Lewis Howes: Joker Mask – Part II

“Like many people, I want to avoid being the dark cloud in other people’s lives, so I pretend things are sunny, even when they are obviously not. So I keep things light, or at surface level. I want to talk about other people. I want to focus on other people’s challenges because focusing on my own feels more vulnerable.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

But when you’re able to spew your problems out and talk to people about them, like Dale Carnegie once said, you’re able to lift all of that off your chest.

If I can look back at the most “depressed” moments of my life, one coming for only 5-minutes back in 2014, it all had to do with my personal feelings and vendetta.  In 2014, I was denied jobs, face-to-face, because of being African American.  I was in the back of a taxi circling around an area of Bangkok (invasive technique taxi drivers do in Bangkok to rake up the meter), and at the given moment I felt like I was just a spec in the world.  I snapped out of it within minutes.

Also, being dismissed in a relationship in 2009 left me in absolute shambles.  It was the darkest cloud hanging over me, simply because it was my first love.  It took two-months to shake it off, but I did and later went to Australia for the first time in my life that summer.

In 2003, I was surely depressed in the latter portion of the year, but this revolved around my mother not having a job, no food in the house, and two girls not wanting anything to do with me.  This developed anger, which I talked about in an earlier podcast/blog, but I ended up getting over it by joining Track & Field – the best sport to join because you can only place blame on yourself.

I really need to tell this story that I read in Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Stop Worrying And Start Living.’

Mrs. Moon’s Story

In December, a number of years ago, I was engulfed in a feeling of sorrow and self-pity.  After several years of happy married life, I had lost my husband.  As the Christmas holidays approached, my sadness deepened. I had never spent a Christmas alone in all my life; and I dreaded to see this Christmas come.  Friends had invited me to spend Christmas with them.  But I did not feel up to any gaiety.  I knew I would be a wet blanket at any party.  So, I refused their kind invitations.  As Christmas eve approached, I was more and more overwhelmed with self-pity.  True, I should have been thankful for many things, as all of us have many things for which to be thankful.  The day before christmas, I left my office at 3pm in the afternoon and started walking aimlessly on a street, hoping that I might banish my self-pity and melancholy the avenue was jammed with happy crowds — scenes that brought back memories of happy years that were gone.  I just couldn’t bear the thought of going home to a lonely and empty apartment.  I was bewildered.  I didn’t know what to do.  I couldn’t keep the tears back.  After walking aimlessly for an hour or so, I found myself in front of a bus terminal.  I remember that my husband and I had often boarded an unknown bus for adventure, so I boarded the first bus I found at the station.  After cross the Hudson River and riding for some time, I heard the bus conductor say, ‘Last stop, lady.’  I got off.  I didn’t even know the name of the town.  It was a quiet and peaceful little place.  While waiting for the next bus home, I started walking up a residential street.  As I passed a church, I heard the beautiful strains of “Silent Night.” I went in.  The church was empty except for the organist.  I sat down unnoticed in one of the pews.  The lights from the gaily decorated Christmas tree made the decorations seem like myriads of stars dancing in the moonbeams.  The long-drawn cadences of the music — and the fact that I had forget to eat since morning — made me drowsy.  I went to sleep.

When I awoke, there were two small children who had apparently come in to see the Christmas tree.  One said, “I wonder if Santa Claus brought her.”

The children were terrified when I woke up, but I told them I wouldn’t hurt them.  They were poorly dressed.  I asked them where their mother and daddy were.  “We ain’t got no mother and daddy,” they said. They were orphans.  They made me feel ashamed of my sorrow and self-pity.  I went on to buy them food and refreshments, and I banished my depression instantaneously.

See, in the book they would call this “masking a problem,” but I would disagree completely.  This is basically realizing that you have it well.  There has to be a deeper story to why people, of all statuses, commit suicide.  Robin Williams had all the money, a wife, oscars, and everything – but he ultimately killed himself.  So I will ask again: “what is depression?”

