Sensitivity Breeds Perpetuity

I normally walk over a bridge to go home everyday — a pedestrian bridge.  When I get to the top of this particular bridge, normally there’s someone there sitting on the pavement — holding their hands to their face with a cup in front of them: “I need money.”  On some days, there’s an older lady there with what it seems to be a daughter/granddaughter.  These are the things that really upset me because those children don’t deserve to be included in the chaos.

Homeless.

A word and one of the most controversial topics.  I believe there are different degrees of homelessness.  We can’t compare homeless Americans to homeless Africans or Indians for the sake of governments.  In America, homeless people can get shelter every evening, meals, clothing and other things; in Africa, it’s a free-for-all.  Every man for themselves.

There was an interesting topic on a recent Ted video that sparked a debate (or what I thought was one) from a “therapist” (whatever that means).  A woman told me, “how about some sensitivity?”

Ok, I’m sensitive.

Now what?

Because of a collective and conjunction of bad choices, you’ve landed yourself on the streets.  I will jump in the defence of foster children, which is an incredibly detestable story.  However, everyone has different stories.  I’m not talking about homelessness in the likes of Somalia, India, Bangladesh and other places…..I’m talking about America.  Owning up and taking 100% responsibility for being in your position is the first thing you need to do.  This man on a Ted video said, “we should build homes for all homeless people.”  But, if you put a homeless person into a gorgeous home with a homeless mindset, the individual will still perpetuate a homeless lifestyle because he too, still has the homeless mindset.

In order to change the way someone is….you have to first change the mind.  The paradigm.  The habits.  I remember Charles Barkley made fun of Michael Jordan on an interview one-time — calling him “cheap.”  Michael Jordan didn’t give money to a homeless person.  Oprah Winfrey went on to comment, “well, I do agree because to a certain degree…you’re literally prolonging the hell with the individual.  If you give them money, they will believe that they don’t have to do anything.”

For example, I tried giving a homeless person food on a pedestrian bridge in Thailand — he denied it.  Yes, he denied food. The most quintessential gesture amongst homeless people here in Thailand.  Later, someone dropped some coins in the cup and he thanked them.

What does that tell you? Yes, the arguments such as “only some people deny this.  What about people in this country, and that country.  You’re not very sympathetic.  You’re not compassionate.”  Welcome to the University of Hard Knocks.  You’re homeless and you want other people to give you…..money.  Not food? “Only some people.”  I’ve heard that excuse already.  What if I go to a homeless person and give them….let’s say a book? Will he keep it?  Nope.  Although the book has everything he needs to get out of his rut — he denies that, too.

Napoleon Hill once took a man downstairs in his shop, unveiled a mirror after swiping away at the blanket that was covering it, pointed in the mirror and said, “that’s the only man that can help you.”

If I’m sensitive about the homelessness phenomenon in America, it won’t change the mind of homeless people.  One of my friend’s uncles said, “Arsenio, don’t make fun of homeless people.  They are quitters.”  Giving them homes will do what for them?  Changing their mind, however, can change their reality and the way they perceive it to be.  Clothe them, bathe them, do as you wish….but until the mind is changed, you’re perpetuating a global problem.

 

Shrugging Off Negativity: Round 1 – Social Media Purge

How often do you find yourself in arguments with fake accounts on social media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube? Will those type of engagements help you or hurt you in your run for whatever you’re trying to achieve? Social media is bone-crushing – and engaging in quarrels with people who don’t have faces is going to hurt you more than them.

Just recently I posted a very educated post on Nikkei Asia’s Facebook page and I attracted to me wife/sex tourists here in Thailand trying to defend Thai people and the culture, although I’ve been a victim of extreme racial hatred.  What happens? I could ultimately lose face because just like 3 years ago, they could snapshot a photo of what I said and use it against me or my business in the future.

Also, I got another comment, around the same time, of an acquaintance I met on a plane about 8 years ago saying, “why did you unfollow me on Instagram?”  Both of these messages, which I read very early in the morning, dictated about the next 15 minutes of my morning.  I needed to make a quick decision and say, “ok, media purge time.  Delete the comment, block the people, and lets move forward.”

