Season 1: Episode 6 – Book Review – Alpha & Know-It-All Masks

These are the last two masks I’ll be talking about, and this is the last episode for Lewis Howes’ Masks of Masculinity book.  There were so many gems and so many things I connected in my past.  Even over the past couple of days, I still continue to see people who are suffering from these masks: both men and women.  So, let’s break down the Alpha and Know-It-All masks.

“When I shut up and let my podcast guests do the talking, only then are they able to share their wisdom and teach me things I didn’t know.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

This was a quote that changed the way I did podcasts.  For example, when I brought Soheir on my show, I sat back, let her speak, and employed close listening.  However, some people who are hosts for podcasts and hosts in general do all the talking.  That could be a problem.

Another instance was my most recent podcast interview with Tiffany Okafor.  I related, but I also asked her some good questions and didn’t want it to be a full-fledge interview.

“Have you ever noticed how people tend to fill the dead time in a conversation or a meeting by rambling on about some random topic? Have you ever watched someone you work with try to impress the people around them by going on a long rant about something you can’t even pronounce? Have you ever seen someone in an important setting suck the air out of the room by making it all about them? They always have a response, they can’t let anything go, and they have to show you how smart they are.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Welcome to corporate America.  There’s always the manage/CEO that has to have his final say in everything.  There’s always that suit and tie guy that pushes the narrative that he’s better than everyone else because he knows bigger words.

I tried looking for the video, but there was an instance that two hollywood “white boys” (I’m emphasizing this for a reason) came to Gary Vee’s office, and instead of them shutting up and listening, they talked over Gary Vee the entire time, sending most commenters and subscribers into a frenzy of name-calling.  You have to be the student sometimes.  If I ever have the special privilege of bringing Michael Bernard Beckwith on my podcast, I would literally just ask some questions and sit back — just as I did when Sano came onto my podcast.

What’s available when you drop the mask…

People want to be around you
Freedom to not know
Ability to learn and grow
Wisdom from others
Deeper intimacy
Support from others

Podcast

Alpha Mask

 

This has already been handled about 10 days ago, so I’ll just post the podcast down below for you guys.

 

Final Review

Being able to finish these books, learn, grow, and teach what I’ve learned, is one of the greatest things I could’ve ever done.  Over the past couple of years, I’ve finished somewhere around a half-dozen books (compared to maybe 2 books the previous 28 years) and I’ve seen significant growth.

I want to thank everyone who’s been with me on this journey and we’re going to continue with Napoleon Hill’s PMA book in the next season!

Season 1: Lewis Howes’ Masks of Masculinity: Alpha Mask – Continued

This is the beginning of the season (but soon to be the end of this book).  Season 1 will be a quickie, since I’ve already finished 95% of this book.  However, expect this to happen from here on out.  Each season will be a new book and I will mark the episodes, too!

“I was nearly 30 years old when the fight happened, and I remember running back to my place after pummeling this guy’s face bloody, flopping onto my bed, and nearly hyperventilating as memories of an equally bloody fight from my childhood flooded my memory banks. At the time, the two fights felt related. It was as if they tapped into a deep pain and anger that I’d never processed. You could say I’d stuffed these unprocessed emotions down and hidden them behind my Stoic Mask and my Athlete Mask. Upon reflection, I think all of that is still true.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

When I heard about this from Lewis Howes, it reminded what I had done to my sister (in a much less violent way).

My younger sister, Rolonda, was the victim of bullying — by me.  I constantly bullied her since I was young because I was bullied by my older brother.  After doing something I knew was completely wrong, I remember walking into my room, falling on my knees, and covering my face with my hands.  At the time, I had the Alpha Mask on.  No way would I go down stairs to apologize to her, but I should have.  After I returned from Australia, I remember I was an entire different person and we had our first legitimate conversation EVER.  However, I returned back to my bullying because of course, my brother was the one with the power under my mom’s roof (yes, even more than my mother herself).

When you identify these things, you can always connect the dots and see where it all went wrong.

“Here’s the truth: We misunderstand the whole alpha/beta definition. We tend to think of it as strong versus weak, active versus passive, hard versus soft, effective versus ineffective. All of that is nonsense. In most situations, we confuse strength with brutishness. We confuse being active with being directionless. And we confuse being hard with being insecure.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

The last two sentences really stuck with me.  Directionless and insecure…it’s what I see everyday in society, and especially on videos in YouTube (which I try to stay away from).

