How to Friendship Detox

We got the ultimate DETOX A FRIEND and FRIENDSHIP guide here. This was inspired by my main man Trent Shelton — a podcast that pumps golden gems in the world of social. So, I have some rules, stories, and lots more stories. So let’s get into it.

Be the friend that you want them to be to you. – Rule #1

See, when you’re giving 100% and they’re giving you 50% or even less, that means you’re pouring more than they are. Look at it as planting soil. You have a bag of about 10kg and your friend shows up to the planting session with 2kg and no seeds to plant, although they know both are essential. You have a problem, right? If you tell them to go out and come back, they still don’t have anything. When you commit to a friendship it has to be mutual.

If someone is continuously giving and another is continuously taking…it will come to an end. Rule #2

This is in all relationships. These are called leeches. They’re literally waiting for your paycheck, your upcoming, your explosion, and they’re just inching to make that call to leech off you (money or other things). This could be in terms of energy, too. One day I had gone to the gym and I had breakfast with this girl afterwards. When I went to the gym, I was like a 9. After working out with her, I was about a 5 because I felt a ton of bad energy. After 45 minutes of sitting in front of her, I fell to a 2. I never spoke to her on a personal level again because that’s an energy-draining human being. Be careful.

Don’t be there friend if they’re not your friend. — You can’t build something that’s not real. – Rule #3

Honestly, this happened to me recently. I’m literally trying to speak and build a friendship with a tomboyish girl and she was giving me nothing back. I would send her 10 minutes worth a voice messages, she would send me a paragraph. I would send her two paragraphs, she would send me a message. She then said “I don’t have feelings for you,” and I should’ve cut it right there, but a friend of mind told me to pursue and I was like “ummm, why? She doesn’t even give a damn about me as a friend.” Sure enough, I wanted to go silent to see if I would even cross her mind — and what do you think happened? Three weeks, I asked myself for forgiveness and that was the end of that. A true blocking on Instagram after watching an extremely bizarre story and seeing her have a blast with her friends. Ok, you can’t force friendship, Arsenio. This is what has happened with an old-friend-now-acquaintance who lives in America. I saw myself constantly supporting and helping her emotionally and she just never gave a damn. So, now I just keep my distance and let her watch my success. YOU CAN’T FORCE ANYTHING. It must come naturally.

Honorable Quotes

Associates with friends. You were just talking bad about that person 5 minutes ago and now you’re on social media being buddy buddy with that person. You’re giving friendship expectations to associates. – Trent Shelton

Trent Shelton Podcast

You’ll never be good friends to someone that you don’t want to be friends with. You don’t have to force it. They don’t want to have the hard conversation with someone to tell how it really is. – Trent Shelton

Trent Shelton Podcast

Real friends hold their friends accountable. They would check you, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. – Trent Shelton

Trent Shelton Podcast

If you’re a person who always brings gossip to a friend but you don’t say anything, you’re not really a friend. – Trent Shelton

You got their back. – Rule #4

If someone is talking about your friend behind their back and you hear it, you won’t go back to your friend and tell them what they said without having a conversation about it. You must be real. If you don’t stand up for your friend, your integrity is lost.

Podcast

Relationships, Friendships, & Intimacy | Carla Trigo

Amazing podcast with Carla Trigo! I brought Carla on about a year ago today, and now she’s come back on to share some tips and give you guidance in terms of relationships and how to openly communicate. Because the restrictions of movement around the world, not only has domestic violence risen significantly but also divorces. Why? People are at home and they have to face what ISN’T working. In saying that, here is some bulletpoints on what we talk about with the podcast link below.

  • Not forcing friendships
  • Being spontaneous in a relationship
  • Roles within a relationship
  • Face what isn’t working
  • Essential oils and smells that arouse both men and women

Superhero Course with Mira: https://www.udemy.com/share/102VSm/

Spotify – https://open.spotify.com/show/0x39CEN5tHvfRtfZaAMTgQ

Podcast – https://www.spreaker.com/show/arsenio…

Podcast on iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/t…

Podcast on Stitcher – https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/arse…