Rule #1 – Social Media Can Destroy You – If You Engage In Pity Parties

Anytime you’re vying for superior status on ESPN forums, CNN/FoxNews comment sections or anything else, you’re going to attract to you others who are out to ruin your day; let alone your life.  Just know that every comment can dictate the way people view you.  As Tim Ferris said, “stay the hell away from the news.”  Sure, if you want to create a fake account and troll everyone, you can….but what satisfaction are you getting out of calling someone 10k miles a way a bunch of adjectives? Commenting, especially on sports forums and news forums, is useless.

Rule #2 – Notice It Early & Steer Clear

After receiving sensationalistic comments in the morning, I told myself, “ok, I’m done with social media for the day.”  Instagram is much better in terms of real people and surrounding yourself with people who will boost your persona; on the other hand, Facebook is troll city.  Commenting on Twitter, also, is not what you want to do.  I knew because I read those comments early in the morning that I could be in for a lot of trouble…consciously.  So, I immediately made my grateful list and I snapped out of it by listening to Micheal Bernard Beckwith.  If you don’t snap out of the funk, your day is funk.

Rule #3 – Is The News Helping You?

Honestly, what “feel-good” stories are in the news?

Go ahead.

I’m waiting.

Exactly.  The news is all about clicks and it attracts what it puts out.  The world is on FIRE at the moment with opinions, so the best thing to do is again….”circle of influence” vs “circle of concern.”  Talk about only the things you can control and leave the trolls for the trolls.  Go on a media fast.  Stay away from all news and have a partner at work or home where you can rely on him/her for information.  Unless there’s a nuclear bomb coming or a flash flood (Thailand – lol), you don’t need to know a damn thing!

Podcast

A Simple Way To Make A First Good Impression

Walking up to everyone, smiling before shaking their hand.  You will be remembered, why? The emotional reaction behind it.

Lily Singh, who’s a prominent Indian-American youtuber, mentioned Jimmy Kimmel in a chapter of her new book titled, “shake what your momma gave you.”

Jimmy began laughing in confusion as to why he was in that specific chapter, given the fact that his hips are definitely a big lie (lol).  Lily retorted by saying he has a tremendous character.  One day, both of them walked into a room somewhere in Hollywood and although everyone had already known who Jimmy Kimmel was, he still walked up to every single person in that room and shook their hand.  That’s a man with class.

Have you ever had a terrible day and then you saw yourself staring at a baby who was in pure joy? This baby ends up establishing a connection with you and either they will stare at you ominously (like in Thailand LOL), or they will smile at you.

There was a day I was walking out of my favorite restaurant (Wine Connection) and this child literally ran right up to me and hugged my leg with a big smile.  I poked his stomach and he nudged at me.  I walked a meter before seeing his parents smiling at me — BOOM! My day was made!  Children have the personality of a dog essentially……huh? Arsenio, what the hell are you talking about?

Think about it…..what other things do you see on the planet that makes you smile instantaneously? Babies and dogs….why? They have nothing to complain or worry about.

Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, expressed his feelings about a smile. “People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.

“You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy. Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William James put it:”

“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/12362134

Enthusiasm + Creed

I will repeat again, “the human mind is a marvelous piece of machinery!”

One of the most outstanding characteristics are the impressions which reach it, either through outside suggestion or auto-suggestion.  The negative impressions could be stores away, all in one portion of the brain, while the positive impressions are stored in another portion.  When one of these impressions is called into the conscious mind, through the principle of memory, there is a tendency to recall with it all others of a similar nature, just as the raising of one link of a chain brings up others links with it.

For example, anything that causes a feeling of doubt to arise in a person’s mind is sufficient enough to call forth all of his experiences which caused him to become doubtful.

If I’m engaged in a conversation with someone I met online and my instinct begins talking to me, that’s because my guards are being raised and I ultimately reminisce what happened the last time I was in a situation similar to the one that was taking place.

