Stephen Covey’s Action Plan on Trust

As promised in my podcast, this is the action plan with behaviors 1-13 and here’s an excerpt, along with the action plan, so you can figure out what needs to be done intrinsically.

In the beginning of this 13 behaviors section, I used a personal challenge for you to make this material highly relevant and actionable by identifying two relationships — one professional and one in personal — in which you wanted to build trust. I said that at the end of the section, I would give you the opportunity to look back, determine which two or three behaviors would make the greatest difference, and create an action plan to create change.

Well, here we are. If you didn’t do it before, I encourage you to do it now. This is where you can make decisions that will build trust, that will transform taxes into dividends, that will improve your relationships with two people, and — geometrically — with many others, as well.

Many people find it helpful to use a chat such as this one below. If this approach works for you, I suggest you start with one relationship. Go over the behaviors. Mark on the continuum where you think you are now with regard to each one. Then go back and circle the two or three behaviors that you feel will make the greatest positive difference.

Identify one or two next steps for each of those behaviors to create change. You may want to use one of the Trust Tips at the end of each chapter, or you may come up with something that will work better in your situation. The key is to make the steps actionable and to make and keep a commitment to yourself to do them.

Then go back and do the same for the second relationship you chose.

As you create your plan, keep in mind that the quickest way to make a withdrawal is to violate a behavior or character; the quickest way to make a deposit is to demonstrate a behavior of competence. This may help you in determining how to most quickly build trust in your situation.

If you prefer to use a different approach to implementation, that’s fine. However, you may still want to look at the chart. It will give you an overview of all 13 Behaviors, including their opposites and counterfeits. It’s a good way to capture a vision of the way high-trust leaders interact with others.

Stephen Covey
BehaviorCurrent PerformanceOpposite/
Counterfeit
Talk Straight___/____/____/____/____/Lie, spin, tell half
truths
Demonstrate
Respect
___/____/____/____/____/Don’t care or don’t
show you care.
Create
Transparency
___/____/____/____/____/Withhold information;
keep secrets;
Right Wrongs___/____/____/____/____/Don’t admit or
repair mistakes
Show Loyalty___/____/____/____/____/Sell others out; take the credit
yourself
Deliver
Results
___/____/____/____/____/Fail to deliver
on activities.
Get Better___/____/____/____/____/Deteriorate; don’t
invest in improvement
Confront
Reality
___/____/____/____/____/Bury your head in the sand;
focus on busywork
Clarify
Expectations
___/____/____/____/____/Assume expectations
or don’t disclose them.
Practice
Accountability
___/____/____/____/____/Don’t take responsibility.
Listen First___/____/____/____/____/Don’t listen; speak first, listen
last.
Keep
Commitments
___/____/____/____/____/Break commitments;
violate promises.
Extend Trust___/____/____/____/____/Withhold trust;
fake trust and then
snoopervise.

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 33 – Behavior #1 – Talk Straight

At one time I worked with a person who would never let you know where he stood on an issue until the decision was made and the wisdom of the decision was either validated or shown to be in error. You could never pin him down. However, once the decision was finally made and the results were in, he rode the winning horse and energetically asserted that had been his opinion all along.

At one point a very important proposal came up in our executive meeting. I knew that if we acted on this proposal, it would either be fantastic or it would bomb. As usual, this person said a lot in the meeting, but he really didn’t commit one way or the other.

Tired of his sidestepping, I wanted to have him on record as committing one way or the other. So that night I went to his home to talk with him. He knew that I was against the proposal. So when I asked him where he stood, he said, “oh, I am totally against it.”

The next day, in front of the entire group, I said to him, “Yesterday in our meeting it wasn’t clear to me where you stood on this issue. Would you please share your views?” The chairman of the company was at this meeting, and because this man knew that the chairman wanted to accept this proposal, he postured entirely differently than he had with me the night before.

Somewhat exasperated, I said to him, “That’s not at all what you said last night to me. You said that you were totally against it.”

“Yes, well that’s what I was thinking at that point, but….”

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust

It doesn’t get any truer, does it?

Let me give you a story. I had a student who had come into my life back in June of last year. She was very open-minded and very friendly; however, during that specific course, she would say some things that would never be said in western culture. She would use ignorant gambits to try to bait me into getting angry about what she was saying. At this time, and following that, I should’ve dropped her and never taught her as a student. However, she requested me to teach her privately at the language center and she brought her girlfriend along.

