Some Stories On How You Can Conquer Worry – Dale Carnegie Excerpt

Six major troubles hit me all at once.

  1. My business college was trembling on the verge of financial disaster because all the boys were going to war; and most of the girls were making more money working in war plants without training than my graduates could make in business offices with training.
  2. My older son was in service, and I had the heart-numbing worry coming to all parents whose sons were away at war.
  3. Oklahoma City had already started proceedings to condemn a large track of land for an airport, and my home – formerly my father’s home – was located in the center of this tract.  I knew that I would be paid only one tenth of its value.
  4. The water well on my property went dry because a drainage canal had been dug near my home.  To dig a new well would be throwing five hundred dollars away because the land was already being condemned.  I had to carry water to my livestock in buckets every morning for two months, and I feared I would have to continue it during the rest of the war.
  5. I lived ten miles away from my business school and had a class B gasoline card: that meant I couldn’t buy any new tires, so I worried about how I could ever get to work when the super annotated tired on my old Ford gave up the ghost.
  6. My oldest daughter had graduated form high school  year ahead of schedule.  She had her heart set on going to college, and I just didn’t have the money to send her.  I knew her heart would be broken.

This specific individual went on to say that one afternoon while sitting in his office, worrying about his worries, he decided to write them all down for it seemed no one ever had more to worry about than he had.  He could do nothing to solve them.  So he decided to write them down and file them away.  Months went on and he had forgotten that the list even existed.  Eighteen months later he went through his files and there was the list that he wrote 1.5 years earlier.  Well, the problems solved themselves.

  1. I saw that all my worries about having to close my business college had been useless because the government had started paying business schools for training veterans and my school was soon filled to capacity.
  2.  I saw that all my worries about my son in service had been useless; he was coming through the war without a scratch.
  3.  I saw that all my worries about my land being condemned for use as an airport and been useless because oil had been struck within a mile of my farm and the cost of procuring the land for an airport thad become prohibitive.
  4. I saw that all my worries about having no well to water my stock had been also useless because, as soon as I knew my land would not be condemned, I spent my money necessary to dig a new well.
  5. I recapped my tires and managed how to survive.
  6. Sixty days before opening of college, I was offered – almost like a miracle – an auditioning job which I could do outside of school hours, and this job made it possible for me to send her to college on schedule.

I can turn myself into a shouting optimist within an hour!

One man said when he found himself depressed over his present conditions, he would, within an hour, banish worry and turn himself into an optimism.  How?

He read 20th century history for about an hour.  After that happened, he realized that bad as conditions were at the moment, they were infinitely better than they used to be.  This enabled him to see and face his present troubles in a much more proper perspective, as well as to realize that the world as a whole is constantly growing better.

Here is a method that deserves a whole chapter.  Read history! Try to get the viewpoint of ten thousand years – and see how trivial YOUR troubles are, in terms of eternity!

I was terribly depressed at one moment, and when I was, I forced myself to become physically active almost every hour of the day.  I played five or six sets of violent games of tennis every morning, then took a bath, had lunch, and played eighteen holes of golf every afternoon.  On Friday nights, I danced until one o’clock in the morning.  I am a great believer in working up a tremendous sweat.  I found that depression and worry oozed out of my system with the sweat.

Physical activity – which can involve any type of strenuous activity, allows you to take your mind off the present.

I am a great dismisser

When I turn from one task to another, I dismiss all thoughts of the problems I had been thinking about previously.  I find it stimulating and refreshing to turn from one activity to another.  It rests me.  It clears my mind.

I have had to school myself to dismiss all these problems from my mind when I close my office desk.  They are always continuing.  Each one always has a set of unsolved problems demanding my attention.  If I carried these issues home with me each night, and worried about them, I would destroy my health; and, in addition, I would destroy all ability to cope with them.

I was committing slow suicide because I didn’t know how to relax.