“Beneath the jokes is often a sadness or some problem. Behind the mask—no matter how funny or entertaining—is a real person. Psychologist Edward Dreyfus puts it even more directly: “Perhaps we should listen more attentively to those who hide behind the mask of humor. Perhaps we should be asking them to whom do they turn to make them laugh? Perhaps we should spend a little more effort in seeing the person behind the mask.” If we had listened to what Robin Williams was saying behind his mask, I wonder what we would have heard.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Maybe people, who are comedians, just love making people laugh for the sake of bringing joy to the world?

“So many comedians/funny people will tell you they grew up feeling hopelessly inadequate, hideously ugly, impossibly fat, meekly small, and direly insignificant. These deep-rooted insecurities are what provided them with a die-hard desire and unrelenting ambition to be seen, respected, and accepted by their peers. Society will accept you for your flaws, so long as you’re funny. Taking on the role as the class clown at school is the ultimate way for the incessantly bullied kid to gain popularity. – Author Zara

Humor becomes the ultimate mask—one that gets you what you’ve always wanted (acceptance) for being the opposite of who you’ve always been (different). Not surprisingly, this detachment from the emotions and the identity hidden behind the mask can have profound effects on relationships, on professional life, and on overall happiness.” – Lewis Howes

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

I read this and I just couldn’t relate.  This part of the book is focusing on how bad “comedy” may be.  So someone, like myself, who loves to make someone laugh, is hiding something? Is that it? Absolutely not.  I know that the more we laugh and have those feelings of joy, the more we attract to us more of those feelings that will keep pushing us to a spiritual and joy “high.”

What Robin Williams had was something much more deep-rooted in his childhood.  Kevin Hart, who’s a comedian, had very little when he was growing up.  He used all of the transgressions in the past as comedy today.  He’s not hiding a thing….or so I believe.

Podcast

Ramble of Positivity: Episode 19 – The Emergence of ??????

Man, oh man! It’s been a long time since I’ve done a ramble of positivity, and I’m super grateful to be back! Two weeks into the New Years….it’s definitely at a surplus in terms of projects, teaching and learning.  However, there is a little bit of an issue.

Now, I told myself I needed to live in these day-tight compartments because I have no idea what’s going on in the future.  Honestly, within the next three months, there’s a massive chance that I might experience a major transition (leaving from Thailand).

At the beginning of the New Year, I thought I was destined to land a job with a 65-year-old language school in Bangkok.  The interview process was superb and everything went well.  However, after a follow-up email and a week later, I got scared.  I felt that something was happening, but wasn’t sure what.  That feeling lead to me not getting the job for VERY OBVIOUS THAI REASONS and then there was the question: “should I keep doing this?”

I’ve preached so much about going after your purpose.  I’m getting ideas now about developing a curriculum online that students can easily access and learn English all over the world – a system that can trump language centers in a heartbeat.  This is going to take some massive pondering and setting up, but I’m pretty excited about it.

There comes a time in life, however, when you just get sick and tired of nonsense.  I’ve dealt with racial degradation for five years already.  In the beginning, it was new.  I needed to go through the amount of hell for me to become the influential person I am today.  On the other hand, the things that I continue going through today is just — boring.  I already got the point.  Yes, I’m a brown guy living in one of the most anti-brown guy countries on the face of planet Earth….which brings me to the questions….

Am I still learning?

  • Hell no.

Am I still growing?

  • In terms of my podcast, YouTube, Herbalife, speaking, etc….absolutely.  As a teacher in my primary job – absolutely not.

Are there still opportunities?

  • The only way I stay in Thailand is if I work at a multi-national country and make over 100,000 baht (3,300 USD). Other than that, side-projects are great, but they don’t provide anymore than just that – a side project.

Do I still want to live here?

  • Well, lets just say in a perfect world everything goes well and I can work in Bangkok….my max is one year — this year.  After that, I’m finished.  Unless something miraculous happens, I’m over Asia.

Is this a place to live for the next ten years?

