The Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 1 -Low/High Trust Relationships

So, before we get into the basis of it all, let’s first try outline some of the frustrations we have on a daily basis.

  • I can’t stand the politics at work.  I feel sabotaged by my peers.  It seems like everyone is out for himself and will do anything to get ahead. 

  • I’ve really been burned in the past.  How can I ever trust anyone enough to have a real relationship?

  • I work in an organization that’s bogged down with bureaucracy.  It takes forever to get anything done.  I have to get authorization to buy a pencil!

  • The older my children get, the less they listen to me.  What can I do?

  • I feel like my contributions at work are hardly ever recognized or valued.  

  • I foolishly violated the trust of someone who was supremely important to me.  If I could hit “rewind” and make the decision differently, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I can’t.  Will I ever be able to rebuild the relationship?

  • I have to walk on eggshells at work.  If I say what I really think, I’ll get fired…or at least made irrelevant. 

  • My boss micromanages me and everyone else at work.  He treats us all like we can’t be trusted. 

  • With all the scandals, corruption, and ethical violations in our society today, I feel like someone has pulled the rug out from under me.  I don’t know what — or who — to trust anymore.  

In all of these situations, you CAN do something.  Look, you’ve heard the storm on a number of occasions in terms of what happened between my family and I.  I was the bigger man and decided to message my mother a couple years later.  Did she show any signs of gratitude when she got a message from me? No.  Furthermore, I messaged the siblings, whose relationships are beyond dilapidation, and there was no remorse.  There’s no way they can instill trust in me again and they would much rather have a bulk of anger.  That’s a decision that they will have to live with for the rest of their lives.  I TRIED doing something, but it takes two to tango at times.

SImply put, trust means confidence.  The opposite of trust is distrust and suspicious.

I want you to think right now of someone who you have a high-trust relationship with — perhaps a boss, coworker, parent, sibling, best friend.  What’s it like? How does it feel? How well do you communicate with them? How quickly can you get things done? How much do you enjoy this relationship?

Now

Think of a person with whom you have a low-trust relationship.  Again, it could be any of the nouns above.  How does it feel? How is the communication? Does it flow quickly and freely? Or do you feel like you’re constantly walking on landmines and being misunderstood? Do you enjoy this relationship? Or do you find it draining?

Podcast

 

Interviewee #15 – Moustafa Sano On Fitness, Learning Five Languages, & Fitting In

It was an afternoon when I received a few video messages in my Instagram inbox.  Here was a guy that I’ve never met before sending me videos.  I was a bit adamant in terms of opening those videos, but I’m glad I did because it ended up  being one of the most inspirational guys ever!

 

Get in touch with Moustafa Sano of Malaysia

– About fitting in, learning 5 languages and fitness.

 

Links:

 

Things we discussed:

  • Rite of passage in our pre – teen years.
  • Different cultures, values and morals.
  • Understanding of other cultures are important.
  • People’s stories because people deserve to be listened to.
  • Different cultures have different ways of communication.
  • Pain turned to sports without realising it was self – expression to pain.
  • Self – image is important.
  • Need to have an empathy.
  • Fitness is important.
  • Don’t keep your pain inside you.
  • Pain is another key to success.
  • Racial tension or racism in Malaysia.
  • Learning Malay language (Bahasa) through playing football within his neighbourhood.
  • Languages are a way to bridge the gap between foreigners and locals.
  • Talking about personal development on “empathy”.
  • Benefits of reading – how you contextualise?
  • Personal development books that change your life and skills.
  • Pain is a good form of motivation.
  • Being proactive vs reactive.
  • Motivation comes from your morals and values and live life through your imagination.
  • The best way to learn a languages is by getting yourself outside — not by writing.
  • Learn about people’s languages.
  • Watching movies and listening to podcasts.
  • Learning different cultural – expressions through watching movies.
  • Talking about paradigm shifting of habits to growth.
  • Read more, talk more and train or challenge your brain to keep yourself fit in terms of spirituality.
  • The power of giving.
  • Believe in your words.
  • Life filled with fulfilment when you give people more.
  • The impact that you try to give to this world and the people.
  • The purpose of suffering and pain.

 

Thank you for listening!

 

Thank you so much for joining me for this podcast. Please do write down some feedbacks and comments. Please do share this podcast to your social media.

 

Links:

 

Podcast

The Masks of Society, Identifying Yours & The Journey

1.The Stoic Mask: Because every man must be invulnerable and tough, emotions are carefully managed and suppressed. There can be no crying, no pain, no feeling. A wall is put up between him and the world to protect him, to pretend he doesn’t feel the things he does, because weakness is an invitation to scrutiny and judgment and rejection.