If a man is asked by a stranger to cash a check, immediately he remembers having cashed checks that were not good, or of having heard of others who did so.

Through the law of association all similar emotions, experiences, and sense impressions that reach the mind are filed away together, so that the recalling of one has a tendency to bring back to memory all the others.

Take the feeling of fear, for example; the moment we permit a single emotion that is related to fear to reach the conscious mind, it calls with it all the relations.

You need to deliberately place in your own mind, through the principle of Auto-suggestion, the ambition to succeed through the aid of a definite chief aim, and notice how quickly all of your latent or undeveloped ability in the nature of past experiences will become stimulated and aroused to action in your behalf.

There are a few things I want you to read aloud and do this daily either before you get out of bed, or before you retire at night.

I do not believe that i can afford to try to deceive anyone, about anything, but I know that I cannot afford to try to deceive myself.  To do so would destroy the power of my pen and render my words ineffective.  It is only when I write with the fire of enthusiasm burning in my heart that my writing impresses others favourably; and it is only when I speak from a heart that is bursting with belief in my message, that I can move my audience to accept that message.

There have been times, and many of them, when it appeared that if I stood by this principle it would mean starvation.

There have been times when my closest friends, and business advisers have strongly urge me to shade my philosophy for the sake of gaining a needed advantage here and there, but somehow I have managed to cling to it, mainly, I suppose, for the reason that I have preferred peace and harmony in my own heart to the material gain that I might have had by a forced compromise with my conscience.

Strange as it may seem, my deliberations and conclusions on this subject of refusing to strange my own conscience have seldom been based upon what is commonly called “honesty.”  That which I have done in the matter of refraining from writing or speaking anything that I did not believe has been solely a question of honor.

Also, read the following law aloud because it embraces a great law that you must understand and apply before you can become a person of influence.

In making these requests, for the sake of emphases, I am not trying to take undue liberties with you.  I am giving you full credit for being an adult, a thinker, an intelligent person, yet I know how likely you are to skip over these vital laws without being sufficiently impressed by them to make them a part of your own workaday philosophy.  I know you weakness because i know my own.  It has required the better part of twenty-five years of ups and downs – mostly downs – to impress these basic truths upon my own mind so that they influenced me.  I have tried both them and their opposites; therefore, I can speak, not as one who merely believes in their soundness, but as one who knows.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/12270145

Enthusiasm – Part II

Auto-suggestion is incredible because it leaves the strongest impression on the mind.  With suggestion, you can make yourself sick, and unsick.  Don’t believe me? Here’s a story.

In a little town where Napoleon Hill was born… there was an old lady who would constantly complain about dying of cancer – a fear she faced.  During this particular woman’s childhood she had seen a woman who had cancer and at the sight had so impressed itself upon this woman’s mind that she began to look for the symptoms of cancer in her own body.

Overtime she felt a little ache or pain, apparently it was the beginning of her long-looked-for symptom of cancer.

What’s even more shocking is that Napoleon would see her, years down the line, telling people, “Oh, I am sure I have cancer growing here.  I can feel it.”  At the time, she was pointing at her left breast.

When this lady was complaining about this imaginary disease, she would always place her hand on where cancer may be attacking her.   For more than twenty years she kept this up.

Guess what? Not shortly after that, she died.

I’m guessing you’re asking yourself what did she die from.

And where exactly was it.

You’ve guessed right!

You, yes…you who have come across this – can be sent to bed with imaginary sickness of the worst sort, in two hours’ time or less, through the use of suggestion.

I’m sure those who are actually reading this around the world knows someone who’s like this particular lady.  This is how powerful suggestion is.  This is how I’ve even labeled myself as a “black man” and suggested that for more than 28 years of my life – believing that I’m just a crayon in the crayon box.