I used to rush through life in high gear.  I was always tense, never relaxed.  I arrived home from work every night worried and exhausted from nervous fatigue.  Why? Because no one ever said, “Paul, you’re killing yourself!”

Every since then I have practiced relaxation.  When I go to bed at night, I don’t try to go to sleep until I’ve consciously relaxed my body and my breathing.  And now I wake up in the morning rested – a big improvement, because I used to wake up in the morning tired and tense.  I relax and now when I eat and when I drive.

Podcast

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/some-stories-on-how-you-can-conquer-worr

 

 

Four Good Working Habits That Will Help Prevent Fatigue

Good Working Habit #1: Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.

I remember someone told me, “if you walk into an office and see a man’s desk, you will know exactly what his mind is.”  In other words, if you go into an office and see a messy desk, you’re going to be dealing with someone with a messy mind.  A disorganized closet, home, car, etc….you know exactly what the person is.  My brother’s car was always filthy.  I want you to make a guess if he was fit or not? No.  He drank, and probably continues to drink almost on a nightly basis with a rapidly deteriorating lifestyle.

This is being brought up because someone else might be going through the same problem that my brother has gone through, and continues to go through today.  Without accepting someone’s help on alleviating the problem, it will fester and gradually grow into something you won’t be able to shake off.

Every morning I have my to-do list.  What are the things I need to do immediately in the morning? Respond to emails, post my inspirational message on my instagram (The Arsenio Buck Show), make sure everything is in place for my podcast, clothes are laid out and ready to go….etc.  This is of course after my meditation and priming.

Good Working Habit #2: Do Things In Order of Importance

Normally I delegate the task of washing, ironing and pressing my clothes to the lady down the road; however, I fall off on getting my clothes and let it spill over for a couple of days without collecting them.  That’s an issue.  I recall Tim Ferris saying, “what’s the one thing you can do out of ten things whereas if you do it, it makes everything much easier?” Do first things first! You will never see me writing a blog before a podcast in the morning.  The blog comes AFTER.

Good Working Habit #3: When You Have A Problem, Solve It Then & There

Too many people let things boil over to the next day.  I’m a victim of that.  There have been so many times when I didn’t confront someone about a problem and I ended up losing sleep.  What happened the next morning? I woke up up disgruntled and my day continued on in the same fashion.  Three months ago I couldn’t even focus in the gym without having an influx of thoughts about my current job come to mind – ultimately causing myself to lose motivation in the gym, which then lead to an explosion at work.  SOLVE PROBLEMS IMMEDIATELY

Good Working Habit #4: Learn To Organize, Deputize and Supervise

I recently heard a story from a friend that revolved around her ex-employer paying her late.  This is a travesty in the working world.  Another instance occurred, and continues to occur today which teachers at an international school in Thailand — get paid three months late.  The three above do not exist within that particular school.  As a director, if you don’t deputize and supervise, your school will end up losing it’s value.  Moreover, the students suffer the most.

These, of course, are just examples of how you can establish some good working habits.

https://www.spreaker.com/user/thearseniobuckshow/four-good-working-habits-that-will-help-

Do This – & Criticism Can’t Hurt You

“I discovered years ago that although I couldn’t keep people from criticising me unjustly, I could do something infinitely more important: I could determine whether I would let the unjust condemnation disturb me.  Let’s be clear about this: I am not advocating ignoring all criticism.  Far from it.  I am talking about ignoring only unjust criticism.”

Doing the thing society tells you not to do is a quick way to overcome the jitters.  The jitters that society uses against you in auto-suggestion form.

Close your eyes for one second.  For those of you who live in Japan, China, Korea, and other countries around the world – visualize being on a train.  What do you see? Who do you see? Are they all doing the same thing? 9 times out of 10 – they are.  They’re standing a specific way in fear that someone may be looking at them, video recording them, or even taking a picture of them.  People are terrified of being criticized by others so they conform to doing the same thing other people do.