  • I don’t know what opportunity Thailand provides anymore because of the amount of obstacles I have to go through.  The proving grounds and continuous (can you send us a video of how you teach) versus other teachers getting the job because of the color of their skin — it’s just pointless.  I don’t have to prove myself anymore.  With Facebook pages in the education and podcast sector totalling over 10,000 likes and constant content creation: “you said I needed to make a video because?”

What’s the end goal?

  • True happiness.  True fulfillment.  That’s why I do my ‘wheels of life’ on a monthly basis.  However, if there’s one area that’s causing 80% of my unhappiness, it’s the constant “needing a job” and trying to figure out the process.  My end goal is to obvious have my website up and running, posting videos on Facebook regularly, creating blogs, putting out content, doing things with other students and creating videos on a multitude of platforms.  On top of that, I still absolutely love teaching, but other than the money, what’s the point of staying here anymore?  I need to be smart about the process and see what situation I’ll possibly be heading into.  If I can make residual income on a monthly basis, Thailand would be finished.  Let’s just put it that way.

I’m so happy and grateful for being able to teach wonderful students a language and an idea with that language over the last three days.

I’m truly grateful for the present I got from a Deputy Prime Minister last night – and also knowledge along with that.

With all my heart, Im thankful for all areas of my life.  I’m extremely thankful for the wonderful people I’ve met the past few days and the dozens of new friends I’ve made.  I’m grateful for the posters on my FB pages who want more.  I’m thankful for my friends who tune into my blog, along with other bloggers; and I’m also super happy about my podcast and everyone viewing my videos on YouTube.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Now, I just added in the emergence….and you will be amazed who this person is.  17 years…..and he decided to add me on FB.  Oh, what a story this is going to be!  Only in the podcast!

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/the-ramble-of-positivity-episode-19-the-

 

Happy New Years + Goal-Setting Time + YouTube Video/Podcast

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Being on top of my balcony and seeing the amount of fireworks I did last night was just resounding.  I felt the love in the air and now I’m onto the biggest year of my life (as I said last year and it exceeded my expectations).

On the other hand, the majority of people this  morning have resolutions, but they don’t have the proper techniques, skills, and things in place to make their “goals” manifest.

For one, resolutions base-word is “resolve,” meaning you’re looking to resolve something in your life.  You can handle that just by dumping the girlfriend/boyfriends, quitting the s***ty job, and learning how to say ‘no’ more often.

So, let me let you in on some techniques + some of the goals I set for myself in the past and what’s happening this 2018.

Habits

What’s a habit? Something that has turned into a daily party of our routine.  We wake up, brush out teeth, take a shower, get ready — that’s all habitual.  It’s on auto-pilot.  However, we’re oblivious to the bad habits that are happening: eating junk food, engaging in heated online debates, watching television, being around the wrong who bitch all the time.  These are also habits.  So what did I do?

2017 Was The Change

I needed to compile a morning routine that would ultimately help me win the day.  You have what Jim Quik said in terms of brushing your teeth with the opposite hand, making your bed, etc.  These are all wonderfully great things, but I’m still not able to win it.  I’ll give you a nice glimpse at my morning.

Normally at 5:30am I wake up (I sleep the night before at about 9:30), and I go straight into a meditation.  If I have a busy morning, which I normally do, I do the meditation “overcoming procrastination,” which is a guided meditation with one of the apps I use (let me know if you want the name in the comment section).  After that, I would take my vitamins and possibly even a pre-workout, depending on if I workout in the morning.  After that, I post on an inspirational message on my instagram, and sometimes even my podcast (which could’ve been pre-recorded).  I then record or pre-record a live podcast.  Now, depending on if I’m working out in the morning or not, for the bulk of this year, I would workout around 8am.

  • Meditation
  • Posts on Instagram
  • Inspirational message on twitter
  • Podcast
  • Blog
  • Workout
  • Work
  • Grateful List

This was the bulk of my year, but things have changed.  So, if I workout (and now I do) at 6:45am, my podcast has to be pre-recorded and blog done the day before.  During the commute, I would post everything on social media and then hit it hard.  After I workout and before I go to work, I would have my protein shake, rice & pork, and respond to emails, messages and other things for 30 minutes before my students arrive.

