Helping a suicidal student

I wrote this on my 101 goals list about 5 years ago: “help someone NOT commit suicide and get them out of a dark place.” I don’t know why it felt good at the time, but the opportunity had presented itself.

Years ago I met a student who was on fire. She was insecure at the age of 15, but with her level of speaking capabilities, I told her she couldn’t stay here in Thailand because ALL universities don’t know what to do with her level passion. She ended up moving to Singapore to go to school and ended up building an online business at the age of 17. The last time I had seen her in 2018, she was so excited and driven. She carried herself like a 30-year-old business professional.

Well, we lost touch and finally spoke again through video a couple weeks ago — to my shock, she completely changed: tone, facial expressions, discontent, and now suffering from severe depression. She went from Singapore back to Bangkok and now she’s around people who AREN’T driven.

While she was telling me these horrifying thoughts she was having, I was glancing to my left and thought of one person that could absolutely help her….and so the introduction was given and now the ball is on her side of the course — but I’m asking everyone out there that you should NEVER be AFRAID to ASK for help.

Full podcast down below!

What’s your Why?

“No one had to eat out of Trash Cans!” – Eric Thomas

Everytime I hear that, it gives me goosebumps. Could you imagine eating out of trash cans, homeless (because you ran away because of endless lies) and other things that a homeless child would go through? Yes, bullying, depression, and suicidal thoughts…Eric Thomas experienced this, and his goal now is to help people overcome just about anything and everything.

His why? He felt the pain.

Being who I am today didn’t happen because I saw the light, it was because my back was against the wall and I hated myself because people taught me to hate myself. 2015 I said ENOUGH! I’m not going through this anymore! I’m going to create a platform to help others overcome themselves!

And score!

Not only that, but even creating a number of platforms that will help get my story out there and change lives in regards to not only personal development, but English language communication.

I now have my WHY. I now have my purpose.

And even thinking about The Arsenio Buck Foundation? The ultimate life-assignment of them all….boy, I can’t be grateful enough.

But this isn’t about me. It’s about you. I’m scared for a lot of people out there because they don’t know their why. They don’t know what makes them tick. They don’t know what wakes them up in the morning, and this is why I’m here to spread such a profound message and represent an idea for people to finally go after what is theirs in the universe.

What’s your why?

New York Times’ Writer with a Broken Approach to Life

“Do what you love” is often terrible advice. Instead of taking the job that will make you happiest, look for the one where you’ll learn the most.

Adam Grant, NYT Writer

Terrifying. Unbelievably terrifying. I’m scared as hell to see the future generations head in this direction. If that’s the case, we too, will become the robots! Let’s break this down in micro and come up with a MACRO solution.

Do what you love is often terrible advice — so become a slave on a plantation.

I mean, I love working out in the morning, traveling and working at different locations across Bangkok, influencing people, and a half-dozen other things….that “job” in America would certainly not allow me to do that. In America, there’s zero job security, right? I mean you can walk in and you get one week pay and you’re DONE. You’re a number. Sure, you have those say, “omg my boss is amazing and I love my job.” Can you take holiday whenever you want? Do you have assets in the company? Does he teach you how to buy and sell different things like stock? Ok, then.

My passion revolves around teaching and speaking, which I ABSOLUTELY love to do. It’s my breath of fresh air. It’s my passion; and it’s something that I ABSOLUTELY love to do. Was that bad advice? Nope….it was me becoming an entrepreneur.

Job that learns the most? A JOB? A job teaches?

Come on, like Wal-Mart? Jobs don’t teach you how to create assets or invest in yourself. You’re working for someone else’s goals and not yours…on a job. Does the Wal-Mart CEO give a damn about the families he cuts ties with before the holiday season? Come on, simple question. Did Elon Musk give a damn about reducing his staff 80%, a lot of which were Aeronautical Engineers? Hell nah! It was for him to increase HIS networth. Sure, space expeditions and other things are expensive, but if you know how to manage your money, you will always keep your staff. I get it, some of my friends laid off their staff temporarily before bringing them back. That’s called TRUST….would you ever go back to work at a “job” that laid you off?

It’s like American government workers. They were taught to go to school, get an education, go to college, get a degree, and got a job at the government. At any point did they learn how to save/invest their money in case storms come? Nope…30 day layoff and they posted stories about their houses going into foreclosures. Come on…this is what JOBS do!