Podcast on SoundCloud – https://soundcloud.com/arsenio-buck/g…

YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIzp…

Facebook – The Arsenio Buck Show – Home | Facebook

Twitter – https://twitter.com/arseniobuckshow?l…

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/thearseniob…

Website – https://thearseniobuckshow.com/

Q & A – ArsenioBuck@icloud.com

LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/arsenio-b…

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/thearseniobuckshow/?hl=en

The Arsenio Buck Foundation: https://thearseniobuckshow.com/?p=8676

Restoring Relationship Trust

Another area that creates huge trust issues in personal relationships is money. As many marriage counselors affirm, money problems are a key cause of divorce. While many such problems are caused by lack of character (selfish or impulsive spending, attempts to control or restrict a partner’s access to shared resources, or efforts to hide spending from a partner), many are also caused by lack of competence (lack of education or experience in money management). In addition, two people coming into a relationship are often scripted in different ways by family experience — for example, one may come from a background of spenders, while the other comes from a background of thrift.

Here’s a story from Stephen Covey’s book

“For years, my husband and I had problems managing our money. We would agree to spend our money in a certain way, then he would come home with some new thing we hadn’t agreed on. It was very frustrating, and I eventually withdrew emotionally as a financial partner.

Over time, however, we both came to realize that this situation was negatively affecting the trust in our relationship, and we decided to change. He worked on being more responsible to act based on our agreements; I worked on expressing my opinions better and participating more fully in financial decisions. And together, we became involved in learning more about good financial habits, including budgeting and investing.

It’s taken quite a while to shift old habits, but through it all, we’ve become amazingly close and more unified in our financial values, goals, and habits. In fact, I’d say that now financial units is one of our strengths. Doing something together that was this challenging has created even strong bonds of trust in our entire relationship.

Stephen Covey: The 7 Low-Trust Organizational Taxes – Politics & Disengagement

In an organization, “politics” is defined as the use of tactics and strategy to gain power. Office politics divide a culture against itself by creating conflict with what author Lawrence MacGregor Serven calls the “enemy within” instead of the enemy without.

Office politics generate behaviors such as withholding information, infighting, trying to “read the tea leaves,” operating with hidden agendas, behaviors result in all kinds of wasted time, talent, energy, and money. In addition, they poison company cultures, derail strategies, and sabotage initiatives, relationships, and careers. The indirect costs related to office politics are estimated at 100 billion per year; some observers put them substantially higher.

Stephen Covey

Remember the story I had told you guys about a colleague by the name of Hubert? Yeah, met him for the first time, worked alongside him, and then I was bit by him, the venomous snake. Why would I call him a snake? Simply because he was the one who stopped taking a taxi with me to a company (lightyears away) so he can cut costs for himself. This was infuriating beyond belief, and I told my boss about his insidious agenda and to never allow him to come inside “this” language center. Of course, I was ignored, he came in and wreaked havoc for several months, creating division and gossip around the office. He finally had quit after trying to get me fired because I had podcasts that called out teachers that “fit the profile,” but this type of malice should’ve never stepped foot inside. Give a man one foot, he’ll soon push the door open and let himself in.

Disengagement

Disengagement is what happens when people continue to work at a company, but have effectively quit (commonly referred to as “quit and stay”). They put in what effort they must to get their paycheck and not get fired, but they’re not giving their talent, creativity, energy, or passion. Their bodies are there, but not their hearts or their minds. There are many reasons for disengagement, but one of the biggest reasons is that people simply don’t feel trusted.

Following the end of my teaching career at a particular place that I had been working at for 3.5 years, I lost my energy, passion, and everything for the job. I would say things to my students that would get me in trouble in the long term. I would shrug my shoulders and not do the mundane tasks. It’s almost as if I put a bullseye on my back everyday and wanted them to take me out, and they did. I had been disengaged from teaching at that place for months (since the dawn of the New Years) and I shouldn’t have stayed past 2016 (always leave when you’re at the peak — which sounds crazy). However, I did….and when one of our best salespeople left, along with a forcible firing of a great head teacher, cancer began spreading rapidly throughout the office and forced the best teachers out….to the most amazing journeys of life.

Podcast

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 3 – The Five Waves of Trust

Stephen Covey posted in the book what I THOUGHT was AMAZING! Let’s break it down.

Five years ago I was working with some associates in a small group and they loved the approach: “We love this leadership content! It’s right on! But our division leaders don’t understand this.  They are the ones who really need to hear it.”