Back in the south of Thailand, Thai teachers would say, “why do you go running? You’re a teacher. You shouldn’t be seen in public.  Why are you singing? Why are you happy? You’re a teacher! You can’t do that!”

So, I approved of the outlandish “Thai Culture” suggestion, indicating that I need to have a specific character to fit the description of an abysmal teacher.

I broke away from those chains over the last two years.  For instance, on a typical day I go running, I wear a headband (as I do on the bus when I head to the gym), and depending on if people are looking at me in a particular way, I sing/rap to whatever I’m listening to.  Why?  Because I’m literally telling the world that I don’t give a GOD DAMN about them.

Onlookers look at me in awe, shaking their heads – sometimes in disgust because they’ve never seen a runner sweat the way I do.  That’s fine.  They can think whatever the hell they want to think because at the end of the day I always ask myself: are they paying my bills? Are they investors? Do they even respect me? No.  So you don’t even exist to me.

Napoleon Hill: Lesson Eight – The Habit of Doing More Than Paid For

A man is most efficient and will more quickly and easily succeed when engaged in work that he loves, or work that he performs in behalf of some person whom he loves.

Here’s the introduction to one of the most important, life-long lessons that so many of you probably lack in life.  Here’s one of the best stories of my life.

In late 2015, I was approached by my boss at my respective job.  She had already set up some conversation/presentation workshops, which I ran accordingly.  Because it was a massive success, students began to ask about developing a conversation course.

A lot of teachers, especially those historical British teachers, don’t believe in conversation as a tool of success; nor do they approve it as a course.  I had to constantly battle and take a lot of slack from people saying, “this isn’t an academic course,” but confidence is the ultimate success tool for communication, right?

After shrugging off a lot of meaningless comments and naysayers, my boss gave me the green light to create a course using some books and materials.  So, I did.

Step Number 1: You Will Take Losses In The Beginning, But The Returns Are Unbelievable

Because the conversation course had a 2$ less payout, 95% of the teachers refused it at the beginning.  I was adamant and infuriated because  some teachers, who would’ve done a good job teaching conversation, didn’t want to teach it because they didn’t get the full amount in the beginning.

I laughed about this because I had already read about “doing more than what you’re paid for,” and I knew it would come back and bite them.  Went work got scarce, they came crawling back trying to accept any class that was thrown at them and I said NO. You denied it in the beginning; however, now that work is slow, you want to cover your ass? Ugh, not today.

I, being the lead person of this course, had to formulate a group of teachers, a couple of which failed to deliver the expectations because of their lackadaisical teaching.  You don’t necessarily have to have the gift of the gab, but you have to love teaching.  A lot of teachers in Thailand don’t give a damn about teaching.

After weeding out the foolishness and the incompetence, I created a course, through persistence and little pay, that generated millions of baht over the course of the year.  I made shy, timid students – absolute stars in this respective area.

Get this, creating a course that has generated millions….I only received 0.00005% of that.  However, now I have a podcast, which was created at the same time, that’s listened to over 70 countries.  I did far more than what I was paid to do, but the law of increasing returns returned in the grandest of fashions.  This is how life works.

Podcast

One Year Ago & What Reshaped & Changed The Trajectory of My Life

I was having some Spicy Basil Chicken and vegetables before someone walked into my room and brought something up about my podcast.  I was aghast; like being bludgeoned to near death – just because I knew what was possibly going to happen.

He told me that I inferred/implicated people on my podcast who I was working with.  Implicating and inferring is completely different from name-dropping, but it was pretty comical going back to those podcasts (a year later) and cringing to everything I said.  Arsenio, you so bad.  (LOL)

I was so thrown off by the entire ordeal, so I cancelled class and went HAM…..I MEAN HAM on a podcast (I should post the podcast here, but it’s not necessary); expressing extreme discontent about the ‘snake’ who was nipping at the heels of my feet, trying to find any detail that can give him more work and get me fired.  Again, envy and jealous – two of the deadly horsemen that rides in the mind of humanity.