You learn the most from getting punched in the mouth. I know, most people are built to survive, therefore they believe jobs have security. Not everyone is built for entrepreneurship, but you’re at least built to make multiple sources of income and pursue your passion. My passion came from when I was racially discriminated against. I then become the voice of other people who are being/have been marginalized in their countries around the world — and now I’m teaching accelerated English language programs for massive companies all around Bangkok (and soon Asia). That’s what I wake up and breathe every morning, and guess what, nothing is guaranteed! I had students drop off after 5 hours of learning and said “I’m busy.” I thought it was me, but it was only them. I had one source of income fall and 8 came right after that. There are months I’ll make minimal, and then there are months I can gross the most EVER. That’s what makes life exciting.

Steps to Take

  • No Comfort in Life; live in the uncomfortability zone.
  • Find a need and fill it.

Arsenio’s ESL Podcast: Season 3 – Episode 55 – Pronunciation – Emphatic Stress

We, Americans, LOVEEEEEE using Emphatic Stress (did you see it?). Guys, sometimes when you speak, you can draw attention to certain words by giving them extra emphasis. These could be adjectives (huge, crazy, tiny) and adverbs (extremely, totally, slowly). Notice the change in emphasis in the second of each pair of the sentences down below.

That was a funny STORY.

That was a FUNNY story.

He was extremely TIRED.

He was EXTREMELY tired.

Listen to the sentences. I want you to figure out which word receives the emphatic stress.

  1. The Boy Who Cried Wolf is a really famous story.
  2. The people in town were pretty dreadful.
  3. The boy was extremely embarrassed by his actions.
  4. The wolf’s teeth were enormous!
  5. The old man was totally ecstatic.
  6. The boy learned a huge lesson that day.

Arsenio’s ESL Podcast: Season 3 – Episode 31 – Pronunciation – Stressed/Unstressed Schwa

Welcome back to another pronunciation episode! I love bringing these to you guys to start off the week strong, and so here I am today! Today we’re going to go over stressed/unstressed schwa sounds.

 

Able                 ability

Major              majority

Compete         competition

Photograph    photography

canada            canadian

Japan               Japanese

 

Listen to the unstressed vowels that sound like a schwa

practical

official

conclusion

profession

photography

velocity

You’ll have to listen to the podcast down below to understand how to say the words.

Podcast

Stephen Covey: Work Centered – The Story of My Student

When I met her at the base of the elevator, her energy was off.  I’ve seen this wonderfully, stern-faced doctor a plenty of times.  She’s kin to me….like a sister.  However, I just felt like there was a ball of negative energy around her that I couldn’t quite understand.  So, I asked her, “what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” she replied.

As the lesson went on and I tried asking her about different stories: funny, scary, adventurous, inspirational…..she was at a loss of words.

I asked, “have you been living?” — jokingly.

“No, I have a sad life,” she retorted.

The opening up came in and that’s when I realized something was up.  I went through the wheel of life exercise with her and her categories were suffering.

Personal Development – 0

Career – 4

Fun & Hobbies – 4

Friends – 8 (although the friends she’s around kind of live the same dismal lifestyle)

Health – 4

 

Awareness

“Look what’s happening.  You’re now aware though.  A lot of people don’t develop this type awareness and go through life seemingly discontent which ultimately breeds depression.  Best part about this session is you’re not aware of what’s happening.”

“What am I supposed to do, AJ (nickname is AJ in Thailand because they can’t pronounce Arsenio)?”

I pulled out my little Jack Canfield book that has an exercise to “find your purpose.”

I went down a series of questions.  “What brings you joy? What’s your defining moment?”…..and so many others.  She didn’t know.

See, schools (especially those “academic” schools) don’t knock on the core genius of young individuals…so then they grow up being “work centered” and end up being miserable.  A study showed these results of American doctors.

A GRIM PICTURE OF PHYSICIANS’ MENTAL HEALTH

The study polled more than 15,000 doctors in 29 specialties. In the survey, 42% of physicians reported burnout. Physicians in critical care, neurology, and family medicine had the highest rates of burnout. The specialties with the lowest rates were plastic surgery, dermatology, and pathology. The specialists with the lowest rates were also more likely to seek professional help for their mental health.

Fourteen percent of physicians reported being both burned out and depressed. The specialties with the highest rates of co-occurring depression and burnout were:

  • Obstetrics and gynecology (20%)

  • Public health and preventive medicine (18%)

  • Urology (17%)

  • Neurology (17%)

Of course she’s a Thai doctor, but you guys get my point.

I was sitting there with my hands on my chin wondering what the hell to do next, and then suddenly I realized a very good exercise I saw in Stephen Covey’s book in regards to finding your “center.”  She read through it and she began reciting something so identical to what her present situation was — she was work centered.