After that, he presented the content to the division leaders: we’re in full agreement with everything you’re saying.  This approach is GREAT! The problem is that the people who really need it are our bosses.”

He went to the bosses…..and again…..”We are enthusiastic about this content! It’s very insightful and helpful.  But our counterparts in the five divisions don’t understand this.  They are the ones who need to hear it.”

It went on and on, as you can see.  Finally, after probably 7-8 presentations, there was the CEO.

“This content is great, but I’m powerless.  I can do nothing.  It’s all in the hands of the board.”

His father once said, “if you think the problem is out there, that very thought is the problem.”

People, just because there are trust issues in your workplace, to your personal life, it doesn’t mean you’re powerless!  In fact, you probably have no idea how powerful you can be in changing the level of trust in any relationship if you know how to work “from the inside out.”

The First Wave: Self Trust

The first wave deals with us.  Our ability to set and achieve goals, to keep commitments, to walk our talk — and also with our ability to inspire trust in others.

The key underlying principle of this trust is credibility, the four cores we’ll be getting into shortly.

So, when you’re not able to keep your commitments, as mentioned before, you lose integrity, credibility, trust, and so many other things.

The Second Wave: Relationship Trust

Trust accounts. Period.  We will go over the 13 behaviors coming up real soon, and all of these rules can be applied either at home or work.  This can significantly increase the ability to generate trust with all involved in order to enhance relationships.

The Third Wave; Organizational Trust

How leaders can deal with trust.  Gary Vee and Tom Bilyeau were recently speaking on a podcast about trust issues and changing from the top.  If you have trust issues amongst the bottom, imagine what’s happening at the top? I worked for a guy in the heart of CBD and he told the guy below him, “don’t let Arsenio teach TOEIC because the students don’t like black teachers.”  He was against it, ofcourse.  Now I’m writing ebooks on TOEIC because I knew what my strength was.  Sometimes distrust can spell STRENGTH.

The Fourth Wave: Market Trust

This is about your company/personal brand, which reflects the trust customers, investors, and others in the marketplace have in you.

Now that I’m building a personal brand with my ESL podcast and blogs, if and when I start teaching through my business, my name is everything. If my name is attached to thievery and distrust, it’s over. I lose.

The Fifth Wave: Societal Trust

The principle underlying this wave is contribution.  This is why I’m doing my Arsenio Buck Foundation.  We counteract this “giving back” with suspicious, cynicism, and low-trust inheritance. We can also inspire others to create value and contribute, as well.

So, I’ll first talk about restoring trust, seeking, speaking, behaving, and then we’ll kick off the first wave.

Podcast – https://www.spreaker.com/show/arsenio…

Podcast on iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/t…

Podcast on Stitcher – https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/arse…

Podcast on SoundCloud – https://soundcloud.com/arsenio-buck/g…

YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIzp…

Facebook – The Arsenio Buck Show – Home | Facebook

Twitter – https://twitter.com/arseniobuckshow?l…

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/thearseniob…

Website – https://thearseniobuckshow.com/

Q & A – ArsenioBuck@icloud.com

LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/arsenio-b…

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/thearseniobuckshow/?hl=en

Podcast

Lewis Howes: Joker Mask – Part II

“Like many people, I want to avoid being the dark cloud in other people’s lives, so I pretend things are sunny, even when they are obviously not. So I keep things light, or at surface level. I want to talk about other people. I want to focus on other people’s challenges because focusing on my own feels more vulnerable.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

But when you’re able to spew your problems out and talk to people about them, like Dale Carnegie once said, you’re able to lift all of that off your chest.

If I can look back at the most “depressed” moments of my life, one coming for only 5-minutes back in 2014, it all had to do with my personal feelings and vendetta.  In 2014, I was denied jobs, face-to-face, because of being African American.  I was in the back of a taxi circling around an area of Bangkok (invasive technique taxi drivers do in Bangkok to rake up the meter), and at the given moment I felt like I was just a spec in the world.  I snapped out of it within minutes.

Also, being dismissed in a relationship in 2009 left me in absolute shambles.  It was the darkest cloud hanging over me, simply because it was my first love.  It took two-months to shake it off, but I did and later went to Australia for the first time in my life that summer.