All seemed well until days before Christmas when the bomb was dropped. Complaints were hurled and I was dropped as a teacher. Get this, just a day before, we spoke in the hallway as if nothing happened. It was head-scratching and laughable….and at the same time, I told myself: “if I ever have an overly friendly student, drop them.” Unless it’s on my personal website, I want to save the ignorance.

See, some people are two total opposites. I can careless about the situation, but I’m very scared about the individuals who have done that because if they’re planning on living overseas and do that, this can be a catastrophic problem. Yes, we do the same thing in America culture, but how they did it was completely unacceptable.

Guys, be straight. I shouldn’t have been teaching lazy, ignorant students past their due date. Yes, I stuck my neck out for them and tried my hardest to push them to getting a high score — only to get thrown under the bus. They surely should’ve had some problems dating back months, so why not drop me then? Why didn’t I communicate my ideas across before?

I learned.

Podcast

Stephen Covey: Season 4 – Episode 32 – Second Wave – Relationship Trust

Welcome back to another blog, people! We’re getting into another phase of Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust, and this one is going to be a very enticing one. It’s time to start getting into the relationship aspect of things and breakdown what behaviors are.

The truth is that in every relationship — personal and professional — what you do has far greater impact than anything you say. You can say you love someone — but unless you demonstrate that love through your actions, your words become meaningless. You can say you want to engage in win-win negotiation — but unless your behavior shows that you really mean it, you will come across as insincere. You can say your company puts the customer first. You can say that you recognize people as your most important asset. However, unless you actually do them, your words will not build trust; in fact, they will destroy it.

 

You have to build it. A lot of people ask “how can I do it.”

Well, remember the caring person thing? If you’re not a caring person now — but you desire to be a caring person — then go out and behave in caring ways.

It may take time, but you have to take the initiative.

Building Trust Accounts

Remember my famous blog “the Emotional Bank Account?” Yeah, these are similar to what Sean Covey’s dad had written about in his book 30 years ago. Let’s go over them.

Each Trust Account is unique

Recognizing uniqueness can help you build each account more effectively. A 12-year-old’s account will be astonishingly different from a mid-20’s guy.

All deposits and withdrawals are not created equal.

Often the little things can be disproportionately large. Getting an email from someone about a natural disaster or some type of imminent danger would be much different from forgetting your partner’s birthday.

What constitutes a “deposit” to one person may not to another.

I had a situation rise that was similar to this. One of my friend’s thought staying out late would be a deposit if I’m bonding with other people, but I considered that to be a significant withdrawal.

Listen to “Stephen Covey: Season 4 – Episode 32 – Second Wave – Relationship Trust” on Spreaker.

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 22 – The K in Tasks

Welcome back to another Stephen Covey blog with lots of explanations! Here are some questions for you to answer.

What is your current level of knowledge in your specific field?

What are you doing to NOT stay current?

What other areas of knowledge are you pursuing?

So, lately I’ve been having some hot sweats — hot sweats of the feelings I used to feel doing things that I absolutely hated to do. 2004, a year where I was DEAD BORED with school. 2005, watching TV all day long and not learning a damn things while saturating myself with sports and other things to keep me busy and away from making rash decisions.

Hell, even when I lived in Australia, or on those boring Saturdays and Sundays off from work…..it was a life of misery, while I was going to college.

Throughout my life, I was never asked about my purpose. I was never asked “do you really like what you’re doing?”

Karen Mulcahy, an ex-university professor, asked me “why do you want to become a dental assistant?”

I replied, “well, I’ve never had a nice smile and I would love to change others smiles because that’s the first thing we see.

First part was wrong, I’ve always had a nice smile, excluding my bottom incisors. However, I didn’t have the ability to change smiles as a dental assistant.

As a dental assistant, what could I have done to improve my knowledge and skills? Oh, ok…let me learn the different types of softwares related to the dental field and possible get paid more.

Get paid more….and then?

It was a dead-end job from the beginning and I was able to escape the rat race of just saying, “let me just making money for the weekend and travel twice a year…enjoy my life only twice a year before going back to a horrendous career.”

Some of you are in that career right NOW! Doing the same tasks and hating your life. I’m inviting you to take the leap.

For those of you who have already made the leap, ask yourself your questions about your specific field.

I was just having a conversation with another English Language tutor, and she said she wanted to go back to university to learn about business, reading, and writing — three things that I’ve learned ON MY OWN. The information is everywhere. I improved my knowledge of subjects taught out here in Thailand and was paid more for doing so.

That was 4 years ago. Since then, the amount of knowledge I have now is unbelievable and continuing to increase.