Someone who puts everything into work to whereas they forget about everything else, especially life.

What did I do next as a coach?

Ok, we need to find your passion.  You’re uninspired for so many different reasons. Do this exercise in terms of answering the questions about yourself that’s been untapped forEVER.  After that, you need to figure out your true alchemy.  Sure, you have the money, but you’ve neglected every other area (as pointed out above).  So, time to read about your alchemy (Paulo Coehlo’s The Alchemist).  After that, read the ensuing 10 pages of Stephen Covey’s book to completely unlock what’s happening in your life (I almost know the chapters verbatim).

What I’m expecting?

She’s going to come back with renewed passion.

Podcast

 

Arsenio’s ESL Podcast: Season 2 – Episode 50 – Pronunciation – Syllable Work (Part II)

Hello, and welcome back to some more syllable work.  It’s always good to review, reflect, and practice saying particular words.  Again, stressing syllables is very important, so I want to go over some more syllable stressing in the next 2 pronunciation blogs and podcasts.

So, in my podcast (right down below in the link) you’ll hear me reiterate the words three times.  Your goal is figure out how many syllables there are in each word (one, two, three, or four).

After that, I will stress particular syllables and you’ll have to listen closely to the ones I stress.

Words

Arrive, authority, competition, curious, immediate, page, manager, please, business, dictionary, omitted, positive, center, essay, own, text.

One syllable:

 

Two syllables:

 

Three syllables:

 

Four syllables:

 

Podcast

Day-tight Compartments: Anxiety & “What Am I Supposed To Do” Happened

Touch a button and hear, at every level of your life, the iron doors shutting out the Past – the dead yesterdays.  Touch another and shut off, with a metal curtain, the Future – the unborn tomorrows.  Then you are safe – safe for today!  . . . Shut off the past! Let the dead past bury its dead . . . Shut out the yesterdays which have lighted fools the way to dust death . . . The load of tomorrow, added to that of yesterday, carried, makes the strongest falter.  Shut off the future as tightly as the past . . . The future is today . . . . There is no tomorrow.  The day man’s salvation is now.  Waste of energy, mental distress, nervous worries dog the steps of a man who is anxious about the future . . . Shut close, then, the great fore and aft bulkheads, and prepare to cultivate the habit of a life of ‘day-tight-compartments.’ ” – Dale Carnegie

When I read this a few days ago, I had weight lift off my shoulders.  It was a vortex of melancholy.  I was sitting on my bed, hunched over, and these thoughts started bearing down on me.  I get worked up when jobs send me jobs, stay quiet for about a week, then I have to ask them, “what happened?”  and when I do, they say “sorry, they chose another teacher.”

This is very infuriating, as what I’ve said a many times before, so I took charge.  I decided to email them back and I went on a clean, concise rant before blocking the email.

I won’t sit around and weight for people to choose me at the end of the stick because of obvious reasons.

I woke up the next morning and said, “what have I done?!”  But, in the end, did I want to work for a place like that anyways? Absolutely not.

So what did I do? I was succumbed by worry – worry that didn’t make any sense.  I look at my bank accounts and say, “I’m actually pretty good right now.”  I look at my income for this month, and I’m actually in a pretty good surplus.  So what the hell is it that I’m worried about?

The Future

I had to revert to the manual.  The future, and thinking about all the what ifs, will drive us insane.  It drives a lot of people to insanity, depression, and death.  As all of you have heard a many of times, we can only control the things that are happening at that moment – nothing else.  We get so caught up in the “what’s going to happen next month? I don’t have anything coming up? Omg. I’m in trouble!” However, this has happened so much in terms of my life even back in Australia.

I was a dental temp and boy, during the Christmas holidays, I was completely out of money.  I had all my money in an account I had no access to and banks were closed for like 2 weeks.  Not only that, but being a dental temp, a lot of offices are on vacation.  It picked back-up (obviously after Christmas), but my life was never in real danger, nor is it here (given the fact that expenses are much cheaper).  I know what I’m doing and I know where I’m going in life right now, so the goal is to stay focused.

Podcast

Game Changers: Five Strategies For Eliminating Bad Habits

Your habits are learned; therefore, they can be unlearned. – Darren Hardy

It’s time to learn, unlearn, and relearn again.

You’re basically a boat/ship that’s anchored in.  For you to set sail in a new direction, it’s time to pull those anchors (bad habits) up, dispose of them, and drop new ones in (although you won’t sail…but you get the point).

You need to make that “why-power” strong enough that it overwhelms your urges for instant gratification.

