When Defamation Happens

This was odd, but I believe it was the first of what could be a very unwelcoming and complete fall out of what something used to be.

When ex-employees get mad and begin the vilification process, know what you truths, capabilities, results, integrity and everything else is. It’s important in the process.

Let’s just say I used to be one of those ex-employees that would point, blame, discuss, and always rant about the ignorance I had to overcome in the process of overcoming myself. I guess you could say I was a disgruntled ex-employee, and I had to figure myself out. Yes, the boss said everything to me, marketing director said “white teacher instead of black teacher,” and I had to jump in-and-out of hoops just to get work.

Hey, it’s a process I can now make into a personal enrichment course.

Now, when you’re on the receiving end, that’s when things get really interesting.

An ex-employee of mind, who I appreciated so dearly, just started the beginning stages of vilification. I commented recently on an Eric Thomas post, and oddly she posted on my comment (after three days of not speaking to her).

You didn’t practice what you preached in our one year of a friendship.

Ummmm? How so?

Now, most people know who I am and what I represent. When I had first met her, I had doubts because of the weird things she would say, also the ranting she would do on a constant basis at specific individuals and always talked bad about individuals.

Even before that, she had messaged my content writer and said, “I don’t think you will work for him anymore. I don’t think he will work with Motivational Mentors anymore.”

I laughed with my content writer, in an abrupt manner, and said “how does she conjure up this madness?” Both him and I had a really good laugh, but I just said “ahhhh that’s just ________.”

Two days later, it became apparent that she was becoming someone very odd. Not only that, the people who I interviewed once before are now contacting me. She’s trying to — in a way — turn some of these close people against me. So, this was the perfect time to address this issue.

  1. If you don’t hold your half of the bargain and don’t continue getting better, there’s nothing else I can do. This could’ve happen because of me, or possibly you taking me granted.
  2. 100% Accountability. If I no longer need your help, it’s because you’re not improving and making my life easier.
  3. Whatever you say about me is perfectly your opinion, but I know the values I represent.

This post was on a public page. I’ll give her two strikes. This is her first and last one. If she’s going to stalk and comment on things in regards to the companionship we had, I will have to block and ban her from all my pages. It will take a solid 6 months for an individual to overcome that, but you have to quickly address the issue.

  1. Ask your employee for a follow-up talk. Ask them what’s the problem. Heart talk preferably.
  2. Address the issue in bolk via your platforms — not to clear your name, but to provide clarity.
  3. Let things blow over.

Stephen Covey’s Action Plan on Trust

As promised in my podcast, this is the action plan with behaviors 1-13 and here’s an excerpt, along with the action plan, so you can figure out what needs to be done intrinsically.

In the beginning of this 13 behaviors section, I used a personal challenge for you to make this material highly relevant and actionable by identifying two relationships — one professional and one in personal — in which you wanted to build trust. I said that at the end of the section, I would give you the opportunity to look back, determine which two or three behaviors would make the greatest difference, and create an action plan to create change.

Well, here we are. If you didn’t do it before, I encourage you to do it now. This is where you can make decisions that will build trust, that will transform taxes into dividends, that will improve your relationships with two people, and — geometrically — with many others, as well.

Many people find it helpful to use a chat such as this one below. If this approach works for you, I suggest you start with one relationship. Go over the behaviors. Mark on the continuum where you think you are now with regard to each one. Then go back and circle the two or three behaviors that you feel will make the greatest positive difference.

Identify one or two next steps for each of those behaviors to create change. You may want to use one of the Trust Tips at the end of each chapter, or you may come up with something that will work better in your situation. The key is to make the steps actionable and to make and keep a commitment to yourself to do them.

Then go back and do the same for the second relationship you chose.

As you create your plan, keep in mind that the quickest way to make a withdrawal is to violate a behavior or character; the quickest way to make a deposit is to demonstrate a behavior of competence. This may help you in determining how to most quickly build trust in your situation.

If you prefer to use a different approach to implementation, that’s fine. However, you may still want to look at the chart. It will give you an overview of all 13 Behaviors, including their opposites and counterfeits. It’s a good way to capture a vision of the way high-trust leaders interact with others.