Most alpha males, in general, are big football/rugby players.  If you look at every American sports player, they all have big houses and big cars — this is a sign of the material mask because their financial blue print stemmed around “not having enough,” so they want to have the feeling of “having enough” to prove other people wrong, moreover, themselves.

With the Alpha Mask, most men want to show not only physical dominance, but emotional dominance over another.  This is why I mention my brother a lot because he’s the one you could never calm down once he reached a certain threshold of anger.

“So in a locker room for a guy to step out and say, “Hey, listen, that’s not right,” or “Hey, I love you, man,” or whatever it is that steps away from the masculine ideal, he’s going against that strong negativity bias which just says, “I’m in danger if I step out of that norm.” And that’s a really powerful thing. And it takes an environment that’s really supportive to that person to be able to do that.
Any guy reading this book has felt that pressure. Someone makes an off-color joke, and you stay quiet. You see someone getting picked on, and you look the other way. Someone is going through a tough time, and rather than offering him words of comfort, you change the subject or tell him to “be a man.” There is that toxic phrase again. In other words, you act like an alpha because, well, that’s what you’re “supposed” to do with guys, right?”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Lewis Howes: Material Mask: Part IV – What Can You Do Now?

When Lewis Howes sat down with Tony Robbins on a few instance, I still remember the story Tony told.  I know this story from the back of my mind, and shockingly enough, Sir John Templeton (who I gave a bad rap on his Tedx for because his on-stage presence and attire – lol!) told him about the essence of giving.

What’s that story?

“I said, ‘Hi,’ I think he said his name was Ronny, and I said, ‘Ronny, you’re a class act. I saw you open the door for your lady, I saw you hold out the chair for your lady.’ He goes, ‘She’s my mom.’ I said, ‘That’s even more classy.’”

Tony commended him for taking his mom out to lunch. The kid looked at him with a serious face the way young kids do who haven’t learned how to joke around yet, and he said, “I’m not really taking her to lunch. I’m just 11 and I don’t have a job.”
Without even thinking about it, Tony gave the kid all the money in his pocket—basically all he had left in the world—so he could take his mother out to lunch. Then he walked out of the restaurant and went on with his life.

Think about that: Tony had no money, no way to pay his rent, and he was going to have to consider going hungry for his next several meals. Yet he was euphoric. He told me he basically flew home, he felt so proud of himself.

The next day, he checked his mail and found a letter from a guy he’d been hounding about a business transaction for months, who hadn’t returned his calls. In the letter was a check for $1,000 plus interest, and an apology.

Tony began to cry. How could something like that happen? Were the two events related? He told me he decided that they were:

I don’t know if it’s true, but I decided that day that this happened because I did the right thing. Because I didn’t have a plan, it wasn’t a strategy, I always felt this little soul beside me, I knew what was right, and I did it. I didn’t do it because I thought I could or I couldn’t, I didn’t even think about it, and that’s the day I became a wealthy man, because I still didn’t have any money, but scarcity left my body. I’ve had plenty of ups and downs since that time, but I never went back to that fearful mindset of, “Oh my God, how’s it going to happen?” – Tony Robbins

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Lewis Howes went on to say that what Tony was describing at that present time was the Material Mask being ripped off.  It was no longer about him, his indecision, scarcity and being broke on so many levels because of wanting the luxury of things.

When Lewis Howes did the interview in Tony’s private jet, Tony didn’t talk so much about the figures, but more about what his accomplishments and especially feeding people all over the planet.  There was a time that a neighbor gave his family a full thanksgiving dinner – which was too much to bear for his father, whom later walked out on Tony and his mother.  Can you imagine that? Since then, Tony went on a venture to feed as many people around the planet as he can.

Do you hear about those humanitarian rewards with Tai?

What Can You Do Right Now?

“What we need to realize is that we are valuable, regardless of what we have. We need to recognize that, while living behind the Material Mask, there will never be such a thing as “enough” when it comes to a sufficient sense of self-worth as a man.” – Lewis Howes

Here is what you can do to practice gratitude on a daily basis. I do many of these myself, and you can start them right now:

1.When you wake up, take out your journal and write down three things for which you’re grateful.

