How to Friendship Detox

We got the ultimate DETOX A FRIEND and FRIENDSHIP guide here. This was inspired by my main man Trent Shelton — a podcast that pumps golden gems in the world of social. So, I have some rules, stories, and lots more stories. So let’s get into it.

Be the friend that you want them to be to you. – Rule #1

See, when you’re giving 100% and they’re giving you 50% or even less, that means you’re pouring more than they are. Look at it as planting soil. You have a bag of about 10kg and your friend shows up to the planting session with 2kg and no seeds to plant, although they know both are essential. You have a problem, right? If you tell them to go out and come back, they still don’t have anything. When you commit to a friendship it has to be mutual.

If someone is continuously giving and another is continuously taking…it will come to an end. Rule #2

This is in all relationships. These are called leeches. They’re literally waiting for your paycheck, your upcoming, your explosion, and they’re just inching to make that call to leech off you (money or other things). This could be in terms of energy, too. One day I had gone to the gym and I had breakfast with this girl afterwards. When I went to the gym, I was like a 9. After working out with her, I was about a 5 because I felt a ton of bad energy. After 45 minutes of sitting in front of her, I fell to a 2. I never spoke to her on a personal level again because that’s an energy-draining human being. Be careful.

Don’t be there friend if they’re not your friend. — You can’t build something that’s not real. – Rule #3

Honestly, this happened to me recently. I’m literally trying to speak and build a friendship with a tomboyish girl and she was giving me nothing back. I would send her 10 minutes worth a voice messages, she would send me a paragraph. I would send her two paragraphs, she would send me a message. She then said “I don’t have feelings for you,” and I should’ve cut it right there, but a friend of mind told me to pursue and I was like “ummm, why? She doesn’t even give a damn about me as a friend.” Sure enough, I wanted to go silent to see if I would even cross her mind — and what do you think happened? Three weeks, I asked myself for forgiveness and that was the end of that. A true blocking on Instagram after watching an extremely bizarre story and seeing her have a blast with her friends. Ok, you can’t force friendship, Arsenio. This is what has happened with an old-friend-now-acquaintance who lives in America. I saw myself constantly supporting and helping her emotionally and she just never gave a damn. So, now I just keep my distance and let her watch my success. YOU CAN’T FORCE ANYTHING. It must come naturally.

Honorable Quotes

Associates with friends. You were just talking bad about that person 5 minutes ago and now you’re on social media being buddy buddy with that person. You’re giving friendship expectations to associates. – Trent Shelton

Trent Shelton Podcast

You’ll never be good friends to someone that you don’t want to be friends with. You don’t have to force it. They don’t want to have the hard conversation with someone to tell how it really is. – Trent Shelton

Trent Shelton Podcast

Real friends hold their friends accountable. They would check you, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. – Trent Shelton

Trent Shelton Podcast

If you’re a person who always brings gossip to a friend but you don’t say anything, you’re not really a friend. – Trent Shelton

You got their back. – Rule #4

If someone is talking about your friend behind their back and you hear it, you won’t go back to your friend and tell them what they said without having a conversation about it. You must be real. If you don’t stand up for your friend, your integrity is lost.

Podcast

Relationships, Friendships, & Intimacy | Carla Trigo

Amazing podcast with Carla Trigo! I brought Carla on about a year ago today, and now she’s come back on to share some tips and give you guidance in terms of relationships and how to openly communicate. Because the restrictions of movement around the world, not only has domestic violence risen significantly but also divorces. Why? People are at home and they have to face what ISN’T working. In saying that, here is some bulletpoints on what we talk about with the podcast link below.

  • Not forcing friendships
  • Being spontaneous in a relationship
  • Roles within a relationship
  • Face what isn’t working
  • Essential oils and smells that arouse both men and women

Superhero Course with Mira: https://www.udemy.com/share/102VSm/

Spotify – https://open.spotify.com/show/0x39CEN5tHvfRtfZaAMTgQ

Podcast – https://www.spreaker.com/show/arsenio…

Podcast on iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/t…

Podcast on Stitcher – https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/arse…

Podcast on SoundCloud – https://soundcloud.com/arsenio-buck/g…

YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIzp…

Facebook – The Arsenio Buck Show – Home | Facebook

Twitter – https://twitter.com/arseniobuckshow?l…

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/thearseniob…

Website – https://thearseniobuckshow.com/

Q & A – ArsenioBuck@icloud.com

LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/arsenio-b…

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/thearseniobuckshow/?hl=en

The Arsenio Buck Foundation: https://thearseniobuckshow.com/?p=8676

Stephen Covey: The 7 Low-Trust Organizational Taxes – Politics & Disengagement

In an organization, “politics” is defined as the use of tactics and strategy to gain power. Office politics divide a culture against itself by creating conflict with what author Lawrence MacGregor Serven calls the “enemy within” instead of the enemy without.