  1. Identify your triggers.

Figuring out the 4 w’s: who, what, where, when.

  • Are you more than likely to act a certain way around certain people?
  • Is there a particular time of the day that you have something sweet?
  • Is there a particular meal that derails the rest of your accomplished meals?
  • What emotions tend to provoke your worst habits—stress, fatigue, anger, nervousness, boredom?
  • When do you experience those emotions? Who are you with, where are you, or what are you doing?
  • What situations prompt your bad habits to surface—going to work? Riding the bus? Coming in contact with specific individuals?
  • Take a closer look at your routines. What do you typically say when you wake up? When you’re on a coffee or lunch break? When you’ve gotten home from a long day?”

I’ve distanced myself from all teachers who I work with currently (for the next month) because I’m more prone to complain with them. I dropped out of the “whiney-bitch club” back in June of 2016, and I never looked back, either.

Between 1-4pm, I have a craving for my gummy bears.  Instead of having gummy bears by my side, I can have mixed fruit (natural sugar) instead — only if I prepare it.

Dinners, because they’re so late at night, completely throw off my entire day.  If I finish work at 7:40pm, I normally eat a very bad dinner if I don’t prepare thoroughly.  Moving to Bangkok and buying loads of grocers (because now I will have proper pantry space) is going to set me up for great breakfasts, lunches, and dinners.

I have an anxious feeling when I walk into my job.  Not only that, I’ve been having it for  year because my every move that’s being watched.  When I walk into those doors, I have a very peculiar feeling.  Sunday mornings, I walk pass the teachers room and see a group of men sitting in a circle talking about how bad life is.  What Did I Do: I found a new job and five new projects to get me out of a dead-end job.

Riding the bus gives me a very uneasy and tense-filled feeling.  What Did I Do: Today is the last day I’ll ever take the bus in Bangkok ever again (because geographical and demographic reasons).

What do I typically say when I wake up? Well, the past week has been stellar….so saying “thank you” is imbedded in my vocabulary book.  However, other people say “not again” on Monday morning.  What can you do to change that?

2. Clean House

“Get to scrubbin’. And I mean this literally and figuratively. If you want to stop drinking alcohol, remove every drop of it from your house (and your vacation house, if you have one). Get rid of the glasses, any fancy utensils or doo-dads you use when you drink, and those decorative olives, too. If you want to stop drinking coffee, heave the coffee maker, and give that bag of gourmet grounds to a sleepy neighbor. If you’re trying to curb your spending, take an evening and cancel every catalogue or retail offer that flies in through your mailbox or your inbox, so you won’t even need to muster the discipline to walk it from the front door to the recycle bin. If you want to eat more healthfully, clean your cupboards of all the crap, stop buying the junk food—and stop buying into the argument that it’s “not fair” to deny the other people in your family junk food just because you don’t want it in your life. Trust me; everyone in your family is better off without it. Don’t bring it into the house, period. Get rid of whatever enables your bad habits.”

Numbers 3-5 are in the podcast down below!

Podcast

How To Criticize — And Not Be Hated For It

Is it possible? Perhaps!

“Charles Schwab was passing though one of his steel mills one day at noon when he came across some of his employees smoking. Immediately above their heads was a sign that said “No Smoking.” Did Schwab point to the sign and say, “Can’t you read?” Oh, no not Schwab. He walked over to the men, handed each one a cigar, and said, “I’ll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these on the outside.” They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule—and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important. Couldn’t keep from loving a man like that, could you?”

Excerpt From: Dale Carnegie. “How to Win Friends & Influence People.”

Pretty smart, right? How often do we find ourselves in shouting matches with people at our local convenience stories? Working up a sweat and raising your blood pressure only to see that “enemy” smiling while waving ‘goodbye.’  They win, you lose.

As human beings, we’re quick to criticize.  I was recently killing my brain cells while watching useless MMA YouTube videos. While I was watching some of these videos, I would see the MMA fighters not only lacking confidence, but blaming reporters for the “stirring” up of everything.  I like the Marshawn Lynch and Richard Sherman approach of everything.

The lady tries to criticize him and he asks her follow-up questions to question her credibility.  This is an excellent way with dealing with critics in general.

Marshawn just completely ignores them by saying, “yes.” I find it amusing.

“Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child’s careless attitude toward studies, we might say, “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.”
In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word “but.” He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies.
This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and.” “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”
Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because there was no follow-up of an inference of failure. We have called his attention to the behavior we wished to change indirectly, and the chances are he will try to live up to our expectations.”

Dale Carnegie wrote this in his book and it couldn’t have been more true.