2.Before you go to sleep, ask the last person you talk to three things they are most grateful for from the day, and in reply tell them what you are grateful for from the day too.

3.My voicemail message asks people to share what they are most grateful for when they leave a message. Feel free to copy the idea.

4.Start meetings with your team or business partners with a moment that allows everyone to share what they are grateful for.

5.Acknowledge people daily with a few words that express what you’re grateful for about them.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/lewis-howes-material-mask-part-iv-what-c

Lewis Howes: Material Mask – Part III

“Whatever success you’re after, keep in mind that someone has already had it, hated it, and deluded themselves into thinking that just a little more would solve their problems.” – Ryan Holiday

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

It makes you think a lot about materialistic things in general, doesn’t it? I’m completely fine making a solid 3k-5k a month.  All I really care about is traveling, making a difference, and once I start making over that amount, I’ll develop a non-profit organization and build schools in impoverished countries.  That’s my life assignment.

Some people’s life assignment revolves around getting a Bugati.  Look at Christian Guzman, for instance.  Back around August of 2016 before my breakthrough, I would watch his videos to try to get a burst of inspiration.  Instead, it was about houses, money, and cars.  A lot of followers, again in the comment section, would hurl rhetoric at him in terms of lavishing himself in luxury.  The point I’m trying to make is during the video, I felt his energy.  And in saying that, his energy was so off.  He had such a feeling of discontent with the entire process.  He did not seem happy whatsoever.  Same thing goes with another YouTuber (fitness) named Chris Jones.  I feel that he’s another person who doesn’t seemed entirely fulfilled, although he has a gorgeous house, significant other, and car.  This is what scares me.

“I think one of the big reasons why men, specifically, chase money and fame is because they were turned away earlier from those feelings of acceptance and attachment, and they found some security in this myth that being rich, that having Tai’s house, will finally make them feel like men.” – Lewis Howes

Luckily, I’ve never been one of those men.  However, I feel like a particular clothing store, which I would get my clothes tailored from, was pushing me to the bring of having a Material Mask.  It being an Indian based store in BKK, they’re very pushy.  They would constantly push me to buy and invest more after picking up some.  Thankfully, the last time I went there (back in April), the manager ripped me off completely and told me to pick up 300$ worth of clothing (which would be only one suit and a pair of slacks – compared to five shirts, three slacks and a blazer just a year before) by the following week.  I left and said, “is this it? Is the trust broken?” And if I had gone back to pick up everything, I think not only would I have lost all my dignity, but the mask would be officially on.  I messaged another employee expressing discontent; and later on that evening, I went on to block all numbers and never went back since.

Did I need an extra 3-7 suits? Hell no.  I have about 5-7 suits already; plus a couple of blazers, vests, and an assortment of ties and slacks.  However, people will push you to do things you don’t want to do. If you’re not accepting, they become more adamant.

Don’t get me wrong, wearing perfectly tailored clothes gives me such a “swag” that no one else in Bangkok has.  However, it doesn’t give me true fulfillment, and that’s what Teacher Edward told me just a couple years prior.

“Listen, you can have all the clothes you want, Arsenio.  If you don’t know what you’re going to say, all of that won’t mean a damn thing.”

And the last Tai Lopez story is….

“There’s two ways you can consume, as a person making money,” he said to me. “There’s conspicuous consumption and inconspicuous. And conspicuous is what makes you unhappy. So I don’t have any nice watches, okay? And some of my friends are like, ‘You should have a Rolex because if you are successful, you need to show that.’ Well, I don’t really care about watches, never did. So if I bought a watch for myself, it would be what’s called conspicuous, me trying to show off.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Wait, but kicking off a video with you getting out of a Lambo or standing in front of a mansion isn’t showing off?

Look, we’re going to do different things with out money.  Entrepreneurs like Gary Vee says reinvest, which is the smartest thing to do.  Other people go to high-end stores and saturate themselves with high quality “materialistic” things.  Other people travel.  However, if you think that’s going to let you into the “cool group” you’re sadly mistaken.

Does anyone know the movie called “richie rich?” Ahhh, as a child, this movie was amazing.  A little boy who was unbelievably rich tried to fit in with the neighborhood kids by playing baseball. They shoved him away constantly because he wasn’t “them.”  Money is not a code, it’s an enabler.

Podcast