However, over the next two weeks, one shot himself in his own foot and relieved himself, shutting the door on a door that should’ve been shut a year before.  *forehead wiping*

Did this fix any of the relationships I had with the other teachers? Nope.  One-by-one, every relationship began failing.  The first one was because of a senseless berate of me being in a classroom that he should’ve been in….actually, make that two (teachers) of them.  So long!

Others ranged from “Arsenio is too loud and has too much fun in class,” to “Arsenio is inexperienced and gets too much work.”  You name it, you say it, I’ve heard it.

What I didn’t do was quit the podcast.  Going forward in my unfolding journey, I’ve learned how to persevere and not quit.  Sure, a bunch of foolish fools have seemingly stopped talking to me; hell, I haven’t talked with some people I walk by everyday for 2 years (LOL).

What culminated from a near firing was me inspiring thousands of people in more than 60 countries.  Can you imagine if I gave up then? Lives wouldn’t have been changed today.  Just because some people don’t accept what you say….doesn’t mean other will be standing around waiting and needing a dose of inspiration.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/12376064

Do This & You’ll Be Welcomed Anywhere – Part II

A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street—both parties benefit.

In the beginning of March of 2013, I was planning a trip to Sedona, Arizona with one of my best friends.  Now, leading up to the trip was a series of conversations that could’ve posed a threat on our potential trip – given the fact that an apparent storm was heading our way.

Push came to shove….the day of the flight, I was at the airport and the woman asked me, “would you like to leave now? We have an available slot.”  Because my friend was coming in from a different county, I didn’t want to camp out at Sky Harbour International Airport for an extra two hours – so I declined.

MISTAKE!

At McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas, there’s a terminal that has glass floor-to-ceiling windows 360 degrees.  When the storm came, about 1.5 hours later, everyone looked in awe and I started hyperventilating.  Just before that, my friend called me shouting saying, “ice cubes are falling from the sky, Arsenio!”  I was terrified.  There was a hailstorm in Phoenix and a rain storm in Las Vegas.  While I was sitting there, I saw a group of people joking with green, glittery hats and a green suit.  I realized it was St. Patricks Day (or at least around the day) and these people were going back home after one of those “vegas” trips.

We finally boarded the plane and I was getting even more scared because of the anticipated turbulence.  Oh, did I mention I mention the window seat? FML!

Then, an African American woman sat down next to me and with a country accent said, “how you doing today?”  That worry began to dissipate and she saw that I was under distress.  She calmed me down, allowed me to talk for an hour, and anytime I brought up the turbulence, she literally shot it down.

Her words were, “hey, you’re going to get to Phoenix and go to Sedona, Arizona.  You’re going to have a wonderful time!”

We ended up making it and it was one of the best trips of my life.

She had a genuine, heart-felt interest in me because she cared.  That was one of the most remarkable moments of my life.

If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind:

 

Toxic Workplace Environments

We’ve all dealt with them before.  Those toxic colleagues who seemingly complain about every detail in their lives; and at the same time, you find yourself in the heart of it all, or do you?

We make a choice everyday to think the thoughts we think, to speak the way we do, and to be in the lives of other people – whether it’s good or bad.

My first job in Thailand wasn’t the prettiest.  In fact, it was the second worst job I’ve ever had in my life.  My health was in shambles, lost 5 kilograms, wasn’t happy, was battling the trials of tribulations that Thailand was throwing at me.  On top of that, I had an extremely evil boss that threatened by visa and work permit everyday.  One foreign teacher was depressed and the other one was a two-faced, under-the-cover racist.

What did I do?

I left.  I left without looking back.  Although I tried keeping in touch with the Irishman, I realized that it was a one-way street and that he lied about EVERYTHING (and I mean things like getting five females numbers in one day), so he was dropped like a bad habit.