Stephen Covey
BehaviorCurrent PerformanceOpposite/
Counterfeit
Talk Straight___/____/____/____/____/Lie, spin, tell half
truths
Demonstrate
Respect
___/____/____/____/____/Don’t care or don’t
show you care.
Create
Transparency
___/____/____/____/____/Withhold information;
keep secrets;
Right Wrongs___/____/____/____/____/Don’t admit or
repair mistakes
Show Loyalty___/____/____/____/____/Sell others out; take the credit
yourself
Deliver
Results
___/____/____/____/____/Fail to deliver
on activities.
Get Better___/____/____/____/____/Deteriorate; don’t
invest in improvement
Confront
Reality
___/____/____/____/____/Bury your head in the sand;
focus on busywork
Clarify
Expectations
___/____/____/____/____/Assume expectations
or don’t disclose them.
Practice
Accountability
___/____/____/____/____/Don’t take responsibility.
Listen First___/____/____/____/____/Don’t listen; speak first, listen
last.
Keep
Commitments
___/____/____/____/____/Break commitments;
violate promises.
Extend Trust___/____/____/____/____/Withhold trust;
fake trust and then
snoopervise.

Listen First Trust Tips

  • Think back over your interactions with others during the past week, both at work and at home. Think of a time when you did or didn’t Listen First. What were the results? What would have been the results if you had behaved differently?

Of course, withdrawals. See, this is very important, especially in the world of business. When handling a client, it’s important to know that “they’re always correct.”

Recently I was watching a YouTube series of Heathrow Airport and they featured a man on Singapore Airlines who said, “no matter what, the passenger is always right.” Yes, even if they’re wrong. Remember the technique I gave you a long time ago involving Dale Carnegie and how he handled belligerent wood buyers? Ask the right questions and then make the other personal realize, indirectly, that they’re wrong. It takes strong personal skills to achieve such a feat though.

Nonetheless, if you just listen instead of voicing your opinion, the matter can be handled. Yes, when dealing with First Class and Business Class passengers, these entitled brats would still not say “thank you” and talk about their personal feelings. It’s insanity, and thus why I can’t work for anyone who has these types of individuals.

  • The next time you’re in a conversation, stop and ask yourself, Have I really listened to this other person? Do I really understand how he or she feels? If not, simply stop and do it. Set your own agenda aside and really focus on understanding the other person’s point of view before you share your own.

I’ve gotten FAR BETTER at this! This past Tuesday, I nailed it. When dealing with an investment client and a few other employees from Agoda. I listened….for the very first time, and it felt damn good! I didn’t want to impose my agenda and opinions no subjects, but rather asked the right follow-up questions afterwards.

  • In your company, take proactive steps to understand your stakeholders — both internal and external. Don’t get caught up in the illusion that you know everything or have all the right answers. Consider what you can do to ensure others that you are listening to them and making an effort to meet their concerns and needs.

And this is the ultimate one of humanity. Please, don’t always assume that you’re correct and know everything. This type of broken leadership is why companies completely fall apart — often overnight.

Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 46 – Behavior #6 – Deliver RESULTS!

If you want to establish a relationship with a client, what is one thing you can do to build trust the fastest?

Stephen Covey

DELIVER THE RESULTS!

When I first started teaching at a language center and company, I would venture out to a part of town/street that I used to work on in my previous job. Get this, the new company was located just 1km down the street where I was fired — which lead to me quitting the job that had originally sent me there because of mistreatment.

Going down there was nostalgic, and I really didn’t want go down a road that had been closed in the previous 5 months, but because I did and delivered the results, the chirps happened.

What do I mean by that? Well, different institutions began contacting me around Bangkok saying, “we heard about you through _____________ and we heard you’re a great teacher.” That word-of-mouf happened and that took me to the next level because I DELIVERED RESULTS.

Results give you instant credibility and instant trust. They give you clout. They clearly demonstrate that you add value, that you can contribute, that you can perform.

In a separate story, when I got the results needed for my students to go to universities around the world, it created chatter amongst the toxic Gen B foreigner teachers at my previous job. They were scared: “does this mean he will get more IELTS test? But he can’t teach this…or that. So more pre-conceived notions came in and that’s when I began teaching outside because I knew what my capabilities were.

Results provide a powerful tool for building trust in your relationships with others.

