Restoring Relationship Trust

Another area that creates huge trust issues in personal relationships is money. As many marriage counselors affirm, money problems are a key cause of divorce. While many such problems are caused by lack of character (selfish or impulsive spending, attempts to control or restrict a partner’s access to shared resources, or efforts to hide spending from a partner), many are also caused by lack of competence (lack of education or experience in money management). In addition, two people coming into a relationship are often scripted in different ways by family experience — for example, one may come from a background of spenders, while the other comes from a background of thrift.

Here’s a story from Stephen Covey’s book

“For years, my husband and I had problems managing our money. We would agree to spend our money in a certain way, then he would come home with some new thing we hadn’t agreed on. It was very frustrating, and I eventually withdrew emotionally as a financial partner.

Over time, however, we both came to realize that this situation was negatively affecting the trust in our relationship, and we decided to change. He worked on being more responsible to act based on our agreements; I worked on expressing my opinions better and participating more fully in financial decisions. And together, we became involved in learning more about good financial habits, including budgeting and investing.

It’s taken quite a while to shift old habits, but through it all, we’ve become amazingly close and more unified in our financial values, goals, and habits. In fact, I’d say that now financial units is one of our strengths. Doing something together that was this challenging has created even strong bonds of trust in our entire relationship.

Jack Canfield – Master The Spending Game

How much did you spend last year? 

How much did you spend last month?

How much did you spend yesterday?

Amazing, isn’t it?  Spending too much can wreak havoc on our financial goals and life.  It keeps you in debt, prevents you from savings as much as you could, and turns your focus to consumption.  Too many consumers in the world and not enough creators.

The truth is that with the exception of suits, dresses, mandatory wear or even the snorkelling gear you bought in Hawaii (as I have before) which I have used only once….you and I probably don’t need all those things to begin with.  Try adding up all the clothing with tags on it, to everything sitting around your living room and garage….add it all up and it will amount to more than your current credit card debt.

Another way to master the spending game is to live the lifestyle you want yet pay a whole lot less for it.

For instance….Jack Canfield talked about a woman he knows purchases $685 season tickets to the opera for just $123.  She sees the same world-class tenors, hears the same thunderous music, and does just about the same thing those other patrons do who pay a heck of a lot more – but she gets her tickets at 82% off.

How could this be?

When the mailing for season ticket subscribers arrive in March, she selects the operas she wants to see, disregards those she doesn’t like, and sends the money in with instructions attached “Design-Your-Own” series.  If you send in cash, of course cash will always be accepted.

So start paying with cash for everything! You’ll probably find yourself spending less than you would if you used credit cards.

Here’s more in my podcast –