People place a lot of suggestions on our mind.  For instance, look at ‘moonlight,’ the oscar-winning movie that won best picture.  This African American kid was called a faggot for the longest as a child.  What happened? He started questioning his sexuality, and because he didn’t have a father figure in his life, he grew older and ultimately ended up becoming gay.  Why? The students in his class would call him a “faggot.”

See how powerful that is?

More in my podcast!

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/12264917

Don’t Let The Beetles Get You Down

Does anyone remember the scene out of U-571 where depth charges are being dropped on a Nazi Submarine (but captured by the Americans) during WWII? Here, let me refresh your memory.

Here’s a dramatic clip and a story of a man named Robert Moore.  He said back in 1945 he had learned the biggest lesson of his life.  He was under 276 feet of water off the course of Indo-China.  He was one of eighty-eight men aboard a submarine named Baya S.S. 318.  While in the submarine, they had discovered a small Japanese convoy on radar…so preparing for the attack, they also saw a Japanese destroyer escort, a tanker, and a mine layer.  So, the minelayer spotted them and they went 150 feet underneath sea level to avoid detection, and rigged for a depth charge.  They turned literally all electricity off, including the fans to avoid making any sounds.

Three minutes later, six depth charges blew up around them, pushing them down to the ocean floor at 276 feet.  For the next 15 hours, this minelayer pummelled them.  Robert was beyond terrified and at that given time, he remembered all the bad things he had done.  All the absurd things we have a tendency to complain about such as being a bank clerk before joining the Navy – dealing with those obnoxious customers.  Not being able to afford a car, house, some of the pettiest things.

He quoted, “how big all those worries seemed years ago!  But how absurd they seemed when depth charges were threatening to blow me to kingdom come!”

He promised himself, “if I ever saw the stars and sun again, I would never, never worry again. NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!!!

Podcast: 

Toxic Workplace Environments

We’ve all dealt with them before.  Those toxic colleagues who seemingly complain about every detail in their lives; and at the same time, you find yourself in the heart of it all, or do you?

We make a choice everyday to think the thoughts we think, to speak the way we do, and to be in the lives of other people – whether it’s good or bad.

My first job in Thailand wasn’t the prettiest.  In fact, it was the second worst job I’ve ever had in my life.  My health was in shambles, lost 5 kilograms, wasn’t happy, was battling the trials of tribulations that Thailand was throwing at me.  On top of that, I had an extremely evil boss that threatened by visa and work permit everyday.  One foreign teacher was depressed and the other one was a two-faced, under-the-cover racist.

What did I do?

I left.  I left without looking back.  Although I tried keeping in touch with the Irishman, I realized that it was a one-way street and that he lied about EVERYTHING (and I mean things like getting five females numbers in one day), so he was dropped like a bad habit.

The job following that was even more difficult because the groupthink that was happening.  Gen B workers absolutely hated me because they thought I was putting more effort into my private classes than I was teaching some of the worst students in the south of Thailand.  Even though that’s true (lol), they were pro-culture Thais…meaning they didn’t accept any new ideas.   By the end of my tenure, I ate in my classroom, never scanned my card when I left at the end of the day, and never talked to anyone in general.  Talk about leaving the most sour taste behind.

The last job I had in the public school system was horrendous.  One day I woke up and asked myself, “Am I happy? Absolutely not.  What are you going to do about it? Leave.  When? Thursday.”  Four days later – I left.  I literally got my last check in the evening and never went back to the school because I was always stressed and pissed off because the students would scream f*** you at me.

If you’re not happy with your working environments, tackle the problem head on. Don’t be in denial. I love doing the wheel of life because it keeps me grounded and level-headed on the categories of my life.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/12097912

 

 

Conditioning The Mind

“The mind doesn’t know anything about age, your subconscious mind knows nothing about time and space.  And so, I am hanging around young people all the time and I operate like they do.  I don’t think of myself as being old.” – Bob Proctor

That’s how powerful the mind is.  I want you think way back when people had to take ships from one continent to another.  The Berlin Olympics was a prime example of how far the athlete had to go physically to obtain rewards.  Now, or just in the last couple of decades, the Concorde was developed, which was an aircraft that can get from New York to London in three hours.  The mind created that.  You can go so far to say, “oh, well academics created that.” Well, we created academics.  What was before schooling?