This is how I ultimately had such an effective morning for a good portion of the year.

Sure, it’s not always going to work, but a behavior compounded over time becomes a habit.  That’s what you will need to succeed.

Night Routine

Same as the morning routine. Now, night routines are extremely difficult at times because once I get home, I want to get on the news.  This is why I’ve been media fasting on and off.  Reading something that doesn’t pertain to me, my goals, and just revolves around the ‘circle of concern’ is disastrous.  However, on the nights everything did work, this is how it went.

During my commute home I turn off all notifications.  I say what I need to say, respond to emails, then that’s it.  When I get home I make sure I set everything up for the next day.  Clothes are packed, bottles for working out, belts, socks — YOU NAME IT!  This is how it happened.  If I can read before I sleep, it would be a success.  Normally, I always do my meditation.  Now, depending on how the day went, there’s a lot of head trash that gets thrown at me throughout the day at work.  Opinions and ignorance of colleagues, management, and just being in a very “slummy” area where people look down on me.  Those tides have changed though.  But when these things happened, I would do the “detox my mind” podcast so I can wake up fresh.

Goal-Setting

Here’s a list of things to add into your morning routine.

  • Make your bed
  • Grateful list
  • Meditation (20 minutes)
  • Exercise (20 minutes)
  • Read (20 minutes)
  • Inspirational podcast or YouTube video (I listen to Gary Vee)
  • News Feed on all social media MUST have inspirational messages on there.  Follow the people that make you feel better.

Now, onto Goal-Setting.

Now, first thing is first…get rid of these phrases: I wish, if only, I don’t, I can’t, but I don’t have….

These are all doomers.  They’re either in the future or completely denying your ability and mindset of obtaining a goal.

When you figure out your vision, life-purpose, desire, objectives and everything for this year, then you can unleash the power.  Thinking about goals gives you a 43% chance of obtaining them.  Writing them down gives you a 56% chance.  Sharing them with a friend bumps it up to a 64% chance.  And then there’s the weekly progress report to a friend – 76%.  This gives you an idea of how it works.

To make sure the goal is imbedded into your subconscious mind, you must meet two criteria: how much (measurable quantity), and by when (specific time).

Example: I want to travel to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan.  – Wrong

The conditional “I want” is a killer.

I will travel to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan this year. 

  • Better, but there isn’t a specific time frame.

I will travel to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan on April 13th by Astana Airlines and come back April 20th. 

  • Now this is sexy.  I have the time, month, and even specific airline.

The universe loves action!

Go online and start looking for the airlines, hotels and everything that relates to your travel.  This is something that my mother was never able to overcome because she always said, “I don’t have any money. I wish I can go, but my finances aren’t straightened out.”  They never will be! There’s never a right time for anything! When you get that intuitive nudge, act!

This is the power of goal-setting.  Visualize yourself being on the snowboarding fields in Hokkaido, Japan by listening to a blizzard and fire crackling.  Look up how much the tickets are, where to stay, and everything that relates to the trip.  That’s where the magic happens.

Podcast

 

YouTube Video

Thailand: 5 Years & Counting – What Have I Learned?

When I first landed, I was astounded by the humidity.  Yes, I had come here once before, but the humidity wasn’t at this magnitude.  Being in Sukhumvit in May is like being in a damn oven – filled with stenches beyond this planet.

I recall meeting up with a teacher — at Platinum Mall in Ratchthewi — and I knew I was going to be in for a mess.  Her energy was some of the worst I have ever seen TO THIS DAY! What she said about Thai people (although she’s Thai), how she spoke to me, and how vindictively malicious she was….unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  I can go back to my first job in Melbourne, Australia — and first job in Sydney, Australia — both unbelievably bad.  Terrible bosses, relentless dentists, and drove me to insanity.