Don’t Stay Current

You stay current and you will lose. Apple has taken catastrophic hits. Sure, 245 billion in hard cash, but they’re now #3 in the world because they’re no longer innovating and hiking prices even more…with the same functions. This is a dead company.

If you’re not looking 5-10 years ahead and not innovating, you will fall way behind.

The areas I continue pursuing is insight and revelation. I want to continue learning and learning from people as much as possible because i know with experiences and collaboration brings some of the greatest heights of anyone’s life. That will be talked about in another blog, but please take these questions into account and start jotting down ideas.

Listen to “Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 22 – The K in Tasks” on Spreaker.

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 19 – The T in Tasks

Yes! The Stephen Covey blogs are back, and I’m super excited to present you today with the T in Tasks. Now, some of you are probably asking “what is the acronym “tasks?”

Well let’s get into it.

Talents are natural gifts and strengths. Attitudes represent our paradigms — our ways of seeing, as well as our ways of being. Skills are our proficiencies, the things we can do well. Knowledge represents our learning, insight, understanding, and awareness. Style represents our unique approach and personality.

There are all parts of what we call our capabilities. They are our means to produce results. By breaking them down into these components, we are able to more fully explore them, both independently and interdependently.

Stephen Covey

Talents: What are your unique strengths or talents? What is the highest and best use of your talents? How can you better maximize the talents you have? What talents might you have not developed yet?

Mine? Making people laugh, speaking to people, and influencing.

Did I know before that I had these talents? No. I was a shy, timid kid in 9th grade of high school that had ZERO speaking abilities. I ended up spending time with one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, and of course, I became what he was. I began making people laugh. I started to speak to people without fear. However, Australia put a huge dent in everything because being in a society where everyone is stone-faced (sorry, Aussies), it was difficult for me to be myself. I thought no one liked me. I thought I had too much personality.

It wasn’t until the magnificent Thailand, a country that believed that I was a disgusting, black criminal, when I got back into the driver’s seat of my life and developed my personality into the infectious and radiating sunlight it is today (well, maybe not that amazing…but you get the point).

So, over to you.

 

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 18 – Core III – Capabilities Part II

So, this is a follow-up of what I’ve already written and talked about on my previous blog post. Let’s look at some of the people I’ve come across.

You could be the individual who has enormous capabilities, but be lacking in integrity, intent, or results.

For instance, you might have tremendous potential….and it remains just that — potential.

Let me give you a few examples.

There was a colleague I worked for who had a Masters in Business and Finance, yet he was in Thailand. It didn’t make much sense. Honestly, he was one of the most brilliant minds I’ve ever come across and gave me the original idea to start doing a podcast…..but he was never walking his own walk.

Another individual, who my content writer is in talks with (and has been for a while) has an insane amount of potential, is extremely smart, and the sky’s the limit….but she lacks self-trust and dooms everything right out of the gates.

Kenny, an ex-colleague at the College of Southern Nevada, was SOOO unbelievably smart. He knew about investments and anything you could ever imagine…yet, just worked as a slave in the front office of a dental faculty practice. An UNBELIEVABLY ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF POTENTIAL….but never walked his walk.

Guys and gals, capabilities mean everything in this globalizing and technologically advanced world. We’re outdating skill-sets faster than ever before. So you need to ask yourself some questions.

  • What capabilities do you have that make you credible and that inspire the trust and confidence in others.
  • What experience have you had (or not had) in developing capabilities that affects the confidence you have in yourself?
  • What impact are factors such as technology and globalization having on the relevance of your current capabilities.
  • What is your attitude and approach toward improving your current capabilities and gaining new ones?

Listen to “Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 18 – Core III – Capabilities Part II” on Spreaker.

 

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 12 – What is Intent?

Motive. Motive is your reason for doing something. It’s the “why” that motivates “what.”

The motive that inspires the greatest trust is genuine caring — caring about people, caring about purposes, caring about the quality of what you do, caring about society as a whole. Think about it: Are you going to trust someone who could really care less about you? Or about work or about principles, or values, or anyone or anything else?

 

Stephen Covey

This is a very interesting story I’m going to tell you about the above statement. I have a friend, who I’m “KINDA” seeing, but when things go south, she disappears. There’s no communication, she simply ignores — just like my ex for like 11 years ago.

One of the darkest times in my life was when I constantly tried calling my ex to see if she’s ok, and she never picked up my phone. I knew she was around my phone 24/7, but she just didn’t want to pick it up. I finally talked to her and after she mocked me on the phone, I got so angry and began weeping out loud. My mother came upstairs, grabbed the phone and said, “Arsenio will talk to you later.” And my mom then left the room. It was the perfect mother moment…..but these are the glimpses of what this particular individual is showing.