In 2003, I was surely depressed in the latter portion of the year, but this revolved around my mother not having a job, no food in the house, and two girls not wanting anything to do with me.  This developed anger, which I talked about in an earlier podcast/blog, but I ended up getting over it by joining Track & Field – the best sport to join because you can only place blame on yourself.

I really need to tell this story that I read in Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Stop Worrying And Start Living.’

Mrs. Moon’s Story

In December, a number of years ago, I was engulfed in a feeling of sorrow and self-pity.  After several years of happy married life, I had lost my husband.  As the Christmas holidays approached, my sadness deepened. I had never spent a Christmas alone in all my life; and I dreaded to see this Christmas come.  Friends had invited me to spend Christmas with them.  But I did not feel up to any gaiety.  I knew I would be a wet blanket at any party.  So, I refused their kind invitations.  As Christmas eve approached, I was more and more overwhelmed with self-pity.  True, I should have been thankful for many things, as all of us have many things for which to be thankful.  The day before christmas, I left my office at 3pm in the afternoon and started walking aimlessly on a street, hoping that I might banish my self-pity and melancholy the avenue was jammed with happy crowds — scenes that brought back memories of happy years that were gone.  I just couldn’t bear the thought of going home to a lonely and empty apartment.  I was bewildered.  I didn’t know what to do.  I couldn’t keep the tears back.  After walking aimlessly for an hour or so, I found myself in front of a bus terminal.  I remember that my husband and I had often boarded an unknown bus for adventure, so I boarded the first bus I found at the station.  After cross the Hudson River and riding for some time, I heard the bus conductor say, ‘Last stop, lady.’  I got off.  I didn’t even know the name of the town.  It was a quiet and peaceful little place.  While waiting for the next bus home, I started walking up a residential street.  As I passed a church, I heard the beautiful strains of “Silent Night.” I went in.  The church was empty except for the organist.  I sat down unnoticed in one of the pews.  The lights from the gaily decorated Christmas tree made the decorations seem like myriads of stars dancing in the moonbeams.  The long-drawn cadences of the music — and the fact that I had forget to eat since morning — made me drowsy.  I went to sleep.

When I awoke, there were two small children who had apparently come in to see the Christmas tree.  One said, “I wonder if Santa Claus brought her.”

The children were terrified when I woke up, but I told them I wouldn’t hurt them.  They were poorly dressed.  I asked them where their mother and daddy were.  “We ain’t got no mother and daddy,” they said. They were orphans.  They made me feel ashamed of my sorrow and self-pity.  I went on to buy them food and refreshments, and I banished my depression instantaneously.

See, in the book they would call this “masking a problem,” but I would disagree completely.  This is basically realizing that you have it well.  There has to be a deeper story to why people, of all statuses, commit suicide.  Robin Williams had all the money, a wife, oscars, and everything – but he ultimately killed himself.  So I will ask again: “what is depression?”

“Beneath the jokes is often a sadness or some problem. Behind the mask—no matter how funny or entertaining—is a real person. Psychologist Edward Dreyfus puts it even more directly: “Perhaps we should listen more attentively to those who hide behind the mask of humor. Perhaps we should be asking them to whom do they turn to make them laugh? Perhaps we should spend a little more effort in seeing the person behind the mask.” If we had listened to what Robin Williams was saying behind his mask, I wonder what we would have heard.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Maybe people, who are comedians, just love making people laugh for the sake of bringing joy to the world?

“So many comedians/funny people will tell you they grew up feeling hopelessly inadequate, hideously ugly, impossibly fat, meekly small, and direly insignificant. These deep-rooted insecurities are what provided them with a die-hard desire and unrelenting ambition to be seen, respected, and accepted by their peers. Society will accept you for your flaws, so long as you’re funny. Taking on the role as the class clown at school is the ultimate way for the incessantly bullied kid to gain popularity. – Author Zara

Humor becomes the ultimate mask—one that gets you what you’ve always wanted (acceptance) for being the opposite of who you’ve always been (different). Not surprisingly, this detachment from the emotions and the identity hidden behind the mask can have profound effects on relationships, on professional life, and on overall happiness.” – Lewis Howes

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

I read this and I just couldn’t relate.  This part of the book is focusing on how bad “comedy” may be.  So someone, like myself, who loves to make someone laugh, is hiding something? Is that it? Absolutely not.  I know that the more we laugh and have those feelings of joy, the more we attract to us more of those feelings that will keep pushing us to a spiritual and joy “high.”