Let’s think about conditioning the mind.  If you say, “I’m getting fatter, shorter, older, uglier.” You feel all of those feelings that relate to those comparative adjectives, right? Feeling of depression, stress, sadness – you name it.

Conversely, if you say the opposite and think the opposite by reaffirming positive thoughts, you will believe it.  You will believe anything you feed your subconscious mind.

I told myself that I was “black” my entire life because society labeled me that way.  Coming over here to Thailand, where labelling is taken to the extreme, I started to feel 10x worse here than I did in America until I did away with the societal perception.

I can go back to when I first watched the secret in 2007 and tell you that I started to believe that I can control my life.  Yes, I can control what was going on outside of me.  When the experimental stages were ongoing, I realized that I can save money, go on trips, see beautiful countries and stop using my childhood blueprint of “not having enough” as an excuse.

A lot of people would say, “what about the poor people in Africa? Bangladesh? Parts of Southeast Asia? What about those paces.”  Well, when you’re born into poverty, you don’t know what life is outside of it.  You’re born into the “not-enoughedness.” You don’t have the resources (not educationally speaking, either), to escape that lifestyle because you don’t know anything beyond those barriers.”

Look at the Southside of Chicago, for instance.  This is a place of desolation and hooliganism, killing each other nightly. Where at? AMERICA! African American children not knowing the difference between right and wrong.  Why? Their minds were conditioned at the very beginning when they were born into those impoverished neighborhoods.  Mom & dad were out participating in the worst of activities while they were getting bullied at school until that one day….someone came to rescue.  Someone who is/was gang affiliated.  There’s no other reality.  The outlook is as drab as it gets….but how come Serena & Venus Williams were born in the heart of Compton whereas they had to jump on the Tennis courts, ducking bullets that were being shot by rival gangs?

It’s all about conditioning the mind.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/12068050

Transcending Those Limiting Beliefs

“Your subconscious mind does not argue with you.  It accepts what your conscious mind decrees.  If you say, “I can’t afford it,” your subconscious mind works to make it true.  Select a better thought.  Decree, “I will buy it.  I accept it in my mind.”

Dr. Joseph Murphy –

Like what I’ve said in my Lisa Nichols podcasts, our beliefs, especially from when we were young, really control what’s going on today.  It could be beliefs about our own capabilities, belief about what it takes to success, beliefs about how we relate with other people, or common everyday beliefs that we see or live by.  Identify those limiting beliefs (Lisa Nichols – https://www.spreaker.com/episode/10255673) and replace them with positive ones that support your success.

What Are Some of Those Limiting Beliefs?

  • I’m not (smart, attractive, rich, old, or young) enough.
  • I’m not worthy.
  • I’m not lovable.
  • Life is hard until you die.
  • Nothing I do is right.
  • You can’t get rich in this profession.
  • There’s aren’t any good men left in this world.

I recall Tony Robbins talking about how severely paid teachers are in America, and then he went on to speak about a Korean American teacher who went from making 60k USD a year to 4 million…just by destroying that limiting belief of you can’t get rich in this profession.

How To Overcome Any Limiting Belief

  1. Identify the limiting belief that you want to change.  Make a list of all of them that are limiting you.  Invite a couple friends over who would also like to accelerate their growth to join you to brainstorm a list of all the things you hear growing up.
  • Money doesn’t grow on trees.
  • Can’t you do anything right?
  • Eat everything on your plate.
  • Act like a lady.
  • People aren’t interested in your problems.

When you’re finished making this list, pick a belief that is still limiting you and take yourself through the remaining steps of the process.