2.The Athlete Mask: One of the clearest ways a man can distinguish himself is on the field or on the court. He is like a modern-day gladiator whose weapon isn’t death, but domination. Sports are how men prove themselves, and a good athlete is a good man—period. This means spending hours in the gym to get in shape. It means fighting through injuries and pain and fear to win at all costs. And of course, if for some reason a man isn’t good at sports, he had better compensate for that by loving them and knowing everything he can about them.

3.The Material Mask: There is no clearer sign of a man’s worth than the amount of money in his bank account. Not only do men work incredibly hard—and sometimes do questionable things — to make as much money as possible, it’s all for naught if other people don’t know how much money he has. In this way, his cars, his watches, his houses, and his social media feeds become a representation of who he is. A man’s net worth becomes his self-worth.

4.The Sexual Mask: A man is defined by his sexual conquests—his worth determined not only by his bank account but by the number of women he’s slept with. Relationships? Those are for lesser men—for quitters and settlers. A real man loves them and then leaves them—but he’s so good in bed, they’re left fully satisfied, of course.
5.The Aggressive Mask: Men are aggressive. It’s their nature. They’re violent and tough, and they never back down. When they see something they want, they take it. Men hate; men have enemies. Of course they have a temper; of course they break things; and of course they get into fights. They’re the hunters, not the gatherers. It’s what men do. A man who thinks otherwise is not a man and is responsible for the weakening of the world.

6.The Joker Mask: A man has a sense of humor and a wit that can repel even the most withering critique or the most nagging doubt. Talk about his problems? Okay, Dr. Phil, maybe later. Cynicism and sarcasm and a sense of superiority, these are the intellectual weapons that a man uses to defend against every attempt to soften him or connect with him. If you want a man to let you in, expect a knock-knock joke, not an open door.”
7.The Invincible Mask: A man does not feel fear. A man takes risks. Whether that’s betting his life savings on a company or cliff diving or smoking and drinking in incredible quantities, a man doesn’t have time to think about consequences, he’s too busy doing. Other people (i.e., women and betas) have “problems.” But men? Men have it all under control. They’ve “got this” and they’ll be fine.

8.The Know-It-All Mask: A man is not only physically dominant but intellectually dominant too. If you don’t understand why that is, a man is happy to explain it to you—along with all the other subjects he’s an expert in. He went to a top school, he watches the news, and he knows all the answers. He certainly doesn’t need your—or anyone’s—help. He knows it all.
9.The Alpha Mask: At the most basic level, men believe that there are only two types of men: alphas and betas, winners and losers. No man can stand to be the latter—so a man must dominate, one up, and win everything. A man can’t ever defer. As a man, he must be in control, and he can’t ever do anything a beta (or a woman) would do.

Excerpt From: Lewis Howes. “The Mask of Masculinity.” iBooks.

  1. This has to be one of the strongest misrepresentations of the African American community.  Turn on your TV in America and see a man berating the airways by Lavar Wall, preaching that he’s a man because of whatever reason.  People, especially men, who cry, are not men….period.  I’d have to say a good 70% of American men have this “Stoic” mask on, but luckily I’m not one of them who suffers from it.
  2. On part of the other book I’m doing by Darren Hardy, his father was definitely a representation of the “Athlete Mask.”  Football coach among so many other things taught Darren to be “tough,” but that toughness also equated to amazing habits and unshakable discipline that manifested millions upon millions of dollars.   However, if you look at the “jocks” of high school – you need to have a letterman jacket, a car, and a ton of girls to be considered the “cool guy” of the school.  I still remember a handful of those boneheads that walked around school with their chest out – and all of them are working 10$ hour jobs at the age of 30.  Damn.
  3. INSTAGRAMMERS! How many of you have scene those men, “motivational” (although fake) posts of guys in ultimate, luxurious suits strutting those high end watches in front of Ferraris? Yeah, these are the fakes.  These are the men who seriously believe their bank accounts and being successful only means the dollar signs.  90% of American men MUST suffer from this, because it almost seems like every Instagram post I see has a link that says, “click the link to make six figures.”
  4. This is more of the Generation Z tribe.  I remember also being in school and hearing African Americans (just trying to make a point about a specific group) that would spew sexual rhetoric towards their friends: “did you f*** her yet? Ahhh n*gga you a b****!”  Yeah, welcome to my junior and senior year of high school in North Las Vegas.
  5. Men who club. PERIOD! I believe clubs are grounds for the worst people, including women.  How often do you hear of the “big fight after a night club closed” news?  Go online and type “fight at the club” and hundreds of videos will pop up.  These are men trying to claim their territory, most notable men such as singers Chris Brown and the singer from Canada (completely forgot his name) who got into a massive scrum inside of a nightclub.  Short-tempered thuggery is what I call it, but this also happens at football games in Europe (Serbia) where hooligans throw chairs and all kinds of objects at each other…..for…..nothing.
  6. Yes, and no.  There is a colleague I have that just uses endless amounts of jokes and doesn’t take anything serious. That’s not necessarily a mask, though. There have been a few people that tread this line before, but nothing very blatant.
  7. MY BROTHER! My goodness.  This made me laugh out loud.  Drinking, smoking, etc…he also has the know-it-all-mask.  Try telling him anything and he wants to argue to the point a fight breaks out.  If the sea looks black, please agree….or else.
  8. Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant, along with so many other athletes who try showing that they’re “macho” blur out this “Alpha male” bs.  There’s no such thing as Alpha.  If there is, it’s a man who’s beyond insecure to show his true side.  My best friend, who lives in New York, tried being an Alpha male….but there were times I saw his weak side (that he doesn’t want to show).