Office politics generate behaviors such as withholding information, infighting, trying to “read the tea leaves,” operating with hidden agendas, behaviors result in all kinds of wasted time, talent, energy, and money. In addition, they poison company cultures, derail strategies, and sabotage initiatives, relationships, and careers. The indirect costs related to office politics are estimated at 100 billion per year; some observers put them substantially higher.

Stephen Covey

Remember the story I had told you guys about a colleague by the name of Hubert? Yeah, met him for the first time, worked alongside him, and then I was bit by him, the venomous snake. Why would I call him a snake? Simply because he was the one who stopped taking a taxi with me to a company (lightyears away) so he can cut costs for himself. This was infuriating beyond belief, and I told my boss about his insidious agenda and to never allow him to come inside “this” language center. Of course, I was ignored, he came in and wreaked havoc for several months, creating division and gossip around the office. He finally had quit after trying to get me fired because I had podcasts that called out teachers that “fit the profile,” but this type of malice should’ve never stepped foot inside. Give a man one foot, he’ll soon push the door open and let himself in.

Disengagement

Disengagement is what happens when people continue to work at a company, but have effectively quit (commonly referred to as “quit and stay”). They put in what effort they must to get their paycheck and not get fired, but they’re not giving their talent, creativity, energy, or passion. Their bodies are there, but not their hearts or their minds. There are many reasons for disengagement, but one of the biggest reasons is that people simply don’t feel trusted.

Following the end of my teaching career at a particular place that I had been working at for 3.5 years, I lost my energy, passion, and everything for the job. I would say things to my students that would get me in trouble in the long term. I would shrug my shoulders and not do the mundane tasks. It’s almost as if I put a bullseye on my back everyday and wanted them to take me out, and they did. I had been disengaged from teaching at that place for months (since the dawn of the New Years) and I shouldn’t have stayed past 2016 (always leave when you’re at the peak — which sounds crazy). However, I did….and when one of our best salespeople left, along with a forcible firing of a great head teacher, cancer began spreading rapidly throughout the office and forced the best teachers out….to the most amazing journeys of life.

Podcast

Wheel of Life: November 2018 Edition – Closing Out The Year STRONG!

What a year! I mean, I’m so excited to just dive right into the December version, but I’ll be doing a wide range of those coming up with other people in a “coaching style” consultation (TBD).  I’m super excited about going over another edition, a long standing tradition of evaluating my life on a month-to-month basis.  Here are the categories.

Since I don’t technically have friends, I’ve switched my category from the “friends” category to the “circle of friends” category.  

 

Personal Development – 10

Scribd, which is a site I’m not getting paid from, offers a 3 month free trial of listening, downloading and reading online books and magazines. Brilliant idea that I wish I had come up with in the past.  Ha! Nonetheless, this has enabled me to listen to three chapters of a book which features Napoleon Hill interviewing Andrew Carnegie.  Chapter 3, the chapter I’m on right now, has been life-changing! Guys, check it out and see if it helps you. No more listening to music (unless you’re working out or in the mood) and start listening to books that will enable you to take your life to the next level!

Physical Environment – 9

Because where I live has always been great, the workplace can go up and down.  However, after getting an additional project in the heart of the CBD, two of my week nights are pure glory.

Romantic Relationships – ??

I’m not going to jinx anything right now; therefore, I will not spill any beans.

Health – 9 

The Spartan Beast was a test of will. This was a race that scared the living hell out of me on mile mark 16km, and luckily I was able to finish the race.  The most difficult race, by far, since 2015 and I was able to overcome such a gauntlet.  I’m super proud.  I’ve stopped staring myself down in mirrors and now I’m focused for next February’s monster in Melbourne.

Wealth – 8 

It could be better. Still grateful and consistently consistent, but nothing fantabulous. However, I’m sitting myself up for the greatest 2019.

Career – 10

I’ve connected with just about everyone.  I have people from Jersey, Ireland, and Romania who are coaches and so many other things.  With all the webinars that are being created, Academy that’s being developed and getting ready to launch in early January, and a handful of other things just makes it perfect.  Super grateful for the amount of great characters that have come into my life and partnerships that are developing at a rate that will up-level me and help me achieve my highest of goals!