Stephen Covey

I post all the results of specific tests online. Why? Because people then know if I can deliver. What’s a more reputable institution: Arsenio Buck, or The British Council? Well, I see Arsenio teaching on YouTube, podcasts, Facebook lives, and free live sessions on Facebook. He’s demonstrated that he knows what he’s talking about. British Council, on the other hand, doesn’t show her the teachers are, what they do, free coaching, and doesn’t provide services. It just provides a “check out” page on their website.

The opposite of Deliver Results is performing poorly or failing to deliver. The counterfeit is delivering activities instead of results.

It’s like the people who make fantastic presentations and exciting promises….but never come through.

A funny, but head-scratching example of this would be Ja Rule, an American Rapper who promised a Fyre Festival full of booze, resort villas, 5-star gourmet food, and more. He delivered refugee tents, food in styrofoam boxes, and out-houses. What’s more shocking is people were bamboozled not only once, but three times! They didn’t learn the first time; therefore, he did it again, and again….and now people finally know how scandalous he is.

Another example would be a place I worked for before. In short, my student got a 7 on a speaking test. She paid an ABSURD AMOUNT OF MONEY at a famous institution and it went down to a 6. She learned with me again and shot up to a 7.5 on her speaking test.

So, going forward, I can NEVER recommend that language institution because they didn’t deliver the results.

Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 38 – Create Transparency

Behavior #3 — Create Transparency — is about being open. It’s about being real and genuine and telling the truth in a way people can verify. It’s based on principles of honesty, openness, integrity, and authenticity. I also like to include the principle of light, because when something is transparent, light will flow through it.

The opposite of creating transparency is to hide, cover, obscure, or make dark. It includes hoarding, withholding, having secrets, and failing to disclose. It includes hidden agendas, hidden meaning, hidden objectives.

The counterfeit of transparency is illusion. It’s pretending, “seeming” rather than “being,” making things appear different than they really are. The internet is a good example of both transparency and illusion. At the same time as it engenders extraordinary transparency, allowing people to get information and access truth wherever they live, it also creates a place where people can make up false names.

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust

Transparency will usually establish trust fast. For example, when a charity recently fell into trouble, it took the quickest path to restore trust, which was simply to show people where their money was going. In situations where there is a conflict of interest, the best way to prevent it from turning into a concern is to simple by up-front about it and to address it in the spirit of complete disclosure. Transparent companies are constantly disclosing relationships, interests, and conflicts ahead of time so that everything is always out in the open and no one can question their agenda.

Stories in the podcast

  • Pencils of promise
  • Ex-colleague and being a bad teacher
 

Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 37 – Demonstrating Trust Part III – Tips

Think back to some of the researched. Why is it that only 29 percent of employees believe that management cares about them developing their skills? Why is it that only 42 percent believe that management cares about them at all? In too many cases, though management might talk about it, fundamentally, management does not behave in ways that demonstrate respect, and as a result, employees don’t trust management.

And what is the impact on speed and cost? When employees believe their managers really don’t care, how willing are they to give their best? To be innovative? To collaborate? On the other hand, how quick are employees to complain? Criticize? Strike?

Stories in Podcast

  • Present work story about director not caring
  • Employee getting a free pass for no-call, no-show

Trust Tips

Apply the “waiter” rule to yourself in terms of how you treat people at work and at home. Do you like what you see? If not, focus on improving your intent?

Think about specific things you can do to show others you care about them. Call people. Write thank-you notes. Give acknowledgement. Send emails of concern. Try to do something each day to put a smile on someone’s face–even if that someone is the janitor in the building where you work. Don’t let there be a gap between how you feel and what you do.

Never take relationships for granted — particularly relationships with loved ones, family, and friends. Avoid the common tendency to put more energy into new relationships and assume that people in existing relationships know you care. There is probably a greater need for demonstrations of concern in existing relationships than in new relationships.

The basis of this is to genuinely care for others. Show you care. Respect the dignity of every person and every role. Treat everyone with respect. Show kindness. Don’t fake caring. Don’t attempt to be “efficient” with people.

Stephen Covey: Season 4 – Episode 32 – Second Wave – Relationship Trust

Welcome back to another blog, people! We’re getting into another phase of Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust, and this one is going to be a very enticing one. It’s time to start getting into the relationship aspect of things and breakdown what behaviors are.