So, coming here I already had some experience.  Getting a stomach bug for the first 6 weeks before getting a shipment of Herbalife was a kilogram dropper.  That’s right.  I lost probably 5KG, eating what was a black egg (not smart at all…I know).

Anyways, I can go all the way to the south of Thailand and tell you about one of the worst experiences I had, and trek all the way up to a northern province called Ang Thong, a place I stayed for only 2 weeks because I knew the racial tensions were evident.

The biggest thing I’ve learned about this entire process has been….purpose.  Why did I come here to Thailand to begin with? Why did I continue to remain in a country that wasn’t and still isn’t particularly fond of colored people? Yes, the tides have completely changed and I see the love everywhere, but that wasn’t the case for almost 3 years.

How did I end up developing an inspirational podcast, website, YouTube videos, and so many other things that has brought me a lot of notoriety in the self-improvement and educational realm? Was this my intention to begin with? No.

Thailand, coming up on the 5th year, has taught me to never give up.  In the wake of so much racial discrimination, to having bosses (currently) who wants to see me fail.  I now know what my true self-worth is compared to years past.  When everything went down the way it did a month ago, I immediately told myself, “everything this man is saying right now is a thought form about his monolithic perception of African Americans.  None of it has to do with you, Arsenio.  However, you don’t deserve this….and my mental capacity doesn’t, either.  Could you please start applying for jobs elsewhere so you can discover more?”….

……that’s what I exactly did.

A new job, 6 projects, wonderful people, gorgeous new area of living, etc.

Don’t take the bull*hit from people.  When you’re being disrespected, become a lawyer.  List out everything that had happened up until that point and then make a decision.  Become a “crime solver” and have fun with it.  Don’t let the negative suggestions of others dictate your life.

Putting Dale Carnegie’s Book To The Test: Round 1 – Travel Dynamics

People! Welcome back to my blog and it’s going to be HAD!

I’ve been under-the-weather the past couple of days and couldn’t focus whatsoever on typing because of my constant runny nose, so I apologize for being away (somewhat).  With that being said, I had a situation that came up in regards to a couple of voice notes that could help some of you analyze worry situations.

Best Friend + End-of-The-Year Trip

As some of you may know, I’ll be hopping on a Cathay Pacific flight to head back home to Phoenix, Arizona to spend the holidays — or am I?

A troubled situation came into full-circle when I heard from my best friend that she could be in a relationship by years end.  Now, some of you are probably wondering, “how is that a situation?”  Given the fact that I’ll be staying at her house, spending Christmas and New Years with her family, and even a snowboarding trip on the horizon…..this could be a recipe for disaster.  The dynamics could be completely thrown off because someone is being added to the group; and not only do I not know what his personality is, but also the fact that he’s my best friend’s boyfriend.  So, what did I do to figure this out?

Put A Stop-Loss On Your Worry

This is the most critical when it comes to friendships.  Putting your feelings out there and calling it for how you see it.  If you don’t do this, you can let things fester which then leads to a debacle.  Get out on the table and then the “ball is on their court.”

What’s The Worse That Can Happen?

Well, if I cancel a trip that’s already book, it could possibly make the relationship regress.  Why? Well, cancelling a trip it not only offensive, but having already booked it….that means I seriously believe that something is imminent.  So, I asked myself this question and well….the worse is that her and I will not talk as often as we do now.  In the future, who knows if I ever go back to America to visit (within the next five to ten years) because she has been the only person worth saying (the story about my family is a hefty one). That’s about it though.

Also, I’ll end up going to UBUD in Bali for a getaway in a sanctuary….that’s literally the worse.  Or, I’ll go to the bustling heart of HCMC in Vietnam.  Funny how I deem those two options as the “worse case scenario.” LOL

How To Analyze And Solve Worry Problems.

What am I worrying about?

What can I do about it?

Here’s what I’m going to do about it.

When am I going to start doing it?

These techniques are GOLD! Start implementing them in your daily life!