2. Determine how the beliefs limit you.

3. Decide how you would rather be, act, or feel.

4. Create a turnaround statement that affirms or gives you permission to be, act, or feel this new way.

For example:

  1. My negative limiting belief is Thai women hate black men because that’s what I’ve seen my entire life living out here in Thailand.
  2. The way this limits me is I put every human being of the opposite sex in the same category and that’s called generalizing.  It’s untrue that ALL women hate black men.
  3. The way I want to feel is I need to love myself for who I am and what I look like.  The only person that’s creating this reality is me, and if I continue to say something that’s not true, it will continue to happen.  I want to have smiles directed towards me and women talk to me with no race attached to it.
  4. My turnaround statement Thai women absolutely adore and love black men, including myself.

This is one of the most significant limiting beliefs that somewhat lingers in my mind from time-to-time.  This is also an example of what your statement will look like.  My colleague and I will do a podcast of this within the next couple of weeks so you can hear how it works.

Original Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/9152395

Tim Ferris’ Rough Patch & The Point

During his 2013 year, he went on a downward spiral for about three months including:

  • Cried while watching Rudy. (lol. Sorry – had to laugh)
  • Repeatedly hit snooze for 1 to 3 HOURS past his planned wake time, because he simply didn’t want to face the day.
  • Considered giving everything away and moving to Montreal, Seville, or Iceland. Location varies based on what he imagined escaping to.
  • Saw a therapist for the first time, as he was convinced that he was doomed to lifelong pessimism.
  • Took his daily caffeine intake (read: self-medication) so high that his “resting” pulse was 120+ beats per minute. 8 to 10 cups of coffee per day at minimum.
  • Wore the same pair of jeans for a week straight.

We all go through this.  Three months is almost the breaking point which someone begins having suicidal thoughts.  I had this point for about 1 day just a couple days ago and I tried identifying what was the root – nothing.  Thoughts were simply wandering.

In that same time frame of about two months, he changed it all around.

  • Increased his passive income 20%+.
  • Bought his dream house.
  • Meditated twice per day for 20 minutes per session, without fail. That marked the first time he’d been able to meditate consistently.
  • Ended up cutting his caffeine intake to next-to-nothing (in the last 4 weeks).
  • With the help of his blog readers, raised $100,000+ for charity: water for his birthday.
  • Raised $250,000 in 53 minutes for a startup called Shyp.
  • Signed one of the most exciting business deals of his last 10 years—his TV show, The Tim Ferriss Experiment.
  • Added roughly 20 pounds of muscle.

    Realized—once again—that manic-depressive symptoms are just part of entrepreneurship.  Came to feel closer to all my immediate family members.

I guess that’s probably what swallowed me just a few days ago.  Not having any schedule blog posts, podcast plays being low, YouTube becoming ineffective….during those ensuing hours, I was pulling what little hair I have left around my head OUT and couldn’t even focus during my gym hour.

Resolution?

  • Wake up at least 1 hour before you have to be at a computer screen.
  • Make a cup of tea (or I take my vitamins after priming) and sit down with a pen/pencil and paper.
  • Write down the 3 to 5 things—and no more—that are making you the most anxious or uncomfortable. They’re often things that have been punted from one day’s to-do list to the next, to the next, to the next, and so on. Most important usually equals most uncomfortable, with some chance of rejection or conflict.
  • For each item, ask yourself: “If this were the only thing I accomplished today, would I be satisfied with my day?” “Will moving this forward make all the other to-dos unimportant or easier to knock off later?” Put another way: “What, if done, will make all of the rest easier or irrelevant?”
  • Look only at the items you’ve answered “yes” to for at least one of these questions.
  • Block out at 2 to 3 hours to focus on ONE of them for today. Let the rest of the urgent but less important stuff slide. It will still be there tomorrow.

“It doesn’t take much to seem superhuman and appear “successful” to nearly everyone around you. In fact, you just need one rule: What you do is more important than how you do everything else, and doing something well does not make it important.
If you consistently feel the counterproductive need for volume and doing lots of stuff, put these on a Post-it note:
Being busy is a form of laziness—lazy thinking and indiscriminate action.
Being busy is most often used as a guise for avoiding the few critically important but uncomfortable actions.” – Tim Ferris