Fun & Hobbies – 8

This is probably the highest I’ve ever had it.  I’m starting to enjoy my life more, and it’s because I’m working some days in the CBD rather than on the outskirts and until 9pm.  If I can finish work at 9pm, which I normally do a couple days a week, that gives me time to meet people, especially if I’m just outside reliable transportation. However, if I’m working in the depths of hell, which I normally do three nights a week, that cancels out any opportunity of meeting people.  Well, after a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner and two friends coming in from Chiang Mai and Mongolia, December could be the first possible 10, starting off with a trip to Vientiane, Laos!

Circle of Friends – 8

Now, for many of you, this is the family and friends category.  However, for me, you already know this story.  I’m my own family and my best friend. There isn’t a soul that could save me if things fail. My circle of friends, on the other hand, have done some great things for me and have improved my mindset considerably.

Listen to “Wheel of Life: November 2018 Edition: Closing Out The Year STRONG!” on Spreaker.

 

Coaching Session #001: Figuring Out Where Your Depression is Coming From

It was a coaching session like no other; in fact it was with a significant language barrier in between the both of us.

I first received a message from one of the girls that works at a place I’m part-timing at. She said she wanted to talk to me about something serious, so I immediately thought  something went bad — AGAIN — at work in regards to a student.

However, that wasn’t the case.  Previously i had coached one of my colleagues to snap out of her depression, and it worked.  So, the second staff member approached me and it was time to be the coach.

I made her do the “Wheel of Life” podcast and she became aware of what was going on in her life.  On a scale 1-10, and rating 8 categories, her highest mark was seven, which didn’t make any sense.  So her outer feelings and what is going on in her life is very apparent.  Here’s what she had.

Health – 5 – low blood pressure, dizzy, tired quickly

Wealth – 3 – no car, home, business, can’t take care of mother,

Career – 1 – absent-minded, indecision

Personal Development – 0 – cannot create happiness

Physical Environment – 3 – high competition, selfishness

Fun & Hobbies – 0 – no time or money

Family & Friends 7 – friends are there but not all

Physical Environment – 4

Romantic Relationships – 4 – lots of negative feelings towards love (6 entries)

So, here is what she wrote down (via google translate), and as you scan see, it focuses primarily on what she doesn’t have.  There’s conditioning happening here, which is not unusual, but she’s holding onto a lot of past things that aren’t suitable anymore.

Health revolves around her personal development.  Tired quickly, gets dizzy, etc….there could be a massive deficiency on so many levels in terms of vitamins, nutrients, minerals — but remember — it’s not what you see on the surface.  It’s much deeper than that.

Wealth is a fixed mindset.  She focuses on things she doesn’t have that I don’t have.  I don’t have a car or own a home, either.  It all depends on preferences, and because she believes success relates to materialistic things, she thinks she’s a failure for not having these things.

Physical Environment, in a place where competition is very high and ignorance amongst her colleagues, of course she’s going to hate it.  Little money? Of course! But why do you continue doing something that gives you no ROI? Is she happy doing the job? No way.

What to do?

What are her beliefs? What negative beliefs does she have on the subjects above? She needs to write them down and then write down something outrageously opposite from her belief.  This is when it begins to change.  You have to get rid of all the “have nots and don’t haves” and turn them into positive, reassuring statements because the subconscious doesn’t know what’s right from wrong.  It just takes in everything you feel, and in her case, she feels like complete s***.

Put one good food into her diet a day. There are plenty of mood-boosting foods out there in the world.

Career is a toss-up.  I can’t ask her what she does, but she definitely needs to do the “how to find your life purpose” questionnaire to get somewhat guidance.

Hate your job? Time to change it.  Hate something else? Drop it.  I’m a super advocate for taking out negativity.  My workplace has become an unbearable environment to be in over the last couple of weeks because of petty stuff.  What have I done? Start looking for new work.  That’s the basis.  Is it long-term where you’re working? Ok, you need to pay the bills….keep doing that, but never take ignorant bosses berating you over your sanity.  If that happens, goodbye.  Trust me, you will find something when you stop a herd of negativity from coming into your life.

Listen to “Coaching Session 001: Figuring Out Where Your Depression is Coming From” on Spreaker.