After a complete lapse of judgement, I messaged her on a few occasions. Now, you guys know me well enough that I’m not a chaser. I don’t chase a soul. I sent maybe 3-5 messages throughout the day, and she didn’t read them. At night I sent a message saying, “good night…I know you’re ignoring me.”

Reply: “yes, good night.”

That reminded me of December 2008. The fact that the other person is so selfish to the point that they know what they’re doing and it’s wrong on the party, yet they’re doing it anyways, is completely unfair, childish, and ignorant. Not only that, but that was the second time.

So, what will I do? Taste of her own medicine? Or just move on?

Doesn’t really matter at this point. I’ve accepted fate….

Clearly, motive matters, and the motive of caring will do more than anything else to build credibility and trust. But what if you genuinely don’t care? What if your real motive is profit or accumulation or recognition — period? What if you really don’t care about customers or employees, family or friends, people on the streets and things around you?

If you really don’t care — and you don’t want to care — that’s fine. But you need to understand that you will pay a tax because of it.

You may think you’re already getting good results, but you need to ask yourself a bigger question: what am I leaving on the table?

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust

So, if you really don’t care — and you have no intent to change — you’re generally much better off being transparent about it and simply recognizing that you’re paying a tax because of it.

Listen to “Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 12 – What is Intent?” on Spreaker.

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 6 – The Four Cores

Guys welcome back to another Stephen Covey blog/podcast, and today is a follow up from what we’ve already done with the questionnaire (last week). 

So, each part in the questionnaire corresponds to one of the “4 Cores of Credibility.”  These are the foundational elements that make you believable, both ot yourself and to others. 

So, when it comes to integrity, it basically means honesty.  It’s walking your talk.  Do you live up to your values and beliefs? Or do you do opposite of what you say. 

Core 2: Intent

The second core deals with issues of intent.  This has to do with our motives, our agendas, and our resulting behavior.  Trust grows when our motives are straightforward and based on mutual benefit — in other words, when we genuinely care not only for ourselves, but also for the people we interact with, lead, or serve.  When we suspect a hidden agenda from someone or we don’t believe they are acting in our best interests, we are suspicious about everything they say and do. 

Both integrity and intent are matters of character.

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust

This happens a lot in my life because I have a tendency of always saying to myself, “is this real?”  Came across a lady on the street last night and she was super friendly.  It didn’t make any sense, and I truly believed that she had a hidden agenda. She was trying to exploit me somehow, someway, and I was right. 

Core 3: Capabilities

The third core deals with issues of capabilities.  These are the abilities that have inspire confidence — our talens, attitudes, skills, knowledge, and style.  They are the means we use to produce results.  A family doctor might have integrity and his motives might be good, but unless he’s trained and skilled to perform the task at hand (brain surgery, for example) he’ll be lacking in credibility in that area.  Capabilities also deal with our ability to establish, grow, extend, and restore trust. 

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust

Core 4: Results

The fourth core deals with issues around results.  This refers to our track record, our performance, our getting the right things done.  If we don’t accomplish what we are expected to do, it diminishes our credibility.  On the other hand, when we achieve the results we promised, we establish a positive reputation of performing, of being a produce, and our reputation precedes us. 

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust

And these are the cores.  Remember, everyone, each area is of equal importance.  Example, someone who has great integrity, good intent and a great track record my lack capabilities.  Another person who has great integrity, capable and produces excellent results may have selfishness and doesn’t care about you.  

In any case, you won’t fully trust that person in any situation. So, in order to visualize the importance of all cores is by through the metaphor of a tree.  Integrity is the root of the tree which everything else grows.  Intent becomes more visible after you establish the character, which is just below the soil.  It’s essentially the big trunk the pokes its head out.  The capabilities are the branches and the capacities that enable us to produce.  Results are the fruits.  

So, with the being said, we’re going to have to start going through the cores

Podcast

Lewis Howes: The Alpha Mask Introduction!

After so many months of not reading this book (and now realizing that I’m finished with the Gary Vee book), I’ve reverted my attention back to one of the most splendidly terrifying books out there that’s almost certain to put all men in some of the most uncomfortable places.  I present you the ALPHA MASK!

“You’re in a bar and some guy gets rude. You’re in a meeting and someone other than you is getting all the attention. You’re trying to talk your phone bill down, but the guy on the other end of the line is a jerk about it.