The truth is that in every relationship — personal and professional — what you do has far greater impact than anything you say. You can say you love someone — but unless you demonstrate that love through your actions, your words become meaningless. You can say you want to engage in win-win negotiation — but unless your behavior shows that you really mean it, you will come across as insincere. You can say your company puts the customer first. You can say that you recognize people as your most important asset. However, unless you actually do them, your words will not build trust; in fact, they will destroy it.

 

You have to build it. A lot of people ask “how can I do it.”

Well, remember the caring person thing? If you’re not a caring person now — but you desire to be a caring person — then go out and behave in caring ways.

It may take time, but you have to take the initiative.

Building Trust Accounts

Remember my famous blog “the Emotional Bank Account?” Yeah, these are similar to what Sean Covey’s dad had written about in his book 30 years ago. Let’s go over them.

Each Trust Account is unique

Recognizing uniqueness can help you build each account more effectively. A 12-year-old’s account will be astonishingly different from a mid-20’s guy.

All deposits and withdrawals are not created equal.

Often the little things can be disproportionately large. Getting an email from someone about a natural disaster or some type of imminent danger would be much different from forgetting your partner’s birthday.

What constitutes a “deposit” to one person may not to another.

I had a situation rise that was similar to this. One of my friend’s thought staying out late would be a deposit if I’m bonding with other people, but I considered that to be a significant withdrawal.

Listen to “Stephen Covey: Season 4 – Episode 32 – Second Wave – Relationship Trust” on Spreaker.

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 23 – The Final ‘S’ in Tasks

The biggest questions of a lifetime for business owners. You know, I was thinking about the time Jack Ma had to fire employees because of the problems he was having with Ali Baba. Through what Napoleon Hill has said, “Applied Faith,” he was able to see things through and work his way out of the rut, making a billion (and soon-to-be trillion) dollar empire. Here are your questions.

The biggest questions of a lifetime for business owners. You know, I was thinking about the time Jack Ma had to fire employees because of the problems he was having with Ali Baba. Through what Napoleon Hill has said, “Applied Faith,” he was able to see things through and work his way out of the rut, making a billion (and soon-to-be trillion) dollar empire. Here are your questions.

  • How effective is your current style in approaching problems and opportunities and interacting with others?
  • Does your approaching facilitate or get in the way of accomplishing what needs to be done?
  • What can you do to improve the way in which you go about doing things?

Lots of ideas came to mind about how well I handle situations. Room for improvement is wide-open, and I need to start feeling things gaps ASAP.

I can get considerably better when it comes to approaching problems. Example, there was an issue at an old job whereas a guy called me out in a number of ways. I shouldn’t have taken that lightly, and even more, I could’ve forwarded the emails and voice messages he had sent me to the owner. Regardless, because he’s white in a very pro-white country, he would’ve gotten a free-pass. But allowing people to get away with unruly behavior is even worse.

When it comes to interacting with others, I’m almost certain that I do an incredible job in that area because that’s one of my strongest points. I pick up energy signals very easily, and this is very important because if people come to me with jobs, I should be able to point them in the right direction of a good teacher, rather than one that would just tarnish my reputation.

An example would be a new employee (or new ones every week) at my job on the weekend. It’s none of my business, but because I’m good at picking up energy, there’s one specific new teacher that has “HORRIBLE” written all over him. If you guys listened/read my blogs from early last year, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t give a second look or anything to these teachers. I don’t introduce myself because they’ve been the bane of my existence here. If they’re not someone who has ideas or anything, why even bother? Most of them complain or say some very sick things that pertains to under-age girls (yeah, welcome to Thailand). So, OQP (Only Quality People).

That’s in the world of business.

When it comes to my entrepreneurial world, I can seriously learn to get better at appropriating time slots for when I should be on social media. I feel if I leave notifications on all day, I can lose maybe 1-1.5 hours. So, as of today, I’ve turned them off and they’ve helped me considerably. The only messages I receive are of importance from my graphic designer. Facebook messages in the morning while commuting (anytime while commuting) is enough. Other apps at the same time. No FB at home or during my core hours.

This is how you can identify what’s working and what isn’t….so I suggest all of you do the same with the questions above!