 

 

Questions & Answers with Celina Celeste: You Get What You Focus On

I’ve got Celina back onboard for today’s podcast, which is a great one!  As promised, Celina will be coming on twice a month during the weekend and we’ll cover a topic for you guys, so be sure to tune in!

 

Links:

 

Things we discussed:

  • Discussion topic: “You get what you focus on!”
  • Understanding the term ‘you get what you focus on’.
  • Talking about the reticular activating system.
  • Flipping the talisman.
  • Talking about unconsciousness and contradicting – direct reflections of your mind and emotions.
  • Focusing on your thoughts.
  • How to change your focus.
  • The power of negativity and discontentment.
  • How does the guest snap away negativity? Getting motivations from well-known coaches.
  • Talked about well – known lifestyles entrepreneurs on personal growth.
  • Reconditioning the mind with affirmations.
  • Talking about stress management and auditing your circle of friends.
  • Influences,
  • Talk about self-awareness and how to keep yourself aware.
  • Finding the triggers and how you can cut them out.

Podcast

Thank you for listening!

Thank you so much for joining me for this podcast. Please do write down some feedback and comments. Please do share this podcast to your social media.

 

Links:

Lewis Howes’ Masks of Masculinity Book Review: Stoic & Athlete Mask – Episode 3

I decided to break these down in increments of two (1/4) because I feel it would me too much material to handle in one go.  So, here’s a breakdown of the STOIC and Athlete masks.

The STOIC mask somewhat relates to the Alpha Mask in a way that men AREN’T SUPPOSED to show their emotions.  Every man dreams of being the hero, but the amount of pain that lies within him, is killing him — literally.

There was a substitute teacher I had back in the 6th grade that told us a story about her brother.  With every hardship, he stayed quiet.  He didn’t want to express his feelings, because apparently that would make him less of a man.  One day he had a heart attack, dying right before his family.  She went on the ask us, “why do you think he died?”  We, of course at a very young age, were scratching our heads.  The reason for the heart attack was because he held all those feelings of greed, grief, hate, and all other negative feelings with him; rather than having someone on the receiving end, listen.

What Can You Do?

A weight off your shoulders
Deeper relationships with men and women
Healing
A healthy heart
Vulnerability
The permission to feel
Acceptance and belonging

Step 1: Make a list of the five most painful moments of your life. Note what happened, and how you felt in each moment. Journal about it and go into detail. (An example could be: My dad was my best friend growing up, but he abandoned me when I was 6, and it left me devastated.)
Step 2: Once you’ve journaled about these painful moments, read them out loud to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel or to cry about them when you hear your own words. Play soft instrumental music during this process to facilitate your ability to reach your emotions as you allow your feelings to awaken.

Step 3: Share them. When you have accepted the truth of this pain and all these emotions, tell a friend, partner, or family member whom you trust. Part of removing the Stoic Mask is allowing other people to support you. The only way they can do that is if they know what’s going on. I’m a big believer that anyone who has experienced trauma in their past (and hasn’t ever discussed it with someone) will allow the trauma to grow in negative ways. You won’t be able to heal until you begin to share your story.
Step 4: Look into hiring a coach, therapist, or someone who is a specialist. Once you’ve shared your pain, you need to find someone who has experience with helping people understand their emotions and get comfortable with them. For those who really struggle behind the Stoic Mask, this is serious work and it requires a serious approach. But it is work that can start today, right now, with a piece of paper and a pencil.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

Athlete Masks

From the Tommy Hearns and Marvin Hagler, to the battles of NFL players trying to prove rights over others by delivering the most vicious, bone-crushing hits.

“Gilbert Arenas, the ultra-talented point guard for the Golden State Warriors and Washington Wizards? Not only was he a prolific scorer and a back-to-back-to-back NBA All-Star who led the entire league in minutes played during the 2005–06 season, but he and his Wizards teammate Javaris Crittenton threatened each other with handguns in the team locker room. Is that what men do? Threaten each other with dangerous weapons over a $1,100 gambling debt? This move cost Arenas $7.5 million in salary. Crittenton is currently serving a 23-year prison sentence on an unrelated 2015 manslaughter charge.”

