Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Win Friends & Influence People’ – Full Book Review + Podcasts From My Favorite Chapters

It’s been a long time since I’ve done podcasts and blogs on this particular book because I thought the substantial amount of great material dwindled towards the end.  So, here are my best chapter and podcasts down below if you want to listen on in!

 

Do This & You’ll Be Welcomed Anywhere

If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased you are to have the person call. Many companies train their telephone operators to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm. The caller feels the company is concerned about them. Let’s remember that when we answer the telephone tomorrow.

Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty to your company.

“I would like you to know how much I appreciate your staff. Everyone is so courteous, polite and helpful. What a pleasure it is, after waiting on a long line, to have the teller greet you pleasantly.
Last year my mother was hospitalized for five months. Frequently I went to Marie Petrucello, a teller. She was concerned about my mother and inquired about her progress.”

 

The Big Secret of Dealing With People

Complimenting and the desire of feeling important.

“The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.”

“Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.”

“When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.”

Excerpt From: Dale Carnegie. “How to Win Friends & Influence People.” iBooks.

How To Interest People

Be interested in what others have to say.

How To Make People Like You Instantly

When someone is having a bad day, compliment them. (Story of Port of Subs in the podcast down below).

You Can’t Win An Argument

You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And—

The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints

Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things.
If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don’t. It is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.

A Simple Way To Make A First Good Impression

How To Criticize And Not Be Hated For It

 

 

 

Final Podcast of This Book

A Sure Way of Making Enemies – & How To Avoid It

“You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words—and if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect. That will make them want to strike back. But it will never make them want to change their minds. You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato or an Immanuel Kant, but you will not alter their opinions, for you have hurt their feelings.” – Dale Carnegie

Does this ring a bell with anyone? Has anyone ever tried proving someone wrong to get a reaction, only to hurt yourself more while going back and forth? Trying to make someone feel bad about they said actually makes you look like a douche.

If you’re going to prove anything, do it in a subtle way.  A way that you’re not trying to make them feel bad, but just go with the flow.  There are a lot of different ways to doing this.

Example,  there was a man by the name of R. V. Crowley, who was a salesman for a lumber company in New York. Crowley admitted that he had been telling lumber inspectors for years that they were wrong. And he had won the arguments, too. But it hadn’t done any good. “For these lumber inspectors,” said Mr. Crowley, “are like baseball umpires. Once they make a decision, they never change it.”

So, one morning these inspectors called him, hot and bothered, by what was happening and their lumber yard.  When R.V. Crowley went down to the yard to inspect everything, he found an agent and a friend standing there, breathing heavily, ready to FIGHT.

When Crowley was taken to the yard and the inspector started showing him the lumber, he realized that the inspector was experienced only in hard wood, but not white pine.  However, did Crowley offer any objections during the entire process? No.  He just kept on watching and gradually began to ask questions as to why certain pieces were not satisfactory.  He didn’t insinuate at all that the inspector was wrong.

By asking in a very friendly and cooperative spirit, there’s not a chance in the world the inspector would not only get mad, but jump all over Crowley for the grades of the pine being different.

Gradually his whole attitude changed. He finally admitted to me that he was not experienced on white pine and began to ask Crowley questions about each piece as it came out of the car. He would explain why such a piece came within the grade specified, but kept on insisting that his company did not want him to take it if it was unsuitable for their purpose. He finally got to the point where he felt guilty every time he put a piece in the rejected pile. And at last he saw that the mistake was on their part for not having specified as good a grade as they needed.

The ultimate outcome was that he went through the entire carload again after Crowley left, accepted the whole lot, and Crowley’s company received a check in full.
In that one instance alone, a little tact, and the determination to refrain from telling the other man he was wrong, saved his company a substantial amount of cash.

 

Most Of Life Is On-The-Job Training

Most things in life requires you to learn on-the-job.  If you do something wrong, you get feedback and correct it as you go.  If you don’t do anything because of the fear of doing it wrong, poorly, or badly, you never get any feedback, and therefore you never get to learn or improve.

When Jack Canfield first started his business in Amherst, Massachusetts, he went to a local bank to get a loan.  The first thing the bank asked for was a business plan.  He didn’t even know what that was so he bought a book on how to write a business plan.

He wrote it, took it to the bank, and the bank told him that there were a bunch of holes in his plan.  So, he asked them….they showed him and he went back to rewrite his business plan.  After all of that, the bank said it was good but they wanted to pass.  Instead of quitting, Jack asked about who might like to fund it and so the bank gave him a list of names.

After a while, finally a bank was willing to hone in on the plan and he got the $20k loan needed.

Even when he first wrote the Chicken Soup For The Soul, Jack tried selling his books in bulk to different types of companies and organizations but found that the majority of them would either say, “no thanks” or hang up in his face completely without saying a word.

Was he a little scared of making cold calls?  Yes.  Did he know what he was doing when he started?  No.  He had never tried to sell mass quantities of books to anyone before.  He had to learn as he went.  The most important point is that he just had to get started.  He got into communication with the people he wanted to serve; found out what their dreams, aspirations, and goals were; and explored how his book might help them in achieving their objectives.  Everything unfolded because he was willing to take that risk and jump into the ring.

My first teaching job in Thailand came at the hands of a crazed on-and-off friend who offered me a job but later almost pulled it over a comment that was taken the wrong way.  At the time, I contacted a friend in New York and asked him about what I should do.  The signs she was showing before I had even come here were terrifying, and they were just that; but if I can somehow just get into Thailand and get some experience first, there would be much more opportunities around the corner.

So, I did.  I took the biggest risk coming here.  I took the next biggest risk leaving that school for another one across the sea.  One year later, I took the biggest risk ever by accepting a job through email (no telephone conversations), and met the guy at a McDonalds at the heart of Bangkok before heading north to the most isolated and animosity-filled province in Thailand.  Is this process going to be easy? Absolutely not.  Failure, along with all other obstacles, is part of it.  Take the risk by doing it first and learn along the way….the courage and faith that will manifest within you will blow you away.