be enough.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Absolutely right.  If you have sex, especially within the first week, there’s nothing else to look forward to.  Have you men, who are reading this, ever felt this before? Like before you have sex, there should be a build-up.  The sexual desire and the increased arousal is what it’s all about.  “The process.”  If you do it the first couple of nights, there’s nothing else to look forward to, right?

A man trapped behind this mask is always on the verge for looking for the newest conquest.  The next girl in line.  I see tons of men suffering from this in Thailand.  There’s one teacher I used to work for who was heading home to his girlfriend one day, came across me, and started showing me photos of women who he’s been sleeping with.  It’s terrifying.

What’s Available?

Inner peace
Fulfilling intimate relationships
Feeling grounded
True partnership”

Figure out what you are avoiding. Is it responsibility? Self-worth? Intimacy, connection, pain, joy, or satisfaction? Are you dealing with a huge void or an overabundance of something you don’t know how to handle? Make a list of those things you might be avoiding, and then create an action plan and the next steps you are committed to creating, and by when.

For example: I’ve been avoiding having a conversation with my girlfriend, and I’m going to call her tomorrow . . . whatever it is, write it down.
And really be honest with yourself about whether retreating behind this Sexual Mask has improved your life.

The key to figuring all this out is learning how to be alone. How to love yourself. You need to be in a relationship with yourself first. When you’re looking for love and validation from the outside, you inevitably lose yourself and the ability to cultivate self-love because nothing inside you seems as valuable as what you get from someone else. You’ll never get enough from the outside to fill the void created on the inside, and so you must learn how to be happy by, and with, yourself.” – Lewis Howes


Redefine & Give Yourself A Life Purpose!

I’ve done a podcast on this months ago, but I never formulated it into a blog post.  This morning, one of my wonderful kyrgyzstani friends said, “Arsenio, I just want to be happy!”  The thing is, with the condition of the human mind, we can choose to be happy right now through gratitude, but I felt she needed much more than just this.  I think it was time for an exercise.

So, with he help of Jack Canfield’s book, this exercise helped me tremendously in figuring out my life purpose.  Without further ado, lets get started.

Start by making a list of all the times you can remember in your life that made you feel the most truly alive and joyful.

For me, the Christmas mornings when I was young and the build up each December leading to that December 25th morning was amazing.  Also, first day of middle school, high school, when my marching bad got an excellent at a Las Vegas Invitational – the reverberation of excitement that ensued for weeks is like nothing I’ve ever felt before in my life.  Make a list!

What are your natural gifts?

  • Making people laugh
  • Teaching
  • Working out/running
  • Making people smile (relates to laughing)

What are your skills and talents?

What do you love to do?

When do you feel most alive?

What are you passionate about?

What brings you the greatest joy in life?

When do you feel the best about yourself?

What are your personal strengths and characteristics?

What have others said that you’re really good at?

How do you most enjoy interacting with people?

What would you do to change the world if you could?

These are the questions you will need to answer.  Take your time! It will probably take some thinking and pondering because like my students in Thailand, no one has ever asked you these questions before in your life.  

  • After you’re done, look through the list an figure out what are all the common characteristics of your answers?
  • What do these answers have in common with the list you made earlier?
  • When you did everything, consolidate the entire list into two or three complete sentences.  This is the process of defining your life purpose – your personal mission (as Neale Donald Walsh has said), and you will do it unapologetically and authentically based on your interests, talents, and passions.

My Life Purpose

To inspire both on and off stage with great enthusiasm about personal development, bring awareness to Asia in terms of striving for your true passion, and being the example I want to see in the world.

Now, it’s your turn.


Your Life Purpose In 15 Minutes

Start by making a list of all the times you can remember in your life that have made you feel the most truly alive and joyful.

  • 1999 – Running up the stairs of our new townhouse.
  • 1999 – First day of middle school.
  • 2002 – First day of high school.
  • 2003 – Rancho High School Marching Band received it’s first EXCELLENT rating in a decade.
  • 2004 – First ever first place in a track and field competition.

This is a shortlist of mine.  It’s time to make yours and evaluate it.  Ask yourself what each of these experiences had in common.  Make a note of it.  There’s a common element in it that brings you joy, and the thing that brings you joy is your life purpose!

Now, consider the following questions, and write down your answers.


What are my natural gifts?

  • Making people laugh.
  • Teaching.
  • Working out.
  • Personality.
  • Meeting people.


What are my skills and talents?


What do I love to do?


When do I feel the most alive?


What am I passionate about?


What brings me the greatest joy in life?


When do I feel best about myself?


What are my personal strengths and characteristics


What have others always said that I am really good at?