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

“Think about all the incredible athletes out there whose prowess on the field doesn’t line up with the way they conduct their personal lives. Take Antonio Cromartie, a four-time Pro Bowler who led the entire NFL in interceptions in 2007 and holds the record for the longest play in NFL history. He is mind-bogglingly talented. But you forget all of that when you watch him in a 2010 episode of HBO’s Hard Knocks, a sports documentary series, where he struggles to remember and recite the names of his eight children (from seven mothers), three of whom are the same age. Cromartie now has 10 children with twins on the way, and reportedly pays close to $340,000 a year in child support.” – Lewis Howes

So, you can see these two masks are what 95% of men in the world suffer from.  Let’s take them off once and for all!

What can you do now?

Five core areas…

1.Health: mental, physical, emotional
2.Relationships: intimate, family, friends
3.Wealth: finances, career, education, business
4.Contribution: making an impact in the world and other people’s lives, being of service
5.Spiritual: connecting to a higher power or your spiritual beliefs”

Podcast

Interviewee #16: Nasuha Sahaili On Branding, Power of Words, Communication & Compassion

LinkedIn, a platform I’ve gotten very serious on in the past, is full of unbelievable potential and entrepreneurial mindsets.  In today’s podcast, I was able to bring on a Malaysian-born entrepreneur who has a wonderful https://www.peachesnpen.com that focuses on the essential qualities of doing business — going back to the basics, which is the most essential.

The power of WORDS!

Podcast

Get in touch with Nasuha Sahaili of Malaysia

– About the power of branding, power of words, communication and compassion.

Links:

 

Things we discussed:

  • Introduction about her business.
  • What’s the core of their business?
  • Branding businesses with words.
  • What mistakes are the businesses in Kuala Lumpur making?
  • How to stand out from the crowd to make their businesses look more presentative?
  • How to look different in terms of value in the market?
  • How to look different in terms of words in a saturated market?
  • How do they reach their market for business goods and services in Kuala Lumpur?
  • The secret of traditional marketing in Kuala Lumpur due to their businesses are highly localised. Know your market and a sense of belonging.
  • The differences between B2C and B2B marketing can be different marketing methods.
  • How do you start your business with your company?
  • The purpose of expanding to Singapore by running a workshop.
  • How do you brand your startup in Kuala Lumpur?
  • How do you use words to bring a new product into another market?
  • The power of billboards advertising.
  • Knowing and understanding local markets.
  • Personal development books that change your life and skills. You need to brand your products and services on digital platforms by understanding and knowing your potential market and customers.
  • Trust is the ultimate weapon when you recruit your agents and drop-shippers. Word of mouth and referrals are real successful in marketing your brand.
  • When are words coming into the game? Brand marketing is all about building your foundation.
  • Branding marketing through digital platforms need to have the right words.
  • Being a good storyteller will be the key and essential to target your niche and the fundamental for brand loyalty.
  • How do they build a niche market and brand loyalty?
  • Brand essence is the fundamental principle, understand your customer and know your customer well.
  • What is your ultimate goal of your company?

 

Thank you for listening!

 

Thank you so much for joining me for this podcast. Please do write down some feedbacks and comments. Please do share this podcast to your social media.

 

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Ramble of Positivity: Episode XXVI – Number Four + A Resounding Offer

Here I am in the middle of the check-in line, grateful as hell (although the following events will lead to a different podcast on self-control) because this is a record forth country this year alone.  Not only that, but an offer — here’s the story.

Back in 2016, I taught at a company in an industrial estate just north of where my previous job is.  This company got in contact with my company and decided to sign a deal whereas they would send teachers there to teach.   Let me give you a rundown of what my company (and others) do.

When marketing directors advertise a company to another company to promote their brand of learning English, they normally state a massive initial number in terms of the total course cost.  Hardly ever does it stay that number, but the number still remained quite steep.

Some of the companies would be massive Japanese teach companies like Toshiba, and even Austrian companies like Swarovski.  Anywho, The teach gets paid only a fraction of the total cost.

Let’s put it this way.  I got paid 22$ an hour to teach at a Japanese tech company, but the company profited somewhere between 100-300$ per hour.  This is one of the biggest problems because teachers are taken advantage of, but how can a teacher market himself? Let’s go deeper.

An ex student of mine contacted me via Facebook messenger and said, “excuse me, teacher.  How much would it cost ____________ to pay you to come back and teach here?”

Let me put this at a macro scale.

They didn’t call my old place of work back; or maybe they did and realized that I no longer worked there (a really high chance). Therefore, one of the students got into direct contact with me and asked me for my services.

Do you understand how powerful that is? I just took down a 9-year-old language center because of maybe my online persona, charisma, or maybe because I’m just a devoted individual when it comes to teaching and inspiring?