How does this make you feel? How do you respond? For a lot of men, the answer is simple: It challenges their very identity as a man. It makes them feel less than. Since they see themselves as alpha males—the top dogs—they simply cannot handle the downgrade in status.

But here’s the danger—in some of the situations, the degree to which you are assertive and display your full alpha colors could meaningfully change what happens, for better or worse. It might affect whether you are able to walk away in one piece.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

BOOM! Omg! I mean, when I read this, I laughed out loud! How many times, especially throughout our daily lives, are we accosted by this insidious behavior?

Ok, I’ve been seeing a lot of trolls on Gary Vee’s LinkedIn who literally argue against everything he writes.  You got the “labelers,” who call themselves “CEO, founder, manager, and other ridiculously outlandish and egotistical titles, who berate Gary Vee with the most senseless antics and phrases imaginable.  Remedial yokels from another dimension.

A long time ago, I was holding a sign, peacefully, inside McCarran International airport when I was approached by a group of clowns…..those who call themselves “McDonalds Managers,” and one specific man said, “omg who prepped you?” It was like three back-to-back-to-back questions that sounded like 21 questions.  He did this because he wanted to have that managerial feel.  The feeling of superiority — and this is why Americans are so WAY-IN-OVER-THEIR-HEADS because they let titles, which don’t go to the grave with them, get to them.

You got the shady clubbing men who go to clubs in groups to stalk “prey” (yes, I’m saying that in a very mysogynistic way because they do treat women like objects).  After they make eye-contact with another one who’s trying to gain power over the other, he approaches him by saying, “wtf are you looking at?” Brawl happens; orbital bones are broken; people are slammed; concussions are given.

It’s head-scratching, isn’t it? Males, even here in Thailand, have a tendency of beating women.

“Well, getting everything they want is actually third on their list. First of all, being in control is number one on their list, and that’s emotionally satisfying. The second thing is the alpha type—which we refer to as “the assertive”—the one thing that’s more important to them than actually getting what they want is being respected and making sure that you know everything about what they’re coming from.” – Chris Voss

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

“That’s the lesson for me. You might think you’re the big tough alpha male, but you’re actually profoundly weak. It occurs to me that establishing “alphaness” is what drives a lot of outrageous behavior and needless mistakes. When I think about things like gang violence or terrorism or bar fights or abuse, all of them seem to trace back to this need to establish one’s presence or dominance or strength. All of these acts seem to be about men wanting to show off how alpha they are.” – Lewis Howes

How To Find Books That Are Worth Your Time

Ok, Sci-Fi, Romantic novels, dramas, politics, etc…..throw them in the bin.

If we break everything down in macro, you’re sleeping for 6-8 hours a night, school/work for 6-10 hours a day and commuting to work, on average, from 1-2 hours a day.  So we’re looking at a minimum of 13 hours being handed away and maximum of 18-20 hours a day.

So, that gives us very little time to focus on ourselves.  Focusing on the qualities that will enable us to the next big stage in our life.  If you’re spending time playing video games, social media scrolling (those who become lost in the virtual world), or reading a book that doesn’t help you with your life, you’re losing and the clock is ticking.

Become aware of where you’re throwing away your time.  You don’t have time to read? Ok, you can listen to a personal development/self-improvement podcast/video on your way to work to get your brain food for the day.

But for those of you that don’t have time to read, there are essential human qualities that schools/universities seriously don’t help human beings with.

If we look at Purpose, Self-Confidence, Leadership, Tolerance, Pleasing Personality, Self-Control, and all of these other essential qualities needing in all fields of endeavor, none are taught.

If I look at my ex-boss, he’s lacking sympathy, empathy, and has a massive intolerance problem.  On top of that, his personality wretched with a stench and he has no confidence.  Get this….he’s wealthy (but living in Thailand for all the wrong reasons).  See what I mean?

Ok, let’s get even deep.  I work for a part-time job with two women and one of them has one of the worst personalities I’ve ever seen since my first boss in southeast Thailand.  She’s very standoffish and only looks after herself.

Let’s talk about present time…like now.  I’m in a shopping plaza eating a garden salad and I just saw two women walking their dogs in the shopping plaza.  Their dogs both have four shoes on their feet.  Yeah.  They accidentally ran into another group of human beings and didn’t apologize.  Instead, they picked up their dogs and gave them a kiss.

These two are suffering from an insurmountable amount of EGOISM.

Now, are you going to spend your time in front of a monitor in a virtual world? Are you going to spend your time reading books that serve you no purpose? Or are you going to work on yourself to become the best possible version of you? Podcast down below!

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/how-to-find-books-that-are-worth-your-ti