How do I most enjoy interacting with other people?


What would I change in the world if i could?





Follow these steps and tune into my podcast to hear what I’ve written down!


Napoleon Hill – How To Overcome The Fear of Poverty

First, scissor up those plastic cards that lay either idle, or accessible in your wallets and purses.  It’s time to pay virtually cash for everything.  Oh, and this comment is specifically for my Thais here in Thailand – DON’T PAY OFF DEBT WITH CREDIT CARDS! Makes zero sense.

When you start doing this, the sigh of relief will be an overwhelming feeling of joy.  Breaking away from the worrisome and indebtedness so that you’re ready to revamp the habits in your mind and re-direct your course toward prosperity is going to be one of the best achievements of your life.

Remember, when you discontinue an undesirable habit, know that their will be a void or space in the mind that will need some accompanying.  If you don’t occupy that free-space, what will come back?

You guessed right!

The destructive habit that you kicked before.

I’ve talked about a couple of formulas which I told you to copy, paste, print, and recite aloud. There are more formulas approaching very soon…and these formulas will become a part of your mental machinery.

I’m assuming that because you’re reading this…you’re somewhat striving for financial independence.  No, I’m not talking about those ridiculous “how to become a millionaire and billionaire” over-the-top videos you see on YouTube.  I’m talking about the accumulation of money to where you don’t worry about your finances – period.  It’s not difficult to do after you master the Fear of Poverty and developed in its place the Habit of Saving.

The fact and matter is that the cold, cruel, relentless truth is that we’re in the age of materialism.  We’re in the age that showing cars, houses, and everything materialistic gives you an upper hand over other people.  Just look at it this way, if you see a man wearing a suit jut waltzing down the street, you would ask yourself “how much money does he have,” right? However, if you see a man walking down the street with his clothes unpressed, his collar is dirty, shoes scuffed up, and not clean-shaved…you’re probably thinking that he shows signs of impoverished finances.

This tendency to judge people by the money they have, or their power to control money, is not confined to any one class of people.  We all have a touch of it, whether we recognize the fact or not.  Egoism, which I’ll be going over extensively in the coming weeks, is closely related to materialism.  We have to learn to break away from the “I’m better than you because I have more money” bs so we can uplift humanity.

And before I close this out, a lot of men stumble and fall, never again to rise, because of lack of money in times of emergency.  Reserve Funds are essential in the success operation of business! These are all the topics and things I discussed in my podcast down below.  Enjoy!


Just Be Yourself

I absolutely loved Australia.  I loved everything it had to offer such as the gorgeous northern beaches (Avalon, Monavale, Deewhy, Palm Beach) in Sydney, to the beautiful suburbs in Melbourne,  to the Blue Mountains, and Darling Harbour.  So much good to point out, but I wasn’t able to fully relish the experience of actually being in Australia because I felt like I didn’t fit in.

Obviously living with Mauritians, Colombians and Bulgarians didn’t help with the full Australia experience (lol), but at the same time, I remember having a conversation with a housemate saying, “maybe I should just be boring like everyone else.”

She replied, “you have one of the most gorgeous personalities ever! Don’t be someone you’re not!”

That wasn’t music to my ears until I came to Thailand two years later.  Despite wearing the suits that were perfectly tailored, the shoes, the smile, the meticulousness in general – I was still painted as an “African Scammer from Nigeria” through the eyes of them (no, I’m not from Nigeria, but they think I am).  Yes, very blunt and unerringly frank. but this is where the fun began.

When I started experiencing the things I did over the course of several years, I realized, “wait, so…..regardless of who I am and what I represent, these particular individuals still disregard me.  Therefore, I don’t have an image, even if I act crazy or not!”

Granted, I’m not one who just runs in circles in public screaming obscenities, but I am that guy who runs down the busiest roads rapping DMX while trying to PR my mile time.

I’m not myself.  I’m someone who laughs in public, shares smiles with myself, and dances to work….all because of being in a society that banished me from the very beginning.

Because of this, I traveled to over 6 countries, work for the biggest companies, have a podcast that inspires thousands around the world, just created a website, etc.  The purpose.  The definite chief-aim happened when I started asking myself these questions before hearing that voice, “young man, you’re a brilliant individual who’s personality permeates when you walk into an auditorium.  You’re a spectacular being.  Be who you are!”

And here I am.

I’m inviting you to not worry about the criticism of others because the thing is, they don’t think.  They don’t understand the laws of the universe.  You do.  When you start this journey of becoming the best version of you, you’ll start attracting to you likeminded individuals who will boost you professionally, spiritually, socially….and that’s when the fun begins.

Join me on this magnificent journey we call life.