The #1 Thing: Enjoy Connecting

Confidence comes as much from our social settings as our skills. High performers have learned
the tremendous value in relating with others. They’ve discovered that it is by connecting with
others that they learn more about themselves and the world. It’s their connection with others
that inspires greater congruence and competence, and thus confidence.

High Performance Prompts

  1. The main reason I want to become better with people is . . .
  2. I know I’ll become more confident with people when I . . .
  3. To gain more confidence with people

Podcast

The #1 Thing: Be Congruent

Practice 2: Be Congruent
At some point—often a major moment in their lives—high performers took control, defined who they wanted to be, and started living in accordance with that self-image. They shaped their identity by conscious will and have aligned their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to support that identity.


Performance Prompts

  1. The person I really want to be in life could be described as . . .
  2. Three things I could do each week to live more congruently with that vision for myself
    include . . .
  3. Three things I should definitely stop doing in my life so I can live in greater congruence
    with my ideal image of myself are . . .

Podcast

Beware of These Three Traps: Dissatisfaction

Trap 2: Beware Dissatisfaction
Do not listen to those who say, “Never be satisfied.” Satisfaction is something you should feel as you strive, not one day when all is perfect. Being satisfied, then, doesn’t mean “settling.” It simply means accepting and taking pleasure in what is. It’s allowing yourself to feel contentment whether or not a thing is complete or “perfect.” You have to reach yourself to feel fulfilled and enjoy the journey now.

These prompts will help.

  • The areas of my life I’ve felt consistently dissatisfied with include . . .

Think about personal development, health, wealth, career, fun & hobbies, family and friends, etc.

  • Some good things that have also happened in those areas include . . .

Look at the good side of these areas and ask yourself what has been learned. Again, if you’re dealing with year-long dissatisfaction on the job, it’s because it’s no longer providing meaning to you.

  • Something I can say to myself the next time I feel dissatisfied, to get me to notice the good things and continue moving forward, is . .

  • Someone who probably sees me dissatisfied more than I want them to is . . .

  • If I were going to inspire that person to believe you can enjoy life as you work hard and
    succeed, I would have to change these behaviors . . .

Podcast

Sharing Your Ambitions Performance Prompts

Practice 2: Share Your Truth & Ambitions


The main motivation of humankind is to be free, to express our true selves and pursue our dreams without restriction—to experience what may be called personal freedom. Follow this impulse by consistently sharing your true thoughts, feelings, needs, and dreams
with other people. Do not play small to placate others. Live your truth. – Brendan Burchard

Performance Prompts

  1. Something I really want to do that I haven’t shared with enough people is . . .
  • Traveling, starting that business, taking that leap of faith, committing to that passion. Put it out there….
  1. If I were going to be more “me” in my everyday life, I would start to . . .
  • Since living in Thailand, I realized that regardless of what I do, I will always be just “black” or “bad” through the eyes of Thais — not only Thais but Asians on the continent of Asia in general. So, that enabled me to establish me and live ME everyday.
  1. When I put myself out there and someone makes fun of me, I’m just going to . . .
  • Critical. YouTube is troll city. Are you ready for people to judge you? What criticism will you accept? Will you respond to no-face trolls out there? This is why I turned off ALL COMMENTS on my YouTube because it shows I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s opinion. I’ve turned off likes, too. If they truly admire my work, they would click the description and follow me elsewhere. I’m very lucky to also be in a realm where Americans in general would NEVER follow me, so I eliminate about 10% of the trolls in the world.
  1. A major dream I’m going to start telling people about and asking for some help with is . .
  • Be careful with WHO you share your dream with though.

Podcast

Complaints from Consumers? Oh, Please!

So, over the past couple weeks, and if you guys don’t already know, I had been doing free consultations by reaching out to people on a Facebook page. Unbeknownst to me, I had received maybe 100 comments. Half of them weren’t series because I had messaged them, sent a voice note, but no response. Other people booked the calendar but never showed up….but about 30% of them did.

Now, the problem with takers are they are just there to consume. It’s not about receiving an ovation and external validation, but even when you help them and they achieve your score, they wouldn’t tell you that they achieved their score but rather give themselves all the credit for achieving the score without mention.

Again, not so much about external validation, but very disheartening.

This is what happens when you stick your head in places where people don’t know you, right?

So, there was an unruly one who had always booked consultations at 8pm at night. Me, being an early bird, closed my 8pm time-slots a number of times but he was still able to book it. So, here was the second-time-coming and without contacting him, I was already over the consultations. There was no ROI, other than recording some voices and posting them throughout the rest of the year. It’s not that I had expectations — but maybe I did, because I ended up being very disappointed with these people in the end. They would take from me, achieve the score, then post saying they did it on their own.