When I got that message, my jaw-dropped.  They didn’t call them; they called ME! They want MY services and they’re willing to pay me in FULL for the work I do.

See, guys, when you get to a stage in your life when you’re building such an incredible online persona, people will start getting in contact with YOU.  Remember, a headhunter recently contacted me that’s stationed outside Santiago, Chile.  I received another email from another guy about 12 hours later, and in the previous two months, and Indian tech company based in Delhi wanted me to teach there team in Bangkok.

It’s patience, people.  I was just in a state of oblivion and despair the first three months of this year because I was trying to break the chains of an old job while trying to search for new ones.  I was turned down by 6 different solo-job-applicants because the color of my skin; and another company disregarded all my emails after sending me six potential job suitors.

Create YOUR BRAND! Create YOUR PRICE! And NEVER give up when times get tough…because the breakthrough is on the verge!

Stephen Covey: Application Suggestions: Emotional Bank Account, Empathy, Closing Your Ears, Autobiographical Responses

It’s time to apply what we’ve already learned about in the blog post: The Emotional Bank Account, with our daily lives.  This has to be the Top 5 most viewed blog on my website.  My guess is it’s providing a significant amount of feedback, and like a lot of writers and other YouTubers out there, they never give an example from their life in regards to them applying the questions and suggestions that books give.  So, here I am to give you a great example.

  1. Select a relationship in which you sense the Emotional Bank Account is in the red.  Try to understand and write down the situation from the other person’s point of view.  In your next interaction, listen for understanding, comparing what you are hearing with what you wrote down.  How valid were your assumptions? Did you really understand that individual’s perspective?

So, the first situation that came to mind was a girl named Zern.  This is a girl I dated towards the end of last year, but things and communication completely fell apart within maybe a two-day period.

What I wrote down was, “she complained about every single detail; from not asking what she wanted out of 7-11, to not picking up the luggage for her at her condo.”  The Emotional Bank Account had become so overdrawn that while driving back to Bangkok, she was spewing an insane amount of pessimism and complaining about even the smallest details.  Her last message was, “you are too independent.”

Am I? Absolutely.  Is there such thing as being “too” independent? Not necessarily.  If I can back track in time and see what I did wrong that day, which was simply not asking her what she wanted from 7-11 (although I didn’t even see her after I came out the restroom), there was more of an underlying problem.  Because I’ve been living alone for so long, I sometimes forget the littlest things.  It’s holding the door open, kiss on the forehead (maybe that’s too much, lol), picking up luggage, washing the dishes, making sure everything is clean when I leave the bathroom, obeying by simple rules.  I’ve been accustomed so much to being alone that I unconsciously do everything based on habits I’ve developed.  Most men in the world go through long spans in life without having another significant other.  I’m one of them.  There was another girl I dated and it didn’t work because she simply said, “we’re too different.”  It’s not necessarily me, but it’s my habits.

What can I do going forward? Well, create a new habit and start practicing being dependent.  However, am I ready for a relationship right now? Absolutely not.  Lol

2. Share the concept of empathy with someone close to you.  Tell him or her you want to work on really listening to others and ask for feedback in a week.  How did you do? How did it make that person feel?

Alissa, a college friend, emailed me after months of terminating the friendship.  She was very sad about my actions in terms of broadcasting what had happened with the botch trip — on FB.  I apologized, pointed out my faults, and I ‘seek to understand.’

She made some valid points, and sure, the friendship could be revived, but after some of the most critical situations in my life….she was never there.  Can I let her back in “close friend” circle? Absolutely not.  That boat sailed.  If there’s something we can do to salvage a “distance” relationship, then fine.  I’m 100% for either decision regardless.

Now, aside from my ridiculous story, I want all of you to use this in terms of rating yourself — the Jack Canfield exercise I talked about a very long time ago. Example.

“Hey, babe, what would you rate me for today?”

“An 8.”

“What can I do to be a 10?”

This could drive people insane because there’s no way anyone is perfect, but establishing close listening and hearing something, without saying a word, can make you a victor and help your relationship.  Synergy!

3. The next time you have an opportunity to watch people communicate, cover your ears for a few minutes and just watch.  What emotions are being communicated that may not come across in words alone?

4. Next time you catch yourself inappropriately using one of the autobiographical responses — probing, evaluating, advising, or interpreting — try to turn the situation into a deposit by acknowledgement and apology.

“Sorry, I just realized that I’m not really trying to understand.  Could we start again?”