The job following that was even more difficult because the groupthink that was happening.  Gen B workers absolutely hated me because they thought I was putting more effort into my private classes than I was teaching some of the worst students in the south of Thailand.  Even though that’s true (lol), they were pro-culture Thais…meaning they didn’t accept any new ideas.   By the end of my tenure, I ate in my classroom, never scanned my card when I left at the end of the day, and never talked to anyone in general.  Talk about leaving the most sour taste behind.

The last job I had in the public school system was horrendous.  One day I woke up and asked myself, “Am I happy? Absolutely not.  What are you going to do about it? Leave.  When? Thursday.”  Four days later – I left.  I literally got my last check in the evening and never went back to the school because I was always stressed and pissed off because the students would scream f*** you at me.

If you’re not happy with your working environments, tackle the problem head on. Don’t be in denial. I love doing the wheel of life because it keeps me grounded and level-headed on the categories of my life.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/12097912

 

 

How To Eliminate 50% of Your Business Worries

“If you are in business, you are probably saying to yourself right now: “The title of this is ridiculous! I have been running my business for 5, 10, 20 years; and I certainly know the answers if anybody does.  The idea of anybody trying to tell me how I can eliminate 50% of my business worries – it’s absurd!” – Dale Carnegie.

Fair enough.  However, to be frank, there’s already an array of techniques out there such as the 80/20 rule, which is basically finding out what’s 80% of your unhappiness and can you get rid of it – that you can use.

Tim Ferris said in his book that there was one particular client he had that was always nagging, bitching, complaining, and gave him an earful on a daily basis.  Since the client wasn’t really making him any money, he broke it down and gave him an ultimatum.  It wasn’t what the client wanted to hear, but what he needed to hear.

I’ve done this with a many of my colleagues over the last 8 years of my life working in three different countries.  Some of them backed away after I blew up, some of them try sabotaging the workplace and turned other colleagues against me, and others unwittingly quit.

Identify:

“Positive friends versus time-consuming friends: Who is helping versus hurting you, and how do you increase your time with the former while decreasing or eliminating your time with the latter?

Who is causing me stress disproportionate to the time I spend with them? What will happen if I simply stop interacting with these people? Fear-setting helps here.
When do I feel starved for time? What commitments, thoughts, and people can I eliminate to fix this problem?” – Tim Ferris

This helped me a lot.  Now, I basically initiate conversations at the workplace because I know 90% of the conversations will bring me grief.  (LOL)

Going back into Dale Carnegie now…..

There was a man named Leon Shimkin, a general manager for Rockefeller decades ago.  He had troubling times at work because he would hold conferences, discussing problems all day with no end line.  The arguing and tension would go around the room for hours and when night came, he would be utterly exhausted because of the ordeal.

Well, after fifteen years of getting nothing accomplished at conferences, he came across this specific technique that would change those troubling associates and conferences to something much more effective.

  1. What’s the problem?
  • I recall reading in Jack Canfield’s book a very important part of a principle called “Heart talk.”  Sitting in a circle, you would be given one piece of paper, sign, or object that you would pass around the room.  The object would be NOT to comment on what others say, but to state what has happened on your end.  No one can interrupt the speaker, either.  This could be very effective for the masses out there.

2. What is the cause of the problem?

  • Always go to the root of the problem.  There was a saying a long time ago that I half remember now in terms of taking off the animal’s head because it can’t return after.  I’ve worked with so many colleagues since being here in Thailand who were parasites.  They had insidious agendas and they were full of question marks (about their past life).  This type of workplace madness (my next blog) is what you do not want to be around.  Get rid of the problem.

3. What are the possible solutions of the problem?

  • In the workplace, it’s better to just part ways.  If you have someone who rants about how bad a country is day in and day out, you can’t change that specific individual.  The parting of ways is best.  However, if it’s a problem that can become undone by a shift in the awareness, do that before.  If it’s an individual who constantly bitches about the world, stay the hell away from them.