I had about 2 consultations left, and to be honest, I was just going to cancel them and not show up because I already knew the story. The last consultation I have (although there’s one more from a girl in Nigeria but Africans have a tendency of NEVER SHOWING UP)….I said “fuck it. Who cares.” But when you have a brand and an online persona, it’s very important to cancel.

I had my Whatsapp number on my FB page and got a direct message from my phone, again, from the angry taker, and so there really isn’t much left to be said. But what did I learn from this? Obviously to cancel all remaining appointments with takers. But two, protect the brand. Regardless of my personal feelings, I need to hurry up, cancel, and let him be angry. The scary part about it is perhaps he would tag my page in the group stating “he didn’t give me a free consultation”…..and then in that community, what happens then? I have to be very careful about how I go about things because it could be a disaster.

And what did I learn from the entire process of just giving, giving, giving with no ROI? Don’t stick your head into groups on Facebook that have people without money. I was able to attract people just by sharing my content. If people are interested and serious, my content would speak for itself and they would inquire about services that way. If they’re not serious and are there for taking, just say “offering free……”. All the takers will come flooding in wanting the free.

What did I learn, stop reaching out to the “people with no money” market and help people who are deserving of your services, are super fans, and appreciate all that you’ve done. It’s not about the external validation, but it is infuriating to see people ignore the fact that you helped them for an hour, only to post on their Facebook page the achievements and completely ignore you.

Wheel of Life | August 2020 Edition | Be That Butterfly

The Wheel of Life is back! Not sure how many years I’ve been doing this for, but surely sometime 2016 is when the Wheel of Life was officially launched. Guys, I love reviewing my month and seeing what went wrong.

Before I get into it, check out these categories below and rate them on a scale 1-10.

  • Personal development
  • physical environment
  • health
  • wealth
  • career
  • fun & hobbies
  • family and friends
  • romantic relationships

When you rate them, be honest. No lying. Because the only way for improvement is figuring out what isn’t work and what you need to change.

If I had rated my physical environment at the beginning of this month, I hated my job upcountry. The dirt roads, the shitty apartment that was loud, the neighborhood, my job in general, the people I worked with and the work I was doing. Sure, I got a salary to get out of the hole I was in, but that wasn’t passionate work. So, I had to leave, and so I did. My Physical Environment went from a 3 — back to a 10. You have to be honest and confront what’s NOT WORKING.

The rest in my podcast down below!

Podcast

Transformation Tuesday | 36 Hours of Destruction – And The NOW Beauty

Wow! Healing Session was super fascinating, but then came the destructive Monday that really set me back. Relationships, terminating work-relationships, and so many other things. But then it was a jab-jab-jab UPPER-CUT and a poster-board that made me realize — I’ve made it.

Podcast

Stephen Covey’s 8th Habit | Season 6 – Episode 22 | Our Second Birth-Gift: Natural Laws or Principles

“Natural authority is the dominion of natural laws. You can’t ignore natural laws, and you have no choice but to operate by them. All actions have consequences. Like it or not, when we pick up one end of the stick we pick up the other. If you jump off a ten-story building, you can’t change your mind at the fifth story. Gravity controls. That is the stamp of nature. Nature has also stamped people with the freedom and power to choose, and, therefore, they have natural authority or dominion over all of the rest of creation. Endangered species survive only by our consent. They don’t have freedom and power to choose. They lack self-awareness. They can’t reinvent themselves. They’re totally subject to humans, who, because they are self-aware, alone have freedom and power to choose and to reinvent themselves. This is natural authority.”

Excerpt From: Stephen R. Covey. “The 8th Habit.” Apple Books.

Podcast

The Arsenio Buck Perspective Official Debut!

Super excited! I’ve switched podcast hosting sites to get more exposure, and in just 12 hours, I’m up to 1k plays! I’m grateful for making this switch and even more excited to introduce some new things, topics, etc to this podcast.  So, listen to the debut of this, how it started, and what to expect going forward. Set your alarms for M-W-F!

Podcast

Stephen Covey’s 8th Habit | Season 6 – Episode 21 | Our First Birth Gift – The Freedom to Choose

“This power of choice means that we are not merely a product of our past or of our genes; we are not a product of how other people treat us. They unquestionably influence us, but they do not determine us. We are self-determining through our choices. If we have given away our present to the past, do we need to give away our future also?”

Excerpt From: Stephen R. Covey. “The 8th Habit.” Apple Books.

When people use their past as an excuse, I have empathy for them…let alone, that was me at one particular point. However, if we allow the past to influence us the way it did for our future, how can we expect change to happen? Here’s the podcast.