What Robin Williams had was something much more deep-rooted in his childhood.  Kevin Hart, who’s a comedian, had very little when he was growing up.  He used all of the transgressions in the past as comedy today.  He’s not hiding a thing….or so I believe.

Podcast

Aggressive Mask: Part IV – What Can We Do Right Now?

“In the middle of my conversation with Ray Lewis, I asked him about his definition of a man and whether it had evolved as he got older, had kids, became successful, and ultimately retired. By way of answering my question, he told me a story about when he came to a deeper understanding of the challenges the men in his family have faced.

He was 33 years old. He’d reengaged with his long-absent father, and his father wanted him to meet a man named Shady Ray Whitehead who lived in some little trailer 6 hours outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. He had no idea where they were going or who this man was they were visiting, but when they arrived, he and his father walked in and his father said, “Meet your grandfather.”

Ray sat on the floor while his dad sat on the couch, and they talked. One of the first things out of his father’s mouth was a question to his grandfather that had also run through Ray’s head nearly every day of the first 17 years of his life: “Dad, why’d you leave me?” To say this blindsided Ray would be an understatement.

“Ray sat with this information for a while, listening to his father and grandfather, and started to think about the men in his family who struggled in their relationships. Ray’s realization is something out of a novel, or a sermon:

This is a generational curse, man. My son is 21, I’m 41, my father is 61, my grandfather’s 81. His father is 101. Five generations. Twenty years apart. What are we doing? I rode back home with my father for 6 hours while he kept talking, and I never said a word. When I got done listening to him, I said to him: “You know what a man is? A man accepts all of the wrongs, never complains, forgives, and then moves on.” That’s what a man does, because you can never replace him not being at a football game. Never replace him not being to a wrestling match, or a track meet. Beat up by a group of kids? You can never replace him not being there. You can never replace that. So what you can replace is you can replace it with moving on.”

“This is our work to do. The rewards are, indeed, waiting for us, but they will not make themselves known until we begin the process of dropping our Aggressive Mask.”

Replace it with moving on.  It’s time to top off the chapter with my own story.

My father, in 1999, dropped my brother, my sisters, and I off at a doorstep of a house before driving away.  He said, “knock on the door and ask for your mother.”  We did, and he sped off, not seeing him again for the ensuing months.  It was odd, me being only 11 years old and living in more than 5 different households over a year span.

In 2000, I saw someone walking down the street and said, “that looks like my dad!”  Minutes later, I went back home and I was right.  It was my father….and him being in the same household as my mother, went nuts.  Not necessarily on his end, but my mother bursts into anger anytime she hears the name “Willie.”  He wanted “in” our lives, and so my mother granted that if we wanted it.

I remember he was on the phone and I was suppose to go to him that weekend.  I said, “dad, do you have the video games?”  What sounded like video games weren’t, but my father was a master at lying.  After naming three videos games, the third one being my favorite, I bursted into tears of joy before going upstairs to tell my mom.  My mother eavesdropped on the conversation because you could do that by picking up the other line 18 years ago.  I told her what my father got and she said, “he didn’t get you those games. He’s lying.”

I said, “you never did anything for us.”

She cried.

I felt absolutely wretched….even more wretched because she was telling the truth.  My dad was a liar from day 1 and I never knew it until of course that day.  I remember seeing him maybe late 2000 after he came over.  After that, I never saw him again, only hearing his voice on a bus in 2007 and looking square into his eyes in another incident (on the bus) one year later.

I’m blaming him for being the amazing man I am today.

“A man who struggles with aggression needs, first and foremost, to channel his energy and anger in a constructive direction. There are a number of ways to do this at a practical level:
▸Create a wrecking room in your house where you can get it out safely. Fill it with things to smash, push, hit, and pummel. If you can’t get a room, get a pillow. Beat the hell out of it. And repeat.
▸Do cathartic shouting exercises once a week. Scream it out!
▸Take a boxing class, work out, swim, or run.
▸Create an affirmation (e.g., “I’m a peaceful, joyful, loving man”) that you say when you want to break something or get aggressive. – Lewis Howes

Podcast

 

Lewis Howes: The Athlete Mask Ending + What Can You Do Now?