Podcast

Flow-State

I read one of Gary Vee’s post this morning and it said, “I am stunned by people’s ability to care about dumb shit.”

I bursted into laughter.

You know, in this particular podcast, I was in the zone.  It was a zone whereas something literally succumbed my entire being.  I was in a state of pure joy.  Jubilance, if you will.  I realized that “every little thing, is gonna be all right”….which are the lyrics of Bob Marley’s 1977 hit.  Yes, human being have a tendency of complaining about dumb shit, and we also have a tendency of falling into a puddle of tears when people want to walk out of our lives.

After adopting Lisa Nichols’ purposeful relationships ideology, I realized that a lot of people do walk into my life for a purpose.  For whatever reason, the universe pulled two beings together to create something.  However, when the other person leaves, we kind of run back and plead to the person, “wait, why can’t we just be the same as we were two weeks ago?” Well, because back there we had a purpose.

That’s the beauty of life.  It may take a long time for people to understand this simple, but  most abstract level of thinking…but when you do, you’ll be able to connect the dots behind you.  It’s a gorgeous world filled with beings who you will come across on a routine basis for whatever reason.  Some may leave dents, rant at you, make you cry, and so many things….but just know that with every problem…there’s a question.  With every question, there’s an answer.

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/flow-state

African American Victimization & Anger – When Will It Stop?

“Oh, another African American coon! I bet white people love you!” – Podcast Listener

“You’re so ignorant to say that America isn’t the most racist country on the planet.  Comment somewhere else.”

This coming from a man in Georgia and another faceless YouTuber – both whom are African American.

This coming from people who have never traveled to Asia before.

Regardless of racism or not, this shows the severity of the situation amongst African Americans in not accepting others opinions while using hateful rhetoric to somehow demean an opinion.

I recall watching a random video of Jerry Tarknanian’s 1990-91 Runnin Rebels (University of Nevada Las Vegas) of UNLV and at BYU (Brigham Young University), there was a fan in the student section holding up a poster that said, “hey Jerry! Nice coon squad!”

I was called a ‘coon’ today (for the first time) by another African American.

We went from the great Jesse Owens, who had to overcome the most sickening conditions both in America and in Germany (him conquering and getting gold medals in front of the Nazi Regime), to Rosa Parks who just said “no,” to Martin Luther King giving his ‘I Have A Dream Speech’ to Mohammad Ali standing for all our rights…….now we’re killing each other on the streets of L.A. because one wears red and another wears blue.  The harsh reality behind Moonlight and how African American societies revolve around other African Americans hating and beating one another in the likes of Liberty City, Gary, Compton, Flint, Camden, Detroit, Louisville and dozens of other towns/cities in America.

Not only in America, but Africans also burning each other alive in Nigeria, Kenya, bombs going off everywhere, looting, homicides….going back to the Rwanda genocide.

I want to know how can we gain respect from the rest of the world if we don’t respect ourselves?  Hateful rhetoric and foolishness just shows the insecurity of another being, but there’s a blueprint within the mind which has built up sorrow and anger within.  If you look at Lebron James, Kobe Bryant and co…..more African Americans hate them than anyone else!

I can sit here and write forever about the problems in the community of African Americans, but what about the solutions?

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/11661252