4. What solution do you suggest?

  • In order to answer these questions, you’re going to have to get all the facts and think your problems through.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/12088150

Face What Isn’t Working

There was a time last year where I had a wonderful friend who lied to me about her being from Thailand (she was in fact from Myanmar), and in that lie were promises of starting a wonderful, healthy-food catering business that would deliver clean food all around Bangkok.

In this plan, I wrote so many action steps down on a monster poster board and then I suddenly started seeing her slipping.  She was hiding something and I didn’t know what it was because she did a great job covering it up.  I started seeing signs from even Thai people who would speak English to her instead of Thai BECAUSE they thought she wasn’t Thai.  None of these things started clicking until one morning I received a phone call from her asking me for $6 dollars because she didn’t have money.

If you don’t have $6 dollars to your name, there’s a much bigger problem then not actually having $6 dollars.  By that time I scrapped the plane and in the ensuing weeks the big question came, “can I borrow a large sum of money to pay off old debt.”

BLOCKED.

I knew that there was too much problem and not enough action…but I didn’t face what wasn’t working in the beginning until I let it fester to the big question.

If you are going to become more successful, you have to get out of the denial like I was in, and I’m sure you’ve been in throughout your life in certain situations.

Do you defend or ignore how toxic your work environment is?  After reading this particular principle, I made a podcast (which I will still post down below for anyone who’s interested in listening) which a blackmailer went sniffing through some of my dirty laundry, found it, and began implicating and inferring that I was talking about specific individuals in my work place, although I was just stating facts about different age groups I’ve came across here in Thailand.

How about marriage? Do you make excuses for how bad it is?

Are you in denial about your lack of energy, your excess weight, your ill-health, or your level of physical fitness?  Are you failing to acknowledge how bad sales are at work? How bad one coworker is with finishing tasks on time?  The loud music that’s being played late at night that keeps you up 50% of your sleep time?

You have to begin facing these circumstances squarely, heed the warning signs, and take action, no matter how uncomfortable or challenging it might be.

Don’t Ignore The Yellow Signs

Your child comes home late from school again.  Strange notices start showing up in your mailbox.  You hear noises coming from across the hall and no one is there (ok, that might be a bit over the top, but it happens).  A friend, neighbor, classmate or anyone makes a very odd comment.  We just simply ignore them.

Why? Because to face what’s not working in your life usually means you’re going to have to do something uncomfortable.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/11785866

Some Ways To Complete Clutter Before Moving Forward

I want to ask all of you how many things do you need to complete, dump, or delegate before you can move on and bring new activity, abundance, relationships, and excitement into your life?

Make a list and choose four items from the list to kick off the completion.  I would suggest choosing the one that would immediately free up th most time, energy, or space for you – whether it’s mental space or physical space.

Clean up the major ones, and do this at least once every three months.  I’ll write down a list that Jack Canfield compiled.

  1. Former business activities that need completion.
  2. Promises not kept, not acknowledge, or not renegotiated.
  3. Unpaid debts or financial commitments (money owed to others or to you)
  4. Closets overflowing with clothing never worn.
  5. A disorganised garage.
  6. “Junk drawers” full of unusable items.
  7. A car trunk or backseat full of trash.
  8. Computer files not backed up.
  9. Desk surface cluttered or disorganised.
  10. Family pictures never put into an album.
  11. Deferred household maintenance.
  12. Personal relationships with unstated requests, resentments, or appreciations.
  13. People you need to forgive.
  14. Time not spent with people you’ve been meaning to spend time with.
  15. Incomplete projects or projects delivered without closure or feedback.
  16. Acknowledgements that need to be given or asked for.

What’s irritating you at home? Is it the insects that keep coming in underneath the door? The neighbors bad habits? Uncleaned kitchen floor? Super dusty patio?  One of the best things you can do to move further and faster along your success path is to fix, replace, mend, or get rid of those annoying irritants that annoy you and stay in your mind.

Podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/9121061