Remember my Dale Carnegie podcast on “not winning an argument?” Here’s the link…..Dale Carnegie’s ‘You Can’t Win An Argument’.

“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

My brother, who I’ve talked about so many times, always felt the need to win.  He would have this overbearing voice while yelling at the top of his voice to shoot a point across.  I would sit back, relaxed, and just retort before he does it again. He was one of the people who thought winning arguments were critical and it made him feel more superior, especially over his younger brother.

Steve Weatherford’s Story In The Podcast

“As athletes we’re obsessed with how we look, with how we perform, and with winning. We’re consumed by competition as the measuring stick for our manhood. But our self-worth has nothing to do with those things. It has to do with our values and principles.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

So, what’s available when you drop this mask?

  • Creativity
    Culture
    New experiences
    Connections with other humans
    Self-worth
    A healthy relationship with your image
    Balance
    Time to do other things you enjoy

Men, what have you been avoiding to focus on your physical appearance? I’m asking this because most body builders are very ego-maniacal, self-centered and anti-social.  These are the factors you can work on to rip this athlete mask off.

1.Health: mental, physical, emotional
2.Relationships: intimate, family, friends
3.Wealth: finances, career, education, business
4.Contribution: making an impact in the world and other people’s lives, being of service
5.Spiritual: connecting to a higher power or your spiritual beliefs.

Rate yourself in each area.  What would you look like in each area? Write these down in a notebook of some sort.

Also, what are your values and principles that you can lean on so that you can figure out how to contribute to the world, and to your own happiness, in each of these areas?”

More In My Podcast Down Below!

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/lewis-howes-the-athlete-mask-what-to-do-

 

Wheel of Life Update: Threshold Has Been Breached!

On a monthly basis, I like to reevaluate the categories of my life.  In Glenn Harold’s Book “The Answer,” he has a nice wheel of life exercise that I abide by.

For those of you who want to see where you stand, you could definitely check my twitter (arseniobuckshow) or instagram (thearseniobuckshow) and just get a clean sheet of paper, draw a wheel, and begin shading in the different categories – 1-10.

Career, romantic relationships, fun & hobbies, personal development, physical environment, health, wealth, family & friends.

Everything that’s going on in your current life is what the wheel will represent.  Career, health, wealth, family and friends are self explanatory; however, personal development is what you’re feeding your mind.  What are you doing everyday to improve your knowledge? What motivational or transformation videos are you going to watch throughout the week? Audio programs? Podcasts? That’s personal development.

Physical environment revolves around your home and work.  Both together make 10…..are you content with where you’re living and your investment?

With that being said, I’m looking forward to what people will have on their own wheel of life.  Mine? Absolutely amazing and I’ve peaked in multiple categories for the first time in my life.

Podcast – https://www.spreaker.com/episode/11452839

Jack Canfield – When In Doubt, Check It Out

“There may be some substitute for hard facts, but if there is, I have no idea what it can be.”  – J. Paul Getty

Too many of us often way waste valuable time assuming what other people are thinking or doing.  Rather than just asking them for clarification, they make assumptions – usually assuming against themselves – and then make decisions based on those assumptions.

Instead, how about just asking? Don’t waste time assuming or wondering.

We, as human beings, are just afraid of what we don’t know.  We assume facts that may not exist, then build prejudices around those assumptions.  they make bad decisions based on these assumptions, rumours, or on other peoples’ opinions.

For example, a lot of Thai people assume.  Some of the nastiest assumptions I’ve ever heard comes from Thai people because often they say, “oh, black man….very big and drug dealer.”  So according to your perception, everyone black man on planet Earth is a drug dealer because they’re big and look scary?

Imagine how much easier would it be for you conscious to just go up to an individual and say, “hello.”  Once this individual smiles, you no longer have the perception of them being very big and scary.  They’re now nice and warming up to you….possibly.

At work, we usually hesitate the most when it might be bad news.

We’re afraid of what the answer might be, right?

