Controlling Inner Feelings + Different Types of Negative Thoughts

One of my students asked me yesterday about how to destroy these destructive thoughts, and of course, it all comes down to habit.

Research has shown that people talk to themselves about 50,000 times a day.  Yes, this includes you – who are reading this.  Unfortunately, 80% of that comes from negative self-talk such as they don’t like me, I’m never going to finish this, they’re going to beat us, I can’t run this time, I can’t do the last push-up, I can’t finish on time, he’s going to fire me.

We know that these thoughts have the most powerful effect on us.  For instance, this happened to me yesterday evening whereas I literally switched vibrations for gratitude into something of malice.  It was dark, gloomy, and it felt like there was no way out.  I felt like a spec in the universe and then I had to hurry and ask myself, “whoa! What’s wrong? What am I feeling at the moment? What made me feel this way?”

These negative thoughts actually control our behavior.  It makes us stutter, spill things, forget our lines on stage, feel anxious, scared – and to the most extreme….can kill us, such as what depressive thoughts have done to the most famous people in the years.

If we can take another example from the lie-detector test….yes, the polygraph that was virtually on every 90’s American show, humiliating individuals if they had lied about the simplest things, to cheating.  How does this this machine detect a lie?

  • Heart rate
  • Blood pressure
  • Breathing rate
  • Muscle tension
  • Sweating hands

With these detections, it shows the physiological changes that occur when you’re lying.  Every cell in your body is affected by every thought you have.

Different Types of Negative Thoughts

Focusing on the negative.

People who simply always focus on the minute bad when there’s so much good.  Jack Canfield conducted a training session for high school teachers and most of the teachers just focused on the negative.  If 30 kids understood an answer but 4 didn’t, they would focus on the 4 who didn’t get it and would feel bad, rather than focusing on the other 30 who did get it and feel good.

Catastrophic Predicting

“I’m scared to fly because I think the plane is going to crash!”

Kind of like the stupidity of Murphy’s Law? Thinking of the worst possible scenario in your mind and then act as if it were a certainty?  This is happening to me currently because I’m scared to fly Malaysia Airlines from Bangkok to Kuala Lumpur because of what happened 3 years ago.

Mind-Reading?

Seriously, can you read minds? Are you a psychic? I’m not.  So, this kills me overtime because just by someone’s facial expression, I automatically assume that they’re a racist.  DOH! You know when you’re mind-reading when you’re thinking thoughts such as He’s mad at me, she doesn’t like me, he’s going to say no, he’s going to fire me.

Remember, unless you’re a psychic, you can’t read anyone else’s mind.  You don’t even know what they’re really thinking at less you check it out.

Guilt-Tripping

Should, must, ought to, or have to.  All modal verbs that create an internal resistant to actually doing it.  Don’t SHOULD yourself.

Transforming Your Inner Critic Into Your Inner Coach

Instead, let me teach you an extremely powerful exercise for retraining that inner critic to teach you to tell you the truth.

Let’s look at it this way, we always respond to situations in anger, right? But what about the steps leading afterwards? We often forget about that.  Let me show you some examples.

Imagine your child or someone who you care about who’s young…runs in the street and almost gets hit by a car.

Initial Reaction – Anger: I am mad at you for running in the street without looking to see if any cars were coming!

What about the fear? Requests? Love? Let’s go through this again.

Anger: I am mad at you for running in the street without looking to see if any cars were coming!

Fear: I am afraid you’ll get badly hurt or killed.

Requests: I want you to pay more attention when you are playing near the street.  Stop and look both ways before you walk or run out into the street.

Love: I love you so much.  I don’t know what I would do without you.  You are so precious to me.  I want you to be safe and healthy.  You deserve to have lots of fun and stay safe so you can continue to enjoy life to its fullest.  Do you understand?

That’s more like it.  What a different message!  You also need to train that inner critic to talk the same way.

Write down a list of things which you would talk to yourself out loud.  Just imagine their being a clone in front of you. Here are some things that a typical list might look like.

  • You don’t exercise enough.
  • You’re getting fatter.
  • You’re drinking too much.
  • You’re lazy.  Why don’t you finish the things you start?
  • You need to watch less television and go to bed earlier.

Write a list and after completing it, practice communicating the same information using the four-step process.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/11814036

 

 

Drop Out Of The “Ain’t It Awful” Club

Phew, then there’s this.  The most controversial topic of my podcasting life.  Just last year I was approached by someone in particular to the point someone was trying to blackmail me.  Put it this way, someone google’d my name, started listening to all of my podcasts, then BOOM! Apparently I made inferences and implications regarding other people in my podcasts – and that wasn’t my intent.

So, I got a verbal warning and was even told to “delete all my previous episodes” and I said ‘NO.’  I said I was going to “clean it up,” but no names were dropped and quite frankly I think I’m being targeted because of jealousy.

Later, the majority of everyone in my workplace gave me dirty looks because they THOUGHT I was talking about them in my podcast.  This is when my practicing of perseverance came into play, because if it had been the past in Australia, I would’ve given up.

After everything blew over, I continued doing my podcasts but switched up my stories to the point where if there are snakes (and they still do linger around) who just hate me to the point they want to try to replace me to obtain more work, there’s no way they can implicate that I am/was talking about them.

This came because I stopped conversing with the “ain’t it awful” club.  There was constant complaining about everything “Thailand,” and I knew in order for me to become successful, I needed to avoid these toxic, and what’s now – venomous beings.

Until you reach the point in your self-development where you no longer allow people to affect you with their negativity, you need to avoid these types of people at all costs.  Stop spending time with them.  You’re better off being alone because these ticks will hold you back with their victim mentality and their mediocre standards.

Make a conscious effort to surround yourself with positive, nourishing, and uplifting people – people who believe in you, encourage you to go after your dreams, and applaud your victories.  Surround yourself with possibility thinkers, idealists, and visionaries.

Start learning by going online and seeing what other people’s success strategies are, then try them on and see if they fit for you.  Experiment with doing what they do, reading what the read, thinking the way they think, and so on.  If these new ways of thinking and behaving work for you, adopt them.  If not, drop them, and keep looking and experimenting.

Use Feedback To Your Advantage

A wonderful colleague of mine from Uganda gives me incredibly valuable feedback when I’m veering off-course with my podcast.  These little things could pertain to complaining instead of inspiring, side stories, repetition of the same word (happens often), short-stories at the beginning of important episodes.  With all that feedback, I’ve been able to create a “ramble of positivity” sideshow whereas I can talk about the vast array of enjoyments that my life is offering.

With getting feedback, help, advice, suggestions – it helps steer you in the right direction.  Some of this could be labeled as criticism, but it will help you adjust and move forward while continually enhancing your knowledge, abilities, attitudes, and relationships.

Two types of feedback

We, as human beings, love to be pampered.  We want the praise from people, the money in our pockets, the raises or promotions at worse, the content students (relative to me), awards, happiness, inner peace….you name it.  It feels great….but does it actually help us?

Negative – lack of results, little or no money, criticism, poor evaluations, complaints, unhappiness, inner conflict (happens to me too often), loneliness, pain.  However, in those is valuable information.

Look at it this way, if you get criticism from not holding the suctioning tube correctly as a dental assistant, you would like to ask for help, right? If you’re a bore of a teacher and do everything by the book, you would much rather start taking developmental classes to increase the in-class experience for your students, right? Even if people are envious and jealous of you because of your opportunities, that certainly makes you think that you’re going in the right direction….RIGHT?

To reach your goals more quickly, you need to welcome, receive, and embrace all the feedback that come your way – and don’t let the relationship between the person who’s giving the criticism change.

I want you to look at it this way, put a blind fold on and have someone spin you around 5 complete turns.  You’ll then become dizzy; and following that state, five people at the front of the room will guide you to the front of the room – they also represent the goal.  So, you would slowly make your way to the from too the room and they would yell out “on course” or “off course” to help guide you to your goal.  However, we often can’t take criticism, would give up and start hurling expletive adjectives at the people who hypothetically are trying to help us.

  1. Caving in and quitting – as most of us do.
  2. Getting mad at the source of the feedback.
  3. Ignoring the feedback.

Back in 10th grade of high school there was a girl name Oneida.  Oneida was my Mexican born friend, and one day she critiqued my essay and gave me some feedback I didn’t want to hear, but needed to hear.

“Hey, your structure isn’t very good.  You need to vary your words, too.”

This, coming from a girl whose first language was Spanish, hurt.  How come I didn’t have a grip of the English language and I’m American? After taking that to heart, I past my State Writing Proficiency Examination by almost a perfect score a year later.

Feedback helps us…..almost for the absolute best.

Jack Canfield – Develop A Positive Money Consciousness

“There is a secret psychology to money.  Most people don’t know about it.  That’s why most people never become financially successful.  A lack of money is not the problem’ it is merely a symptom of what’s going on inside of you.” – T. Harv Eker

Let’s identify some of these limiting beliefs….

  1. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
  2. There’s not enough money to go around.
  3. It’s selfish to want a lot of money.
  4. You have to have money to make money.
  5. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
  6. You have to work too hard to get money.
  7. Money is the root of all evil.
  8. People with money are evil, selfish, and unethical.
  9. Rich people are greedy and dishonest.
  10. You can’t buy happiness.
  11. The more money you have, the more problems you have.
  12. If you are rich, you can’t be spiritual.

Now that we have listed these, all of these messages from early childhood can actually dilute your later financial success because they subconsciously emit a vibration that can cancel out your conscious intentions.

That goes for experiences, too.  I had a terrible experience tripping over a 300m intermediate hurdle on a spring evening in 2006 – I never ran it again because of what happened.

See, a lot of people believe that money brings pain and misery, not ok to make more money than your family, becoming rich or successful would violate the family code, I’ll become a burden.

We make all these excuses that act as a psychological muscle. It holds us back and will continue holding you back if you don’t release the breaks.

So, I’ll give you three steps to turn around your limiting beliefs about money.

  1. Write down your limiting belief. – Money is the root of all evil.
  2. Challenge, make fun of, and argue with the limiting belief. – Money is the root of all philanthropy, might be the root of evil for someone who is evil, etc.

You can even write out your new money beliefs on 3×5 index cards and add them to your stack of affirmations to be read out loud with enthusiasm and passion everyday.

3. Create a positive turnaround statement.  – Create a new statement that is the opposite of the original belief.  “When it comes to me, money is the root of love, joy, and good works.

Podcast – https://www.spreaker.com/episode/9409156

Stephen Covey – Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence

“People think the world is going insane right now with the problems happening but I think we’re doing just fine.  7 million of us cramped up on this planet….I think we’re going a pretty good job.” – Jim Carey

This is a prime example of not only proactive language, but also the circle of concern which is the activity that I’ll be talking about out of Stephen Covey’s book.

Look at how you focus your time an energy.  Really….take a look.  Are you focusing on things that you have no control over? Or things you can control?

We have a wide range of problems: health, children, problems at work, debt, nuclear war, etc.  There are some things that we can control and others that are way out of our control. We can separate from these particular things in which we have no particular or emotional involvement by creating a “Circle of Concern.”

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“As we look at those things within our Circle of Concern, it becomes apparent that there are some things over which we have no real control and others that we can do something about.” Stephen Covey.

A lot of foreigners residing in Thailand, for instance, complain heavily about just about everything in Thailand; from the cat down the road, to one of the biggest shopping centers in the heart of Bangkok.  None of these things in which they have control over.  Get the picture?

Proactive people, on the other hand, focus their energy on the Circle of Influence.  Things they can actually do something about.

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Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern.  They focus soon the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control.  Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language, and increased feelings of victimization.  The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with everything else, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.

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Stephen Covey said, “Be a light, not a judge.  Be a model, not a critic.”

For the next week, see where you fit in. See if you can control the energy that you’re emanating. See if you’re reactive vs. proactive.  Listen to your language.

Podcast – https://www.spreaker.com/episode/10222857