Podcast

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 22 – The K in Tasks

Welcome back to another Stephen Covey blog with lots of explanations! Here are some questions for you to answer.

What is your current level of knowledge in your specific field?

What are you doing to NOT stay current?

What other areas of knowledge are you pursuing?

So, lately I’ve been having some hot sweats — hot sweats of the feelings I used to feel doing things that I absolutely hated to do. 2004, a year where I was DEAD BORED with school. 2005, watching TV all day long and not learning a damn things while saturating myself with sports and other things to keep me busy and away from making rash decisions.

Hell, even when I lived in Australia, or on those boring Saturdays and Sundays off from work…..it was a life of misery, while I was going to college.

Throughout my life, I was never asked about my purpose. I was never asked “do you really like what you’re doing?”

Karen Mulcahy, an ex-university professor, asked me “why do you want to become a dental assistant?”

I replied, “well, I’ve never had a nice smile and I would love to change others smiles because that’s the first thing we see.

First part was wrong, I’ve always had a nice smile, excluding my bottom incisors. However, I didn’t have the ability to change smiles as a dental assistant.

As a dental assistant, what could I have done to improve my knowledge and skills? Oh, ok…let me learn the different types of softwares related to the dental field and possible get paid more.

Get paid more….and then?

It was a dead-end job from the beginning and I was able to escape the rat race of just saying, “let me just making money for the weekend and travel twice a year…enjoy my life only twice a year before going back to a horrendous career.”

Some of you are in that career right NOW! Doing the same tasks and hating your life. I’m inviting you to take the leap.

For those of you who have already made the leap, ask yourself your questions about your specific field.

I was just having a conversation with another English Language tutor, and she said she wanted to go back to university to learn about business, reading, and writing — three things that I’ve learned ON MY OWN. The information is everywhere. I improved my knowledge of subjects taught out here in Thailand and was paid more for doing so.

That was 4 years ago. Since then, the amount of knowledge I have now is unbelievable and continuing to increase.

Don’t Stay Current

You stay current and you will lose. Apple has taken catastrophic hits. Sure, 245 billion in hard cash, but they’re now #3 in the world because they’re no longer innovating and hiking prices even more…with the same functions. This is a dead company.

If you’re not looking 5-10 years ahead and not innovating, you will fall way behind.

The areas I continue pursuing is insight and revelation. I want to continue learning and learning from people as much as possible because i know with experiences and collaboration brings some of the greatest heights of anyone’s life. That will be talked about in another blog, but please take these questions into account and start jotting down ideas.

Listen to “Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 22 – The K in Tasks” on Spreaker.

Stephen Covey’s Speed of Trust: Season 4 – Episode 20 – The A in Tasks

Here’s the blog on the A in TASKS.

Let’s kick it off with important questions.

  • What are your attitudes about work?
  • ABout life?
  • About learning?
  • About yourself, your capabilities, and your opportunities to contribute?
  • Are there more productive attitudes and paradigms I could embrace that would help me create better results?

Huge questions for everyone to ask themselves.  See, the majority of us have a poor attitude about work.  Let me give you an example.  At the beginning of 2018, I was shoulder-shrugging my old job off.  I would go into my classes and not put ANYTHING into my lessons because one, I knew I was gone.  Two, my students weren’t putting any effort into what I was trying to teach them, so why would I even try?

Poor attitude, right? Sure….I was aware of it, but I was a month away from resigning and finally, that was the end.

However, I get paid about 15% less at the job I’m at right now.  Do I have that same attitude? Nope. Why? Because I love what I do.  I have clients around Bangkok that pay far more, so why would I still work at a place that’s unworthy of me, my purposes in life, and my goals? Because I love my students.

It’s not about the money….everything is about perception.

Are you ambitious about learning? I constantly buy new English learning books everyday to help better not only my teachings, but my students who receive the information.

I’m proactive about contributing, thus why I have a podcast that I’ve been paid only once in the past 3 years (and it just came a week ago).  I’m giving out this information essentially for free, but also paying to give it out.  See, it’s all about perspective.

Let’s look at some changes to our language.

It’s all about reactive versus proactive, right?

I have to go to work             or              I’m genuinely excited to go to work. 

I work like crazy and live for the weekends. 

or

I have a balanced life in which work, recreation, and rich relationships are all important parts.