Podcast

 

75 Days Left In The Year – How Will You Finish?

We’re coming down to the last stretch of 2017, and I know a lot of my Americans are whipping out their New Years Resolution books.

DON’T DO THAT!

Resolutions = resolve.  What are you trying to resolve in your life?  Are you trying to set-goals or kick some bad habits?  This all comes right back down to the word “paradigm.”

The habits you have in your life probably don’t serve you any purpose for your future ambitions.  A lot of people say will being saying, “2018 is going to be my b****”….however, your subconscious mind doesn’t know what 2018 is.  The same habits you had in 2017 will carry over to 2018, making it another redundant year for you.

When I started watching videos from the likes of Lisa Nichols (which I’ll post right below this entry), something started disrupting my insides.  That biochemistry began to change because of what was being said in that particular video during a very tumultuous several months of my life in 2015.

Lisa Nichols

“At some point,” she said, “can I stop asking myself to be great? To be brilliant?”  Yes, everyone can.  There was a time in her life when she made the DECISION to stop what was happening around her.

I spoke recently on my podcast about how come poor people stay with poor people? You’ll never see a “rich” person in the same slums as those in Khlong Toei, Bangkok’s notorious slum.  NEVER.  They’re around the same like-minded people who will serve them purpose.  Lisa Nichols decided to get up and leave, and she certainly didn’t wait until the dusk of the year to do it, either.

And years later, look at the transformation that she went through.  Unbelievable.  “Some people want the convenience of transformation without the inconvenience.” – Lisa Nichols

You’re going to have to bust down the tera barrier within your mind….separate yourself from the haves and have-nots. Make a declaration to yourself that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

MAKE THE DECISION!

September – The Last Third of The Year. New Years Resolutions, Anyone?

Ahhh…the month of champions.  Going back to just a year ago….this was the month before a soon-to-be vacation in Bali, Indonesia.  Here in Thailand, this is the month when the climate begins to cool down.  This is when everything that has happened all year long begins to come into fruition.  The excitement, for whatever reason, is reverberating and I can’t even contain myself.  I’m like a 5 year old child on Christmas morning, although Christmas is months away and rarely do I celebrate it.

Perhaps it could be because I’m heading back to Phoenix, Arizona for the second time this year.  It could also be because I’ll be going on a snowboarding trip just after Christmas; staying in a log cabin while eating s’mores.  Yes, the end-of-the-year trip is looming, but that’s probably only 10% of my excitement.

Just being able to have another opportunity, and opportunities flow in one after another is just astounding.  Having my voice heard and my words read all around the world with my podcast and blog; becoming noticed by big time people while doing podcasts with influencers all over the world.  This is just so EXCITING for me!

At the dawn of this year, American websites and Americans in general were saying, “oh, my New Years Resolutions are…..”  It seems that THAT, is an after thought.  I shocked myself this year; in more ways than one, and the most amazing part about it is I’ve exceed not only the New Years Resolutions, but jumped probably 2 years ahead of my time.

What 2018 has in store is quite frankly resounding.  Tedx, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Egypt, investments, retirement plans, ridiculous monthly salary, new career path, and so many other things.  I’ve created all of this excitement first in my head so I can hold it in my hand.

Those of you who are probably reading this should know something.  That something is….what do you really want in life? Do you think that life is suppose to be and mean getting a career, make a lot of money (or lack thereof) in a slave job, get married, grow old then leave the body temple? Is that what life is? Maybe for some people….but I love to side with the Dylan Thomas quote, “rage, rage against the dying of the light.”  I’m making noise and as Lisa Nichols says, “be unapologetic about who you are!”  These quotes proliferate within me and today I woke up feeling the best I’ve ever had in my entire life.  What was the feeling? I have no idea, but based on my podcast this morning….I feel that what’s about to happen in my life is going to change the trajectory of everything.

Here’s to a wonderful September! Here’s a toast to a remarkable year up until September….and now it’s time to make more noise for the last third!