If I go home and my mom has a scowl look on her face, it’s easy to assume she’s mad at me; however, she isn’t.  She actually made a mistake while cooking and added an ingredient not suitable for what she was cooking.

Checking out your assumptions frankly improves communication.

Here’s my podcast if you want to hear what I said about this particular principle.

Podcast – https://www.spreaker.com/episode/9367142

Hello, lovies!

 

I was recently interviewed by favorite teacher AJ about what my daily diet is.

 

My life consists of 4 hours of traveling a day to and from school.  Also, I have to leave home in the weeee hours of the morning, so I’m not able to prepare my meals.  School lunches could be very unhealthy and to get food, I have to walk up seven flights of stairs, which is problematic because I’m a busy 15 year old. HA!

 

So, I had a discussion with my teacher about how to manage meals throughout the day, even though with traveling, being at a school that normally has unhealthy lunches, and slammed with homework.

 

Breakfast

 

I actually don’t eat breakfast.  I leave my house around 6am every morning and I wake up around 4am.  Now, I know what you’re thinking, I have two hours to prepare a breakfast! True, but I pack my bags and check everything the morning of.  In addition, I don’t prepare anything the night before because I’m too tired.

 

AJ: The majority of students, people, and human beings find excuses for just about anything and everything to why something isn’t working.  Now, for instance, there were days that I had to take a minivan to Bangkok before 6am.  What did I do? I prepared my clothes, bag, and even my Herbalife (what I normally take for breakfast) the night before.  When I wake up at 5am, I do ten minutes of meditation.  Then, I take my vitamins, prime (boiling hot shower than a cold shower), before making my healthy meal shake (consists of honey organic almonds, vanilla + chocolate flavor healthy meal shake, almonds/walnut with some milk and ice).  This is all being done while I’m putting on my clothes, looking at my to-do list, and putting together all my charged devices.  By 5:30, sometimes I do a podcast, or other times I just clean up after myself.  5:45 rolls around and I’m ready to leave my condo.  You see that? That didn’t always happen, either.  I engaged in bad habits in the morning such as looking at my phone or reading something online that I shouldn’t be reading.  Come up with a list of things and prepare EVERYTHING the night before. EVERYTHING! Clothes, books, everything! Because if I’m able to fit in meditation, priming, podcast, meal plans and everything in a 45 minute period, you can, too!

 

Lunch

 

Lunch is very difficult, given the fact that my school has poor lunch options and I don’t have time to prepare my lunch, either.  All I have to eat is sticky rice and chicken.  We can’t leave school to buy lunch and I can’t buy anything on my way to school.

 

AJ: This could be a difficult situation. I, for one, had the same problem when attending a school.  I always had a proper breakfast when I left my apartment at 6:15am, but by the time lunch came around, and with an atrocious variety of food, I was left with a motorcycle taxi ride to 7-11 – stuffing my face with processed food.  There has to be a way to find something along the way.  She talked about taking the subway and getting out at different locations.  Also, I’ve been down the street where she has actually walked and I’m sure just one left or one right…..there’s food around there.  Even if you have to go to 7-11….get some food.  Thai lunches can consist of up to 2,000mg of sodium in one plate.  Also, they’re made in bulk, which is terrifying because a lot of students have a tendency of getting food poisoning.   

 

 

Dinner: I get home and I’m too tired to do anything.  I only eat instant noodles because it’s the easiest way to eat my dinner.  The time I take to do homework takes away from the time I have to prepare my dinner, too.

 

AJ:  There’s NO EXCUSE to have a BAD DINNER at home.  No excuse.  Pack noodles are by far the worst thing you can ever eat because of the content it contains.  It’s literally carbohydrates and salt that can top out at 1,500 mg of sodium.  Come on, man! I’ve seen some of the biggest body building freaks make their meals for the entire week.  With a mom, and a complete family at home, and with a little bit of money….you can get the job done on Sunday night.  Plan each meal for the entire week.  You can do this with your weekly planner that you’re making…..or for anyone who’s reading this and have listened to the podcast, learn to plan or plan to fail.  Period.

 

 

 

 

Here’s a nice write up of what my teacher and I talked about during the podcast.  If you have any questions or comments, please let me know! Don’t forget to like and share J

 

 

I wish you guys are having a very productive and healthy day!

 

Podcast link: